tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88124466863347023892024-03-12T17:13:01.823-07:00Plastic Castle ToursCan Redundancy Be A Suprise? I Think So.Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.comBlogger210125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-40784784716095026002015-02-19T14:34:00.002-08:002015-02-19T14:34:31.911-08:00It hurts to be the one that you'd regret....So Rouge just got in touch with me for the first time in....years? <br />
<br />
I think its beautiful the pain we (people in general, not Rogue and I specifically) cause ourselves and each other sometimes. Its almost funny.<br />
<br />
I was trying to describe Rogue to a friend today (lets name her...oh, I don't know, WIP) and it was almost impossible. In the context of my day, I'd had a low self-esteem morning. I've got another person on my mind, someone I love very much, and I'm rather afraid...well, lets just say that Rogue popping up out of the blue was timely in a way that felt like both a kick in the pants and a gift from the universe.<br />
<br />
How do you describe someone who was a lover but who wasn't? How do you describe a person who has almost nothing to do with your life but shaped it profoundly? I couldn't even come up with the words to properly express how very much we managed to hurt each other and how much she means to me regardless. How do you express love and ineffable pain in the same breath? How do you describe a relationship with a person who at once was the easiest person to communicate with but at the same time you lost your intimacy because you couldn't say what needed to be said?<br />
<br />
It brings me to today, and to my life and it makes me wonder how much we ever really change. The conversation I had yesterday put a little of that into context for me, and I spent a late night thinking about who I am, what I want and how much I love and need the people in my life. I thought about what I do to myself without really thinking about it. I thought about how I always manage to make so much progress and then none at all.<br />
<br />
Maybe this is all a result of my terrible self-esteem. Maybe my fears are creeping back in on me, and I shouldn't let them. But after Rogue, and then Fluguy (who left on his own, do be free of himself, which I applaud) I find myself in the position again of having someone else, a good friend, in my life whom I love...very much. In a way that I find almost inexpressible without sounding foolish...and I wonder if I will, once again, forget to ask for what I need, or forget to speak when I should, or (lord save me) want to feel and be too much, more than I can be, because I think sometimes I need to feel and be everything to the people I love and I...<br />
<br />
I just can't?<br />
<br />
I don't know. I'm not terribly articulate today. My words are failing me.<br />
<br />
AGxxAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-62065458032111446212015-02-18T11:37:00.000-08:002015-02-18T11:37:23.222-08:00I Don't Really Want To Be Seen In My Own EyesSo its been a really long time right? But every now and again it seems like its good to get things off my chest, or to just write instead of micro-blog, which I do all the time on Tumblr, or to get distracted on Facebook or whatever it is that I'm normally up to when I should be in school and keeping on task. Fortunately for me, Kitten wanted to go to the library this afternoon to do some stuff for work and that leaves me here, in the library, on a snow day with not much to do but reflect. Its almost like its 2008 again....And since I had some recent food for thought...well, here I am. Again.<br />
<br />
hello, old friends.<br />
<br />
So we went to lunch with a friend of ours today and we were talking about working out at the gym. We're all pretty frequent work out partners, so its not uncommon to talk about it. We've started some new classes with them and I find I am much more challenged than I am by the other ones we're taking (not that my water classes and my cardio classes aren't killing me...I just never wish I was dead halfway though in them....) Anyway, the topic of what we think about while we're working out came up. Our friend was in the military and she said she always hears her drill instructors in her head. Kitten said she hears music- whether its what's on the radio or whatever she's earworming. She uses the beats to push herself. When the topic of what I heard came up, I answered, entirely honestly, that I hear myself. I've got a picture in my head of what I want from me, and I hear myself, over and over, saying that this- what I am now- is not good enough, its not what I want. It pushes me.<br />
<br />
I was a little taken aback when our friend suggested that I might need to get help because of it. Her position is I'm like this all the time, with everything and it indicates I might need to get psychological help to fix it.<br />
<br />
I want to preface this with what will seem like excuse: I don't think how I feel is unhealthy. I don't hate myself. I like myself better now than I think I ever have. But I want things from myself- a better, healthier body, perfect grades, a Masters in the next five years, a farm, a fistful of friends that care about me. I want to be more compassionate, more feeling, more humble. I want to be less angry and less afraid. I know myself. I've given myself too much slack, too much room to pity myself and too much time to wallow in my shortcomings. I don't think its wrong, now, to push myself as hard as I can. It makes me better.<br />
<br />
Some people might see that as going overboard- but I know what I've accomplished. I've got perfect grades. I've been invited to join the honors fraternity, which was my goal last semester. I won our public speaking forum because I pushed myself to stop being afraid, to never rely on anything but myself when it came to my speaking ability. I'm at head of all my classes and I am learning, quickly, to love the subjects I feared. I'm in a degree program I started out knowing almost nothing about, and I'm already making huge leaps towards my career goals. I have a great marriage. I'm good at my job- hell, I'm good at every position in the restaurant I work at. All of them. The only person better than me is Kitten- and I'm never going to cook the way she does. I'm at peace with that. I've lost 12 pounds since December. I'm almost to the point of putting back on the muscle weight I'll need. That's huge. I'm not afraid to look in the mirror when I wake up anymore. Its because I'm doing the best I can for myself- and it has nothing to do with hating who I am. I am holding myself to my standard: to give myself the very best I can, including total commitment to being 100% honest and accountable to myself, all the time. I don't look at that as something that I need to fix. To me, its not weakness, is strength.<br />
<br />
But all of that, all those things, in the light of who I am now may seem extreme. Because she's a new friend, I haven't had the time to tell her all the things that you know about me. What I know about myself. But if I did, I would have told her of all the progress I've made.<br />
<br />
I don't see my body the way I should. I know that. But I've overcome my eating disorder. I know what I see in the mirror isn't real. And I know that I'm always going to struggle with my weight, and my looks. But I also learned to set reasonable goals, to know what's healthy for a woman my height and age. To know what I want from myself and to learn to love and accept what I see. To accept the love that everyone around me gives me- just because I see something different doesn't mean they're wrong. And in spite of some of the terrible things that have happened to me, I don't see my body as damaged goods, or unworthy. I can see myself of something whole and beautiful and worthy of love and perfection. That's a gift only I can give me. And I know, always, that anyone who is allowed to see any part of my body is being given a gift from me.<br />
<br />
I'm clean. I've kicked my addiction. That was a struggle, and every time I think of how I am not strong enough, or not good enough, I remember coming out of it and how hard it was for me. I remember how sick I felt, how afraid I felt. I remember feeling weak, pathetic. I'm not that person anymore. I'm not a slave to anything in my life. That's a lot of freedom to give yourself.<br />
<br />
In spite of that fact that I have what most people would call a terrible self esteem, I don't hate myself anymore. I've forgiven myself for my mistakes. I realize that I can't blame myself for everything that's happened to me. I also know that when I have to accept the blame for a bad decision, that doesn't make me a horrible person. I don't punish myself for things I've done. I don't allow myself to dwell on the past- as much as I possibly can- and I've finally stopped replaying in my head every mistake I make and every failure I've experienced as I go to bed each night. That's huge for me. I don't believe I owe anyone any part of who I am. I believe I deserve better than second best from anyone. Once, I would have accepted friendship and love that was half-assed or inattentive, thankful for anything anyone gave me. Not anymore. And I've stopped making apologies for who I am and what I love. No one gets to determine what's worthy of me but me.<br />
<br />
Most of all, I know I'm capable of love and compassion. For most people, that wouldn't seem like much of an accomplishment, but because of who I am, I know that's huge. I've faced the darkest parts of who I am and I know, in my soul, that part of me is very cold, very calculating. I know there's a detached, angry woman who lives inside me and I have to take her and use her to be stronger. I am better than the manipulation I am capable of. I am more than the motivations of my fear and anger. I have learned, finally, as a result of my former self-loathing, how to spot it in others, how to see the needs of the people around me; and I am able, now, to hurt and feel for people in a way I never was capable and really never wanted to. I'm not afraid to give myself away anymore, and I am capable of accepting love and compassion for others without the fear that I am pitied or thought less of.<br />
<br />
I fight myself for control all the time. I know that. I push myself hard, maybe more than most people. But after all this time, after all I've been through, don't I deserve that? Don't I deserve to give myself, to demand from myself, only the very best? I don't want to let myself down. I want to be proud of my accomplishments. I want to be remarkable, because I am capable of it. I don't like failure but I can accept it- the only thing I cannot accept is that one day I will look back and see I didn't give myself every possible opportunity to be the most whole and happy person I can be because I didn't try hard enough. There's so much to this world. I want to see it all, I want to feel it all. I want to know everything there is to know. I won't get there by taking it easy.<br />
<br />
After all this, though, I see that I am capable of forgiveness too. Because I inherently think if she thinks that, it could be true, right? I need to fix myself, right? But I know me, better than anyone else. I can forgive myself for the strain I feel. I can forgive her for hurting me by saying that, because it did hurt. But after all this time, I know, just the way you do...I'm much more. I've come so very far, and its not something that she can see, because she doesn't know that me yet. She hasn't seen me in that light. That, on its own, means I have to let that comment go and forgive. It does, though, give me a chance to see and reflect on my own progress and abilities and be thankful for what it is I've become.<br />
<br />
I'm never going to be perfect, but I'll never stop trying. I don't think knowing I'll fail makes me foolish in pursuing that which is futile. I feel braver, stronger, knowing that I'm going to give myself the chance to be more than I ever thought I could be just a decade ago.<br />
<br />
I'm worth that.<br />
<br />
I love you. I'm glad you came by to listen. You're always welcome here.<br />
AGxxAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-65120318335496184712014-07-15T19:09:00.000-07:002014-07-15T19:09:14.653-07:00Something Wicked This Way Comes<ul class="conversation_lines" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #444444; font-family: Courier, monospace; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.600000381469727px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Look friends! A Harry Potter Quiz! I don't think I've ever done one of these. You do one too and put it in my comments, or on your blog and link me to it and I will read it! Yay!</li>
</ul>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.600000381469727px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.600000381469727px;">Also, I swear, I'm writing againand so I will do my best to update as well. I mis talking to you all. And in general. Its healthy. Right? </span></span></div>
<ul class="conversation_lines" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #444444; font-family: Courier, monospace; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.600000381469727px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><br /></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>1. What house will you be in?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I'd expect I would be in Slytherin. Its the house I am always sorted into...</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>2. If the sorting hat was on you and it said you'd be great in a house you didn't consider before, will you follow his advice or choose what house you want?</b></span></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">I would certainly consider it. </span></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>3. What kind of animal would you bring to school?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">A cat. No question. A Kneazle if I could get away with it (like Hermione)</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>4. If you were in class, where would you normally sit?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">In the front. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>5. What do you think you'll be doing right now?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I assume I'd be in the tower getting ready for bed. Or studying. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>6. What's the core of your wand?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Phoenix feather</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>7. Do you think you'll be part of the quidditch team?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Nope. Too clumsy.</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>8. Will you be part of any organization???</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Probably. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>9. Will you go home during holidays?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Yeah. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>10. Do you think you'll have friends from other houses?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I hope I would. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>11. What will you pack for school?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Whatever's on the list McGonagall sends me, some muggle candy, some prank materials, a bottle of Old Ogden's Firewhiskey and a bunch of books. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>12. How about when going home for holidays, what will you bring home?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Everything I needed washed? I don't know. Stuff from Hogsmeade?</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>13. Would you consider studying in another wizarding school?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I suppose it would depend on the schools.</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>14. Do you think you'll be a prefect or head girl/boy?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Nope. Too much of a trouble maker.</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>15. Are you going to be a pure-blood or half-blood or muggle-born?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I assume I would be a half-blood. I've got witches in my family. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>16. Will you be related to any wizarding family?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Famous ones? Probably not. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>17. Will you be a student who gets into trouble a lot?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Its likely. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>18. Do you think you'll get a lot of detention? For what reason/s?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I assume I wouldn't get caught, so no. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>19. On hogsmeade visits, what shops will you go to?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">ALL THE SHOPS</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>20. Will you be supportive of your house's quidditch team?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Sure. I'd be supportive of any quidditch team that I had friends on. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; display: inline-block; margin-right: 4px; outline: none 0px;">21. Will you read Hogwarts:</span>A History?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Yes. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>22. Do you think you'll get a lot of letters from home? How frequent do you think you'll get them?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I hope I would. Maybe once a week?</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>23. Will you subscribe to the daily prophet or the quibbler or other wizarding world media?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Yes. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>24. Which part of the castle will be your favorite?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">The library. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>25. When sleeping in your dormitory, will your four-poster bed's curtains be drawn or closed?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Drawn</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>26. If the team your house played against wins, do you think you'll be bitter towards the other team after the game?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Nope. Not really. Its only quidditch. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>27. Do you think you'll be a fan of wizard music?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Yes. I am pretty sure I am already a fan of wizard music and I just dont know it. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>28. Will you be curious enough to try and explore the whole castle, even if you know you can get in trouble for visiting some parts of it?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Of course! Why do you think I would read Hogwarts, A History? </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>29. How frequent will your visits to the library be?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Often. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>30. If someone was to form an organization similar to dumbledore's army, will you join?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Maybe?</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>31. If you were to get detention, what task would you prefer? Would you want to scrub cauldrons or clean trophies or sort through unlabeled books or…?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Sort books!</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>32. On your o.w.l.s, what subject/s will you get an O in? Which ones do you think you’ll get a T on?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">T is probably Arithmancy. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">If I don't get an O in Runes, DADA, Transfiguration and Charms I will be angry. I get I could scrape by A's in Care of Magical Creatures and Potions. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>33. How about in your n.e.w.t.s?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I better get all Os at that point. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>34. If you were a pure-blood, would you take interest in reading muggle literature?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Yes. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>35. At what time do you think you'll go to bed on weekdays?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Later than I should. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>36. Would you prefer firewhiskey over butterbeer?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Firewhiskey</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>37. What wizard snack would be your favorite? Or which one would you like to try?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I don't even know. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>38. Will you collect chocolate frog cards?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">No. I would give them to my friends and just eat the candy. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>39. Will you keep track of which flavor of beans you already tried?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Yes! </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>40. What quidditch team (excluding hogwarts houses) will you support?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I probably wouldn't. I don't follow sports now. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>41. What classes will you take for n.e.w.t.s?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">All the ones I can?</li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>42. What will your boggart be?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">My Anna, seriously hurt. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>43. Will you stay in the hog’s head or the three broomsticks?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Three broomsticks. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>44. If you are of age, will you try to enter the triwizard tournament if they ever host one again?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">No. I don't want to die. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>45. What do you think happens during graduation?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Our wands do something cool. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>46. Will you see the thestrals carrying the carriages?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Yes. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>47. If you were invited to join the slug club, will you accept the invitation?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">No. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>48. Will you consider becoming a professor in hogwarts after school?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">I wouldn't mind taking over for Madam Pince. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>49. What would your patronus be?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">A Mountain Lion/Panther. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;"><b>50. What memory will you think of when making a patronus?</b></li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px;">Meeting Anna. </li>
<li class="chat_line" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(253, 253, 253); box-sizing: border-box; list-style-type: none; outline: none 0px; padding: 6px 0px 0px;"><br /></li>
</ul>
Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-18387626836260227572014-04-15T10:57:00.001-07:002014-04-15T10:57:20.294-07:00Memories of What You Can't Seem To Let GoI am a pretty cautious person by nature, despite how it might seem, when it comes to protecting myself emotionally. I think everyone has those triggers that put them mentally in an unhealthy place that they want to avoid. I do everything I can to keep myself from those situations. I've done what I can to help myself heal from things that have hurt me in the past and by and large I feel like I am well adjusted given my fairly chaotic and occasionally awful past. And yet, there are days when it seems the past is inescapable and you find that you are much more vulnerable than you imagined you could be.<br />
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Let's rewind for a moment to about four or five months ago. I was just starting to work as a server at The Diner. Or, at least, I was finally comfortable enough with my surroundings that I didn't feel like every weekend was a battle. Its then that I first noticed this nice, quiet guy who read books and sat by himself. He came in every Saturday. He seemed nice enough. I noticed him enough that he eventually became That Nice Quiet Book-Reading Guy Who Always Orders a Breakfast Special (Take Three Creams with the Coffee). We would chat occasionally and I discovered he was an interesting person. He liked the outdoors. He seemed pretty well rounded. About two months ago I found out he's an Arborist. He then became (in all my references to Kitten when talking about work) That Nice Arborist Who Comes In On Saturdays and Reads. By luck or design he started landing in my section more often. It was then that I discovered two things 1- he does just about everything from play instruments to rock climbing to reading, in general that he is a person whom I would like to hang out with. 2- His name. We'll call him Jack here (short for Lumberjack, or Jack of all trades, you chose).<br />
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So I happened to have an extra ticket to the symphony this last weekend and I invited Jack along. I was both pleased and surprised when he said yes. Sakura and I go (well we try) every month. He has season tickets and I am almost always his date. Anyway, we went, we had dinner, Jack met Kitten and Sakura and things were nice.<br />
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Cue Sunday. Without airing Jack's dirty laundry I can say with a fair amount of certainty that he has, in most people's eyes, a personal history that would make him predisposed to dislike me. That he was not only comfortable but gracious and very open with me and my strange little family speaks to his strength of character, I think. I know, without him telling me, that he was putting himself out there when he joined us on Saturday. I took it as a compliment. Imagine my surprise when that morning when he was in eating breakfast that he invited me to come watch him play his instrument at his church that Sunday night. Once again, I'll reiterate that his character already shames mine because I don't know if I would be able to ask him to come, I don't know, watch me sing or read my writing or whatever. Not this early in our tentative friendship. Not especially considering those extenuating circumstances with would bother me considerably were I him. He was even kind enough to point out he was not proselytizing in inviting me- proving he was intuitive enough (or I scream NOT CHRISTIAN loudly enough) to see that might be something of a deterrent to me. Even though, once he gets to know me better, he'll understand that I really don't mind most Christians, or the religion itself, really. Its just not my cup of tea, and we've already discussed here my philosophical disagreements with the religion- I won't rehash it.)<br />
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What he couldn't know (and what some of you who have been around for some time will recall ) is that I was sexually assaulted by my Pastor's son and some of his friends when I was a teenager. The resulting damage to my person, and my mental health and all of the horrible things that came after that when I foolishly sought help from my pastor, thinking he would do the right thing and want to help me (I was really, <i>really </i>naive) have had a profound effect on me as a person. He wouldn't know about the years of therapy. The drugs. The attempts on my own life. My blatant disregard for my own health and safety. My lack of personal value. The number or horrible relationships I ended up in that mirrored, in some sick way, that first really awful one. He wouldn't know this. And he shouldn't really. Because in the intervening years, as most of you are aware, I've gotten help, I've healed and in general I consider myself to be as well adjusted and happy as a person who has gone through what I did can be. I live a relatively open life. I have learned to cope with my anger and fear. I am in a successful, healthy relationship. I have friends who love and support me and help me when I feel weak. Any person who looks at me would not see those hidden scars. I don't want them to.<br />
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So imagine my surprise- after all these years of being well adjusted and happy- at finding myself in the parking lot of his church Sunday night, sitting in my truck, having an utter and complete panic attack. I never even saw it coming. You know, it occurred to me as I pulled in that outside of three funerals, one wedding and a couple of Midnight Masses at Christmas (and honestly, a Catholic church is a completely different animal from a tiny protestant church) I have not set foot inside a church building since the incident as a teenager. I certainly have not been to any church without having someone whom I might consider a security blanket with me. So there I was, sitting there, feeling one hundred percent out of sorts and a little bit terrified, trying desperately to talk myself off that panic ledge. I remember telling myself how big a step it must have been for Jack to be with my family. I remember telling myself that I could be a big person. I remember telling myself that I was not going to punk out. I was already there.<br />
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And honestly, as I sat there, I reminded myself that I am different now. I know who I am. I am stronger. I am braver. I know how to protect myself. As a priestess I speak with god more often than most of these people would ever in their lives. I never thought the day would come when my being a witch would be the thing that made me brave enough to walk into a church. But it was. If I can hear the voice of god, if the goddess comes to me in my dreams, if my Grandfather and Great Grandmother and all my sacred dead can sing me to sleep on my worst nights, there was really no reason I should be worried that they would not be there for me in that moment. And so I got out of my truck.<br />
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And Jack, thank god and goddess, came out of the church just then to get something out of his truck. And he spotted me. And promptly commented on how terrified I looked. Bless his heart, he asked me if I was afraid of combusting or being struck down by god when I went inside and he laughed. I managed a smile and told him with complete honestly that I was fine with God, it was his followers that had me anxious. Bless his heart, he put his hand on me and led me in and let me sit down and I could tell he felt bad when he had to go do other things. But he did come back, and when he wasn't playing he did sit with me. I felt bad about that, really, because I feel like he was babysitting me. I know he had people he probably would rather have been with. <br />
