Sunday, April 10, 2011

Perfumania, Innit and Other Things That Really Yank My Chain

I've had a few days worth of a migraine this week, so I think I've been especially irritable. It seems like things that I can normally let go have been really getting on my nerves, so I thought I would share a few of them with you today, in a vain attempt to seek sympathy. Feel free to skip the whining today, if you want, I won't be mad. But, I would bet, some of these things annoy you too.

Also, I might add, I am probably on the verge of a sneaky hate spiral ( I might also mention,this lady is much more amusing than I am)

So, things that have been getting on my nerves. Commence excessive use of the Caps Lock Key.


Perfume. It is supposed to make you smell good. It is not meant to mask odor. It will not hide if you have not showered. It also will not hide if you have not laundered your clothes. Someone needs to tell some of my co-workers this.

Someone also needs to inform the general poplace that cologne is supposed to be used sparingly. You do not marinate in it. If I can smell you when you walk into the store, you've got too much on. Especially if I am in another part of the store. We actually have one host, I can tell when she is in the store in precisely that manner. It's like a little trail of Addidas Sport for Her running through the store. When the zombie apocolypse comes, I know who will go first. The people who wear too much cologne. They won't be able to hide. I understand wanting to smell nice, but cologne is supposed to accent your natural smell. Not actually cover it up.

On the flip side of grooming; I'd like it if some of my co-workers would. Nothing turns off a guest, or a co-worker, like an unshaven dude standing over your table asking you if you want a soda. Also, I don't care if you have buzzed off all your hair or not, I can tell if you didn't bother showering before you came in. Guess what? So can your guests. And they will punish you, and later me, for it.

Also, ladies, (especially ladies with complicated hairstyles and or extensive highlighting) YOU CAN TOTALLY TELL WHEN YOU DON'T WASH YOUR HAIR. It's gross. Especially if you did use product in your hair the day before. You look like a skunk that has been hit by a car and then spray painted by a bunch of ne'er-do-wells. I get wanting to have a day where you don't mess with your hair. Do it on your day off. I wash my hair every day, and its not for fun. It isn't because I feel prettier. It's because I am going out in public and I have some self respect. I don't hyper-groom. Kitten and Oscelot will tell you, if I have a couple days off and I don't have to be in public, I won't shower. Because I don't have to. If I go camping I don't even bother bringing deoderant or soap. No one sees me but the snakes, frogs and bugs. BUT if I (or you) am going to be in public in the presence of strangers, I do myself a favor and I clean up. Unless I'm sick and tehn everyone can shove it. But if you're sick, trips in public better be to the pharmacy or the doctor and back, and that's it. Otherwise you're a jerk who's getting everyone else sick.

Another note for my co-workers. I am not a personal shopper for you. If I leave food at work it is beacuse I want to eat it. It is not a gift for you. It is not free. I have eaten the food at Casa Bueno for four solid years. While it is good, I am wearing out on it. I have a right to bring in strawberries, yogurt, chips, cookies or bacon for a sandwich and not have to worry that if I bring in more than a day's worth of food it will get eaten by someone who is not me. you are jerks. Eat your groceries, not mine. In the last month I have lost approximately $30 in food to unknown co-workers. What really kills me? I might have shared if they had asked me first.

I know this is wild, but I also like to mention, on occasion, YOU WORK AT YOUR JOB. Some of my co-workers seem to think they get paid by the hour to gossip, lean on our silverware table and lotion themselves, and switch grooming techniques they are apparently only using outside of work. Theey get SO upset because they spend less than 10% of the time their table is in the store at the table, actually trying to make their guests happy, which is how you make your money as a server. They don't smile. They complain when their guests want something special. But then they are schocked when they get a 4% tip or no tip at all.

