Sunday, July 22, 2012

So I Can Finally See Where You Go When You're Gone

I don't think there's any denying now that I love  surveys. Some of the ones on the internet ask things I would never think to blog about but they are things I think are worth sharing with you. I don't know how you all feel about them, but until you tell me they annoy the hell out of you, I figure I can keep posting them.

Honestly, I like that they give me something to post about on days when I am too tired to think of something to write about, but I still feel like sharing. Today, I actually have things I would like to tell you about, but since I started this post last night and never got to finish it because I was massively tired, I thought I would finish here before I told you all my news. So, first- survey, and then, if we aren't too tired, maybe i'll post something about my day. Yes?

Off we go. (by the way, I did take the time, for your comfort and mine, to get rid of the formatting. Also I didn't bother numbering, because really, who cares?)

What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
 I don't think its difficult to look into someone's eyes period, but that may just be me. I think the hardest time if when you're telling someone something difficult, like bad news. But then, that's the best time to be direct isn't it?

You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
I would tell the people I love. I would quit my job and try to find all the things I wanted to do before I died and do them. Of course, I'm the kind of person who inherently will choose not to believe something just because I'm told. My grandmother was told to get her affairs in order when I was 15 because of her cancer. She's still, you know. And no, I don't think I'd be afraid. Not too much anyway. 

You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
I think that you can't have love without trust, so you'd have to choose trust. But then, I think that anything you trust is something you can love. I'd choose trust if I had to, but I believe the two can never be mutually exclusive. 

 Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
This is always a difficult situation. I think you have to talk about your feelings with them. I would have to explain why its not a possibility. I think you do what you have to to move on with a relationship with that person. I know that's a hard place to be. Fortunately, I don't think Perpet will ever fall in love with me, and Flyguy knows better. I hope I never have to deal with that situation, because I assume I would end up losing a friend. There's never a good way to end that conversation. 

Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
No. The last person I know who died was my great grandmother, and she wouldn't have been happy in that one hour. It was her time. As a general rule, I think its advisable to live the best life you can while you have it, and die happy with your choices. One hour won't make a difference no matter how many years I give up of my own life. 

 Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Yeah, I am. 

When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
I do that all the time. I think its why my friends love me and why everyone else likes me very little. I can't waste time thinking about whether or not I'm going to hurt someone with the truth. Its not like me to lie about things. AS for recently, I had a talk with Hedgewitch like that. I won't tell you what it was about, because its her business, but it was a hard talk to have. 

 What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
Its always harder to tell someone you don't love them. Love is always a wonderful thing to share. 

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
If we aren't talking about people? I assume you know the answer to that...I think I would have a hard time giving up reading for pleasure. It brings me a lot of joy and it helps me to relax. I also think it improves my sense of culture and personal awareness. 

 Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
This week, I told Flyguy, Sakura and Felix I love them. They're my friends. And of course I do. They're important to me. 

Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
Kitten. She makes me feel safer than anyone. 

 Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
Yes. Every person deserves to be saved if they can be. It doesn't matter who they are. Life is not the entitlement of only the rich or beautiful.

 Are you old fashioned?
Yes, in some ways I very much am, despite my very modern love life. I believe marriage is for life. I believe that ladies should act as such. I expect men to be gentlemen. I prefer skirts and dresses to pants. I believe in speaking when you're spoken to, and giving elders respect. I like the morals of the older era, as a general rule. I think just because you have modern sensibilities does not mean you cant have good manners. If that makes me old fashioned, then yes, I am.

 When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
This afternoon.

Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
True love. I'd rather know what love really is. What's a heart worth if it can't be broken?

Are you young at heart, or an old soul?
Both. I think I'm very lively at heart, but I also know my soul has been around a very long time. I think sometimes that makes me meloncholy, and I think sometimes it contributes to my sense of being jaded, but I like myself that way.

What makes someone a best friend?
Always being honest. Telling you what you need to hear, even when it hurts. Loving you unconditionally. Treating you with respect, but not reverence. Someone who can make you laugh. Someone who can hold you when you cry, who's willing to cry with you. Someone you are willing to be honest with. Someone you can trust with more than your life. Someone who can keep your secrets. Someone who wants you to keep theirs. Always being there, no matter what. Someone who supports you and your decisions, but will tell you when they are bad ones. Someone who motivates you to be better. Someone who inspires you. Someone who will share your dreams with you.

What’s more important in a relationship: physical attraction or emotional connection?
Emotional connection. Sometimes that's enough to stimulate a physical attraction. But attraction never means instant connection. Never.

Name a movie that you knew would be terrible just from reading the title.
What holiday do you most look forward to?