<br />
Did you know that all churches smell the same? I swear they do, though I didn't recognize it until now. The voices sound the same. Its like the same picture, over and over, no matter where you are. I find it ironic. The sounds are the same. The church may be different- they may see themselves as completely unique- but I swear I had been to so many before...well, before. And it doesn't look like things have changed. Which is fine for them, of course, but for me was immensely uncomfortable.<br />
<br />
I want to say this- Jack played beautifully and I am really glad I went. I really am. I might even go again because honestly, now that I am seeing my own fear I feel like I should face it. And it wasn't so bad really, even if I am on a different page spiritually. Their pastor is really, really nice. That said, I spent a lot of the evening jumping every time there was lightening (because <i>of course</i> there was a storm rolling in), twisting my rain jacket in my hands in an attempt to look like I was merely chilly and not fighting the impulse to white knuckle the seats (I <b>was not</b> leaving!) and struggling desperately to turn off my "witch eyes" which had suddenly decided to light up like The Plaza at Christmas (let me tell you how fun it is to be seeing auras and sensing emotions and have your psychic mail box go off while you're trying to focus on something else entirely.) Obviously something about the place or the situation put me in an Alpha state, which is great. Unfortunately, I was trying to torch my own personal demons.<br />
<br />
I think I tripped over my own feet three times in the ten yards to the door (thank the lord that everyone already knows how clumsy I am). I managed to get out of the parking lot and home without wrecking my truck. I only had a little cry after I got into bed. I managed a whole night without nighmares, though, and that's got to count for something.<br />
<br />
I suppose I am stuck in a strange place feeling like I am really weak because I had such a crushing panic attack and being proud that I got through it. I'm still sorting out how I feel. I am still trying to sift through the emotions I had and the ones I have now. I'm trying to give myself space and think about the whys and wherefores of a building being a trigger. I can't punish myself for it. I know that. But I feel disappointed in myself. I thought I was stronger.<br />
<br />
Kitten says I am being unreasonable. That when traumatic things happen to us that we never really truly recover from them. I would never judge her for reacting to fire the way she does. I would never condemn a person who struggles with an eating disorder or addiction or any other thing that even slightly suggests less than sterling mental health. She's right, I wouldn't.<br />
<br />
Is it wrong that I hold myself to a higher standard? Maybe, but it doesn't mean I don't.<br />
<br />
AGxx<br />
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<br />Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-5720890476355362152014-03-11T07:19:00.001-07:002014-03-11T07:19:38.312-07:00Wy Down in Missouri Where I Heard This LullabyeSo I recently had a new friend of mine who does not live in the US ask me what it is like in my home state of Missouri. (Hi Pressure-Point!) It occurs to me that I really don't talk a lot about my home state and what its like to live here so I thought I would post a little information here for you in case you are curious.<br />
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Missouri is smack in the middle of the United States. On our East is the Mississippi River. To the west is, well, the west.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5uhCU3Oa6THRhXDD3jE4RgGbTFK0Tsq5dMQnepNfnPWrG6McUY9wd5oEg1skrI2u1l3fIvssIB-BtHH8DEkNABAoFGUyzERhGy19r9j74-O6SPqX4k6xRROobuAzT5M_SrgGrhfVahg/s1600/usmap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5uhCU3Oa6THRhXDD3jE4RgGbTFK0Tsq5dMQnepNfnPWrG6McUY9wd5oEg1skrI2u1l3fIvssIB-BtHH8DEkNABAoFGUyzERhGy19r9j74-O6SPqX4k6xRROobuAzT5M_SrgGrhfVahg/s1600/usmap.jpg" height="270" width="400" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5uhCU3Oa6THRhXDD3jE4RgGbTFK0Tsq5dMQnepNfnPWrG6McUY9wd5oEg1skrI2u1l3fIvssIB-BtHH8DEkNABAoFGUyzERhGy19r9j74-O6SPqX4k6xRROobuAzT5M_SrgGrhfVahg/s1600/usmap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
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If you look at this map we're the orange/pinkish state right in the middle. I live pretty close to the Mason Dixon line, actually which means that we're actually part of the South. Or, at least, our state fought for the South in the Civil War. In southern Missouri, where I live, the customs are fairly southern. We have about 69,000 square miles in or state.<br />
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Missouri has a population of about 6 million people, and is predominantly settle by Anglo-Europeans (white people, 80% or so). About 15% of our population is retired persons (over 55) and about 20% are under 18. A terrifying 25% of our population has a bachelor's degree or higher, though I am encouraged to learn that 87% of our population graduated high school.<br />
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Our Two largest cities are Kansas City and St. Louis, both of them share half their city or more with another state. My home city is the third largest by population and is the largest completely within the borders of the state. None of our three major cities have more than a half million people and none of the three largest cities are the state capital.<br />
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Missouri is predominantly conservative with the exception of the two larger urban centers of St. Louis and Missouri. It is one of the things I really dislike about my home state since I am fairly (okay, really) liberal and this part of the country is seriously not conducive to the lifestyle of a witch/lesbian/democrat and I happen to be all three.<br />
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ON TO PICTURES AND MORE PLEASANT AND LESS BORING TOPICS!<br />
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Missouri is really green. Really green. We have a lot of trees, a lot of lakes and a lot of caves. We're known for a special kind of land formations called Kart Topography, which pretty much means that a lot of our caves collapse and become what we call "sink-holes" in my area. They're sometimes dangerous but really, really pretty if you have a chance to walk/hike through it. <br />
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This is a look down at a spring at the bottom of a bluff in the middle/north part of my state in Ha Ha Tonka state park. This park is full of Karst formations and is super pretty and a lot of fun to hike. <br />
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This is a picture from the bottom and across from the picture above. If you click on the picture and make it bigger you will see the remains of an old building at the top center of the photo. That's where I took the picture above at. It took me about an hour to get to the bottom.<br />
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This is actually inside my city at a nature preserve. This spring cuts through part of my city and actually joins with several others in the area to form part of the lake in my town. <br />
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I mostly chose this photo to point out how very, very green my area is. This creek is literally a mile from a major interstate.<br />
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This one below is me at the same place in the fall, and you can see how dull and grey it gets whenever the green dies out. It can be pretty lame, and depressing.<br />
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Our weather is pretty changeable so it is pretty hard to describe the weather in generalities. I can say that over my lifetime in my city, spring and fall are pretty mild- about 18 to 26C (thats 65-80 for you US folks). The summers are hot and very humid- it generally gets to be about 35C (95) most days and sometimes can go as high as almost 40C (105) and not be too unusual. The winters are cold and generally it averages 0C most days (32 or so) and during the worst months it will be -23C (about ten below) during the most bitter cold days. </div>
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You never can tell what its going to do either. Last week there was 3 inches of snow on the ground. Today it is supposed to be about 26C. Tonight its supposed to snow again but we'll be back in the high twenties before the end of the week. Crazy. </div>
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And, in case you're curious there's a lot of people who come from my hometown who are famous. Former Attorney General John Ashcroft was from here. If you like film and Television celebrities Bob Barker, Brad Pitt, John Goodman and Lucas Grabeel are all from my city. Kim Crosby, the Broadway actress, is too. We had the guy who starred in the second season of The Bachelor (he still lives here, actually). The and Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin (who are really great, actually) are local. Gracie Gold, the Olympic skater, is from my city. And if you like science Edwin Hubble (yeah, the Hubble Telescope guy) is from a town about 20 minutes from mine. </div>
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So, yeah. That's sort of what my town and state are like. </div>
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Questions? Leave me a comment! I will love to tell you more about my state. Or me. Or whatever. </div>
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AGxx</div>
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(Also, the song lyric I used today is from Missouri Waltz, my State Song and done beautifully by Johnny Cash.)</div>
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Family seems to be that secret that we hold really close to the chest as adults. You never really think about it, but all those holidays together are something you may reminisce about but aren't necessarily something you share.<br />
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As you get older, that part of yourself is something that reserved for you, maybe your significant other (if they tolerate family gatherings and you still go to them) but by and large you never sit down with your friends and share about your family. Its a shame, really, because I think our families really influence who we are as as adults and its impossible to escape that influence. Sometimes I don't think we even really register the magnitude of how they influence our worldview.<br />
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I've been thinking more about this recently. Part of this reflection was brought on by an envelope of photos I brought home from my grandmothers to show Kitten- many of them were from when I was a little girl. Another contributor was our recent viewing (mine, twice) of <b>August: Osage County</b>. During the film Kitten leaned over to me and whispered "This is like watching a documentary of your family." I was also reflecting on how our family changes how people view us while talking to one of my coworkers today. I had been telling her about Sakura's first holiday with my family and his reaction to them. She was dying laughing. Personally, before Sakura's visit to my family Christmas I knew we were a little different from some families but it never occurred to me how much until then. That was also about the time that I realized how different I am from most of my family members in personality as well. I always knew I was one of the odd ducks in the family (maybe even to some extent the black sheep for a few years) but their cohesiveness was a shock when I honestly started to reflect on it.<br />
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To understand how different my family is I think you have to look at how unique we are to start with. My family is pretty large, by most family standards. (That picture, by the way, is my cousin Red, my brother Punk and me, respectively, being held by my grandmother sometimes in the early 80's. My guess would be '86 or so, if I had to wager) My mom has five sisters, all of them with the exception of my Aunt Dancer had at least two children. My grandmother has several sisters as well. Her youngest is within a year of my mom's age. Her son JD and daughter JJ, whom I call my cousins, are actually my first cousin once removed and JJ now has a daughter (my second cousin Iris, who is tiny and adorable). To my best knowledge my grandma has three living sisters- this may be inaccurate since I don't have a super firm grasp on my family history (don't judge me my family is HUGE). I additionally have family members that could be called in Southern terminology "kissing cousins" (that means they don't have direct blood relations to me but I consider them to be part of my family anyway- e.g. my Aunt's stepson is a kissing cousin). And don't buy in to all that Yankee hooey about how that's just a family member who is close enough to exchange a kiss in formal greeting- my family is southern and we're going to use those rules. Plus we'll get to the whole kissing thing in a little because my family<i> KISSES</i> and that's another animal entirely. So I have this nice, big family and we, for most of my childhood, piled into my great-grandmother or my grandmother's house every year for holidays (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Independence Day, sometimes for no good reason at all) so we could spend time together. I also come from a really unique place in that for a few years of my life I shared a bedroom with one of my younger aunts when we lived in my grandmother's house. I look at my aunts more like sisters, which confuses things a little more, I suppose. I find myself often in a strange position- inhabiting a no man's land where I am not part of the older generation (though I am equally close to some of my aunts in age as I am my cousins) and I am old enough that I remember the births of and even babysitting as a teenager some of my cousins who are technically in "my generation" of the family.<br />
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Suffice to say, my family is all up in each other's space, all the time, no question. Once my mom remarried I never lived more than three blocks from my grandparents- in the same neighborhood always. I spent a significant part of my childhood in my grandparents home even after we moved out. My Aunt Dancer for a while lived up the street from my grandparents and it wasn't until a few years ago when my Aunt Priestess moved away with her husband and daughters (Lovey and Cowgirl) to Oklahoma that any of us lived more than a fifteen or twenty minute drive across-town from each other- excepting, of course, when my Aunt Buddy went to college in Kansas. Even stranger, for a lot of people, I've known most of my uncles who married into my family for a long time as well. Priestess married her high school sweetheart (they just celebrated their 25th anniversary) and Buddy and her husband met while she was in college and I was still in grade school when they married. There's never been a time in my life when my family- even the extended part- were beyond a day's drive. We're an up close, in your face, <i>tell me all about it honey</i> kind of family.<br />
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That in and of itself makes us a rarity, even in the Midwest where larger families are common. But it wasn't until recently that the culture of my family, which is distinctly Southern, was something I was terribly aware of. Sakura says it was a surprise when he met them two years ago (I was sick with a migraine and drugged out of my mind as a result, Kitten was at work and I needed a way to get to the Christmas party so Sakura did me a solid and came to get me) because he thought they would be like me. To wit "I was expecting a reserved, proper, northeastern, Huxtable kind of family. I walked into The Clampett Family Christmas." My mom was hugely offended when I laughingly told her about this- though I took no offense at all. Sakura was simply trying to express the shock he felt when he realized that one of his best friends (a relatively quiet, introverted, polished person- yes, me) came from a loud family full of kisses, cuddles and <i>let me get you a sweet tea and fix you a plate honey. </i>There's nothing wrong with it- but if you're not expecting it, its a shock, I'm sure.<br />
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And nothing is more surprising than walking into a room (we rent a community room now- we're too big for anyone's house) full of people shouting good naturedly, elbowing each other in the food line and chasing down toddlers when you're expecting a nice polite clam bake. We eat, too, make no mistake. I didn't know until recently that its odd to have more than one turkey at Christmas. I didn't know its not normal to have to empty out bedrooms so there's room to set up card tables because the main table (a 12 seater, mind you) is full, the long card tables set all along the dining room wall are full and there's no more room on the stove, the kitchen counters or the two dessert carts my grandparents dug out to stick all the cookies, pies and cakes on in the pantry were all full. Now that we have a community room its not odd for my aunts to carry in three or four crockpots and chafing dishes to go with all the cold food and dips and vegetables and whatnot. My cousins even cook. No kidding- Aunt Buddy's youngest Colorgirl made a soup last family gathering that was so good I wanted to cry and she's in her second year of high school. Even my boy cousin's cook. And if you bring a date- if they're going to fit in chances are they'll cook too. JJ's husband makes prime rib to die for and my cousin Mustang brought his girlfriend to Christmas (her second family gathering) and she didn't have to be told to bake cookies. She just did. They were delicious by the way.<br />
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So I'm sure Sakura was taken aback- in part by all the food and in part by the determination of my family to feed him. I may have been to sick too eat (and that was debatable since I had thrown up from the dizziness and had "plenty of room in my stomach") but by god Sakura was not. And no kidding they drug him to the table and fed him and fed him and kept his drink full. Nevermind he had eaten before he came. He wasn't just my ride. In my family its unspoken but true- if you're willing to bring someone to meet them then they are family too, like it or not. Sakura was family and when we get together we eat. No ifs ands or buts about it. Truthfully, I laughed my ass off this year when several of my family members were horrified that I had not told him when the party was because <i>of course</i> he was going to come- he came last year didn't he? They were even dismayed that Oscelot (by then my ex) and her lovely girlfriend Bobcat didn't come because Oscelot is family and that Bobcat sounds like a nice girl and when do we get to meet them? Truthfully I think my family will love Bobcat- she cooks on caliber with my family's best and that's saying something.<br />
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On top of that my family is by nature loud. They are affectionate. Oh yes, the kissing. You know, my younger cousins don't do this so much, it might be a generational thing, but growing up everyone kissed. I mean, I'll get a peck on the cheek from my cousins I'm close to and everyone hugs- like full body crack your spine hugs- but I mean my family kisses hello and goodbye. On the mouth. All the time. Think nothing of it. It never occurred to me until way later in my life (I had an ex point it out, maybe ExBeloved) that I realized that this is not how a lot of families interacted. My aunts and my grandparents and any of the older generation still do it and I do when I'm with them and I don't feel weird or ashamed about it. I know some people have implied that its unhealthy. But it never bothered me. It might also explain why I have such a small personal space when it comes to my friends. I grew up in a house with two bathrooms and sometimes up to six women. Personal space didn't exist. My aunt went into labor on the same night as my mom's first date with her second husband- while he was picking her up (Lovey, if you're reading, it was you...). My family kisses on the mouth and swats on the ass and pinches with their toes and why in heaven's name would I have a personal space when I grew up expecting that if you're with people you love you pile on top of them and give them hell?<br />
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The Easter Lovey was four or five my uncles dumped a kiddie pool of water on my aunts and chased them around the yard while Lovey chased me around the yard in her powerwheel. As close as we are now she would probably be horrified to know my clumsy ass fell and she ran over me with that damn thing. But she did. (Swear, Lovey, I don't hold a grudge. Its funny now.) <br />
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My family is privy to some of my most private moments. Some of my most embarrassing. Some of the most moving. It was my family that was there to pick spiders out of my hair when I ran afoul of an opus in my Grandma's yard (hence my severe arachnophobia for nearly two decades). It was my aunts that took me away from the horrible scene they were making the year my parents split up- Christmas, mind you- and my father came to the party to try and take us from our mom. It was my aunts who fought for me. My grandfather and my uncles who protected me. My grandparents who gave us somewhere to go. When I became a dancer at a downtown club when I was 18 I had family show up (like it was a dance recital or a school exhibition!) on my first night. My grandmother bought me my first pair of pasties and my first pair of leather boots. It is my family who helped me through my coming out process. My family came for all my karaoke contests. They showed up and ate when I was having a sales contest at work. I have worked as a coworker with three different generations of my family now- and it wasn't that bad, really. It was my family who helped me when I hit bottom, twice, and had nowhere to go and no way out from my mistakes.<br />
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Its the absolutely insane level of nosiness that spurs my family to offer dating advice on women. Its what makes them call me to make sure I know that we're always welcome, damn the conservatives and what they say (neveryoumind that some of them are conservative too!). Its my family who pushes me to be my best, who call with good natured nagging when I'm not getting along with someone else (a rarity more and more, thank god). It is my beautiful family who watched my romance with Kitten develop and who felt no compunction stalking her through Walmart when she was shopping before coming home to me even though they'd never met her, debating with each other whether or not they should introduce themselves.<br />
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And my family's kinks, quirks, oddities, secrets, histories, dramas and fights that make me so understanding of the troubles of others. It is what has given me the little compassion and empathy I possess and it is their level of unconditional love that I one day aspire to have. It is my family that reminds me that I am human. It is my family that reminds me that I need forgiveness as much as they do sometimes. But if ever there is a time when I need a second chance, forgiveness, help or acceptance I know I can get it from them. And it is that certainty that makes me want to share them with the people I love despite those links, quirks, oddities and dramas. Because after years of wondering where the hell I fit in with them I've come to realize that I am my family to my friends.<br />
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That's the one thing you can count on from me. I'm going to cheer for you. Loan you what money I can. Clean your house when you break your leg, bring you soup when no one else will because you have bird flu. I'm the person they'll come to when they need to bitch about work, or a friend. When time comes for a life changing decision, I know my friends are going to use me as a sounding board. If no one understands or they need a cry, a couch to crash on, or they need a dinner because the paycheck is three days away and they can't take one more bologna sandwich or packet of ramen; its my house you come to. I'm proud of that. I'm delighted that after all these years of wondering if I was ever going to be able to truly cope with my family and fit in I've discovered that they are a significant part of who I am, and have been all my life. I'd just never noticed. Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-16745031744812924912013-12-26T14:17:00.002-08:002013-12-26T14:17:35.631-08:00Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's EndSo I never got to the rest of my Alaska posts, though I've got them saved on here somewhere. I'll have to track them down.<br />
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Anywho, I've been a lazy blogger and I know I have a lot of catching up to do. It is, however, time for that inevitable end of the year round up. I remembered how I needed to do this when I saw the lovely survey below and I think it covers most stuff, so you know, I thought I would run with it.<br />
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<b>What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?</b><br />
Uh, I went to several states I had never been to. I hiked a waterfall. I took a ghost tour.<br />
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<b>Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?</b><br />
Probably not. I don't remember what they were. I didn't write more, which I always want to do. I didn't exercise more, which is usually on my list. I did, however, quit smoking and that was a bonus.<br />
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I have, yes, already decided what my new resolutions are. I am promising myself to not let people bully me or take advantage of me. I'm going to start calling people on their bullshit as it relates to me. Should be interesting.<br />
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<b>Did anyone close to you give birth?</b><br />
No. Thank god.<br />
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<b>Did anyone close to you die?</b><br />
My familiar Voodoo died. That was really hard for me.<br />
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<b>What countries did you visit?</b><br />
No new countries this year, sadly.<br />
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<b>What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013</b><br />
Nice abs? A drama free existence?<br />
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<b>What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?</b><br />
Kitten graduated on May 16<br />
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<b>What was your biggest achievement of the year?</b><br />
Probably a tie between quitting smoking and not killing my MIL while I was trying to quit smoking.<br />
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<b>What was your biggest failure?</b><br />
I feel like I really let myself down in my journey to become a more compassionate person. I also didn't finish editing my last novel. Sad.<br />
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<b>Did you suffer illness or injury?</b><br />
Nothing significant. The usual bumps, bruises and colds, as far as I can remember. And headaches. Always the headaches.<br />
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<b>What was the best thing you bought?</b><br />
Uh, I liked the pirate tee that we got in Charleston?<br />
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<b>Whose behaviour merited celebration?</b><br />
I'm a big fan of the Pope.<br />
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<b>Whose behaviour made you appalled?</b><br />
Justin Beiber upset me a bunch. There were a bunch of douchey politicians as well.<br />
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<b>Where did most of your money go?</b><br />
Bills, as always/<br />
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<b>What did you get really, really, really excited about?</b><br />
I was excited about Kitten graduating, her new job and the amount of time we get to spend together now.<br />
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<b>Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?</b><br />
I think I am happier, fatter and about the same financially.<br />
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<b>What do you wish you’d done more of?</b><br />
Spent more time with my Grandmother.<br />
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<b>What do you wish you’d done less of?</b><br />
Uh, wasted time.<br />
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<b>How did you spend Christmas?</b><br />
We went to the movies and watched American Hustle and Saving Mr. Banks. It was awesome. We had a picnic in the floor of the movie theater for lunch and ate way to much popcorn and candy.<br />
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<b>What was your favourite TV program?</b><br />
Sherlock<br />
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<b>Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?</b><br />
Uh, I try not to hate anyone.<br />
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<b>What was the best book you read?</b><br />
Oh. Wow. I read so many. I loved Ocean at the End of the Lane (Neil Gaiman) and Looking for Alaska (John Green) both were total tear jerkers. I also discovered my love of fantasy books. I read David Eddings and enjoyed it. I also started the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan with Swiss. I think he's a little firther on than I am. I'll get there though. Good books. I just can't do a single genre for very long.<br />
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<b>What was your greatest musical discovery?</b><br />
Oh, good grief. I have to pick one? Nope. Can't do it. I loved too many things this year.<br />
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<b>What was your favourite film of this year?</b><br />
I don't know if I can pick one. I loved Catching Fire and I've been waiting for it a while. I also loved American Hustle and Desolation of Smaug....<br />
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<b>What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?</b><br />
I got to spend a lot more time with Kitten once she graduated. I was pleased to see her succeed and then get a great job right away. It made my life much fuller and richer.<br />
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<b>How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?</b><br />
