Sunday, June 24, 2012

I'm Wide Awake

I've had a wild week since Wednesday.

Work has been pretty intense. We've been much busier this week than we have been in the last few weeks, and it has kept me running, literally. This week we also started our new uniforms. I like them quite a bit. they look really sharp on everyone. We switched from our black pants and cotton colored polos to all black uniforms- long sleeve black button downs, black bistro aprons, and black pants. It looks good, although it is much hotter. I purchased a poplin shirt because it is a much lighter weight material than cotton. I don't know how the kids wearing cotton are making it. I've been sweating like crazy. When I woke up yesterday morning I was driving the girls to work and I smelled something terrible. It was like gym socks and dead was me! I think its time for me to upgrade my deodorant.I will say this- Spice made my day yesterday. I supervised, and now we are allowed to wear business casual dress when we sup. She told me I looked pretty several times. Vain as I am, I still feel rather unsettled about how I look (which is why I am so vain, btw) and it meant a lot to me for her to say that. Heck- Sakura and I went to breakfast and he said he didn't even recognize me when I got out of the car. (I do want to say, i wear skirts and dresses a lot. I look nice on a day to day basis. But there's something very different about me when I get into a nice formal look and wear an up-do and lots of makeup. I should have taken a picture.)

We also got a new car this week. She's an ancient blue Honda that Cat gave us because her and Brother bought a new vehicle. We named her Vanessa. She's a standard too...I know I'm going to love her already. I like to look out the window and see her sitting in front of our house. Kitten went to go pick her up on Tuesday with Mom.

I don't know if I mentioned it or not...Tuesday Addidas came and visited me in the morning. It was really nice to have the company while I chilled out on the couch and zoned from my medicines. My mouth is doing much better, although the place where my teeth were is rather starting to hurt. I'm sure it will heal up soon. I haven't been taking my meds to work with me, so I can make it through the day pain free- for the most part anyway. I've got another full day today at work, and I am hoping it goes smoothly and quickly.

Last night Sakura and I met with a new seeker for our coven, Felix. She's a really nice girl. I had a good time getting to know her. I sincerely hope she likes us and likes the group, because she seems like she fits right in. Her personal philosophy jives really well with ours, and she was very eager to learn. She even asked if we could send her home with a few starter books. I have no doubt in my mind she will have them read by this Thursday. I think she likes to read almost as much as I do, and that's something.

Kitten and Oscelot seem to like her really well. She meshed with everyone easily. I liked that. As is our normal custom with other friends, she was over pretty late, which I like despite the fact that I find myself sleepy when I wake up in the morning. (I've been making an effort not to go back to bed. If the girls can go without naps so can I!) She was really easy to talk to. If I didn't know better I would say that I knew her in a previous life. (Well, I actually don't know better, as of now, I suppose) It felt like I had known her for a long time. She was easy to chat with and I felt like I really related to her. I didn't have any trouble talking to her, and I'm pretty shy, so that's nice. I didn't feel intimidated or uneasy, and she seemed to be okay with my rather abrasive personality, so that made me really happy. I have high hopes that things will work out well.

I invited her to our next working night, because I think she'll like seeing us do our thing. I also invited her to our next Sabbat Lammas, which is coming up at the beginning of August. I'm a little stressed about that. Not her being there, just the Sabbat itself. Its coming up fast and Oscelot is supposed to be planning it with me, but she hasn't really sat down to talk to me about it. I've done some research and brainstorming, so hopefully I'll be able to get us on the ball. Its a long, hard slog and I don't want to get behind. I feel like I am already behind on that.

It seems to me like there are a thousand things I have to do, and I haven't gotten all of them done. Its going to be intense getting things caught up and trying to keep up with daily life as well. I have every faith I can do it, but I want to make sure I do it well. I did see a post on one of my friend's facebook walls the other day that I thought was completely appropriate to me. It said "Strive for Progress, not Perfection" I need to remember that. I have a bad habit of letting my perfectionism get in the way of other things. Like enjoying the moment. I asked myself for more discernment and patience. I need to work on that.

Speaking of rituals, Litha went really, really well. I was so happy about it. We got things done on time, meaning we were able to finish ritual before the sun went down. I was glad about that. There were a couple of flubs on my part, which more stemmed from overconfidence and maybe my pain killers than from lack of preparation, which i am okay with. The God and Goddess have a sense of humor, so I know they enjoyed watching me flounder for a moment. It made even me laugh. Otherwise, it was a very moving and exciting ritual. All the practice meant that I could enjoy it in a way that I normally am not able to. I was happy when I finished.

I also did a better job using the energy around me, so for the first time ever I wasn't exhausted the morning after Ritual. Sakura was very inspiring to me. He was also very patient with me. I felt a lot of power coming off of all of us. It proves to me that we are growing, and that we feel much more confident than we did. It was our first ritual where we had other members participate rather than just stay in the circle and learn and absorb energy. It made things feel much different.

Kitten has volunteered to take the Mabon ritual on with me. I'm so excited. This is the first time she has made an offer like that. It looks to me as if everyone who is a coven elder is looking to move forward with their work. We're definitely working more like a team. I like that. The group mind is becoming more solid again. I'll be interested to see what it feels like when Kitten and I work a circle together. Us being bound and sharing might make it a little different. I'll certainly report back on that. Anyway. I am interested to see how it works out. Mabon is one of my favorite holidays, so its extra special she's working on this one with me. I think all four of us are going to tackle Samhain (Halloween) together. It will be beautiful. It amazes me to see how fast the year has passed. I'm rounding the corner to my new year. It blows my mind sometimes.

Its okay though. I feel like I've made a lot of personal progress. I feel like I have made a lot of change for myself. I know I have better direction than I did before.

For those who are keeping track- I am way less angry than I used to be.

I'll let you run away for now. I have every intention of gathering my thoughts and making a post worth reading very soon.

Blessings to each of you.

Ps- sorry about the Katy Perry lyric for the title. Its Ironic, I promise, because I feel anything but wide awake at this moment.

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