How is the relationship between you and your parents?
I don't know my father. My mother and I have an interesting relationship because I treat her like a peer. I have for a long time. I struggle sometimes to respect her, but I never have to work to love her. I always have a hard time understanding her motivations. Its been easier in the last few years, but it hasn't always. I can say she is generally more supportive than she used to be.

Name a song that never fails to make you happy.
Party in the USA, Miley Cyrus. We heard it all the time on our honeymoon, so I always think of that when I hear it.

You know at least one person named Michael. Tell me about him.
He works at Casa Bueno. His girlfriend is super sweet. He likes airplanes, especially old ones. He likes the color purple. He has facial hair.

If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be?
Portland Oregon.

Can money buy happiness?
No. But it does make things easier.

Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not?
I drink on occasion but never to excess because i used to have a drinking problem, plus it jacks up my blood sugar. I do smoke. I like the taste of tobacco. I especially like smoking hookahs. I don't do drugs. I used to. But I don't know. I have been clean for over a decade and I plan to keep it that way. I almost killed myself doing them. Its a terrible thing.

Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid?
There's giant train yards in my city and when I was little I used to have my grandfather take me to go see the trains. I don't live too far from them now, and it still makes me happy to drive by them and see them. They make me think of him. Also, I don't know why, I love trains.

Have you ever spent a night in the hospital?
Oh, lord, too many times to list. Yes. Yes I have.

Do you enjoy being with only one or two friends, or with a large group of people?
I like a medium sized group of intimate friends. I hate large groups of strangers but i love having all the people I love near me. Sometimes my house gets pretty full as a result. But I still love it.

If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship?
Yes, if they were up front with me about it. If I really loved them, and I wanted to be in a relationship with them, then they would be worth waiting for. Why else date a person?

Do you believe in a god?

Would you call yourself/your family “middle class?”
Lower middle class probably, but yes.

If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you?
Yes. I don't particularly like driving myself. Now, I would be happy to give up my car and have someone else drive me...or live in a city that I could use the public transportation. I'd be alright with that.

What’s your “quirkiest” habit?
I have no personal space with my friends. I am very touchy feely. So I think that's my most obvious quirk. Its hard to take, if you don't really love me. I also read at the dinner table if no one else is there...

What is “normal?” Are you normal?
I don't think there is such a thing, but if there is, I suspect I am not. I don't think I would want to be.

Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don’t have to see them die. Do you take the offer?
No. Its not my choice to make, first. Second, I don't know who or what those people might be capable of. I am not god. I cannot decide the fate of other people. It wouldn't be right, and if I loved the person dying, I wouldn't be able to make a rational decision.

Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single?
Be in the relationship. That's when the real relationship starts.

Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends?
Yes. I am proof of that.

When you’re alone in your own home, do you walk around naked?

What gets you out of bed in the morning?
My alarm. Philosophically? I have another day to experience and grow. I have more life to live and more to contribute to the world. I have to get up, or I'm letting myself down.

Do you want to have more friends than you have right now?
I want more close friends, always. Just more people in my life? Not if they aren't going to be something special.

What’s the best route to your heart?
Honesty. Unique beauty. Vulnerability and strength.

Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life?
Yes. And I have a few more I'd like to meet in person.

What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning?
Depends on the day. I'm so in tune with my intuition, I don't notice it most days. So probably it. But I think I'm a pretty rational person too.

Do you know what makes you happy?
My friends. My partners. A good book. A beautiful sunset or sunrise. A new experience. My life makes me pretty happy, actually.

What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given?
Um? I've been given quite a few that struck me. I think the one I was most flattered by was someone once told me I was "incandescent" and that was definitely one that made me blush, though they probably don't know that until right about now...

Often, people will ask how your last relationship ended. I want to know how it began.
I was rebounding from the end of a long term one and I made a terrible decision. I mistook interest for affection and like for love. I thought that pretense was real beauty and that huge character flaws were simple weaknesses.

Early bird or night owl?
Early bird by habit, night owl by choice.

Are there any childhood possessions you still hold on to?
I still have my first doll.

Give me an unpopular opinion you have.
I believe that respect is earned. Thusly, I hold an unpopular opinion in this part of the country that just because you were in the military doesn't mean you deserve respect. What you did while you were in it was. I know some terrible things that have happened while people were serving. Those things don't deserve respect. I know some amazing things that have happened, and those people do. But respect, wherever it comes from, should be earned, not automatically given. 

What is your ethnic heritage?
My father's family are second generation emigrants from Britain. My mother's side of the family is almost completely Irish. 

Do you believe in luck?
I believe you make your own luck.

Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them?

Do you practice what you preach?
I try to, but I'm not perfect.

Are you hard-headed?
Yes. Very.

Do you often skip breakfast?
No, but my breakfast is often very unhealthy.

How do you know what true love is?

Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die?
Where is “home” for you?
With Kitten.

Do you want to be perfect?
No. Its good, because I can't be.  I'm a raging perfectionist, though, so I know how it feels to struggle to be your very best, and i do want to be that.
What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? What’s holding you back?
Surfing. I don't live near an ocean.

Give me the story of your life in six words. 
I mess up. But I'm learning. 

What eye color do you find sexiest?
Rich. I like brown for the most part, but a pair of deep, rich eyes in any color is beautiful.

  Pirates or ninjas? Why? 
Pirates. The clothes are more fun. The pay is better. So are the girls.

  What's your most favorite part of your body? 
My mouth.

  What's your most favorite part of your personality? 
My bluntness.

  Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? 
Yes. I like football.

  Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk? 

  Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with?
Butter. I grew up with margarine. But I like butter.

  Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 1/2% milk?) 
One Percent. Everything else tastes either fatty, or like water. And yes, I did.

  Which continents have you been on? 
North America, Europe, and I don't know what the middle east counts as. Maybe Asia?

  Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants? 
Yes, no, yes.

  Longest plane ride you've ever been on? 
Fourteen hours. I flew from New York to Kuwait.

 Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free? 
Yes and yes.

Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto?
Green? Haha. I like all kinds of beans.

How far can you throw a baseball?
Pretty far. From the back of the field to home, at least, which is how far you need to be able to throw it, right?

If you had to move to another country, where would you move? 
A relationship with love or one with sex?
Both, I hope.

 Do you eat enough vegetables? 
I don't eat too many. But yeah, i think I do.

Do you swear in front of your parents? 
Yes. I do.

Coolest thing you've ever been for Halloween? 
I went as Marie Antoinette one year. I hand made the ballgown and it was seriously epic. Six bistles, cream silk and black velvet, I even made a gigantic powdered wig with macaroni (a hair style) birds flying around it. I loved that thing. 

Can you walk well in high heels? 
I can run in high heels, so yes.

When was the last time you cried? Why?
Last night. I was in pain.

Are you happy?

Have you ever cheated on your partner?
Yes, and I don't regret it because now I'm married to the person I cheated on him with. And she's the best thing that ever happened to me.

 Who do you spend crazy moments with?
Most of the time, Flyguy.

What kind of music do you listen to?
Anything good.
 Are you over your past?
For the most part, yes. I have moved on, but I don't forget.

 Do you have troubles sleeping at night?

 From whom was the last text message you received?

 Do you have any phobias?
heights, spiders...yeah. I'm trying to overcome both of those. Egg timers, which I just can't explain....

 Did you try to change for a person?
Yes and every time it didn't work. The new guy at work (who I'm going to have to name, soon) has a tattoo with the words "i would rather be hated for what I am, than be loved for what I am not" I couldn't agree more.

Would you go back to your previous relationship?

Do people praise you for your looks?
Not normally, no. But then. I'm not super good looking, am I? Kitten and Oscelot do, but they're supposed to, aren't they?
Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t?
I have before, yes.

 Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret?

Have you ever thought of killing yourself?
I did a long time ago, but I haven't felt that way for a very long time, thank lord and lady for that. I love and respect myself and my life now.

 Can you live without internet?
I imagine I could, although I'd be annoyed by it.

 Are you good at holding back your tears?
Not especially.

 Are you a crybaby?

 Have you ever experienced being hysterical?

 What kind of person are you?
I don't know. I suppose that's the point of these surveys isnt it? To find out more about myself. I'd like to think I'm a good person, and an honest one. Outside of that, everything is semantics. Hell, somedays I am neither nice or good, so...

Have you ever been jealous?
Oh yeah

 Do you have trust issues?
Yes, I do.

Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”?

 Do you think all the pain is worth it?
All my past pain? Yeah. It is. I like myself now. I wouldn't be that if it weren't for those things. I think you have to make pain worth it, because you have to keep living either way.

 How do you look right now?
I'm wearing my glasses, my hair is curly not straight, I'm wearing a green and orange and brown peasant skirt and my feet are dirty from watering my garden in sandals. How that looks to anyone else is a mystery to me.

Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough?
I feel that way all the time. Part of being a perfectionist I suppose.

Well, there you have it friends. I made it through a massive barrage of questions. Kudos to you if you kept up this long. I'm impressed.

Do you have any questions you'd like me to answer? I'd be much more interested to tell you things you'd like to know...

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