Sweat pants and T-shirts. Having put on a substantial amount of weight it was the most comfortable. Before that I spent a lot of time working around the house and camping. Its practically required.<br />
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<b>What kept you sane?</b><br />
Sakura. Kitten. Lots of deep breathing.<br />
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<b>Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?</b><br />
Its probably a tie between Jennifer Lawrence, Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston.<br />
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<b>What political issue stirred you the most?</b><br />
gay rights. always. Gun control got me fired up too.<br />
<br />
<b>And a month by month:</b><br />
In January I didn't do a whole lot except work a temp job at KMOM's office. I was, however, obsessed with The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. We also got a new computer because our old one (and I mean, like, made in 2002 old) computer died. Sakura and I went to the symphony.<br />
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In February I intentionally didn't celebrate Valentines because I didn't feel romantic at all. It snowed and iced a lot.<br />
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In March we went to go see Lindsey Stirling in St. Louis, MO. Sakura smashed his hand in the window at my house on Ostara during an indoor egg hunt because it had snowed outside. I was super proud because Kitten did her first ritual planning. Started the remodel of KMOM's kitchen.<br />
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In April my sweet Voodoo crossed the rainbow bridge. I saw Bob Dylan in concert.<br />
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In May Kitetn graduated from college. I quit smoking. We left for South Carolina. I planned a party. I celebrated Beltane. I played 7 wonders for the first time.<br />
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In June I saw South Carolina. I camped through a tropical storm. I saw sea turtles. I collected shells from a beach. I climbed a waterfall. I took a couple of ghost tours. I explored some graveyards as old as I am. I QUIT SMOKING. I cooked like a champ over an open fire. I made a few new friends. I came back from our trip and managed a ritual with less than a week to fix it up.<br />
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In July I went to the zoo. I joined Goodreads. Kitten quit her old job and got a new one. I got bitten by a poisonous spider, or several, I'm still not sure. Either way, this resulted in me having a poultice put on my feet and I thanked Lord and Lady that my wife is an excellent herbalist. Again. I started reading The Wheel of Time series with Swiss. I redecorated my living room.<br />
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In August I joined the Sherlock fandom. I bought some seriously hot salsa. I ran around a whole lot and generally wasted some time. I got my first smartphone. I learned that a 6gig data package for three people is TOTALLY not enough and I should never trust the ATT lady again. I put in a lot of flower beds.<br />
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In September I started working at The Diner. I went to the symphony with Sakura. Kitten and I saw Spamalot. Oscelot dumped us. We went to the Japanese Fall festival and had a nice time for a whole weekend. I got Kitten into a kimono.<br />
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In October nothing truly thrilling happened, I don't think. Except Halloween.<br />
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In November Kitten and I had our four year anniversary.<br />
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We skipped Christmas in December. That was fun.<br />
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<br />Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-10846738414986206062013-11-14T18:16:00.000-08:002013-11-14T18:16:25.008-08:00Don't Ask Me How I Am! I Understand Nothing More- Hans Christian Anderson (Looking for Alaska- Part 1)If you recognize where the quote for my blog comes from today you're certainly 1) aware that it is not a song quote, per my usual habit 2) you've read a fair amount of dying declarations and 3) (I can always hope) might be John Green.<br />
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What's much more likely is that you have, like I have just done, read <i>Looking for Alaska</i>, by the aforementioned Mr Green and took some time to look at unusual dying declarations (Its okay, really, I needed another weird obsession, I really did.). Having read it, I assume you were just a broken and touched by it as I was.<br />
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Before I really branch out, I'd like to give one of those general, vague, spoiler free type reviews. Like so:<br />
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Pudge was a loser in high school. Well, his first two years anyway. Then he convinced his parents to send him to boarding school where he meets The Colonel, his roommate, and Alaska, who is- of course- the most beautiful, enigmatic, tragic and amazing woman he has ever known in his man-boy existence. And she changes everything.<br />
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I have to tell you, honestly, this book is a tear jerker. I'm not a crier either. Not normally. But this book, it had me in tears. I also devoured it in less than a day. Its a quick read that begs (and I will give in) to a slow, languorous re-read that allows you to swim- nay- wallow in the tidal wave of emotions this book will set off in the deeply closeted teenager that you hide inside yourself. Unless you're still a teenager and in that case OMG THE FEELS. JOHN GREEN TOTALLY GETS YOU. I'm not being condescending. Its the truth.<br />
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The book has a beautiful tone to it. It holds the odd beauty of a boarding school- that mystique most of us never understand but yearn for as teenagers. It reminds me in some ways of Curtis Stittenfeild's <i>Prep</i>, only in a lot less painfully self-involved way. The setting rings true, and I think both works take a lot of the glamour out of boarding school and its inhabitants. I think the characters are very real and I think the emotions are very accurate and true to life.<br />
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That said, I feel like John Green is much better capable of handling deep, visceral emotion and a lot of the questions that plague the lives of teenagers (and adults, let's face it) even when we're not really thinking that they're plaguing us. I think its that overreaching sense of omnipotence that Green, as a writer, really flourishes. The texture and depth is there, waiting to be discovered. Truly, whether you love the characters or you hate them or you chalk them up to tropes (seriously, I read a review like that and I couldn't believe it because these people lived in my mind, truly lived there, for the three hours I was reading it.) you can't escape the feeling that they are real.<br />
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Now. At the end of my edition John (can I call you John?) asks five questions of the reader and I have no one to discuss them with so I want to tell you (and him, if he's here) the answers.<br />
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1. <b>Is forgiveness universal? I mean, is forgiveness really available to all people, no matter the circumstances? Is it, for instance, possible for the dead to forgive the living, and for the living to forgive the dead?</b><br />
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I think it is, in a way. I think that some of your characters would argue that we have to believe that because it is the only thing that gives us solace in this life. I think maybe they might discuss that (like Pudge argues) because matter, energy, and thus ourselves, cannot be unmade, that we are infinitely enfolded in our own and the forgiveness of others because we exist in a state of forgiving.<br />
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My answer is of course it is. I believe our souls are eternal, they exist without our bodies. It is our souls that hold the seat of our emotion and our wisdom (if not always our collected knowledge) and that is something that cannot be taken from us when we die. I think the dead forgive the living because the completion and perfection of not being non-corporeal (call it heaven, nirvana, the summerlands, whatever) prevents you from holding grudges. You are the universe, you have perfect wisdom, you've joined The Force. There is no room for anger any longer because you are perfect and infinite. I think as a living human forgiveness is a choice and our ability to forgive is a signal of our progression towards that perfection and one of the great challenges of our existence. <br />
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2. <b>I would argue that in both fiction and in real life, teenage smoking is a symbolic action. What do you think it's intended to symbolize and what does it actually end up symbolizing? To phrase the question differently: Why would anyone every pay money in exchange for the opportunity to acquire lung cancer and/or emphysema?</b><br />
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Okay. This is an interesting one seeing as I started smoking at 15 and I quit just six months ago (for those of you unaware, I am in my thirties). I started, I suppose, because I could. Because people I thought to be like me did it. In a way, they were like me, and I don't know why they started so it might be a vicious cycle. For me, then, it had nothing to do with looking cool or taking a shot at the establishment or whatever- which is what it eventually ends up symbolizing. It just made sense and I didn't think much about it. I did quit for a while and then I started again and I think that really answers the second question, which is why I would do it knowing it harms me. The truth is, I like the flavor of tobacco. Not the horrible stuff, but the nice, imported kind you smoke in a hookah and is soft and sweet and has texture and flavors like wine or nice cheese. In the end, I weighed the health benefits and decided wine and nice cheese were less likely to kill me although only time will tell.<br />
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As to what it symbolizes in the book (which is what I think you're actually asking) I would say that it is a portrait of both the feeling of invincibility that teenagers feel and a shadowy foreboding of the pain and shadow that come with growing up and loss. Maybe that's why any teenager does it, in the end; its our one chance to take something grown up that we aren't ready for and control it.<br />
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But I will say this- I think the idea that we must avoid death at all costs is silly. Everyone dies. I don't think life is measured by length as much as it is by quality. Granted, a longer life means more opportunity for quality, but only if you make the best of it. I started smoking<i> shisha </i>while I was in Kuwait in 2005 on a truly once in a lifetime trip. The truth is me being gone from the US then (I was there for almost three weeks, I think) and the fallout from me being gone had long-lasting consequences in my life. When I arrived home I did not know it but my life was about to change dramatically and for almost four years, not for the better. But I'll tell you something- even if I had only smoked while on that trip and I would never smoke again and it killed me in the end, I would not change it. I wouldn't. Because eight years ago I was sitting on the Arabian Gulf with a handful of students I had just met, with a group of people I will never see again, at one of the largest TGI Friday's in the world (Who knew, right?) smoking <i>shisha</i> out of a pipe and listening to them laugh in Arabic though I didn't speak a stitch of it and I was having one of the most beautiful experiences I had ever known. And yes, I could have had that without the tobacco, but I would miss the soft and hazy, perfectly relaxed feeling of that memory- and it would lack the aftertaste of rich Egyptian tobacco if I hadn't. And that taste, that moment, and the scent of the gulf air and the taste of my terrible soda was the experience in my life that made me brave enough to survive what came after and aware enough of my own personal beauty to see I was something worth fighting for. When I die it will be one of a handful of moments in my life that I would not trade anything for. If death came for me tonight, it would be one of the things I loved about my life and I couldn't regret it- even if it was the cause.<br />
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That said- don't smoke, kids. Give yourself more chances for infinite perfection and happiness.<br />
<br />
3. <b>Do you like Alaska? Do you think its important to like people you read about?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Yes. I like Alaska. She's a great depiction of a teenage girl. I really believe that. Because I knew her, and I was her and I see her all the time. She's the depiction of beauty and enigma that lives in all females of a certain age. She is the kiss in the corner of Wendy's mouth.<br />
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That said; no, I don't think you have to like the people you read about. I think this is adult perspective creeping in, but I think a lot of important characters are like that. I think Holden Caufeild is a punk, but I get why he was and I know why that's important. Scout Finch was a smart-aleck brat. I liked her, but that's the truth. Lady McBeth was a whiner and a wimp but you can't have Out Spot Out without her crazy ass. I mean, look at the people we idolize now- Frank Sinatra beat his wife. Queen Elizabeth the first had a mercurial temper. Hell, look at all the celebrities who are dead that we idolize- Curt Kobain, Amy Winehouse, Corey Monteith, Marilyn Monroe- most of them were bad people. Unlikable people, but that's part of their charm. In Ken Keysey's<i> One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest</i> Randall McMurphy talks about the "average asshole on the street." all of us are that person- the average asshole- but that makes us no less deserving of love or interest, or no less lovable or interesting for that matter. I propose that's what makes us worth reading about. Alaska was an extraordinary "ordinary asshole" and I think that's why I (and everyone in the book) loved her.<br />
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Alright, kiddies, this is me tapping out because I have three other spaces to hit on the internet before I have to go to bed because I get up before the sun and its already way past my bedtime. John Green, you're costing me sleep, but you're worth it- you brilliant writer you. I have two more questions to answer tomorrow and those will be the ones with the spoilers.<br />
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For those of you who have read the book, what do you think? For those of you who haven't- go get it. Seriously.Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-12465271175580373502013-10-03T14:58:00.001-07:002013-10-03T14:58:36.312-07:00Time Keeps Rollin' OnI could keep telling you how busy I am, but no one believes me with the amount of time I spend on Tumblr, honestly. And I do have a <a href="http://pantheraskew.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Tumblr</a>, in case you want to see what really occupies my waking hours. Spoiler alert- books, cats, food, Kitten and a few very pretty British men. Specifically This one:<br />
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Oh. And I've been figuring out how to work gifs, FINALLY, because I am sick of not being able to do it. Thanks to Sakura for that. Seriously.<br />
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I've been meaning to write lately and every time I get in here I get distracted because I want to talk about so many things. I keep thinking, why can't I be nice like Aravis and Swiss and only talk about one thing at a time? It occurs to me this is because Aravis and Swiss and all the other lovely bloggers I know actually have things to say and their minds are not, like mine, as cluttered as a forgotten attic in a romance novel. Fortunately, I explore mine pretty often and I always find a few treasures. Here's what's been on my mind lately:<br />
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The government shut down. I could get all wound up and do a political post but we'll stay away. I'll say this, the system is broken. EVERYONE is at fault. This started years before now. I'm sick of all of it. Talk about voter apathy. I won't have the heart to encourage people to vote if this keeps up, because really, who wants to convince someone their voice matters when really a bunch of assholes are going to hijack your decision making governing body and hold it hostage while pitching a fit like a two year old because they aren't getting their way. This goes for both sides, btw. All this nonsense does have a practical aide to it- I worry about money. I also worry because we have several customers who work for the government at Super Coffee and I don't want to cope with them not coming in because they've no paychecks.<br />
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Oscelot and Bobcat live next door. This causes no angst, its just new.<br />
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I am, though, concerned about Oscelot, because I have this horrible feeling the friendship is going to go south, and I hate when shit goes sideways. I've had a few tarot readings that indicate this is going to happen soon and it is going to effect my wallet. This will piss me off. We'll see. I feel like there's an effort on her part to needle me into being an asshole so she can be the victim, so I'm being as nice as possible for the moment, probably a dick move in and of itself. Ah, well. At least I'm being nice about it.<br />
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I have been enjoying some new fandoms lately. My love of Doctor Who grows daily. Of course, I've been loving Sherlock. Okay, I'm obsessed with Sherlock and not just because BC is a very painfully, adorably perfect example of what humanity should be. I've always loved the AC Doyle shorts and I think that there has been serious thought put into updating the stories into modern London. In old fandom news I am preparing to be really excited about Catching Fire. I think it is going to be great. I've seen some of the casting for the third and fourth film as well, and I can't be bitter about that. The Hobbit, Desolation of Smaug trailer came out and I think its going to be great. I will certainly be purchasing the latest Star Trek special edition to own for my very own quite soon. Kitten is currently really into AMC's The Walking Dead. Me? Not so much. I did, however, really like World War Z as far as zombie movies go and they aren't usually my favorite. I even liked it in 3D.<br />
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I am gearing up for Nanowrimo (Nano) and I think this year is going to be great. I've actually stayed in touch with some of the people who I have met in the forums over the last couple of years, and seeing them grow as writers and them being there to encourage me is huge. I think I am going to try a romance again this year, though I am planning on skipping the historical and trying out a modern romance. I am also going to work to make this one real and enjoyable. I feel like there has to be more to romance than just billionaire philanthropist playboys, right? Poor people need love too. Hell, look at me.<br />
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My brother turned 30 last week and its making me feel really old. On the upside, Punk did invite me to his birthday party for the first time in years. I, of course, could not attend. But it was the thought that counted. We'll probably lunch later this week and it will be a good time. If not this week, well, by week I mean sometime in the next seven days. I need to work out his days off...<br />
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I may or may not have mentioned that my mom and grandmother came unglued on me in public when I told them I didn't want to celebrate Christmas with anyone this year-not specifically them, but anyone. See, I'm not a Christian and I hate the shuffle and crazy. They both apologized and are being really mature about it. For now. This, I think, is a good thing. <br />
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Samhain (Halloween) is fast approaching and I am really looking forward to the dumb supper we are planning (it means we don't talk, not that its stupid). I've almost got everything ready, except for purchasing the food, of course. And I'm waiting on the final RSVPs. It'll be great. I love the holidays, I really do.<br />
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Outside of that I think I am joining a gym in January (Specials, friends. I hate paying the building fees, especially when they're more than a third of the yearly subscription. That's stupid.) I am finally uncomfortable with my body shape. I am okay with the weight, and I know a lot of it comes from not smoking (did I ever mention I quit smoking? I quit in May.) and the food cravings that I have been completely giving into because of it. I have to remember now that I probably shouldn't always listen to my cravings, especially if they are for truffles and cans of pringles. Or cupcakes for breakfast. Either way, I've been meaning to get into a gym and swim more. I've been a lot less active as a housewife than I was when I was working at Casa Bueno and I need to take better care of myself. Kitten is positively rail thin because of her work now (all muscle too- I keep feeding her and it doesn't work!) so I feel like a total layabout when I look in the mirror. I could definitely use some toning. Not to mention I decided to ride my bicycle to the post office today to get some stamps and what would have been a quick and easy ten minute ride was a painful and embarrassing fifteen minute slog. It is certainly time to get back into shape. I may take my bike to work with me tomorrow and ride it home. I don't fancy the ten mile ride will be pleasant, but then, exercise hardly ever is...I suppose I'll see how miserable and defeated my body is tomorrow. I mowed the lawn and hacked at some weeds today too....<br />
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So that's me. I think there's not a whole lot of other interesting things going on. I'll eventually get around to talking about exciting things again, and maybe telling you all about my workplace, which really is a treasure. I am so happy there I can't even think.<br />
<br />
So....you lot take care and I swear I'll make it in soon. Swear.<br />
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Lots of love- AGxx<br />
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Oh- and a postscript for someone who swore they were getting the hell out of my life a few years ago and I've discovered that they are occasionally stalking my blog. For the record, I was right. I still am. I'm glad I made the decision I did. As for you?<br />
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<br />Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-50915963445754712512013-09-16T19:26:00.000-07:002013-09-16T19:26:48.498-07:00Everybody ChangesSo it seems again like I am a lazy blogger, but honestly, things have been so crazy, I really feel like I've been a bit justified.<br />
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I have a job now, for one thing. I've been working at a wonderful place we'll call the Magic Pancake for about a month and a half now. I really like it and I'm super happy. Its actually one of the places I mentioned that I would miss when I leave the city I am living in now. I feel like the staff are my family and I really enjoy going to work every day. It isn't far from my house and I can walk home if I want to. Its pretty nice. I also am off by two every day because we are only open until then, so I have my afternoons free, which is really enjoyable. It gives me a chance to still see my friends, be active or get housework done before Kitten gets home.<br />
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Having a job means I have time out of the house, which makes me appreciate being at home more, if that was possible. It has also brought to my attention that I need to exercise a little more and maybe lose a little weight. No, I don't think I am fat (not when I'm being rational anyway) but I weighed myself at a friend's house a couple weeks ago and I've put on 15 pounds since I stopped smoking. Some exercise might be in order. I don't mind going up a couple of pant sizes, but I do want to be healthy. Come January I'll probably join a gym. I've been looking into the local YMCA among other places, and I think I've almost settled on them. They have a lot of good classes and there's one just a few blocks from my house. It has a pool and I'll have access to it even if I can't or don't feel like driving.<br />
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I should also probably mention the fact that Oscelot is no longer living with Kitten and I. We are no longer dating her. It is (so far) a pretty amicable split. She and Bobcat are moving into the house next door to us, which should be a good time. We've been wanting Bobcat to come back over to our side of town for a while now and it was very convenient that the house was open when Oscelot was looking for a place. It will, I hope, turn out well. If it doesn't...well, it happens. We are trying as hard as we can to smooth the way for all of us. We don't want any of that nasty picking sides or whatever that comes from a lot of breakups.<br />
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Personally, I think it is wonderful for her that she feels ready to be on her own and support herself. I think it is a huge step for her to want more for herself than Kitten and I could have given her. She deserves to be happy and be with a person who is entirely devoted to her.<br />
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Since Oscelot has been moving out I've spent a lot of time going through things and arranging the house. We got a new bed with a really firm mattress and that's nice. I am sleeping better already. That pillowtop....ich.<br />
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Otherwise, I've spent some time enjoying the BBC series Sherlock (yes, I've just started watching) and Kitten and I have been trying to have little dates on the weekend. Next week we're going to go see Spamalot, its showing locally. Last weekend we went to the Japanese Fall Festival at our local botanical gardens. They have a Japanese stroll garden and we really enjoyed it. There were performers from our sister city in Japan there, and we had fun. We bought weekend passes and Bobcat came with us. It was a lot of fun. Our first night out Sakura joined us as well. The second day of the festival Kitten and I went in kimono. It was really comfortable as hot as it was outside and I was delighted to have a chance to wear my kimono from our honeymoon out of the house and with its obi. It also meant I got to wear my pretty jade hair pick that Kitten gave me. She's such a sweetheart.<br />
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I'm hoping that things will settle down soon, though. I want to start working on the leather corset and greaves I was doing before I started working at the Magic Pancake, and I've got fabric for a Neo-Victorian bustle I want to wear with it. I'd like to have it finished before our local Con this year, but that's going to be up in the air. I also want to make myself a mannequin so I can do my hand-sewing on it....but that requires time, help and a TON of duct tape. Projects, projects....<br />
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So. That's me. For now.<br />
loves<br />
AGxx<br />
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<br />Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-12466525933085490452013-08-27T10:34:00.000-07:002013-08-27T10:34:10.783-07:00I'm More Than Some Pretty Face Beside a Train Okay, so I've had a little time to think about this whole Ben Affleck being Batman thing. I'm sure you've heard by now...the whole internet exploded when it was announced...seriously, it really interrupted my fangirl on Tumblr time, and I don't have a lot of that right now...<br />
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Anyway, I think everyone's being a little harsh. Has he made some bad films? Sure. Is he who I would have pictured? Not at all...but I thought the same thing about Toby Maguire being Spiderman and look how that turned out. I think there's some things that people forget- like how actors have no control over how a movie is produced if they aren't one of the producers. Or how Affleck has made decent movies. And how he's directed some good ones too- that bodes well for the script. And don't point out <u>Gigli</u> to me. That was all JLo and you know it. You throw the first stone on that one if you've never done something seriously stupid because of the very hot person you were dating. Yeah. Mostly, I think everyone forgets that people make mistakes. Even actors choosing movies.<br />
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Look at Meryl Streep- she's amazing, right? But she's got <u>The Ant Bully</u>, <u>Mamma Mia</u>, <u>The River Wild</u> and <u>A.I</u>. on her acting credits. Its almost enough to make you forget how great she can be.<br />
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Or how about Johnny Depp? Did you<i><b> see</b></i> <u>The Lone Ranger</u>? Or how about <u>Alice in Wonderland</u> (which he's filming the sequel to) or <u>Charlie and the Chocolate Factory</u>, or <u>The Secret Window</u>. All horrible movies. And just think, if he hadn't made so many great films before and these were all you'd ever seen, there would be no Captain Jack Sparrow, no <u>Corpse Bride</u> or <u>Sweeney Todd</u>. <br />
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Yeah, Yeah, I hear you saying. But those two weren't given <i><b>iconic</b></i> superhero roles. They aren't risking ruining years of great actors and cannon....they aren't destroying a franchise. First- the Batman franchise is rife with horrible Batmans- hell its rife with horrible casting decisions. Its the truth and you know it. Come on, Val Kilmer? He's pretty, but he was an awful caped crusader. Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger should come to mind for you too. Terrible. And look at the actresses who have mangled Cat Woman...Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry and Anne Hathaway. All amazing actresses. All shitty Cat Women. Honestly, I don't think anyone will ever do it as well as Julie Newmar did in the sixties...but that's just me. Point is, sometimes it takes more than being a great actor to portray a great part. Otherwise I wouldn't weep every time I think of George Clooney and his batnipples. You think he picked those out? Yeah, neither do I. Hell, if acting ability was the only criterion for getting an iconic part we'd have never seen Terry Hatcher as Lois Lane..... For that matter we'd have never seen Jim Carry as the Riddler or Danny Devito as The Penguin (and both were great) if their crimes against film had been the criterion by which they were given their roles.<br />
