Monday, July 25, 2011

This one goes out to the one I left behind

Well hello. As you can see from last night's post, I'm back. I was on a break, thinking that if I spent less time blogging I would write more on my novel. It turns out that I didn't write more on my novel, I just wrote less altogether and I was stressed out. I'm done with writing breaks.

The last couple of weeks have brought some interesting things. I spent this last weekend supervising at work. It was good, even though I had a few moments where I thought I was going to scream. Our fax machine gave me hell on Saturday, right at a time when I didn't need it to. I put in our soda order for the first time. I had to call a vendor and change out a beer keg that was delivered because it was the wrong kind. We had equipment break that I had to get fixed. There were a few times where I was asked a question I actually didn't know the answer to. That was a new experience. I discovered that after four years there, I am finally in a position at Casa Bueno that challenges me. Which is good. Especially since Oscelot is moving on. She got a new job last week. I'm happy for her. Unfortunately, this means my number one work companion is going away. I'll certainly miss her, although I would hedge my bets this will contribute to me appreciating her more when I am not at work.

I'm discovering new things about myself. I learned that those lovely deep breathing exercises have been helping me. That meditating does worlds of good for my stress levels and that illness (especially my headaches) seem to work in direct proportion to the amount of stress I'm under. I had been gaining control over my headaches. Unfortunately I had two last week. The first one was caused by stress. No ifs ands or buts. I gave in to pressure instead of handling it, and as a consequence, I got a migraine. End of story. I had one yesterday as well. That one was caused by two specific things. I drank beer on Saturday night -a surefire way to make me sick if I haven't eaten enough- and I was coping with a few emotional shocks. I was really, really sick yesterday. It wasn't much fun.

On the upside, I did get off so I could go to the roller derby double header I was telling you about. Our Battle Broads played first, and put up a valiant effort. They didn't win, but I enjoyed the game immensely anyway. If you check my blogroll, you can see New Pound Glory- one of our girls- played this game. I think it was her first home bout. She did a great job. Also, I am adding another lovely one of our girls, Battle Broads team captain, Mary Lou Wretched, to my blogroll. She's a fantastic writer. (I'm not kidding) She's sweet as can be. Also a kick ass roller girl. Watching her play is great for me, because she seems utterly fearless. One of our All Stars came and sat with me and the ladies for a while. Outside of her being a sweet and immensly entertaining lady, she could sometimes explain to me the finer points of what is going on. Since sometimes I don't understand the intracasies of the penaties, I appreciated it. Oscelot's derby wife played a great game. Sakura was with us again and we brought a new friend we met last week. It was his first bout ever and he loved it. I was happy.

The second game was our All Stars. They kicked some serious ass. I always love watching them play. There were some heated moments with the referees this bout, and it showed. All said and done though, it was great to watch. I got to see one of our very best blockers, also our team captain, Miss Chetty Boop, play in the jammer position. I didn't know she could. Turns out she's really good at it. It bent my mind a little. Oscelot was teasing me, she thought I'd seen it before. I had to pull my jaw off the floor. I'm pretty sure there isn't anything that lady can't do!(I might also mention, we were talking after the bout and I discovered I went to high school with her. She was a couple years behind me, but we definately went together. Weird, small world, right?) The bout was epic. We won big time. It was good to watch. I learned a lot this time, I think in part because of all the referee disputes. It was definately an interesting time.

After the bout we went to the after party bar and talked with the girls for about 45 minutes. I got to check up with some that I don't get to see very often. I might have done shots with one of them (oops!) I also downed the beer that was my downfall yesterday. ONE BEER! I'm getting old. Afterwards we went to our favorite local gay dance club to party the night away. We hadn't been dancing in ages.

Pause for an interlude that actually has something to do with this story, I swear. Yesterday at work Rogue seemed to be having a bad morning. I asked her what was wrong and received the perfunctory "I don't want to talk about it" that I normally get since we aren't as close as we used to be. Imagine my suprise when a few moments later she comes up to me and gives me a very brief explanation as to why she was having a bad day. It involved her personal life. My jaw hit the floor. She never tells me stuff like that anymore.

Later in the day when her mood seems not to improve by much, however chatty she seems with me, I tell her quietly that after the bout we were planning on going to said Gay Bar and I know she likes to dance, would she like to come? She told me she's think about it. I took that as the most polite no she's given me since we stopped being Bffffff's. Later she came up to me and demanded to know when I'd eaten last. It had been a while. She asked if I wanted to split lunch with her. I agreed. She ordered it and I got distracted dealing with work issues. She actually waited for me to eat, which was really sweet. Especially since cold mexican food is gross. Either way, I finally came out and sat down at the booth we all eat lunch at, and she parked it across from me. Then she proceeds to tell me all about her personal drama. I was goggling. This never happens. Honestly, it didn't happen much before.

