Monday, May 30, 2011

Crazy Exes, Strait Girls, Memorial Day and Other Odds and Ends

First things first- my girls won last night. I was so excited. It was a nail biter too. They pulled it out in the last three jams. One of our girls broke her personal point record for a single jam. She had 5 grand slams in the jam. Wow. Just wow. I screamed myself half hoarse. I don't know how I am going to talk to my tables today. I may not. I may get a pin that says "I love roller derby so much, I can't talk to you"

It was Saukura's first bout and I think he had a good time too. Once he got the hang of how it worked he was actually able to follow the penalties and stuff better than I was. Of course, I was too busy watching the jammers to notice what the hell was going on with the blockers about half the bout. I'm still working on trying to watch all of the game at the same time.

Kitten had probably my favorite moment of the night. There was a girl on the opposing team who was pretty darn cute. During the warm up she looked over at Kitten and made eye contact and she was crushing the rest of the game (its cool- I have a few of what I call rollercrushes myself). After the game Oscelot went to go say hi to a bunch of the girls, I talked to our tock star jammer and her partner, and hung out sort of by the changing rooms. Not because I'm a creep! Its where Oscelot dumped me. As luck would have it, Kitten's rollercrush came out and we waylaid her for an autograph on the program. Kitten was outside smoking, and had no idea we were doing it. The girl turned out to be really nice. I friended her on facebook when we got home. Kitten blushed furiously.

Short version is- we won, it was a good bout, I can't wait for the next home game. I evenmanaged tofind a list of the home bouts, so I could make plans for them, since some of them are on Saturdays and not on Sundays. (Those are harder to get off for)

As I'm sure everyone on the planet is aware, today is Memorial Day. I don't normally do the whole go decorate the graves thing. Its not out of lack of respect so much as I really don't think that they are there anymore. It seems like going to a butterfly farm and crying over the crysalises when the butterflies are all around you. Why would you do that? Look up and see the butterflies and appreciate them being there. I'm just saying.

Of course, that's not why I wanted to talk about Memorial Day. This weekend, for me, is by far one of the crappiest weekends of the year for me. First, I live near several large lakes. This means everybody goes out of town for the weekend, because its a long one. No business at work. The people who are in town still are all sorts of crabby, because they aren't at the lake. Hell, I'm one of them. I never grew up with that "I go to the lake to my faily's cabin" in the summer menatality most the people I went to school with as a kid had. But seriously, wouldn't you rather be by a lake, or out fishing, or out doing ANYTHING, rather than waiting tables in a mexican restaurant? (If the answer is you would rather be doing what I do- get some help then come find me, we'll trade places for the day)

The other thing that annoys me is that is this whole weekend and holiday is supposed to be about honoring the dead, why the heck is everyone leaving town to go party. Now I know that in this area of the country it is the signal of the beginning of summer. Most schools are letting out this week. Most the time now it will be warm and sunny. Public pools are opening up today. BUT it seems odd that something that is supposed to be respectful and reverent has turned into a weekend full of beer guzzling, boating accidents and sunburns. Maybe I'm old fashioned. I don't know.

Yesterday at work I was talking with our hostesses and we got on the topic of women. I love our hostesses because despite the fact that I am quite a bit older than they are, they seem to think I'm a pretty interesting person. Somehow the conversation turned to exes, and some of the absolutely crazy ones I've had. I was telling them stories about them, they were cracking up.

For example, I told them about a girl I dated, very very briefly whom I dumped because she was an idiot. They seemed to think this was funny, because when the girl asked why I was dumping her I told her flat out I thought she was a moron. I can't date morons. Well, I can, I have, but I try to make it a policy not to be with people I can't carry on an intelligent conversation with. This girl actually told me once that she could say anythign she wanted, because it was her 5th ammendment right. I tried to correct her, and she ended up arguing with me. She said that her right not to inciminate herself only meant that she could say whatever she wanted, especially in her own defense. I about died.

I had another one who was the daughter of an abnormal child psychologist and a microbiologist. She had so many germ issues it took the fun right out of sex. I get wanting to be clean, but she wanted a scrub down before, and you had to gargle with peroxide before she would have sex. Gross. Not to mention she wasn't about reciprocating oral because she said it was "unsanitary." After we split up she ended up dating and eventually marrying a guy friend we both knew. She piocked him, she told me, not for love but because he had good "breeding characteristics." Creepy.

In the course of this conversation one of our servers, who used to be a host, accused me of liking "fixer uppers" I thought this was funny, because as a general rule, I don't. I actually like nice, normal, well adjusted people. But looking back at some of the people I've been with, like BBD, I can see how you might get that impression. She also mentioned Rogue, which brought on the great debate as to whether or not you could really count her as my ex. Most of us agree she doesn't count. That's a long story, probably for another day, but it got me laughing. She's good buddies with Rogue, and she said that despite the fact she loved her she was definately a fixer upper because of all of her bad habits. (which I might mention, didn't start until we stopped doing whatever it was we did. Except the drinking. But then, I think that's a 20's thing anyway)

We chatted about my ability to pick up a woman (a really, really cute one) in just about every strait bar in the reigon, but never being able to pick one up at a gay bar. Its an oddity. I have good luck when I'm not around my own kind. We have a dueling piano bar in town ,and Iwas telling them about when I go there how I always seem to get approached in the bathroom. This makes me nuts. Partially because going in the bathroom there is usually pretty akward for me anyway, because when I go I usually wear a men's suit and tie and pin my hair up so it looks like I don't have any. I hate getting looks like I'm headed into the wrong room. Thank god for my girly face. I did this once, and wore a fedora and then did a full face of really dramatic makeup. I went to the ladies room and a girl actually cornered me by the sink and asked me to take her home. She was wearing a skirt so short that I could see she didn't have on any undergarments. I, of course, blushingly told her no. Strait girls are trouble for women like me. I promise. But this happens with uncommon frequency when I go out to the local clubs.

I've been trying to determine if this is because strait girls seem to think I'm cute in a safe way and they think I'm smoother than most lesbians do or if it is simply that most girls who like girls in my area find me completely unattractive. I'm betting on the latter. The girls at work seem to think I am some sort of badass who can hit it with any lady i like, just because I have two partners. They think its proof I know what I'm doing. I'd like to think that was the case, but we all know that's not true.

As a last, rather odd, note about yesterday; I wore my bangs out of my face in public for the first time in my adult life. This may not seem like a big deal, but for me it was. I've had a complex about my forehead since I was really little. I think I look like a cross between a klingon and a conehead without bangs. Kitten and Oscelot convinced me I look cute without them, so I took a chance. I got a lot of compliments. It made my day. It was also convenient not to have to talk to my guests from behind my hair.

I'm off to get ready for work. I'm hoping we'll have a little business today. I've been bored for a solid week. I am also making a mental note- remind me to talk about Hot Doctor soon. She's one of my regular guests, and we've had an ongoing discussion about her at work for about two years now. I want your opinion.

Have a good day. If you have it off, go soak up the sunshine for me.


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