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And for the record, I would like to offer you the following in defense of great actors who played iconic superhero/supervillain roles but have shady pasts. Imagine if we had judged the following based on their bad movies alone:<br />
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Before <u>American Beauty </u>we loved Kevin Spacey for <u>Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil</u> and<u> The Usual Suspects</u>. But let's face it, if we judged him based on<u> A Bug's Life</u> and<u> L.A. Confidential</u>, we'd have never seen him as Lex Luthor.<br />
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Outside of <u>To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar</u> has Wesley Snipes made a decent film? Outside of the Blade movies, for which , of course, he would not have been cast....<br />
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Remember Alfred Molina's riveting performance as Doc Oc in <u>Spiderman</u>? We'd have never seen it if the internet had been the judge, because all he had done prior was crappy television shows and <u>Chocolat</u> (another Johnny Depp crime, I might add).<br />
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And believe me when I say The Avengers cast wouldn't exist. Tom Hiddleston was a relatively unknown television actor, much like Molina. Look at him now....Can you think of anyone else being Loki? There would be no Iron Man because (face the music kids) RDJ didn't make anything decent post <u>Chaplin</u> (1992) until around 2005. He did, however, make an appearance in that god awful Halle Berry film<u> Gothicka</u> and he contributed to the further degeneration of an entire generation of yuppies by doing a 25 episode stint on Ally McBeal. But we worship him as Iron Man (and Sherlock Holmes). Lucky the internet wasn't there for those casting decisions. If you thought Mark Ruffalo was a way better Hulk than Edward Norton congratulations. Remember, though, Norton is a spectacular actor who had tons of great films to his name before he bombed as Hulk. Ruffalo had <u>Just Like Heaven</u> and <u>13 Going on 30</u> to his name....Chris Evans can't be Captain America anymore because <u>Fantastic Four</u> was a crime against humanity, I'm pretty sure there's a UN council still debating whether or not that movie violates the Geneva Conventions....Oh, and no Black Widow, because Scarlett Johansson still needs to be punished for <u>The Other Boleyn Girl</u> and <u>The Nanny Diaries</u>.<br />
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I think I made my point.<br />
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You know, I don't even really care for Affleck as an actor. He's okay, but I don't think he's done anything groundbreaking. What I do know is that he deserves a chance before we say how much he sucks. A year or two from now, maybe I'll be eating my words...but if I am, I'll let you tell me that you told me so. Honestly, I'm sick of the people on the internet, and fan bases and other groups of, oh say, non-film people, thinking they know better than Hollywood on how to entertain us. I think it contributes to all the bad films we see, and bad television too- there's too much pandering to what they think people want. The loud and vocal majority of morons are ruining entertainment for the rest of us.<br />
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Let it go. Its just a movie.<br />
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If you hate him that much, don't go see it.<br />
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My two cents.<br />
AGxx<br />
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Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-79336537356389724492013-08-02T12:01:00.001-07:002013-08-02T12:01:50.233-07:00Our House Is A Very Very Very Fine HouseIts been a busy week. I've meant to blog for several days now and the time keeps getting away from me.<br /><br />The short version is I've been taking care of some orphaned kittens and I redid my living room.<br /><br />But a picture is worth a thousand words, right?<br />
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So I took down most of the stuff on Tuesday night while we were watching America's Got Talent, which is why there are no curtains on the window. That's kitten sneaking out the door to her lovely new job. See that coffee in her hand? I brewed it!<br />
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That the wall that never had much on it,<br />
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That's the archway into the Library (read: used to be the dining room)<br />
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There's the captain's chair (yep, Star Trek reference) and Cookie chilling out, waiting for me to move it. Behind her, the door to the bedroom.<br />
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The bookshelves used to be over here. The wall was in need of serious repair. I patched it during AGT. I didn't mind it too much...except I looked up during the last act and realized that Howard Stern was looking extra nice on that episode. Of course I missed it. I keep reminding myself there's a whole season...<br />
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So I got back to the corner and to work.<br />
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This might, maybe, be the books from the living room, sitting on a table in the dining room. They might also be so heavy I was worried about breaking the table they were on. I haven't actually counted them, but I'm thinking there's somewhere in the neighborhood of 350 books there. Minimum.<br />
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The dust I kicked up moving them...nope.<br />
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This might be the window in the library, where I had to stack more books because I ran out of space on the table.<br />
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This is the walls, nice and primed.<br />
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I think we did an okay job of it, really.<br />
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There's the back of Bobcat as she removes my sconces so she can paint them. 'Cause she's awesome like that. <br />
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There's the new green wall. In this light it looks way brighter than I think it looks normally. But its fine either way, because its much cleaner looking. Speaking of clean, you wouldn't notice but I shampooed the carpets too.<br />
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There's Kitten, Bobcat and Oscelot watching the AGT results show. I'm pretty sure Bobcat is holding a kitten. She's sitting on that nice leather couch I got. Isn't it pretty?<br />
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There's the entry to the library now I like that we relocated the television. I think it makes the space look much cleaner.<br />
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Also, having moved those bookshelves, I'm pretty sure I have room for two more, if I play my cards right.<br />
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There's the new corner. I love that purple color. If you look to the left you can see my blue and pink polka-dot bedroom. Super girly, just like my new living room.<br />
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There's the new entry. The key holder is actually a little garden fence. We just bent the scrollwork in. Nice, right? Also, way more room for all the keys.<br />
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The captain's chair looks much more official from that corner.<br />
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I might have saved the pillows off the old couch so that I can recover them and reuse them.<br />
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So...that's what I've been up to.<br />
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I've also spent my time not cleaning and kitten minding reading the first book in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series with Swisslet. That's pretty much all of my time.<br />
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So...what have you lot been improving?<br />
AGxxAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-26245233482285682402013-07-27T21:00:00.000-07:002013-07-27T21:00:20.436-07:00I Miss You Like The Deserts Miss The RainAnyone who's talked to me in the last couple of years (well, ever, really) knows that I'm not particularly fond of the part of the country that I live in. I don't care for my city, as nice as it is, and I don't care for my state. It's not that I can't see the appeal- I can, to a degree. Unfortunately, all of those things that appeal to the people who live in this area of the country mean almost nothing to me. I don't have kids to raise, so being in a bigger city with a small town feel doesn't do much for me. I don't think the level of education in our area is particularly high, though I will say that its better than some of the bigger cities in our state. There's plenty of green space and lakes to enjoy. Unfortunately, the political climate of our region makes it so that a lot of that is closed off to me and Kitten unless we want to spend a whole day acting like acquaintances. I don't.<br />
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At any rate, I feel like I've made it really clear that I'm not fond of here and that there are other places (namely, Portland Oregon) that I would rather be. That said, this last week Kitten and I were finally able to go into our favorite local breakfast joint and have a bite to eat. It was then that we realized that there were, indeed, things that we would miss about my hometown.<br />
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I will, certainly, miss that breakfast place. Part of it is the closeness. I feel like I'm at home. The staff feels like family. Hey- we had only been away a couple of months (one of them on vacation) and some of the kitchen staff came out to give us hugs. Seriously. I am friends with them on Facebook and it feels like I'm in my grandfather's kitchen when I'm there. Not so much the look, but the atmosphere and the taste. They make pancakes I swear could be my grandfathers...it's about the only place I'll eat them short of at home. The food is good and home made. The staff are wonderful people. It's cozy in a crammed, warm, comfortable kind of way. When we move, I'll have to spend months, maybe years, looking for another place like that.<br />
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I'll miss the convenience culture of my town, whether I want to admit it or not. Do I want to live in a town that encourages local business, local food markets and healthy living? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean I won't miss Walmart. I know, I know, there's plenty of Walmart haters out there and I understand it. I do. But let me tell you something- if my coffee pot breaks any time day or night I know there are a minimum of seven different places I can get a high quality, programmable, grinds yours beans, steams your milk and sings you good morning coffee pot. Minimum. See, in my town, we have six Walmart Supercenters, eight or nine (I've lost count) Neighborhood markets, Three Big K-Marts, A Super Target, and somewhere in the neighborhood of ten big market national chain superstores. We have six or seven Walgreens and three CVS pharmacies. I choose which store I shop at based on which one's layout I like best. I have five major grocery stores within three miles of my home. That's convenient.<br />
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I wonder how I will cope in a city where there isn't a grocery on every corner. I don't know how I'll feel when I have to drive to get to a big box store. Hell, maybe I'll start shopping online. I mean, I knew someone who moved out there and actually had to ask their friends on Facebook where to get a toaster because there wasn't a Walmart within easy driving distance. How will I feel when I can't get to a McDonald's within 5 minutes of wherever I am in town? Thinner, probably, but that won't help my french fry craving. We'll see...but I think I'll miss it a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I think the perks outweigh the disadvantages, but it will be a big change.<br />
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Speaking of which, I'll have to adjust my eating habits. Specifically when it comes to "Chinese" food. Now, we all know there's nothing Chinese about the stuff we order at The Great Wall of Chicken (or wherever you like to go- pick one, our city has probably close to fifty) but its not going to be the same when we move. We're going to want Chinese and what we're really going to want is a local delicacy called "cashew chicken" and I was raised on the stuff. Let me tell you, no one on the planet makes it the way we do here...and I'll miss eating it. We keep swearing we're going to perfect our own recipes...but I will get to craving my old favorite places and I'm pretty sure my visits home will be packed full of cartons full of Shanghai Dynasty's (or wherever's) food.<br />
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More than that- there's food everywhere here. Seriously, if you drop someone anywhere in my city with $20 they can walk to a restaurant and be eating in less than ten minutes. Take the picture below. From the corner where that picture was taken, I know off the top of my head there is a McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Starbucks, Rib Crib, two other local BBQ places, a Chinese place (Kitten's favorite one, actually), a McCallister's Deli, and a Long John Silver's within visual radius. There is also a liquor store, a grocery store, and a whole foods type market. There's even two restaurants inside the building, one of them an upscale casual type place...I'm going to miss food, <i>en masse</i>, everywhere I look. Hey- I never said I wasn't a glutton. <br />
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I'm also going to miss<a href="http://www.basspro.com/" target="_blank"> Bass Pro Outdoor World</a>.<br />
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Okay, I know it's a strange thing to miss, but I will. You can keep Cabelas. I love that this place is massive. It's got a shooting range inside it for heaven's sake. There's waterfalls and tanks of fish and a wildlife museum. On the way down to the boat gallery (yeah, where you go to view all the different kinds of boast you can by, in an indoor showroom) there's a giant enclosure with an alligator in it. That's intense.<br />
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I like to go there for camping gear. They carry quality hiking boots and some really nice clothes. My favorite pair of hiking pants came from there. If we're ever bored, its a great place to go and daydream. Why yes, I am a lesbian stereotype sometimes- its nice to think about the tents, subzero rated sleeping bags, utility knives, waterproof boots, etc, etc, that I would like to own. This is a great place for it. In the winter it's nice to head over to the little food area they have and grab a mug of coffee or cider and then settle down in front of the giant fireplace and rest. Those split wood rocking chairs are comfortable. As many great stores as they have up north, there won't be a Bass Pro in Portland.<br />
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I'm also going to miss the flea markets and thrift stores. I'm not saying that there won't be great ones there...but I have my favorites here. For some reason I think Bobcat and I are going to end up reminiscing about the days when we could find an English Walnut sideboard from the mid-1800's for less than three grand. I do. Because I know that's not normal. It will take some adjusting. And speaking of the things used and abused- I'll miss my favorite local used book dealer, where all the girls know me and ask about my writing and what I've been up to. The ones that chorus with me (when the new kid foolishly asks if I have trade credit) "She never brings them back." I say it every time. These are the girls who will laugh when I reach into my coat for the fistful of quarters I know is there and come up with a fistful of Starburst candies- and then gleefully take one when I offer the fistful to them. They know I'm cool. I'm going to miss that. Even if there is Powell's City of Books.<br />
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I can't think of many things I'll be sorry to leave behind....but those things...yeah. I might just miss them every now and again. I guess in a few years we'll see. Won't we?<br />
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AGxx<br />
<br />Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-1644413660444673212013-07-23T20:56:00.000-07:002013-07-23T20:56:14.098-07:00Wouldn't It Be Lovely?<div class="MsoNormal">
So another day of me running around town hunting for awesome things at the flea market/antique stores. I might post some pictures tomorrow. Bobcat and I are in love with lead glass work, which can't be produced legally in the US anymore. We've also discovered when it comes to furniture we really like the twisted English barley pattern on oak and maple. In discovering this trend, we've also discovered we dislike flowery detail and prefer more clean or geometric lines in our older furniture. Every now and again, though, we run into a ridiculously ornately carved piece we love....we may not be consistent, but our taste is consistently good, I think. </div>
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So this evening was devoted to a quick hello from Flyguy, watching America's Got Talent (I voted for those acrobats and Collin's Key) and letting my feet freeze while I let the poultice Kitten made me dry on my spider bites (more about those later). Thus, you are stuck with another set of bizarre questions and my attempt at more than two word answers. I've included questions this time, so you'll see where my train of thought leaves the station. </div>
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Incidentally, I'm currently reading the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. It's wonderful. I love reading it. The detail is lavish and it distracts me beautifully when Kitten is taking needles to my feet. </div>
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<i>Do you think musicals are cheesy?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I absolutely adore musicals. I was raised (despite my family’s
economic station) to really love the theater. As a result, I’ve developed a
deep and abiding love for musicals of all kinds. I love the classics, but I
still enjoy newer ones. Honestly, one of my favorite sweet moments from early
in mine and Kittens relationship was when we went for a drive and we passed the
street where I grew up. Kitten told me she used to drive by and think of me. It
made me smile. A few minutes later, I noticed she was humming “The Street Where
You Live” from My Fair Lady. It’s my
favorite musical. Definitely an “it was love” moment for me. In fact, one of
the early questions I asked her on a date was what her favorite musical is. Its
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Is Christmas stressful?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of the holidays. I was when I
was little, and I still enjoy the “atmosphere” of Christmas, but it’s something
I view as artificial and created. If I want to “feel” like its Christmas, I
like to go to <a href="http://www.silverdollarcity.com/" target="_blank">Silver Dollar City</a>’s Old Fashioned Christmas and wander around. I
like the lights and the chill in the air. I like to listen to the carols. I
enjoy a nice glass of wassail or four. We’ll watch the fudge being made and get
fresh taffy. We’ll huddle around a warming lamp and eat savory treats. I’ll
spend all the time you’ll let me in front of the giant tree that plays all the
Electric Light Orchestra music and coordinates the lights. It is super
old-fashioned and I also get to ride roller coasters, so it’s a win all the way
around. But there’s no question, the atmosphere is created. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I think it’s very stressful that our families still try to
create that “perfect” Christmas like there used to be. But you can’t force
amity and goodwill. You can’t make everyone get along. Just because there’s a
turkey or a ham on the table doesn’t mean everyone is happy to be there and
wants to share the joy of the season. That is very stressful. The need to buy
people things is stressful- especially since we’re always broke. The need to
coordinate holiday parties with three sets of parents, plus my extended family,
plus my friends and on top of that I have to plan a ritual and feast for MY
winter holiday, Yule, as well- that is stressful. <o:p></o:p></div>
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See, the thing is, I don’t celebrate Christmas, do I? So I
don’t particularly care. I think it’s the being forced to care that irritates
me the most. I get tired of hearing “But it’s Christmas!” and then getting all
the subsequent lectures about family obligations and how will I feel when
family members die and I should want to make it special for everyone else
because I love them even if I don’t celebrate the holiday, etc., etc. That’s
stressful and it’s irritating. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Now, to answer the question that would be posted were you to
ask without a Gregorian Calendar Anglo-Christian bias- no, I don’t find Yule
stressful at all. It’s one of my favorite holidays (the food!) and is for sure
my favorite “light” holiday. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Favorite type of fruit pie?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of pie in general and fruit
pies in specific. If I am going to have pie I like the fruit to be fresh and
that means only certain months of the year for my favorites. I like a nice
peach pie, one that’s super syrupy. I also love a tart blackberry pie. I don’t
want them to be double crust (impossible to find, you have to make them on your
own, and I’m a terrible baker) and they should certainly have a flaky crust not
a super thick one. And rich. Really, really rich. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Um, when I was really little I wanted to be a ballerina, a
rock star and a nurse. When I was grade school aged I wanted to be a ballerina,
a country-western singer and an artist. When I was junior high aged I realized
I never be a ballerina, or a singer or an artist. I decided that being a writer
was a much better, more attainable profession and it was something that I
liked. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Someone told me that being a writer wasn’t a viable career.
So when I got into high school I looked into the things that interested me. I
decided I wanted to get into government somehow. I love languages and I was
(still am, really) interested in foreign policy. So I decided it would be
awesome to work as an ambassador or in a foreign government office. Like most
American high schools, mine didn’t offer Russian (the language I wanted to
learn) so I settled for French and German. I got a backup plan, because the
counselors told me to, and decided that if foreign relations didn’t work, government
relations would (yeah, me a lobbyist) be interesting. I applied for all the
right schools and for what it’s worth, got accepted to most of them. And then I
saw the price tag for school. And law school. And I knew, in my heart, there
wasn’t a chance in the deepest regions of hell that I would be able to do
either of those things.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I went to local university, couldn’t afford that either
once I had a semester of living on my own and trying to maintain a job and my
incredibly bad health and so I left school. If you asked me now, I would say
that I’d like to write. I want to go back to school and get a nice degree in
literature and writing. I’d like to teach, but that would require an advance
degree if I want to teach college. In most places in the country you still can’t
be out and teach high school, so I’m aiming for writing a book that gets
published and finding a job as a librarian or working in a bookstore of some
sort. That would be fine with me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Do you believe in ghosts?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I do believe in ghosts. I believe in spirits and
poltergeists and all sorts of strange astral beings. I also believe that we
sometimes believe in something so much that we create it with our mind. Our
minds are far more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. I also believe
that you can speak to the spirits of the dead and to spirits that were never
human. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Take a vitamin daily?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I do. In fact, working on this post reminded me that I
needed to take it. I take two vitamins. One of them is a B complex supplement and
the other one is an iron supplement. Both of them help me with much needed
energy and they’ve really helped me feel better as far as my moodiness goes-
they were a suggestion from Dad and I was glad for it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Wear slippers?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I do. I actually have a whole lot of slippers. All of mine
have hard soles so I can run around in the yard in them. I like slip on shoes
for in the house and around it. Kitten is not so fond of my old pairs so she
started buying me nice ones. It may have backfired though, this last week I’ve
had some nasty spider bites in the shape of my outdoor house shoes and I’m
pretty sure they were poisonous since I’ve got nasty pus-filled bulls-eyes now…no
worries, Kitten lanced them and I’ve been putting on a poultice, but it’s
pretty gross and it makes me reconsider no socks outside. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>What do you wear to bed?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I don’t wear anything in bed. I used to, but I’ve found as
the years pass that I just get hot and tangled up in my nightclothes and its
more comfortable for me not to. Even when we were on vacation in South
Carolina, even when we were camping, once I was in for the night I had all my
clothes off. I slept nude in the tent. I also had a bad habit of running around
camp in nothing but a sports bra and a pair of obscenely short exercise shorts,
but hey- it was a hundred degrees and ninety-plus humidity every day. I get a
pass while I’m working over a fire. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Shy OR open?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I think I’m both. I’m nervous around new people. I don’t
like strangers or crowds. Most people don’t believe that I’m introverted, but I
am. Once you get to know me, though, I’m an open book. I’ll talk about almost
anything. I won’t keep secrets from you. I’m pretty forthright. Of course, you
get a lot of that here. I don’t conceal much, which is a little normal,
considering the regular readers here are, I’m pretty sure, my friends. It’s
also a little odd, since I might be talking to strangers after all. Either way,
I suppose, I’m an open book once you know me. <o:p></o:p></div>
Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-70713752803573460362013-07-22T19:39:00.000-07:002013-07-23T06:25:01.073-07:00Something's Coming Over Me<div class="MsoNormal">
So, here’s the R rated version of the about me. This one is
predominantly about sex and love and all that stuff that generally makes people
uncomfortable. So you’re forewarned. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I wanted to start with my “would” list. I thought that would
be fun. First, I want to point out that I get both a male list and a female
list. And I’m not aiming for a specific number, these are just generally
celebrities that I would sleep with if they showed up on my front porch and
asked me to. Some people call it the celebrity exceptions. Whatever…Also, I am
picking people whom I not only would sleep with, but whom I assume would be
good in bed. There’s some people I think are pretty, or would be fun to see
nude, but I’m sure would be a totally lame lay (Liam Hemsworth, I’m looking at
you.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><u>Women: </u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Michelle Rodriguez- because she's just lovely. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Ellen DeGeneres- I could look at her all day. She's got a great smile. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Tilda Swinton- androgyny, beauty, activism...its all sexy<o:p></o:p><br />
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Meryl Streep- Classic. That's all<o:p></o:p><br />
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Jennifer Lawrence- so beautiful. And funny. And she has *curves* which I love. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Emma Watson- not just for Harry Potter fans anymore<o:p></o:p><br />
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Anna Kendrick- cute as all get out. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<b><u>Men:</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Robert Downey Jr.- quite possibly the perfect specimen of a man...<o:p></o:p><br />
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Utkarsh Ambudkar- Musician, actor, super-cute....<o:p></o:p><br />
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Peter Dinklage- so beautiful. And his voice....I want him to sit and read to me for hours....I would utterly melt!<o:p></o:p><br />
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Jason Issacs- not just for Harry Potter fans<o:p></o:p><br />
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Howard Stern- Yeah. I can't explain it. The hair, the mouth....its like when I had a crush on Jeff Goldblum in the '90's....there's inexplicable sex appeal. Not to mention, if you listen to him at all, he's a spectacular person. <o:p></o:p><br />
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David Beckham- Look at that picture and tell me you blame me!<o:p></o:p><br />
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Chris Hemsworth- he has a classic manly beauty.<br />
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So I wish I could say that I don’t think looks are important
in a relationship, but I think at the first they are pretty important. I think
later it still plays a part, because I think you have to be attracted to your
partner. Even if that attraction is mainly intellectual, you wouldn't want to
sleep with or wake up next to someone
you found repulsive all your life. Maybe that’s shallow, but it’s the truth. Conversely,
I refuse to be with a partner I don’t find intelligent and intellectually stimulating.