On the flip side: I would like to say, I have absolutely no problem with accommodating my guests within reason. I totally don't. That's my job. Any of my readers who also eat in my restaurant will tell you I will bend over backwards to make you happy, given that your request is reasonable. That mentioned, when my guests demands rediculous things or talks to me like I am an idiot, it absolutely makes me seethe. I have a pretty mellow temperment. Sometimes, though, nothing gets me going like a guest who tells me I am doing my job wrong when I am actually doing it the correct way. I am a trainer at Casa Buesno. I have worked there for 4 years. I know the menu better than most of our cooks. I promise, when I tell you something about the menu, I'm not lying. A few examples:

I had a table of three people in my section the other day. I got to the table with one bowl of chips and two salsas, the prescribed amount I am allowed to take out on the first trip. One of the ladies at the table immediately demanded I go get four more salsas and two more bowls of chips. Kids, that's a set-up for a party of twelve. I will get in trouble. I told her I promised I wouldn't let her run out. She told me to go away until I brought her more chips. She followed up with her drink order, half-club soda, 1/4 water, 1/4 diet soda with one lemon and one lime and I had better not charge her for a soda since she only is drinking 1/4 soda inher glass and she would not be having 4 glasses of soda. When she ordered her dinner she wanted enchiladas, but she called it a combo, which is something completely different on the menu, I try to clarify and she bit my head off. Once I was clear about what she wanted I asked her about her sauce options. She shouted at me what she wanted with a "Because that's how its supposed to come young lady!" Bite me. Seriously.

I also run into the problem that there is a credit card company, Super Credit (we'll call them that), that has a call center near my work. They used to get a discount. We stopped giving it because they would come in on tehir lunch breaks in large groups (12-15 people) order high cook-time foods, abuse their server, demand tehir discount and then never, never tip. I'm not exaggerating. I still cringe when I see one come in with their work badge clipped on because I know I won't get tipped. Its like they have a box on their application that asks if you believe in tipping waitstaff. If you do, you can't work there. The point is, we got rid of the discount three years ago this summer. We informed the company. They still tell them they get a discount. When we tell them no, we haven't had that program in almost three years, they inform us their employer says they get one, so we have to give it to them. Actually, no, we don't.

Also, you can't trick me. I'm not stupid. If I tell you that you can't have your margarita to go and you ask for a cup for your water, I am going to bring you a to-go cup already full of water. You don't get to be angry at me because I don't want to lose my job.

End work rant. I could go on for days if I had the chance.


Lately, I've been noticing the absolutely deplorable grammer that surrounds me on a day to day basis. There is a distinct lack of diction in my region of the country. There is also a large amount of word misuse going on. And I am not talking about the little things. Anyone who has read snything of mine knows I am lazy about its and it's. I don't spell check my blog because this is my space and most of the time I am typing I have a cat in my lap. I would spend all my time correcting my typing and never get anything posted. HOWEVER. Some things drive me absolutely crazy.

Innit- not a word. Isn't it, the proper phrase, takes no less time to speak.

Agreeance- NOT A WORD. We are in agreement. We agree. There is no agreeance.

whadareu- What are you. Also a variant on Where are you or Why are you. They are three separate worlds. Pronounce them that way.

Missourah- I live in Missouri. it's pronounced Miz-or-ree. NOT muh-zur-uh. I actually had someone argue with me one time that our state is from the French and so both pronounciations are correct. WRONG. Missouri was a native american tribe. If it is from the french it would be mis-ur-ree, with a slight rolling of the first r and emphasis on the "ur" sound.

Illinoise- There is no s in Illinois. Its silent.

Ain't- the contraction for the phrase 'am i not' is not possible to you correctly in Modern American English.

just- this is an old writing pet peve of mine. Nothing is "just something" take out the just. you don't need it. Stop using that word as filler. When someone says I just want to do that so bad, it makes me crazy. Webster points out that jsut means all of these things: lawful, proper, fair, equitable, deserved, well-founded, reasonable, correct or true. As an adverb it can mean precisely, exactly, by a small amount, a short time ago, immediately. The way the word just is used in my area of the country is a colloquialism and it makes the grammer nazi in me want to cry.

Alot- not a word. See The Alot Is Better Than You At Everything. She explains it so much better than I ever could. What really makes me angry is that my phone accepts the word "alot" as a valid word. Texting is dumbing us down kids.

While I'm at it, you do not need to say OMG out loud. Say Oh my god, or don't say it. When you think I am funny, you laugh, you don't say lol. While I admit I will say WTF every now and again at work, its because I am not supposed to cuss on the clock. If I am in the presence of a manager who will let me, I will say the word fuck. Loudly.

Also, if you start your sentance with uuuuh, um, or soooo on a frequent basis, chances are I am tuning you out. If you can't gather your thoughts before you speak to me, don't bother. I won't be listening anyway. Besides, I don't need your grooming tips.


