Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Running the gauntlet

I'm exhausted. Seriously. Work seems to keep taking the toll it always does, and I find myself more and more trying to find new sources of energy. Lookng within myself to find it is difficult. I'm not going to lie. I tried meditation this evening and could barely keep it up for ten minutes. There are so many things running through my head, it seems nearly impossible to focus on myself. The thing is, I know that's what I need to be doing.

In other news- the garden. Yeah, I think I might have mentioned, our new neighbors in the rental next to us, not such nice people. I think he's made an effort to annoy us. He's taken out one of my corner fences and not replaced it, mowed over my entire hedgerow (yeah, they're dead now) and he tried to mow over my Maria Stern rosebush. Annoyed. So I went and bought newer, fluffier hedges that he can't mow over without making a huge mess. I might have also put metal spikes into the ground under them, sticking up about three inches. If he mows my hedges down this time, its gonna kill his mower. I asked nicely for him to stop twice. I think that's more than enough warning. Three strikes, you're out. I also am the proud owner of five new rosebushes and a dawrf alberta spruce. My lawn is already looking lovelier. And the smell! Its amazing. I'm contemplating filling the whole of my flowerbeds with irises and roses. They smell gorgeous and I know I can get them to grow.

On the homefront, I had some great bonding time with some friends yesterday. Especially Sakura. I love that he and I have a beautiful connection. When it comes to the idea of teh "froup mind" in a coven, I definately understand it when it comes to he and I. I feel like we've connected in a really special way. He did a reading for me last night, and I appreciated it. I knew he would know my question the minute the reading was laid out, and honestly, I knew what the answer to my question was. The thing is, sometimes its hard to face reality. Sometimes its hard to let things go. And hearing it directly from the diety is the easiest way to cope with that. I know what path I need to take right now, regarding a very specific situation. Its been one I've struggled with a lot recently. Finding my footing has really helped me. I'm lucky to have someone as loving, compassionate and talented as a part of my coven.

I also reconnected with an old friend recently, and we got to spend some time together. He got to meet my partners. They love him. Keats (that's what we'll call him) is a really special person to me. I'm not entirely sure if even he remembers all of the favors he has done for me in the past. Suffice to say, having him come back into my life is a boon for me. And it started with a dream. I know, I know, I expound on the power of dreams frequently, but I think this is a great example of how well they work when you pay attention to them. I had a dream about him, so I made an effort to find him. Turns out, he'd been dreaming about me too. An odd "coincidence" when you think of the fact we haven't seen eachother in nearly three years and that we've both changed since the last time we saw eachother. I believe people come into you life for a reason. He reentered mine, and I'm looking forward to seeing what our relationship will bring. As an added benefit both the girls love him (knowing how gurded Kitten is, this is huge) I'm hoping he will become a frequent visitor in my household. He's intelligent, witty and amazingly empathetic. On top of that, he's funny as hell. I love it.

I'm a little frustrated at work right now. Our girls are playing a home bout in a couple of weeks. I asked off for the evening of the bout and the morning after today. Turns out, I'm the only regular supervisor going to be in town that weekend. It bites, because it means if I can't pull some serious strings, Kitten Oscelot and Sakura, with our other friends, will be attending while I am stuck at work. Its part of the new responsibility, I know, but it doesn't make it any less painful. I have my hopes one of our part-time managers will come through for me just for the saturday night. I'm willing to work an all day on no sleep if I have to, I just want to go an have a fun night with my friends.

We're going to get the tires for the truck tomorrow, which is great. It means we have the chance to try and go do something fun before the summer is over. I'm dying for a night out of town. I need a break, seriously. I feel so tired, both emotionally and physically, most mornings, I can barely stand it.

In other good news, I think I finally talked sense to my student loan people, and they realize that I can't pay them $320 a month on my loans. We've worked out a deal, which means that this time next year my loans will be out of default and I can get grants so I can go back to school. Its still a setback, but its better than I could have hoped at this point. My mom had offered to pay for my classes this semester, but I'll believe that when I see it. Hopefully, though, she'll coem through for me, and I can jump in with a class or two this semester. Of course, she doesn't normally come through, there's always something (not that I blame her, I wouldn't do that) but I will confess its another thing I've been sincerely praying for.

That's me, and my world, in a nutshell. I know I have some friends out tehre, lurking in blogland, that have a lot on their plates right now. The offer always stands, let me help you if I can. Even if its just that you need someone to email so you can bitch and get it off your chest. Let me be your pal. I know you are there for me when I need it.

Love you all.

Ps- the lovely Gayle Moffet, in my sidebar, is getting ready to publish. She's seriously talented. check her out. Also, I made a mistake in her address, so click on the top of her blog to go to her homepage. I'm working on fixing that up. In the meantime, see what she's up to. Great lady.

1 comment:

  1. Great news about school! I just read the post you wrote awhile back about not being able to, and my heart was breaking for you. Side note: I was just a few weeks shy of my 40th birthday when I got my B.A. I'm staring down the barrel of 3 more years for my M.A., then possibly another few years if I pursue that doctorate I want.

    I suspect that I'll be paying off student loans when I'm 100. Still, I think it's worth it.

    I went to school with women who were 10+ years older than me, also pursuing degrees. It's never too late to pursue the things you want for yourself. *hug*