I won’t date stupid people. Hell, I won’t even have a one night stand with a
stupid person. If you go to YouTube and look up interviews with each of the
celebrities above, you’ll discover they are all well-spoken, passionate,
amazing people who are highly intelligent and devoted to good causes. That’s
sexy. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My position on PDA, as a general rule, is that as long as it’s
not something you wouldn't do in front of your mother or grandmother, it’s
acceptable. That is how I try to conduct myself. I do, I’ll admit, have some
exhibitionism incidents in my past, but as a rule I don’t do stuff in public.
You never know who’s watching. Not to mention we've all seen couples in public that are just...it's uncomfortable. Now I won't say I don't run around naked in the house with the windows open. I'm not so prude that I can't see why people do it. I'm just saying as a rule its really not my thing to be all over someone in public.<br />
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I've slept with both
men and women. I do identify as a homosexual. I'm a big fat lesbian. Or I think I am. Here’s why- I can have sex with a
man and have a great time. I truly can. Some of my favorite partners have been
men. Unfortunately, I am completely incapable of maintaining a relationship
with a guy- I’m always wishing he was a girl. If you offered me the perfect
mate- if I could design the person I was going to be with- no question, it
would be a woman. There are things I like about men- they almost border on fetish- their chests, their backs, stubble…I adore stubble…I like their legs
and how they’re shaped. That’s the thing, though, when I sleep with men it is,
for me, a tactile experience where I am drinking in all of my partner. When I
sleep with women it’s about my being with her. I pay more attention. I want her
to feel special. I adore every single part of women. There isn't an ugly body
part on a woman, really. (sorry guys, they may be interesting, but penises are ugly) And when I have a woman as a partner I devote myself
completely to making her feel like she’s the most special person on earth. Its
about awe and worship. Its damn near religious. I don’t do that with men, and
honestly, I've never tried. Which makes me great for a romp but terrible for a
relationship. I still prefer the softness and sexiness of women. I like the way they smell and how they feel. I like the way they taste and how they sound. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As a general rule I have a strong preference for partners
who are older than me. They’re more experienced, more mature, more fun. The
relationship usually lasts longer because I spend less time being ticked off at
how immature they are. Can my partners be silly? Sure. Can I tolerate a gross
lack of life experience? Not really. I’m not patient enough. The largest age
difference I have had with a sex partner is about 18 years. The largest
difference in a person I was dating, 5 years. Emotionally maturity doesn't always equate to sexual maturity, mind, but it does help. It also means that my partners are less likely to equate sex with love (not the same thing) and they're willing to approach it with a sense of humor and lightness. I was talking to a friend the other day and I mentioned that I really like having a sex partner who doesn't mind that it can be messy, awkward, loud and strange sometimes. I like a partner who will have fun with me. Sex can be all those things and still be sexy- or at least I think so. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I want to leave these next questions here where you can see
them, because they just seem odd to talk about without them there: <o:p></o:p></div>
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Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Have you ever
liked someone who your friends hated? Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to? Have you ever wanted someone
you couldn't have? <o:p></o:p></div>
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The answer is, yes, I've liked one of my best friends. I
ended up marrying the person I like and admire most in the world. She is my
best friend. I like hanging out with her. I like talking to her. She
understands me in ways other people don’t and that was true before we ever
dated. I always say make it a policy to be friends with your lovers, that way you have more than sex in common. It makes the relationship - and the sex- better. I have dated someone that my friends didn't like and as a rule, they
were right about them. Especially the last one. He was a douche. I don't always listen, but if everyone I know dislikes my partner, something is probably wrong. Yes, every now
and again who I am attracted to will surprise me. Hell, look at my “would”
list- I would have never predicted Howard Stern would make it…eh, it happens. My tastes are fairly eclectic, and I find so many different things appealing that I'll on occasion startle myself. In
real life I am generally less surprised by my predilections. As a general rule
I don’t hang out with people who disgust me, most of my friends are good
looking (I’m the ugly duckling) and they’re all intelligent, compassionate
people. The fact that in the past I've looked at some of my friends and been
attracted to them is never a surprise to me. And yes, absolutely, a thousand
times over, I have had desire for someone I can’t have. I think that’s part of
the human experience. It’s frustrating beyond all measure, especially when its
someone you care about, but sometimes you put on your big girl panties and suck
it up- there’s nothing to be done. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I can usually make it
about ten seconds kissing before my hands start roaming unless the person
kissing me is holding them and even then it won’t last more than thirty
seconds. I’m a tactile person. If you’re teasing me by holding my hands in
place I end up touching with other parts of my body and it’s all over from
there. If I’m being intimate with you, you have to be prepared for me to want
to touch you all over. Don't get me wrong, if all you want is a good make out session, I can sign up for that...but that doesn't mean I'm putting my hands on your shoulders and being a good girl. I don't think I know how. <o:p></o:p><br />
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My longest
relationship lasted almost 6 years. I have every faith that Kitten and I are
going the distance on our marriage and there’s no change that 6 will be my max.
I’m willingly working on a life sentence. I would mention, however, that I think quality of relationship has nothing to do with length. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I've “dated” (and by
date I mean sleep with over a period of time and maintained a close, emotional
relationship with a person) probably 5 women and 4 men. I have slept with
probably (and I’m guesstimating here, because I’m not willing to sit and tote
up all my conquests, its taxing) 15-20 men, 3 M to F transsexuals, 1 F to M
trans, and about 20-25 women. Of those, only about 6 of those were one night
stands and the numbers jump a bit because I have been involved in several (I
hate this term) “group” interactions. I've
had a lot of partners I will never forget but I think sometimes it’s more
upsetting to think of how many I could recognize by face but not remember their
names. Every now and again one will pop up in my mind and I'm like, crap, how did I forget them the last time I thought to count?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>8 facts about my body:</b></div>
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I have a 36” inseam <o:p></o:p></div>
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My teeth are crooked but I like them because I have fangs<o:p></o:p></div>
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My feet are a little
warped because of all the years of ballet. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A majority of my tattoos are on my back<o:p></o:p></div>
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I wear glasses most of the time, my eyes are very weak.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I have a 34” bust and a 32" waist<o:p></o:p></div>
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I wear my nails long<o:p></o:p></div>
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Despite the fact I am relatively soft around the middle, I
have very prominent hip bones. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b> Five Ways to Win My
Heart (excluding the obvious, which is to be Kitten):</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Be honest with me all the time<o:p></o:p></div>
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Pet me- I like to be
touched. It’s comforting to me. I like my partners to make me feel safe<o:p></o:p></div>
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Don’t be afraid to laugh, to laugh with me, to be silly or
to play<o:p></o:p></div>
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Pay attention to the things I say<o:p></o:p></div>
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Know what you’re doing in the bedroom.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is what I look
like (as of a month ago)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiouLjRg_-U5sDCb9y8IxgeIlyf_RRTs8ptHhcy6WS1axfIgkcsytUitBXaKfTGIe1U3e16hV-uWpzhwPME8xwL8_W7_O99TFQ8vc1keZHMnhBBzLEjsLbIP_xc2DulRkhp86cz6IxvUg/s1600/South+Carolina+2013+677.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiouLjRg_-U5sDCb9y8IxgeIlyf_RRTs8ptHhcy6WS1axfIgkcsytUitBXaKfTGIe1U3e16hV-uWpzhwPME8xwL8_W7_O99TFQ8vc1keZHMnhBBzLEjsLbIP_xc2DulRkhp86cz6IxvUg/s320/South+Carolina+2013+677.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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This is how I see myself.(Obviously, this photo has been doctored)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUSR93CCP5Nk0f9Ocieyi5tfMMlIa7S_NsZdPcZlPGlYlrEfrchs2Q18_3eUXQLnJ3kniF2ummWnGQJSlHm7MJoNATbUgrBjWlvBDAR_yoQXjZqRuzFTC7sbrD0iSijbLtn16K9H6mjA/s1600/train+glow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUSR93CCP5Nk0f9Ocieyi5tfMMlIa7S_NsZdPcZlPGlYlrEfrchs2Q18_3eUXQLnJ3kniF2ummWnGQJSlHm7MJoNATbUgrBjWlvBDAR_yoQXjZqRuzFTC7sbrD0iSijbLtn16K9H6mjA/s320/train+glow.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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The first thing I
notice about a person is their smile (or their mouth, if they aren't smiling). The way a person smiles and how their mouth moves says a lot to me. After that, it’s their eyes. I don't have a preference, really. Or I should say, I love brown eyes but I have predominantly been with people who have blue (maybe my part of the country?) Again, its not so much the color as the depth of the eyes and what's behind them. Beyond that, it’s usually how tall they are and
what they smell like. I’m a sucker for someone who smells good. I don't care about height so much. History indicates I like short women (most of mine have been 5'2" or less) and tall men (most have been 6' or taller) but if you look at my would list you'll notice some tall women and some very small men. As for smell, I'm super sensitive. If you're wearing too much cologne it turns me off. I love the natural smell of a person. I guess, technically, I mean how you smell when you've been active. Like, you're gym smell. Though most people have a softer version of that when they aren't running a marathon, and that's usually what I notice. I've known some people whose natural pheromones made me absolutely nuts any time they were near me. </div>
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My definition of sex depends on whether I’m with a male or a
female. For me, sex is about the most intimate common physical act that you’re
capable of, involving the genitals. For sex with a man, that means penetration.
For a woman, that means some version of oral sex and/or touching. Everything
else is either (less) foreplay or (more) special favors/preferences. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Things that turn me off or things I won’t do in general:
watersports of any kind- just the mention of it freaks me out, humiliation (NOT the same as
domination), lack of consent/forcing, cutting, cockiness- I don’t like partners
who think their god’s gift, the sound of the phone ringing if it’s in the room,
animals in the room (the cats ALWAYS go out- there’s nothing that kills the act
faster than a cold nose on your leg during), food in the bedroom, boy/daddy
style role play, baby voices, extreme cold <o:p></o:p><br />
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Things that turn me
on or things I generally like: kissing- lots and lots of kissing, innuendo, extended foreplay, petting, teasing, leather, playful
pain (i.e. spanking, swatting, crops), light BDSM, when my partner is vocal,
laughter, backs, necks, long fingers, touching “non-traditional” erogenous zones- wrists and palms,
having my back touched/licked/bitten, light biting in general, warmth, anything
tactile, watching my partner (mirrors are fun), wet skin (just out of
shower/pool), latex, if you have scars I like to touch them (note I don’t say I
want you to have them, just if I notice them), tattoos, my partner smelling
good, when my partner tastes either sweet (like fruit) or like alcohol- but not
the heavy fumes, just like, the light taste of beer or a cocktail. <o:p></o:p><br />
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As a general rule I am not too terribly superficial about my
partners. I do, however, require them to have all of their teeth. For some
reason lack of teeth bothers me. I don’t mind curvy partners. Height or lack of doesn't bother me. Yeah, I require teeth and
you can’t be stupid. Those are automatic nos. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I would be willing to date someone off the internet, though
I think that would require some prerequisites. For example, if I was getting a
date from a website, I’d probably ask for a double date first with a couple I
knew, so I could feel safe. If it were someone I met online I would want to
have known them for a while. Confirmed identity and stuff like that. Otherwise,
I don’t see what’s wrong with it. I wouldn't exclusively date ON the internet,
meaning, I would like to see them in the flesh. Sex-scyping or whatever wouldn't
be enough for an actual relationship, I think. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Right. There's the NSFW version of about me. As always, questions and comments are welcome. I'm an open book. Not to mention, I've always liked writing about sex. It makes me happy. (no, as a general rule it doesn't turn me on.)<br />
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Happy Playing,<br />
AGxx</div>
Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-8483042468740272522013-07-22T13:45:00.001-07:002013-07-22T13:45:28.404-07:00Wake Up In The Morning Feeling Like P-Diddy<div class="MsoNormal">
So, I've been trying to blog more lately, and I've discovered sometimes I just don't have a whole lot I feel would be interesting to say. Normally my go-to would be a survey and I know how boring those are. So I thought I would look at some survey questions and just write about them so you get more than my general two word, to the point answer. </div>
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This edition is totally family friendly. I will be posting another one shortly that is not- you can avoid it if you like. As always, if you actually have something you would like me to blog about or tell you about I totally will, you just have to tell me. </div>
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I’m a neo-pagan. More specifically an eclectic neo-pagan witch. My religion is very important to me, and I’ve spent a lot of time talking about it. If you look for the Witch 101 and 102 posts you can read more about it. I’m always open to answering questions about my faith, as long as they’re respectful. </div>
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My current URL is a play off of the title of my original blog. My first blog was called “Alecya G’s Plastic Castle.” The title was a throwaway reference to a line in the song “Little Plastic Castle” by Ani DiFranco:</div>
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<i>They say goldfish have no memories. I guess their lives are much like mine; and the little plastic castle is a surprise every time. It’s hard to say if they’re happy, but they don’t seem much to mind…</i></div>
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At the time it was really indicative of my state of mind. Over the years, I think we can all agree I’ve evolved into a much happier person. As I evolved and changed, so did what I wanted from my blog. When I ended my last relationship and my ex was a little bit stalking, I ended up moving URLs for a fresh start. Plastic Castle Tours is my attempt at a nod to who I was and what I want for myself. I’m inviting you to explore my life and my perspective. It was also the first time on my blog I was willing to acknowledge my actual first name, though I still answer to Alecya, even in real life. </div>
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Speaking of nicknames, Alecya, my alter-ego, is probably my longest running nickname, if you can call it that. Originally she represented the side of my personality that was highly sexual, confident and content with who she was. Over the years, that part of my personality has become dominant enough that I don’t really think of that name as an alter-ego. It’s more like an avatar. Every now and again the frightened girl I was intrudes on the life of the woman I am now, but it’s not very often. Incidentally, it is pronounced Uh-Lee-See-Uh. I’ll answer to Panther, which is what most of my friends refer to me by. Kitten gave me that nickname. Other than that, I haven’t a lot of nicknames. I have a few pet names from people whom I am close to, but those are one or two person use only. </div>
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Whenever I am stressed I like to take baths rather than showers. I especially like listening to the radio while I’m in. It’s a good time. I don’t normally put bubbles in, just because the smell is pretty overwhelming and I forget to enjoy myself because I’m too busy messing with the bubbles. I do like a tension relieving bath salt, though. </div>
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I used to dye my hair all the time. I have since I was about 15. Right now my hair is 100% my natural color. That is totally not normal. I’ve been contemplating going back to black or dark brown again, that’s how I see myself in my mind’s eye. </div>
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I like soups better that I like salads. I will eat soup any time of year, including when it’s over a hundred degrees outside. I adore that Kitten makes great soups. My favorite is called 86 the Bean and it tastes like ham and bean soup only there’s potatoes and carrots instead of beans. I don’t know how she does it but I love it. It is a nice spicy soup and it always makes me feel better about life. </div>
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I don’t go out drinking like I used to. This is mostly because I’ve turned into a home body. I can have a nice glass of wine or scotch at home and not have to cope with strangers. We also get up early, so staying out until 2 am is just too much. I’d rather have my friends over for a game of cards and get to bed at a decent hour. </div>
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I mentioned this earlier this week, but I quit smoking recently. I’m really proud of that. As of this week I’ll have stopped for two months. Habit officially broken. I don’t even have cravings anymore. </div>
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I’ve only ever smoked weed a few times and I didn’t like it. Once I got seriously sick. The rest of the time I didn’t feel much. I did have once where I was high, but it’s not really a PG story, so I’ll let that one be. I’ve always said that if I wanted to be hungry or sleepy I could do that on my own. Now, I don’t condemn people who use it medically, and as long as you’re away from me I don’t care if you do it recreationally, but it’s not for me. </div>
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I used to do hard drugs, but I’ve been clean 12 years now. I don’t have any desire to do them again and it’s a really quick way to get me to stop spending time with you. I don’t like being exposed to it, and I don’t like what it does to people. I’ll always be dogmatic about that. </div>
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I love falling asleep with other people, especially cuddling. It doesn’t have to be a romantic or sex thing. If I am comfortable enough to sleep near you, or close to you, or in your arms/space/lap then I like you a lot and it’s a compliment from me. I feel the same way about people I will let take care of me when I’m sick, because you’re seeing me at my worst and I am really, really vain. </div>
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I don’t sing in the shower but I do listen to the radio. I always like music when I’m in the bathroom. Even when I’m meditating (yes, I meditate in the bath sometimes) I enjoy a little white noise. It helps me to focus. My bathroom is too small and the acoustics too good for me to sing, it upsets the cats and the girls always come running thinking I need them for something. I will, however, sing in the car. I will also dance in the car. Driving or no. The girls get a kick out of this thing I do we call “kitty karaoke” and its when I sing to the radio using cat meows and such. They always laugh, which is why I keep it up, even when other cars are staring at the lights. </div>
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Yesterday I went to the flea market with Bobcat. We had a good time. We picked out antique furniture that we loved. I found a watch fob from the 1800’s that I was in love with, but couldn’t afford the $100 price tag on. I did purchase a set of WWII Paratrooper jump wings. My grandfather was a paratrooper and it meant a lot to me to find that. </div>
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I have never fired a bow and arrow. I do know how to fire a gun and I am fairly handy with a knife. Okay, for most people I’m pretty scary with a knife. I would like to learn archery, but I have zero upper body strength and I’m pretty sure you need a lot of it to be any good at it. </div>
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So there you have it, a brief and somewhat informative about me. </div>
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AGxx</div>
Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-10789883375355218502013-07-20T18:54:00.001-07:002013-07-20T18:54:37.510-07:00Sweet Dreams Are Made Of ThisAdvance warning, I'm going to be chatting about some not so family friendly stuff today. If a TMI post isn't your style...bail now. Oh, and thank you, I like the new layout too. I was sick of the trees.<br />
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So, have you ever had a dream that just left you a little...dazed? I had one of those last night. Well, this morning. Normally my dreams don't phase me. Being a witch, I put a lot of stock into the things I dream and I dream pretty frequently. I don't normally have a hard time remembering what I dream, and I am usually pretty good at telling you what my dreams mean. Anyone in my coven can tell you that, I'm pretty sure I've done dream interpretation for most of them at this point.<br />
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This morning...this morning was different. The more I think of it, the more I try to convince myself it was nothing more than a half-lucid product of my imagination...a combination of things that resulted in what I was dreaming about. I tell myself that chatting about a vampire novel last night, plus me chatting about a fantasy novel this morning before I fell asleep on the couch, plus me working on a clothing design project added to me getting kisses from my wife and idly thinking of a couple of my friends resulted in this very weird dream. I can almost tell myself that.<br />
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Except it was...more. You know that I am an intensely sexual person. I make no protest over it, I don't hide it. When I'm not being a huge glutton I am walking, talking, thinking and breathing sex. Its the truth. Not in an overt way but its never too far from my mind. And normally a sex dream is just that to me- an expression of my desires. I leave it at that. But when its in the incredibly odd context this one came in, and there was more than just my wife and those others were people I know and not, you know, Robert Downy Jr. or Michelle Rodriguez...it gives me pause. And I'm having a lot of trouble escaping this one.<br />
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The dream takes place in what I can only call an alternate reality because there were beings and things that happened that are not possible on this plain. And before you all start shouting that this was happening in the astral (witch friends I'm looking at you) I'd like to point out that I am relatively certain that at least two of the people in the dream were awake and not meditating so unless I'm really cool and able to call parts of them to the astral while they are out and about in their daily lives...not possible. Also one of the men in the dream was a guy I went to grade and high school with and I've seen him twice since I gradated and I am fairly certain he hasn't thought of me since the last time I saw him. I'd be shocked if he had. (Come to think of it, I saw one of his dad's real estate signs yesterday...maybe that's where he came from.)<br />
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<b>Anyway</b> these things that weren't...well, I'd say they were vampires but that's not really correct. I mean, they liked biting and all, but it wasn't a bloodletting thing. It was more a drawing on essence kind of thing, if that makes sense. I'm just calling them Biters. They were very, very beautiful. Very beautiful. It was certainly inhuman.<br />
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We're in this, well, rather like an old fashioned circus tent. The canopy is made of this lavish red material and there's goldenrod colored embroidery all over the walls. One side is open and I can look out over what looks like a field. There are very clearly other humans out there, doing strange things in water and on obstacle like courses and they're all very fit. I can recall as I watch in the dream that I've just been out there. Looking back in my mind, I can see that I am also very fit. My hair is longer than usual and its black- this is fairly common, I almost always see myself this way when I dream. I know in my mind that I've done well and I am pleased with how I've been performing. This has something to do with the Biters, but I couldn't tell you know if my motivation was to impress them or to gain their approval or what. But there I was.<br />
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At one point I get up and I cross the room to chat with the guy I went to high school with (whom I will now refer to as Mohave Martini) and I make both of us a drink while we talk. Its nothing of consequence that we talk about, I can recall that. He's being pleasant and I am cordial with him. I get the impression he is more concerned about what I think of him, which makes no sense in a realistic, real world context because he was always really well liked in school- popular, really- and I was a nobody. I know in my dream I make him a martini- vodka, in an iced highball glass, extra dry and so dirty its x-rated (hence his name. true story, this is actually how he liked his drinks, that I remember this even in my dreams having not seen him in about 4 years is frightening). When I leave to go back to Kitten and the Biters where I came from he kisses my palm and almost sort of bows, but its more with the neck and shoulders.<br />
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Before I get into much more of the dream I want to (1) give you another moment to bail, because its about to get more intense and (2) talk about palm kisses. Still here? Okay. So I love palm kisses. I think they're deliciously sensual and absolutely beautiful. If they show up in a dream its almost always a signal things are about to get hot. To me they're one of the best places to kiss. Generally, we're more sensitive in our hands (psychically speaking) than anywhere else. So for me, there's a greater potential for feeling the transfer of emotion. On top of that, its not a common place to kiss and its a gesture to me that signals not only passion and affection, but respect as well. Truly, if I offer to kiss your palm I admire you very much indeed, and not always sexually, but in a way that speaks of deep caring and fathomless emotion. I can think of maybe a handful of people I would kiss on the palm of my own volition. There's plenty who's fingertips or hands I would kiss, as a gesture of respect....but palms? I have to truly love you to do that.<br />