Okay, I know this first one kills us all. The 20 item or less checkout is for 20 items or less. Now, I don't count exactly, not every time, but I'm close. Nothing gets me angrier than being in a hurry at the store and getting into the only speedy checkout lane and having someone in front of me with a cart (or two) trying to cheat teh system because the store isn't busy or they don't want to wait in a normal line.

The cigarette counter is another place I run into this problem. At most of my local supermarkets the cigarettes are cheaper than at a gas station or tobbacco store. There is usually one line in the center of the checkout and you can get them when you pay for your groceries. I can't tell you the number of times I have ended up in that line with someone who is doing their shopping for what must be the entire frickin' year ahead of me. Okay, yes, you got in line before me. But when all I have is a bag of cat food and it's clear the only reason I am in this line and not behind the jerks in the 20 item or less line is because I want nicotine, do me a solid and let me go in front of you. Now, I know, if I quit smoking I could avoid this trouble. But here's the thing, Kitten smokes too. I'm trapped. And the person shopping for the zombie apocolypse is also going to buy three or four cartons of cigarettes, but they always have to ask how much each and every brand is before they select the brand they were probably going to get in the first place.

Parents who let their children scream in public are terrible. I know that children at a certain age a prone to tantrums. Ignoring them only makes the problem worse and annoys everyone in the vicinty. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE REWARD THIS BEHAVIOR WITH A TOY! Remember Pavlov's dog? No, you probably don't know who Pavlov is. The point is, you are teaching them that if they pitch a fit they get what they want. You are a bad parent.

Also, the people who talk on their phone in the store are a menace to society. They are, I gurantee, the ones who text and drive, and treat the parking lot like its the Indy Speedway. I understand if you have to whip out your phone and check with your significant other whether they want this or that brand or did they say we needed bread? Totally fine. What is not okay is this "SO, then I told him that no real man would talk to his momma that way and I wasn gonna put up with him talking to me like that neither. What? Oh yeah, he was real mad. Oops, sorry about that. huh? No I accidentally ran into this lady with my cart. You know these aisles are so small...Did she act mad? Who, his momma? Oh, no, she just put all those hamburger helpers I knocked off the shelf back on and went her way. So I was saying to him about his momma and all, oops, sorry sir. You should watch those kiddos..." and so forth.

Speaking of the parking lot, when did it get so dangerous to walk in a cross walk? I thought the idea of the stripes on the pavement meant I was safe to cross because I have the right-of-way. Apparently I missed the memo that it means "cars go faster here." I think it came out on the same day the memo on "yellow lights mean speed up" was passed out.

And I know, I KNOW, that your BMW, Lexus, F150 Harley Davidson Edition is really special to you. This does not mean that you get to park in three spaces so no one dings your door. What it does mean is I will have to fight the compulsion to let my cart full of cat litter go at top speed right next to your driver side wheel well.

Every time I pass someone fit and able parking in the handicapped spot I have to remind myself it is bad karma to get out my lipstick and write "learn to walk asshole" on their windshield.

Parents- I want to call child services every time I see your four or five children playing in the center of the parking lot srive space, or right behind a backing vehicle. You are a terrible person. When your children get hurt, it will be all your fault.

This is just a starter list of the things that have gotten on my nerves in the last week. I'm certainly very grumpy. But wouldn't you be too?

Tomorrow starts another week. I am sure it will be better.

Have a good Monday everyone.

I also have to add, I use Websters New World dictionary for reference, Adidas for Her is a lovely fragrance I do not own, I cannot specifically verify the application questions at Super Credit and all views expressed about the lovely Casa Bueno are mine and mine alone and do not reflect the vews of the company, my managers, or other coworkers unless otherwise stated by company and public policy. I think that covers the disclaimers this time, doesn't it?

1 comment:

  1. If you're a grammar nazi - and hey, I know I am - then how can you stand LOL Cats? That place makes my head hurt!

    Also, I cuss A LOT. Even at work. Might as well us the fact that people ignore me to my advantage, huh?

    (also, on the fragrance front, I have several... my fave at the moment is La Nuit De L'Homme by YSL. I like to think I wear nothing more than a dab!)

    Anyway. I feel your pain. I simply cannot understand why people are rude to the people who serve them food. Apart from having a bit of common courtesy and not assuming that someone who serves you is beneath you, THEY HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR FOOD SOMEWHERE YOU CAN'T SEE THEM. Gah!

    Smile toots. Monday will soon be over, and you'll be done with it until next week!