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At this point in the dream I've gotten myself a very lovely palm kiss. I'm aware enough of the dream to know what's happening, its almost like a dreamscape. I head back over to the area I came from which has several fainting couches, what most people now call "chaise lounges" I think. Tacky name. Anyway. There's several of them and a few low lying tables. When I arrive there is a male that I know and am very, very fond of (well call him Fine Sir) and he is standing by these couches clearly waiting for me. He pulls me into a hug and its one of those where you touch from the soles of your feet all the way to your shoulders. I draw his palm to my lips (and at this point in the dream I know beyond a doubt we're lost when it comes to adult content) and kiss it. He responds by kissing the hollow at my throat. These are done almost like a greeting, so I sit down after. I'm sitting with my back against Kitten's chest and we're reclining on one of the benches. Its not terribly innocent either, there's definitely some possessive petting and holding going on. Nothing territorial, but in that way that clearly marks you're around people you don't mind to see you making out.<br />
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Kitten, Fine Sir and myself are chatting with a beautiful Biter. Really beautiful. As we're chatting another person walks by and they've got beautifully tinted skin. I remark on it and Beautiful Biter tells me that its very common. Cue typical teasing about the fact that I am out of the loop. I ask how its done and I get a description from Beautiful Biter that indicates it is done by magick. As the biter is telling me, Kitten is stroking my arm and where she strokes a lovely pink and lavender snakeskin patter emerges. I am feeling no small amount of wonder at this. I hold my arm out to Fine Sir in delight and he joins us on the couch, He lifts me gently so that I am sort of in his lap but not- my body resting against Kitten and my legs sort of propped around his waist on one side so that he is very close. Its rather hard to describe. Kitten and Fine Sir are petting me and admiring this new pattern even as it begins to fade.<br />
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Beautiful Biter moves over to us, kneeling on the floor and explaining how the magic works, which is pretty well some sort of essence exchange with the biters, and it makes feelings more intense between you and the people you care about. Apparently I've done something that makes Beautiful Biter like me very much and he offers to let me experience the exchange, which gives me some measure of control over this magic. I look to Kitten, who seems not to mind because she nods and so I offer Beautiful Biter my hand. He bites me at the apex of my thumb and first finger, with my palm facing his mouth. The biting is intense, seriously intense and it hurts me for just a moment (honestly, this hand has been sore all day in that spot, its weird). As soon as the exchange starts happening....I honestly lose words on how it feels. What I can tell you is that Kitten gasped and her eyes were tearing up over the emotion she and I were sharing. Fine Sir, who apparently until this moment in the dream really didn't know how much I cared for him, looked down at me with wide eyes. His hands grip my hips and he asked me, "My dear, sweet girl, what have you done?" I look into Beautiful Biter's eyes as Fine Sir and Kitten wrap me up in this glorious cocoon of love and heat and I see him glowing brilliantly and I know I am too. The feeling I am experiencing is so close to ecstasy that I want to cry out.<br />
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And that, my friends, is when I wake up. And when I start puzzling about the dream, because really, what in the hell? Nothing super sexual but I swear to god when I woke up I felt like I had been teased to the point of crazy for hours. I mean, I had been sleeping for almost two hours, but seriously...I've been puzzling it out all day and I'll be damned if I can figure out what it means. What I do know is that it feels like it meant something, but it may have just been a very beautiful, very weird, intensely erotic dream about two people that I love very much with some seriously odd stuff thrown in because that's how my brain works.<br />
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I'm at a loss. Any of you witchy sorts, feel free to have a stab at it if you want. Or non-witches. Or you can just laugh at how silly I can be over a dream.<br />
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I'm back to telling myself its just a weird sex dream.<br />
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Yeah, that's it....<br />
AGxxAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-14055804986254329742013-07-19T20:23:00.003-07:002013-07-19T20:23:52.327-07:00These Stories Don't Mean Anything If You've Got No One To Tell Them ToMy love of books is something bordering on psychological disorder. Anyone who's seen my house can tell you that. Anyone who's ever looked at a picture of the inside of my home can tell you that. We have a joke in our home about how we used to have a dining room and then one day we woke up to discover that our table was in the kitchen, there was a library where the dining room had disappeared and the bookshelves were marching relentlessly towards the living room (which now has three bookshelves). If you do the math something like a full third of our wall space is covered by bookshelves. The number of books we have has a comma in it, and we acquire approximately 3-10 books a month. You might be able to accuse us of hoarding if it weren't for the fact that we actually read them. <br />
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I've also never made much of a secret of the fact that I'm a huge snob. Up until recent years I've sworn I'm a classics girl to the bone. I love Jane Austen on a rainy day. Some Dostoevsky or Tolstoy when I need an escape in the winter is perfect (given my obvious issues with spelling, would it horrify you to know I spelled Dostoevsky without the aid of spell check?). I recommend books like Gone with the Wind to my female friends. I insist that you can find entertainment in Tudor biographies. You can. Promise.<br />
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So up until now, well, recently, I was the kind of girl you could sit and have a cuppa with and I would be happy to discuss why certain British authors bore me (really, have you read Dickens?) or why I don't really care for most early American literature (trite) and how The Three Musketeers gets way too much credit for being Dumas' great work, when anyone with half a brain has read The Count of Monte Cristo and know better. I can even tell you which unabridged edition I prefer (the one with the introduction by Lorenzo Carcatera, he wrote Sleepers, by the way). What you couldn't do was ask me for a recommendation about a romance or fantasy series. I was useless there. Until about a year ago. When I quit my job and became a housewife. <br />
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I am always protesting that I actually do work pretty hard at the house, and I do. But the truth is, I've been trying to work on my writing as well. For some reason I can't recall, I decided I wanted to write a historical romance novel this year for NaNoWriMo. I think it was an inspiration that hit while we were at the Kansas City Renaissance Faire in October. I was sick of trying to write lesbian romances and literary fiction (not together, both are hard enough on their own) and so I thought I would branch out and try something new.<br />
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Unfortunately, I didn't have a lot of experience with the field. So I got on my favorite networking site for writers and I asked some of the ladies (it really is mostly ladies) in the forum who their favorite authors were for historicals. I discovered Candace Camp and Eloisa James and Connie Brockway and Alexandra Hawkins and Tessa Dare and would you believe I got so wrapped up in those books I found it hard to write? Its intimidating. The women I listed? They're all college graduates. There's an Ivy Leaguer in there. Let me tell you, they aren't lacking in plot or detail or execution. They write brilliant female characters who love themselves and their bodies (and food, bless them!) and know what they want. They write women who won't take crap from men. They write stories I want to read. Two years ago I would have died rather than admit I read romance, because I didn't know any better. Now I'll freely admit I have one whole bookshelf stacked two deep full of romance novels. I also have several that have taken over Dean Koontz's bookshelf. Its okay, he was getting lonely.<br />
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<a href="http://www.yesteryearbooks.eu/images/034878.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.yesteryearbooks.eu/images/034878.jpg" width="225" /></a>One day right before we left on our trip (the dreaded trip...in which I did, in fact, stop to buy more books- five of them- because I had read the four I had brought along halfway into the trip) I was talking to Felix about books and we got on the topic of fantasy novels. Again, I found myself out of my depth. I've read Imajica (Clive Barker) and I loved it. Of course I've read Tolkien and Paolini and the Harry Potter series. Otherwise, I'm pretty useless- that's more Kitten's bag and she leans more towards SciFi. But then I remembered while we were talking a book I had checked out of the library at school when I was in 5th grade or so and I remembered liking it. All I could remember was the cover was red and there was a princess in a diamond box on the throne. That's right kids...The Diamond Throne, by David Eddings; the first book of the Elenium trilogy. I'm sure you know how this turned out. I read through it on the trip and was salivating for book 2 by the time we got home. I've finished that series and I'm going to start the Belgariad, which is supposed to be just as good. I've also agreed to start reading Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series with <a href="http://www.swisslet.com/" target="_blank">Swisslet</a> and I'm truly excited about it because my buddies on Goodreads have all rated it as one of the best series they've ever read.<br />
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Speaking of Goodreads, I have no idea how I missed it before. Its like Facebook for literature nerds like me. I'm obsessed. You know what's funny? I look at the books on my shelves (on goodreads not in my house) and I almost feel bad there's not a wider genre representation on there. I've got tons of other stuff in my house. There's more to life than classics and non-fiction. And I'm learning. Slowly, but I'm learning.<br />
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Today is my literary liberation moment. I'm making my confessions boldly and proudly:<br />
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I love romance novels. Dashing rakes and silk ball gowns make me happy. I read fantasy and find it engaging and enriching. Yes, I did read Fifty Shades of Grey (it was just as awful as I thought it would be). No, I don't care if you judge me, I do own the Twilight series and I've read it enough times the spines on the books are cracked. Bite me, its a brilliant idea, however poorly edited or executed it might have been. I do read children's series and not just Potter. Johnathan Franzen is not god (even if I want him to be sometimes). There is nothing wrong with my tastes. I do not have to give up Austen just because I like Seth Graham Smyth's version of Pride and Prejudice. Urban Fantasy is actually a thing.<br />
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Well, that wasn't so hard, was it?<br />
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I don't care what you read, but read something y'all. Then tell me if its good. I'll read it too. After Swiss and I finish that series...(something like 17 books, you know that, right ST?)<br />
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AGxx<br />
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Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-71410606951566955052013-07-18T07:07:00.000-07:002013-07-18T07:07:13.125-07:00Its Been A Long Long TimeSo I have been a very bad blogger and not posted for something like two months. I know, I know. Someone I love very much brought it to my attention this week, inadvertently, that my blogging has dropped off, and I think to myself "I should get back to that, even though there's only like, four people reading this. Because, you know, there's four people out there who care about my life. And its healthy for me to express myself."<br /><br />I have two bits of good news and two bits of not so good news, so we'll cover the happy stuff first so you can bail if you want later.<br /><br />Good news part one? Kitten graduated. I mentioned this before, I think. She graduated with honors. Her party went well. Everyone was nice to each other (there was some concern about that) and she had a good time. She has a new job in her career field as of last week. It pays much better than her old job, the people are nice, and its not in residential cooling, which was what she was terrified she would end up doing. She did not want to be a lackey for all the window units in this corner of our state. She isn't, and that's awesome. They're going to train her into other fields. They're going to pay for extra education. They're paying 100% of her health insurance. She loves the work already. I'l so terribly proud of her.<br /><br />The other good news is that as of the day after I posted the blog previous to this one (That is, the 26 May) I have been smoke free. None, nada, zilch, no slip ups or stress smokes or I'm-trying-really-hard-so-I've-earned-ones, not even a its-giving-me-a-migraine one. NO. SMOKING. I'm pretty proud of myself. I was doing between half a pack and a whole pack a day depending, so quitting cold turkey was hard. I am pretty sure I wasn't fun to be around. It may or may not have contributed to the incident that has, in-part, kept me from blogging for the last month.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1-NylHCpyH2yR20lCkgOfKVkaDtFmcJhDQYj3kQ1YB439xik59jdkEknKIQbbYWKuzWFEMlkiTbxqaZ6ha3neBnBR2n-DKbVQknGDFTM-uopYHtBu19H99_2H-feBf7JgrsF46-P1CA/s1600/South+Carolina+2013+115.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1-NylHCpyH2yR20lCkgOfKVkaDtFmcJhDQYj3kQ1YB439xik59jdkEknKIQbbYWKuzWFEMlkiTbxqaZ6ha3neBnBR2n-DKbVQknGDFTM-uopYHtBu19H99_2H-feBf7JgrsF46-P1CA/s320/South+Carolina+2013+115.JPG" width="320" /></a>Which was this<br />
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The vacation.<br />
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That's right. It was horrible. I'm pretty sure the smiling happened only for the camera. Well, most of the time, anyway.<br />
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For the record, I'm giving you the edited for public consumption version of this tale, because I have some semblance of respect (not a lot, but a little) for my family.<br />
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I do think that me not smoking contributed to this awful. Kitten actually begged me three days in to smoke, telling me it would be okay and I could start over when we got back to town, but by then I was three days in and I was damn well not going to give up if I didn't have to. The lack of cigarette, for the first week or so anyway, would be enough to make most people be grumpy.<br /><br />The other part had a lot to do with KMom. Suffice to say our styles of travelling are different. That was a struggle for me. I'm a "lets have a plan and get directions and go do things like we planned" kind of girl. She's more of a "throw caution to the wind, work without a plan, get directions while on the street (even from bums!)" kind of girl. She's also very set in her ways, because she's lived alone for something like 12 years, she isn't used to compromising. In our household its almost all about compromising so I struggle when someone, anyone, is contrary about working as a team. Even in my coven everyone works as a team and we all make decisions based on consensus, which makes it easy for things to get done and everyone to feel like they're important. Not so with KMom. That was a problem for me. A big one.<br /><br />When it came to the camping aspect it got worse. Really bad, actually. Again, that has a lot to do with me believing that camping is an act of teamwork and KMom isn't really a team player. Not to mention, despite her protestations to the contrary, she's a sissy camper. She is WAY to concerned with comfort. And she didn't like to help carry things. Or work. At all. Which naturally pissed me off. Especially when she's insisting we repack the truck (again) because she doesn't like how things are arranged (even if we are unpacking it all again in three hours). Or when we were getting ready to leave and I'm sick with a headache so bad I'm stepping off the trail to throw up while I haul coolers and bags and she stops with holding only a pillow and complains to me about how long the trail to the car is and how hot and uncomfortable she feels. Or when she's telling me that I'm making dinner wrong (How, I ask? How?) or not to her tastes. She was cranky or combative whenever we went hiking or did anything strenuous, but insisted on coming along. If it rained she would hide out in her tent. And it rained. It did. Like, a tropical storm hit one of our campsites....that was a <i>real</i> treat.<br />
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Here's us camping, by the way- well, k\hiking a trail at our campsite. This was our first site, at Hunting Island State Park.<br />
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<br /><br />She also wouldn't stop making fun of my newly discovered phobia of raccoons. It was constant. And it pissed me off.<br />
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I know its petty, but seriously. I wasn't afraid of them before. I wasn't. Its just, you know, they were everywhere. And not afraid of anything. Like, there were bear boxes for yours stuff to keep them out. Oh, and I should mention <b><i>THEY WERE THE SIZE OF AN AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD</i></b>. And they broke into our tent. Twice. Once was at night and it tore through the closet on our tent. Not cool. Of course I was afraid. I think this is reasonable. Especially since I was fighting off nicotine cravings and getting next to no sleep between them and the headaches I was having from what turned out to be a tropical storm depression.<br /><br />
Imagine this:<br />
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The size of this:<br />
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Of course it made me nervous.<br />
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There were other things that upset me too, but really, I don't think anyone would like KMom if I talked about it. And honestly, I don't want you all hating her. She's a nice lady, most of the time. She's just set in her ways, and she's still a little skittish about her relationship with Kitten and that makes her a little possessive sometimes.<br />
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There were some good parts of the trip, really. Like, you know. The food. I wept over some of the food. I love soul food. I love fried chicken and home made mashed potatoes. I love locally sourced vegetables and fruit. I like veal so fresh that it was just days from gamboling about in some farmer's field. That's good food. The whole trip was like that too- locally sourced ingredients, fresh made honey, hand made desserts. When we were eating out I was not an unhappy person. I was very happy indeed. Even the delis (and god, we had so many sandwiches at lunch because KMom doesn't like heavy food in the afternoon) were really, really good. Fresh bread, hand-sliced meats, local sauces and pickles and such. Yep, the food was amazing.<br />
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We went to a zoo. That was fun. We took a ghost tour- actually, we took two. That was amazing. I played in the ocean with Oscelot. We collected seashells at low tide. I managed to impress my ladies with my ability to cook anything in cast-iron- my meals were like we never left home thankyouverymuch. I saw my first lighthouse up close (not impressive) and drove through the Great Smokey Mountains (really impressive). I managed to whittle a new walking staff for myself. Yes, I do whittle. We saw some amazing waterfalls. We hiked in the rain (so that was both fun and awful).<br />
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It wasn't all bad. Just most of it. I'm making the best of the memories now that we're here, because I want it to be something Kitten remembers fondly. Hell, a few years from now some of this may seem funny. Maybe.<br />
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The other thing that's really kept me off the blog is I've been coping with depression again. Almost from the moment we got home I've been struggling. Some of it, I know, has to do with inadequacy issues brought on by the things that happened on the trip that I don't want to talk about. Some of it, I think, is just old issues reasserting themselves now that they have the chance. I spent the first couple of weeks back sitting in Kitten's recliner alternately weeping and moping. <br />
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I;m better now, and I've got my issues sorted out. It was not, however, conducive to me being here and sharing things with you. I credit my speedy recovery to (1) my partners, who totally didn't judge me (2) my coven, who spent plenty of time patting me on the back and letting me be totally weak even though I'm supposed to be leading (3) plenty of B vitamins and an iron supplement and (4) one conversation with one very special person that I hadn't talked to in a while. Talking to him reminded me I've been through worse and I'm tougher than I was letting myself be. It was the linchpin in my recovery.<br />
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Now that I'm back and feeling normal again, I'm going to make an effort to actually be a good blogger and put things up more than once a month or so. Maybe I'll even go back to that old blog-every-day habit I had five or six years ago....<br />
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I love you all. I want you to know that.<br />
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Its good to be home.<br />
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AGxxAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-30443581089833670842013-05-25T08:43:00.001-07:002013-05-25T08:43:25.309-07:00I Love The Road, and I've Been Blessed, But I Love You BestI'm leaving for vacation in two days. I can't wait.<br />
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I must admit, though, there is no small amount of nervousness involved with going away as well. Part of it is leaving home for so long. I've never been away from home for three weeks before, not without me doing something work or school related. Naturally, I worry about my garden, and my cats, and in general the strange and stormy weather we have this time of year. Fortunately, Sakura, Felix and Spice will all be at the house, taking care of it and making sure all goes well. Of course, money is part of it too...you can't leave home for that long and not be working and not worry a little bit. We've got the money we need put away, of course, but I always think "what if there is some sort of emergency?" I'm trying to let tomorrow worry about tomorrow though.<br />
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I've never been camping with Kitten before, nor Oscelot. We'll be travelling with KMom and I've only been on a three day trip with her once before. I worry that we'll get on each other's nerves while we're away. Of course, we're driving, and there's the roads to think about. And all the rain they're supposed to get in South Carolina while we're there. I can live with rain, so long as its not too cold. I hate cold and wet. Warm and wet I can cope with- and by all accounts its supposed to be nice and hot while we're there.<br />
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Otherwise, I am truly excited. Its been such a very long time since I've had a camping trip. Not many of my previous partners were big on the outdoors, so this will be an exciting and pleasant change. I'm frankly surprised that Kitten and I haven't camped before. But this will make a great start.<br />
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Of course, it won't be camping all the time. We're going to Charleston first, and staying in a proper hotel. We'll be touring the city, visiting museums and I sincerely hope eating at a lot of fantastic restaurants. There's plenty, to be sure, I've looked them up. Charleston seems to be a foodie paradise, and I like soul food. It should be a good time. We'll visit Fort Sumter, of course, and see some of the other interesting civil war sites. I've got my hopes up we'll get a chance to meet EG Coyle, a fabulous photographer that KMom knows from past days. I really admire his work. I'd like Kitten to meet him and his wife- I've got a hankering to do one of his private sessions one day soon.<br />
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Once we leave Charleston we're heading off to the low country, and we'll be camping right by a lighthouse, which I think will be a great time. I picked a site right by the ocean, which should be lovely. I've never seen a tide pool, so I'm looking forward to exploring. You can swim in the ocean where we're staying, and that should be lovely too. Of course, you have to watch for jellyfish and coral snakes...so maybe not. But its nice to know the option is there. I do love the ocean.<br />
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I'm cooking for us while we're away and I'm planning on making the meals absolutely lovely. I like to eat real food when I camp. I couldn't make it on hot dogs and sandwiches the whole time. I'm making chicken parmesan that first night. We'll be having stews and stir frys and even turkey and dressing. No sir, we won't be hungry if I can help it. That should be nice. I love a good dinner, and by a fire makes it even better, I think. I imagine that I'll be spending a lot of evenings by the fire, playing cards and having a lovely time.<br />
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I picked up some books, too, to read on the way down. We have a hard time agreeing on a genre, so I picked up some childrens books, Caldacott and Newberry winners all, so that we could enjoy something light and happy while we drive. The shortness of the books will also be nice so that we can change if we need to, or get bored. Though I don't think that will be a problem. I've got some that they've never read and some that I have been longing to read again, so it should be very nice. Of course, if it gets too boring, I'll pack something more adult, but I'd rather we all be happy, and I think we can with the ones I've chosen.<br />
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I'm planning on taking a lot of pictures. Once we get off the coast we'll be headed to a state park outside the capitol city and we'll visit the capitol building and the zoo, certainly. I'm planning on getting Oscelot in a canoe for the first time. I know she'll enjoy it. There will be lots of walks and hiking. I think it will be fun. When we hit the northwest we'll be in waterfall country, and I won't be able to help myself with the pictures there. I bought an extra memory card, knowing I will want to takes hundreds upon hundreds of pictures.<br />
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I suppose I am more excited than nervous. I want this to be special for Kitten. Its for her, after all. (She just graduated from college! Aren't we all so proud.) I want her to enjoy herself and make tons of lovely memories for her to have always.<br />
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I'll see you on the other side. With lots of pictures of course.<br />
AGxxAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-18021957694146156312013-04-30T08:41:00.000-07:002013-04-30T08:41:40.162-07:00Ain't It Good To Know You've Got A Friend?Dear Friends on Facebook,<br />
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By now I am sure you're aware that we're friends. (If we aren't please go unfriend me. Seriously. I don't like strangers seeing my dash.) As your friend, I feel incumbent to remind you a few things. If you know me at all you know I have no problem planning an intervention. Consider this part intervention, part public service announcement and part gentle, loving talk from someone who cares about you. Minus the gentle- because let's face it, if you've met me you know that isn't really my style.<br />
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First, I want to establish that the reason you are on my Facebook at all is because at some point in my life I considered you a friend or part of my family. I care about you. I want to know what you are up to. I want to see pictures of your pets and kids and you feeding giraffes at the local zoo. I want to keep connected with you. I want to learn from you, swap recipes with you and tell you what I am up to. If you sent me a friend request, I assume you know me. If you accepted one from me, I assume you know me. If you aren't sure what I like and don't like, you can always read all that nonsense they make us fill out when we get a profile in the first place. I love you. I do. I wouldn't be friends with you if I didn't. But sometimes I think you might forget....well, I know it sounds selfish....I think you forget what I like.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to think of what I like every time you post. I don't. But if most of your friends are like me (if they have similar personalities) then its likely that you're not just pissing me off. So I want to share with you, if I can, some of the things that really get me going. They are the things that make me hide you from my timeline and contemplate whether or not I actually want to be friends with you in real life:<br />
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I won't tolerate blatant misogyny or misandry. Its just not acceptable. Yes, I am a lesbian. Yes, I don't want to sleep with men (okay, maybe Robert Downey Jr...but that's a special case) but that doesn't mean I don't know some absolutely wonderful, awesome, kick-ass guys who are excellent examples of what a man really is. It offends me to know end that you feel like its okay to bash men to me, or post those (ADMIT IT THEY ARE) obnoxious E-cards about how all men are stupid, lazy, smell bad and don't give a damn about the women in their lives. This is not true. If you need examples I can always point to<a href="http://www.swisslet.com/" target="_blank"> here</a> and <a href="http://mark-reed.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://thelifeandtimesofagaymer.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">here</a> to get you started, and then if those shining examples aren't enough you can call me and I'll be happy to introduce you to Flyguy and some of my other very awesome male friends. If you are a misogynist- this goes for you too ladies, I know some of you are out there- you can shove it, then go unfriend me. I have no idea how you ended up in my life if you think women are stupid, flighty or incapable. Also, you have never met me, clearly, or any of the women in my life. It still baffles me that in an age where people consider themselves to be modern and mature and open-minded that its still common for people to actively discriminate against women.<br />
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Arm-Chair Activism irritates the crap out of me. I cannot tell you how sick I am of people posting stupid pictures for me to "like" if I am against child abuse, domestic violence, if I hate cancer or want to protect my first, second or whatever amendment rights. I'll tell you something, I probably don't like it and I definitely won't share it. Because it's lazy. In fact, if you post those things frequently, I've probably hidden your pictures from my news feed. Because, of all the people I know who post those things only one (that's right, one) to my knowledge actually does something about it. He and I share very different political ideas and faiths. But I respect him because he actually does stuff that makes a difference before he takes the time to post the stuff about how he doesn't want gun control, or how everyone should respect armed service members. I don't mind that he and I disagree. Partly because even when we do, he can be a mature adult about it and agree to civil discussion and we don't have to come to terms when its over. In part because he did serve in the military, he is a responsible gun owner and honestly, he's a reasonable person. Also, because he exhorts people to actual action, not just sharing his posts on Facebook. If you're reading here, friend, thank you for doing it right. Also, if I had his blog or whatever, I'd throw him in with the links of decent men I know.<br />
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Anyway, the point is most of you post pictures about those causes as a way of patting yourself on the back and feeling like you've done some good. I hate to tell you this- you haven't. Not a bit. Here's why. I hate cancer too. I do. But if I don't share your post, and you have shared it, neither of us has done anything to work towards curing it. If you want to raise money for cancer research and whatever, you should probably get in contact with the <u><a href="http://www.cancer.org/" target="_blank">American Cancer Society</a> . </u> See how that works? I just gave you a link to a place where you can actually do something to prove that you hate cancer. Isn't that great? Now you can get a team together for the Relay for Life, or volunteer or work as a counselor or donate money or whatever. If you don't, can I say, maybe you don't hate cancer quite as much as you thought you did? I mean, I know you can't work with every charity...but if you hate cancer enough to repost about it- but you ignore <u><a href="http://www.diabetes.org/" target="_blank">diabetes</a></u> or <u><a href="http://www.nationalmssociety.org/" target="_blank">MS</a></u> or <u><a href="http://www.aidsprojectoftheozarks.org/" target="_blank">AIDS</a></u> then maybe, just maybe, you should get off your butt and do something about it. If you really, truly don't have time to volunteer but you've got forty seconds on Facebook, skip the picture and post an actual status update like this: "Hey- I know all of you know how much my grandmother having cancer effected me as a child. Well, this month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I'd love it if you would take the time to go to the American Cancer Society web page and see if there's anything you can do to help, or if you have the money, donate. This spring will be the Relay for Life. I haven't had a team before. Message me if you think you'd like to go, or form a team and raise money with me." Its just that easy. And way more personal than a stupid picture of a pink ribbon. You want to post a picture? Share one of you and your grandma. It will mean more to everyone. <br />
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Same goes with the political posts. First- if you didn't vote- <b><i>I don't want to hear it.</i></b> I don't. You don't get a say. Second, before you start posting more obnoxious pictures of our president or of guns or whatever- before you really, truly complain, please do me a solid and write to these fine folks (if you live in my state anyway)<br />
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<a href="http://www.mccaskill.senate.gov/" target="_blank">Senator Claire McCaskill</a><br />
<a href="http://www.blunt.senate.gov/public/" target="_blank">Senator Roy Blunt</a><br />
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Or, if you need help, we'll look up your congressional district and you can write to them, or email them or whatever. But I do, as both your friend and a citizen of this country, ask you to please go speak to your representatives about your concerns. Democracy doesn't work when we don't communicate. Also, you look like way less of an asshat if you start complaining about minimum wage going up if you've taken the time to do your homework, write your representatives and maybe volunteer time passing out flyers or heading to make calls for your party office.<br />
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As for those pictures you keep posting of children and women with bruises all over their faces and bodies or (worse) the ones with a man actually hitting the woman or the child, I want to be really clear about these. STOP. JUST. FUCKING. STOP. As a person who was a victim of domestic violence, I can tell you that you are being insensitive, rude and horrible by posting a picture like that. I'm sure that you never thought that posting a picture of graphic violence might serve as a trigger to me, reminding me of the horrible things that happened to me. It does. It did. You suck. Seriously. If you were a victim of abuse and you're stronger than me, kudos. But you should know, better than anyone, that that sort of thing sticks with you. If you want to stop abuse or help those who do, post links, or go volunteer. But can those photos. Also, you should know, men can be abused too, but we never see that. I think that's sad. (By the way, if you want to head over there now, I've linked to a site that has all the US states individual <u><a href="http://www.capsli.org/community/reporting-abuse/individual-state-hotlines" target="_blank">child abuse prevention hotlines</a></u>.)<br />
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Finally, my last really big complaint (because let's face it, I've covered E-cards in other posts) is about your religion. Now, I don't have a problem with you having one. In fact, if it makes you happy and gives you comfort, I'm super glad you have it. I don't care if its not mine. That's cool too. Here's what I have a problem with:<br />
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I have a problem with these. Not because I don't love Jesus and you do. That's fine. The problem is that <b>you look like a self-righteous prig</b>. I love you, but its true. Let me tell you why. If most of your friends are more like me, you're being an annoying ass by not respecting my religious choices. For example, most of my friends are either pagans, neopagans, agnostics or atheists. Me posting a bunch of stuff that says "Come to Jesus" would not be me ministering to them. Its me being a pain in the ass. They aren't interested in it, and I know it. Its plain rude. Not to mention if you actually want to convert them, you should probably do it in person. Now, say most of your friends are Christians. I hope they love Jesus. Maybe you can start a group on Facebook all about it. Get a Bible Study together. I don't care. But they should know you love Jesus. If they don't either you or they are doing it wrong. So, assuming that everyone knows you love Jesus, and you know you love Jesus, what's the point of these pictures? To me, they annoy your non-Christian friends, they shame your church going ones for not being as religious as you (wow, you're posting about God on Facebook- how daring!) and give yourself a good solid pat on the back about how many stars you're getting in your crown. I'll say it again <b>you look like a self-righteous prig</b>.<br />
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Now before you go getting all bent out of shape I want to point out two things. First, I have another friend on Facebook who is a very devout Christian. (actually, I find it ironic since when we were kids she didn't like church and I did and now I'm a lesbian witch and she's a church going soccer mom...its like fate in reverse. I digress) and sometimes she will post about her Bible study in the morning. She'll give the verse and how she feels it applies to her life. You know what? I like it. I like to see her god working in her life. It inspires me. It makes me happy that she finds comfort. And sometimes (its true!) those verses give me inspiration too. And that's okay. So you know, I single out Christians for a reason. No one else I know tries to convert me. None of my Jewish friends. None of my pagan ones (you heard it here- no one converted me. I came to being a witch all on my own!) None of my atheist ones try to tell me there is no god- though we can sometimes enjoy a lively debate about it without hurting anyone's feelings. None of my agnostic friends try to bring me round to them. I've never been approached by a Muslim looking to convert me (and yes, I do know some). Christians are the only ones I know who make such a huge ass fuss about gaining converts, putting their religion in your face and making a huge butt-hurt deal about you not wanting to go to church with them or listen to how Jesus can set you free or whatever. Friends, family, I love you. You're welcome to your religion. But I'm not lost, I'm not wandering. This isn't a phase. I've been practicing witchcraft for 15 years now. That's right, since I started high school. No one convinced me. I did it on my own. So I'm pretty sure, now, you see, that its the right path for me. And you trying to convince me otherwise is rather irritating. If you want to know more about my faith, I'll be happy to talk to you about it. But the minute you start telling me how I'm wrong, I'll walk away. Because I've been your religion, but you've never been mine. I made my choice, thanks so much, and I'd appreciate you not posting those "Like if you love Jesus share if you whatever, keep scrolling if you love the devil" because frankly, Satan is your creation, not mine, I don't believe in him or love him or worship him. Just because I'm not a Christian doesn't lump me into the the pack of devil-worshiping psychos your posts seem to imply we non-believers are.<br />
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Its not that I don't want you to post. I don't even want you to agree with me all the time. But there was a time when I would get upset because all anyone ever did was take pictures of their dinner or post pictures of their kids. I'd welcome that now. I realized recently, I follow you on Facebook because I care about your life. I want to know how your vacation went or when you're having a bad day. I'm interested when you go to a new restaurant. I like it when you tell me all about how you beat whatever new video game you bought three days ago.<br />
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I like you for you. I like your ideas and opinions. I like your smile and how think and speak. I want you to express yourself in your own words. If that's a clever quip- go for it. But let it be yours. I don't care what other people say. I'm not interested in their pictures. I want to see you, speak to you and hear your voice in your posts. Otherwise, there's no reason for me to want to be connected to you.<br />
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Let me be honest. Sometimes I don't mind your pictures and E-cards. Sometimes I don't mind your political posts. Sometimes I actually laugh at the things you post. But go look at your wall. Seriously, open a new browser. I'll wait. When was the last time you posted something that had to do with your actual life that had nothing to do with sharing or liking someone else's idea or picture? When was the last time you posted about what you were up to that didn't involve shameless self-promotion of your new book/album/artwork/gallery show? When did you actually share a little bit of who you are? If I suddenly disappear from your dash, maybe its not because I don't love you, or I don't think of you. Maybe its because its you only think of you, or you never think of me, or (sadly) I want to preserve what relationship we have and I won't be able to respect you if I watch you consistently do the things I've mentioned above.<br />
<br />
I love you. I hope I see you soon.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
MeAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-69446064775031768772013-04-07T17:25:00.000-07:002013-04-07T17:25:50.476-07:00Make A Wish For Better Days, The End Of Hard TimesWhen I sat down to dinner tonight I actually took a moment to look around my kitchen, which has a lot of open air shelves around it, and take stock of all the food we have hanging around our house. When I added it up in my head, along with all of the other food we have in the cabinets that do have doors I did a quick estimation and discovered that if I still had running water I could feed our family for almost three months on what I have in our cabinets right at this moment. Then I recalled how when Kitten asked me what I wanted for dinner I thought to myself, "do we even have anything in the house to eat?" and I felt a terrible sense of shame wash over me.<br />
<br />
I don't make much a secret of the fact that when I was young and still living in my parents home, we didn't have a whole lot. For whatever reason (and I honestly don't know what it is) we never seemed to have enough to make ends meet. We were certainly lower middle class at best. I remember clothes, until I was in high school, came from my great aunt, my grandmother and at Christmas and Easter. When I was older and I had a job, I bought from thrift stores. We received Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter baskets from churches and charities and I remember them as being a big part of the excitement of the holidays for me, outside of our family gatherings. I don't know exactly to what extent my extended family helped to support us. I have a heavy suspicion that most of my activity fees were paid for by my grandparents.<br />
<br />
Whatever the reason, whatever the circumstance, we didn't have a lot. Now, I think about how much I do have and how often I truly take it for granted. I know I do. I mean, I thank Kitten frequently for the hard work she does, and Oscelot too, to make sure that we have food and shelter. We have a decent vehicle. We are all well clothed and well cared for. We get to take trips to fun places on occasion, when we save for it, and they are always special times for us. But on a day to day basis I think sometimes I forget how well off I really am.<br />
<br />
Its easy, I suppose. We don't live on an upscale side of town. Our house is probably (okay, is) a little cramped. Its not new, in fact, its about a hundred years old. Our truck isn't fancy, its got a lot of mileage on it. We don't eat out all the time. Whenever its time to get new clothes, we still hit the thrift stores first. Of course, we like the thrift stores...it might be ingrained in all of us by now. Whenever our computer broke down earlier this year and we had to buy a new one, Kitten was genuinely distressed and when the coffee pot (a nice one, one of our few true indulgences) followed shortly after, I remember how upset Kitten was that we were going to drop another 100 bucks for a pot that would probably only last another five years or so.<br />
<br />
Still, we don't live paycheck to paycheck. We have a savings account. A couple of them, actually, and we are planning to have more set by in the future. We never want for food. We always have clothes. Our bills are paid on time and we never have to worry about having a roof over our heads or utilities or any other the other things that plagued me when I was younger. In fact, beautiful blessing that it is, for the first time since I was 15 I am voluntarily unemployed and we are still doing okay. We cut back here and there, but we still make it fine.<br />
<br />
I say this because I notice lately (and this was brought to my attention by a dear friend of mine) that an alarming amount of the people I know seem really unaware of how lucky they truly are. They are almost always complaining about money and it seems to me that they don't know how good they have it. It frustrates me. I'm not saying I could step into their circumstances and do any better...but I think sometimes they could do better for themselves. I grow tired of people I know complaining they don't have enough money to pay bills when they've just bought a house, or a brand new car (when they could have gotten two decent used ones for the price). I get angry when I have friends bemoaning the fact they can't go do such and such or join in a big vacation because they just spent a ton of money on some other frivolous thing and now they have to buckle down and take care of necessity. To me, you take care of the needs first, and the wants second.<br />
<br />
The sheer extravagance of some people I know blows my mind. They complain when they don't get to eat name brands from the store, or when they have to order less than they might want when they go out to dinner because filet mignon is getting pricey. People who eat out every day for lunch and complain when they have to cut back on other things. I think to myself, "pack a lunch."<br />
<br />
I know it sounds judgmental But you're talking to a person who grew up thinking desert (which we have about once a week in my home now, because we're spoiled) was for holidays, birthdays and special occasions. When I was a child The Olive Garden was a seriously fancy place to eat- you dressed up. I learned, both from my mom and my grandparents, how to feed a family a decent meal for next to nothing. Take Lunchables- those decadent schoolday lunch treats- for what one of those costs, to this day I can feed my family a good dinner. And a healthy one. Dinner at McDonalds? I can feed my family for that too. In fact, most coven nights, my goal is to feed my entire coven and well for about $2 a person. Most the time, I come in well under the count. So to me, when someone I know is complaining they don't have any money for food, I think "let me show you how much you can really get for that twenty bucks."<br />
<br />
I'm not saying I don't have friends who are in real need. I do. I admire them all the time, because they are making the best of their circumstances and working hard to better their lives. They (as a general rule) don't complain and don't fuss. They do the best with what they have and they never ask for help. But a lot of the time, I think of all the days I spent as a child and in my first year on my own. I think of how I could make $5 turn into dinner for a week (no matter how boring it might get!) and how I knew the feeling, all that time ago, of being hungry, or of worrying there wouldn't be a roof over my head. I remember not having a roof over my head and wondering how the hell I was going to make it better for me. I remember wearing clothes that didn't fit or that were threadbare. I remember making do when there was nothing to be done about it. I think of all the times I passed up things I wanted because I knew I was choosing between that fun thing and helping my family put food on the table. And I think to myself that maybe some of the people I know would have benefited from that experience. The knowing what it is like to really, truly want. To be without.<br />
<br />
I would never wish it on anyone I know, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I want to scream when I have a friend who says "Oh yeah, Twinkies were a real treat in my house too. We weren't all that well off growing up either. We were poor too," as we drive away from the quarter million dollar home they grew up in. I hate when someone I know complains about how old their car is when it was manufactured within the last five years. The truck we drive was made when I was a sophomore in high school. The car we have (currently waiting for permanently warm weather so we can fix an oil leak) was made the year I was born. People who tell me they never went anywhere fun, but then tell me all about their childhood trips to New York and Hawaii and Europe, irritate the hell out of me.<br />
<br />
Maybe I need to work more on my sense of compassion. Maybe if I grew up with more I would feel deprived too. But I don't. I can't. There's some part of me, always, thinking of the thrill I felt when I got my very own brand new Barbie doll from a Christmas basket and I didn't even have time to be upset about the fact she was a brunette and not a blonde because I was already plotting in my head how I could get scrap fabric from my grandma to make her a nice new dress. There's some part of me that remembers the terror of high school when the groups I was involved in (paid for, by the way, by my nearly full time after school job) would adopt a family from a charity around town and I was just praying to God it wasn't mine, because I knew I wouldn't want to face the pity and scorn of my classmates. There's a part of me that remembers that I would save my lunch money or my clothes money when they did this, and I would go without because I wanted to contribute too, and there was something inside me that had to believe that there was someone out there I could help- even if it wasn't myself. It is this person, the one who knew hungry and homeless and hopeless, that the people I knew wakes up inside me. There is a part of her that screams aloud when I hear them speak, and I listen to her as she tells me all she could be doing with the money they are wasting, to keep her family fed and sheltered.<br />
<br />
Hearing her, remembering my own shame and fear, makes me angry. It makes me angry with them. And it makes me angry with myself, because I experience every day a life I didn't have when I was growing up. I wake up, every day, knowing I will be able to eat. That I will be warm. That I will be safe and comfortable. I wake up to love and hope and a future that, while was not what I dreamed of then, is far more than I could ever have hoped for or deserved, had I known what to ask for in my ignorance.<br />
<br />
Tonight I am aware of my own hope that I never allow myself to fall into that complacency again. To forget those things is a step to losing what I have- not just the physical, but the emotional fortitude and strength that it took to bring me to this place where I can look back and say, Thank God, I will never feel that way again.<br />
<br />
AGxxAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-75473451283067663132013-03-28T08:51:00.000-07:002013-03-28T08:51:13.172-07:00How many roads must a man walk down?I know I've been really quiet on here recently. I promise that's not been intentional. I've had a spate of what you might call ill luck recently. I finished up at alphabet soup office but not before catching that nasty thing that was going around the office. I didn't get it as bad as some of the others, but I spent a good long while fighting it. On top of that I've managed a cold, the flu and food poisoning (bad chicken- ick!). Afterwards, my modem crashed and I had to wait a week while my ISP sent me a new one. Good times. And that's on top of work, plus having three novels I'm beta reading, and trying to edit my own and write a new one.<br />
<br />
So I've been busy.<br />
<br />
Things are coming along though. I've started a new novel. I think I'm going to enjoy writing it. I've also gotten back in touch with my betas and I feel a lot better about my work now that I'm trying to catch up.<br />
<br />
The coven is nice and active, and I've been having a good time planning lessons and watching everyone make progress. We have a new member who is working to become a magician, not a witch, and she has done a lot to spur the group to greater heights. If I can say anything, its that everyone in our group is subtly competitive and having a new face who's a classic type A overachiever has pushed them.<br />
<br />
I'm glad my job at ABC is done, because frankly, even though the work wasn't challenging I spent a lot of time feeling like my brains were leaking out my ears by the end of the day. Some of it was the monotony. Some of it was my inability to do anything without having to stop and ask someone if I could do it, or what I could or couldn't keep. There was a general air of procrastination in that office that made me a little bit nuts. Not to mention, because I don't have a MA or a BA it felt a lot of the time like everyone assumed I wasn't as intelligent as they were. Now, you and I know that isn't true, but its difficult not to get a complex when you spend day after day with people who assume that you are only good for blue collar work. Not that there's anything wrong with blue collar work, but in a white collar office...yeah. I did meet some really nice people, though, and hopefully I will get to keep in touch with them. I'll also miss seeing Kmom every day.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, I get to spend all of next week with her and a good part of the next two after that as well. We're remodeling her kitchen and I think it will be an interesting project for sure. It will be a nice change of pace, though I'm already considering what it will do to my schedule. I was laughing yesterday because my mom was saying how nice it must be to be unemployed and have nothing to do again. I told her that I just had three full time jobs now, not four. Because I consider my housewifey-ness a job, the coven is definitely a job and I've got editing work to do on top of trying to write a novel and get the other one ready for publication. Oh, and the thing with Kmom. So I know I'll have my plate full for the next couple of months.<br />
<br />
As soon as I finish that up Kitten will be graduating. I am so proud I can't even think. I know we're trying to plan a little party, and even my great aunt is coming down from KC to come watch her walk. I don't think she knows how important it is to my family that she's graduating. We're all so proud of her. And as soon as that's all over I'll be taking off for two weeks to the wilds of South Carolina.<br />
<br />
Yeah, I'm barely getting time to grab my breath.<br />
<br />
So what have all of you been up to?<br />
AGxxAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-44862548420501315592013-02-20T17:22:00.001-08:002013-02-20T17:22:41.188-08:00Dodging Bullets While You're Trying To Find Your Way Okay. I was hoping to avoid this. I really was. I've mentioned several times how sick and tired I am of this nonsense, but I was pushed over the edge tonight. I'm doing this once. I'm jumping into the gun control debate/war/bullshit nonsense.<br />
<br />
Okay. I'm taking three minutes to step away from the blog, not be angry and I'll be back. You'll be here, right?<br />
<br />
Okay. Now that I am calm I will proceed with much less ranting than would have gone on had I not taken a moment.<br />
<br />
I want to start by saying that I am well and truly sick of the whole gun control issue. Seriously. I am tired of Facebook and Twitter posts on it, I'm sick of my morning news being inundated with updates about the whole issue and what the government plans to do about it. I'm just tired of it all. That said, though, there was a post on Facebook tonight by one of my acquaintances that set me off. I want to discuss it now so that I can get all of this off my chest and get the angry out of my brain because it will irritate me all night if I do not.<br />
<br />
First things first, I want to be clear. I am not anti-gun. We have a gun in our house. Everyone in our home knows how to operate it. I even recently went to the gun range with Dad and shot a few rounds. It was relaxing and an interesting form of recreation. Now that we have that out of the way, let's proceed.<br />
<br />
I think there should be gun laws, and that they should be enforced. Here's a list of things I think are a good idea:<br />
<br />
If you want to purchase a gun you should have to pass a criminal background check. I don't think people with a criminal background, especially a violent one, should be able to own a gun. I'm not talking parking tickets or whatever, either. I'm talking about drugs, robbery, assault- that sort of thing. These people have already proved that they are a danger to society and should not be allowed to further endanger it by having possession of a firearm.<br />
<br />
I also believe you should have to take some sort of basic mental health test before you get one. No, no one is completely adjusted. But I do think that we could do more to keep guns out of the hands of maniacs by doing this.<br />
<br />
I believe that all guns should be sold by licensed dealers who would be held responsible for the sale of weapons to unsuitable people, people who by law should not be in possession of those weapons. I also believe that every gun should be registered. This means that the serial number on each gun should be kept in a register by the government and when that gun is sold by its owner it should be re-registered in the name of its new owner. If a private gun owner should want to sell their firearm, they should be held to the same regulations as a dealer would be held to. This enhances accountability of all parties involved. Once a gun is registered, the owner should have to produce some form of annual or biannual verification that they are still in possession of that gun. If they are not, they should be able to provide details as to where that gun has gone.<br />
<br />
All people who own a gun should have to take classes in firearm safety and use. This is already a requirement for conceal and carry in many states. I do not think it unreasonable that it should be a requirement for all gun owners. If you're going to have a deadly weapon in your home, you should know how to operate it. I think that's reasonable.<br />
<br />
I don't think private citizens need to own automatic weapons. Period. I have never heard one good reason they need to posses them. Not one. And no, I don't count "The Constitution says I can, and I like shooting them" as a good reason.<br />
<br />
I am not saying that there should be no guns. I think a person has a right to protect their personal autonomy and that of their family. I think they are useful in the context of recreation and hunting. I think that using them for that purpose is fine. I do. There's nothing wrong with that. But I also think there is nothing unreasonable about wanting there to be limits to ownership as a matter of personal and public safety.<br />
<br />
I've heard a lot of people spout statistics about gun violence versus other violence. I don't really hold with it. There have been relatively few (and none in recent memory) mass killings with weapons like knives. I'm not saying it can't be done, only that it is much harder to do. In my state, and in many of the states around me, there are already in place many restrictions on the sale of knives as well. Certain kinds are prohibited and there are rules about the ones that are sold by licensed dealers. There is no fuss over that. As an outdoorsman, I use knives and prefer them as a form of personal protection. But I do not argue that some are more dangerous than others and should be restricted. <br />
<br />
No one seems to argue that access to explosives that can create bombs and deadly gasses should be restricted. Everyone seems to think this is reasonable. No one cries out second amendment rights over these restrictions, even though those things are also used as forms of "arms" for out "militia" - the US military. That is because it is recognized that for the common good it is much better to have restrictions to protect the citizenry of this country. I see gun control as just that, an effort to make sure that the use of these weapons is controlled.<br />
<br />
I have never, not once -despite the hysteria of my more conservative friends- heard any elected official <b><i>ever</i></b> suggest that all guns should be made illegal. I have never heard them suggest that no person should be able to own them. I have only heard that there should be reasonable restrictions to the sale and purchase of those guns. I don't think that is unreasonable. If you are, as most of my friends claim, a responsible gun owner than you have already registered your firearm, taken classes, know how to use is and purchased them in a legal manner. A person such as that should have no problem with these suggestions because they are already operating within the bounds of the law. Unless, of course, they own an automatic weapon. And to all of those people I reiterate- Why? What in the name of heaven do you need one for. Give me a reasonable answer and I might change my mind. But to date, I've never heard one.<br />
<br />
Now, for the thing that truly set me off tonight and made me want to talk about this. This picture:<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEishT5VfYCAKvNmg1vlSd7PCCoQbLGG0Dix21xGwZPflArYVmWWUhAhbo5hkLgAG1awoMOZKqfUnDkKjzuWoRGlEk5qrDe7AIegHXFoZ-kB31AjmOHWB547FHk5S3Wx7_zHvGQMb6ukhQ/s1600/bullshtgunphoto.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEishT5VfYCAKvNmg1vlSd7PCCoQbLGG0Dix21xGwZPflArYVmWWUhAhbo5hkLgAG1awoMOZKqfUnDkKjzuWoRGlEk5qrDe7AIegHXFoZ-kB31AjmOHWB547FHk5S3Wx7_zHvGQMb6ukhQ/s200/bullshtgunphoto.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
As both a liberal and a rape victim I cannot tell you how much this offends and upsets me.<br />
<br />
First, because not all rapes are preventable by the use of a gun. In fact, most rapes (statistically 80-85%) are done by someone you know, in a setting familiar to you. Sure, if you're in a dark alley you might be willing to pull out a gun and shoot that person. Unfortunately, most of us will not carry (even if we have a conceal carry permit) a gun on a date, a trip with our family to a church event or in our own homes or the homes of our friends. This is simply an impracticable solution.<br />
<br />
Second, this is an advocating violence to repress violence. I don't agree with that. Now, I am not saying if you are attacked you shouldn't fight back. You should. In fact, I encourage every woman I know to take a rape prevention and self defense course. If you are a male and there is a local organization who will allow you to attend, by all means do so (a lot will not, since it makes women feel vulnerable, though it is certainly true that men can be attacked as well, and that shouldn't be forgotten.). But pulling out a gun and shooting creates a whole new ballgame when it comes to violence. Yes, I agree that preservation of personal autonomy is important, and sometimes deadly force is necessary, but I also think that it is important to remember that once a gun is put into the picture of any scenario the likelihood of someone being gravely injured or killed is substantially raised. Do I think sex offenders should be punished? Absolutely. To the fullest extent of the law. But I also think it is important to be mindful of the consequences of your actions, self-defense or no.<br />
<br />
Most of you who have known me for some time know that I was attacked by my pastor's son (whom I was dating) and several of his friends. Had I pulled out a gun and shot them, I cannot even begin to imagine the fallout from that decision. Would it have stopped the attack? Maybe. But several of those men were also gun owners, and they could have hurt me as well. Would I have stopped it if I could? You know I would have. But the use of a gun would not have aided me in any substantial way in that situation, and I am aware of it. There had not been, in the whole of my life, a single situation where I was involved in some sort of personal violence where I would have been okay with pulling a gun and shooting that person. Those of you who know me well will know how that speaks volumes to the amount of personal control I have now, considering the horror I have of those events and the resulting personal damage that it caused me.<br />
<br />
Finally, and I cannot say this enough, this picture is a vile and horrible way of scaring people into the acceptance of guns. I do not advocate or own a gun because I was raped. I do not advocate the use of rape as a means of convincing anyone that your political agenda is acceptable. Only a person who has been raped or who has a loved one who has lived through that terrible ordeal can understand the magnitude of the experience, or the horror that this sort of threat presents. I do not like being told that if I do not allow unrestricted access to guns for all that I or someone I care about will have that happen to them. I do not like rape as a threat. It is unconscionable in my opinion. To further that threat with pictures of rape violence is not only terrifying, it is crass and insensitive. As a liberal, it offends me to no end that any conservative would believe or put about the idea that I would rather have a person violently violated then allow them to protect themselves. As a victim of rape, as an intelligent person and as a woman it disgusts me that anyone would use a tactic like this to frighten and pressure me into agreeing with their political agenda.<br />
<br />
I have no problem with the gun control debate, so long as it is intelligent and civil. I think there are reasonable solutions that everyone can agree on. But I do not agree and will never condone the use of that sort of tactic to encourage people to make a certain decision. I am thoroughly tired of listening to the hysteria and accusations of both sides and a am irritated to no end that I am forced to look at images like that one any time someone wants to shock or cause debate, or whatever.<br />
<br />
I think that, in all things, being reasonable and intelligent can solve this issue.<br />
<br />
Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I can go about my business and avoid a personal explosion on Facebook with regards to this particular political issue. I'm always willing, of course, to discuss the issue, though I would encourage everyone (always) to be reasonable, rational and avoid the name calling and pettiness that always seems to accompany this sort of hot-button political issue.<br />
<br />
Peace and Love, Y'all<br />
AGxxAlecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8812446686334702389.post-44352819763748176562013-02-20T12:33:00.002-08:002013-02-20T12:33:48.036-08:00You Make Me Feel Like A Candied Apple <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
So you can thank one of my friends for posting another sex survey, because you know I had to fill it out. It was a good time. I don't think I've answered most of these before, so new stuff. That's always fun, right?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
1: Kitchen
counter, couch, or on top of the dryer?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Couch. I
know this sounds totally boring, but honestly, it’s just more comfortable. I’m
all about comfort. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
2: Your last
sexual encounter: Good or bad, and why?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Great.
Because Kitten always is. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
3: A
fictional person that you think would be good in bed:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Good grief,
I’ve been reading so many romance novels lately that it seems like every
fictional character would be. From classic literature thought? I’m certain
Rhett Butler knew what he was doing. He said as much, didn’t he? As for women,
I’m pretty sure I’d have a nice time with Elizabeth Bennett. She seems playful.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
4: Something
that never fails to make you horny:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Making out<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
5: Where is
one place you would never have sex:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In a
graveyard. It is just so disrespectful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
6: The most
awkward moment during a sexual experience was when:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Oh, good
lord, I have a thousand of these. I think the winner would be when one of my
former girlfriends stuck her gum on her palm during sex without me knowing
about it. It got, uh, tangled up. I ended up having to use a razor to get it
all out. Not a great day. Certainly made me feel awkward after. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
7: Weirdest
thing that ever made you horny:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don’t
know. I’ve had some weird things get me going. Usually it’s a song that isn’t
meant to be sexy at all. Once or twice a cartoon has done it. Seems weird to
me, anyway. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
8: What is
the best way to sexually bind someone:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I assume
this means tie them up? I’ve always been partial to soft fabrics. I think it’s
more comfortable. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
9: What is
the fastest way to make you horny:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Innuendo<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
10: Top or
bottom?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes, please.
I don’t really have a preference. It depends on my mood. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
11: We were
about to have sex but then ________<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My
grandmother showed up at my house unannounced. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
12: Is one
orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
One is fine.
More is fun. I don’t even care if I don’t have one. As long as I have a good
time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
13:
Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Truly, I don’t
have much that I would be ashamed to have someone find, although I put all of
my “personal” stuff in a specific drawer…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
14: Weirdest
nickname a significant other has ever called you:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’ve never
had any truly weird ones. I know that’s a boring answer, but it’s true. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
15: Two
things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Like: taste,
how messy it can be<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Dislike:
much harder…I guess that you have to stop at some point?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
16: Weirdest
sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I had a
partner once who wanted to use the ice cream stuff Magic Shell on me. It was
weird. Also, it didn’t work because I’m not, you know, ice cream temperature. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
17: Have you
ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes. It was
fine. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
18: Is it
ever okay to not use a condom:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Oh, this is
a touchy subject for me. I’ll substitute the word protection for a condom and
say, no not really, if you’re in a casual relationship. If you are in an
intimate relationship, you and your partner have been tested and have discussed
it and are completely exclusive and you trust them, then I think you can talk
about not using protection. That’s my situation. But you have to know your
partner is honest. You also have to be prepared for the consequences of not
using it (for heterosexuals, pregnancy) if you do make that decision. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
19: Who was
the sexiest teacher you ever had?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don’t
think I’ve ever had a teacher I thought was sexy. I had one once in college who
was a former marine and tattooed everywhere and he had a badass personality,
and that is (in theory) pretty sexy. But it wasn’t something that made him
attractive to me, if that makes sense. I can find someone sexy and not be
attracted to them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
20: A food
that you would like to use during a sexual experience:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
NO. I don’t
like food in bed. Ever. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
21: How big
is too big:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
When it
hurts all the time or they don’t know how to use it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
22: One
sexual thing you would never do:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Watersports.
Ew. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
23: Biggest
turn on:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don’t
think there’s one set thing. I suppose being sexy?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
24: Three
spots that drive you insane:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My back, my
wrist, the inside of my lower lip. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
25: Worst
possible time to get horny:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
When I’m in
a bad mood or feeling self-conscious. It always ends badly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
26: Do you
like it when your sexual partner moans?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
If it is
real, sure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
27: Worst
sexual idea you ever had:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I won’t say
their name here. *evil grin*<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
28: How much
fapping is too much fapping:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
When you
hurt yourself?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
29: Best
sexual complement you ever got:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
This seems
like a good place to brag and mention all those times you hear “you’re the best
I’ve ever had” but that’s silly. Not to mention, you can never tell if someone
is just stroking your ego. I love it when my partner tells me I make them feel
loved, or special. That means I’m doing it right. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
30: Bald,
landing strip, Jumanji:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I prefer
tasteful grooming, but I would rather my partner be comfortable with themselves
than it be to my taste. Self-confidence is always sexy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
31: Is it
good sex if you don’t nut:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yeah, it can
be<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
32: Fill in
the blank: “If they ____________, we are fucking.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Give us a
few hours alone and it’s a good day<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
33: What
your favorite part of your body?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My hair. But
that has nothing to do with sex. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
34: Favorite
foreplay activities:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
All of them,
especially kissing<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
35: Love
(&gt;,&lt;, or =) Sex?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’m not
certain about these abbreviations (I won’t lie) but I will say that love does
not equal sex or vise versa, although they can go hand in hand and are usually
better that way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
36: What do
you wear to bed?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Nothing<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
37: When was
the first time you masturbated:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don’t
remember. Whenever it was, it obviously wasn’t a big deal to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
38: Do you
have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes, yes and
yes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
39: Have you
ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes, but it
has been a good long while. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
40:
Have/would you ever have sex in public?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I have and
no, that’s not normally my thing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
41:
Have/would you ever had a threesome?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes and Yes.
I’m in a triad. That’s part of the deal, right?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
42: What is
one random object you’ve used to masturbate?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’ve never
chosen anything random. How vanilla am I now…?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
43:
Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I have
before. I’d like to not do it again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
44:
Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No and
probably not. Like I said, I’m all about comfort. And I don’t care for planes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
45: What is
one song you’d like to have sex to?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Um, I think
I’ve had it to most of the ones I’ve wanted to. I like Goldfrapp…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
46: What is
something nonsexual that makes you horny?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Massages<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
47: Most
attractive celebrity?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Male? I’m
really into Robert Downey Jr. Female? Michelle Rodriguez is hot. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
48: Do you
watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes. And I
watch straight porn. But I like the real thing better. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
49: If a
child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that
child be right now?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Two weeks
old<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
50: Has
anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
51: What is
one thing that NEVER makes you horny?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Um, I hate
overt come ons. They’re lame. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
52: Do you
have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem
with them?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I have
slight ones on my legs from when I was a dancer. They make me feel a bit shy
but no one I know of has cared. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
53: Do you
like giving head? (why/why not)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No. I’m a
lesbian. But I do like going down on ladies. A bunch. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
54: How do
you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I guess it
depends on the tattoo, but I don’t really care. If I am interested in them, the
ink won’t make a difference. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
55: How
would you feel about taking someone’s virginity?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I have. I
suppose it is a special moment for them, and you should try to be good to them,
but I don’t think it’s the end all be all of sex. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
56: Is there
any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I hate food
in the bedroom. But I would especially discourage chocolate, meats (especially
pork) mint (the burn) and of course, gum.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
57: Is there
anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to
see?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
58: Do you
own any sex toys? (what is it? how long have you had it?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes. I own a
ton of them. I have bondage toys and implements and stuff. Most of them are
relatively new, because they need to be in good condition if you don’t want to
make yourself sick.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
59: Would
you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sure<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
60: Would
you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes.
Probably. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
61: Would
you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’d rather
not work in the sex trade honestly. But if I had to choose, probably
prostitute. There’s no permanent record of that, is there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
62: Do you
watch porn?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
63: How
small is too small?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Size doesn’t
matter if you know how to please your partner. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
64: Have you
ever been called a freak? Why?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes. It has
happened various times, for various things. None of them, in my opinion, we’re
terribly freaky things, either. I’ve had a few seriously vanilla partners.
Like, anything not missionary position was wild. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
65: Who gave
you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Kitten. It
always does. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
66: Would
you switch phones with your significant other for a day?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sure. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
67: Do you
feel comfortable going “commando”?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Depends on
what I’m wearing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
68: Would
you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic
hair?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
69: If you
could give yourself head, would you?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Well, I’m
not a boy, so I don’t know. I mean, that’s a different form of masturbation, so
I wouldn’t think it would be all that special. It seems like that would be
extremely uncomfortable. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
70: Booty or
Boobs?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sure? I don’t
care one way or another. I truly don’t, although I suppose I look at the
backside more than the front. Neither one are my particular fetish. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
71: If you
had a penis, what would you name it?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Captain
Kitty. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
72: Have you
ever been on an official date?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Well, there
weren’t referees or anything…yes, of course I have. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
73: Have you
ever cheated on someone? (Why?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes. Because
I was unhappy. Because I wanted to. Because I wanted more. And no, I don’t feel
guilty about it either. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
74: If you
were a stripper, what would your name be?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Alecya G<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
75: Have you
ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
*redacted*<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
76: How
would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Oh dear
lord. No thank you. But if they did? I suppose I would make sure they washed
and changed the sheets. It’s a little late by that time, right? Then again, my
parents are divorced. I might die of shock. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
77: What was
your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Huh.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
78: If you
had a penis for a day, what are five things you would do?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Buy condoms.
Have sex. Wear guy jeans. Wear Boxers, briefs and a man-thong, so I could have
an opinion on the issue. <o:p></o:p></div>
Alecya Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03680200802683417322noreply@blogger.com0