As I was headed out the door that night to go to the bout (Sakura picked me up and I changed at his place) she stopped me. "I guess I'll see you tonight then." Three shocks from her in one day was almost too much.

Transition to where I tell you that after we leave the after party we most definately ran into Rogue. I got an introduction to her lady. I also got to meet her friends. She introduced me as an old friend, which kicked my ass. I've known her long enough to know that when she introduces you, if she qualifies what you are to her, then that's what you are to her. She plays her cards closer to her chest than anyone I know. Anyway, dancing with them, and with my ladies, was awesome. They played some songs from when Kitten and I first met, aeons ago, and it made me feel 18 again. I hardly ever feel that way.

I danced hard enough that I knew I was going to be sick by the time I got home. Oops on the no food. I forget sometimes. Its not on purpose. I just get distracted.

In other news, the next big holiday is coming up. I'm helping with the ritual. I'm excited. I also got some new books in the mail. I want to read all of them at once. Its killing me. There was one, however, I feel like I ought to read first. It had a handwritten note in the front. It said "To (my name), I hope this book opens paths for you as it has for me. Your path is already wide open. Love Laurie."I thought that was cool since the book was ordered by Kitten for me. There was no way of knowing my name. Its previous owner was a Wiccan by my name...I don't believe in coincidence. I also met a lovely Wiccan lady at work the other night. It was refreshing to talk to her. It made me very happy. She gave me her number and I plan on getting in touch with her very soon. Talking to her gave me a profound sense of peace.

We gave away one of our kittens last night. One of the strays. It was wonderful, because I knew the girl who took her and this kitten had never looked so happy, beautiful or peaceful before. Honestly, I thought she was the mankiest, least adoptable one we had. But my coworker saw something beautiful in her, and it was like she was transformed. I was amazed. It was nice to find a good home for one of my kids.

I went through a series of emotional shocks over the last couple of weeks, as well. I don't know that I am ready to talk about it yet. I don't know if I will be any time soon. What I will say is this- if I seem melancholy try to be patient with me...if I seem wistful, remember what its like to feel keep disappointment. If I seem angry, well...that's just me all over isn't it? I'm doing my best to cntrol it. So far I have. Lets hope I manage to in the near future as well. I came close to spitting fire a few times recently. I don't want to mess up all the karma I've been working to build.

I recognize that some of the things I go through I bring on myself. I recognize that karma will pay me back when I've done wrong. I'm receiving some of that payback now, in a form I never expected. I should have, but I didn't. So I deal with the shock and I try my best to move on.

The biggest comfort I have are my sweethearts and my friends. I realize now more than ever how special the two women in my life are. I don't deserve them, but I'm thankful I have them. I've never seen two people more patient with my idiocy and emotional volitility. If it were part of our cannon I'd swear they were working towards sainthood. I know I am a test to them sometimes. I only hope I am a reward as well. I also have two very wonderful friends who seem to always have the right words for me. They're the ones who feel with me, who understand me best, and I hope I always tell them how great that is. I love it when one of them gets all fired up on my behalf, even when they know I am partially in the wrong in a situation, just because they can't stand the thought of me hurting. It takes a special friend to do that. Especially knowing later they're going to both empathize and kick you in the ass for what you've done. Its special.

I actually dont have the time to keep talking at present. I'm going to be late to work because I've spent all morning spilling my guts to you. But you're worth it. And you're here for me, like you always are. I appreciate it more than I can tell you.

There's something I wanted to tell you-

No matter how you feel about anything, whatever situation you're in, show yourself the respect you deserve, and sometimes a little more. We sell ourselves short too often. Don't do that. You're pretty special.

I love you.

Also, I've given up not using song lyrics in my titles. Its a habit of almost 7 years. I am tired of trying to break it. I have worse ones. Also, this one is courtesy of Swisslet. I read his earworms last night, and I'll be damned if I didn't wake up with one in my head. Thanks, pal. :)


  1. *hugs* Had a great time at the derby and the bar with you on Saturday. Hope your day of rest on Sunday was good and worth it. Love ya, and I'll see you later on this week!

  2. *hug* for everything.

    And it's funny you chose that lyric- I've got Document in my CD player in my car and have been listening to it a lot lately. *G*

  3. You're welcome! At least it's one of the good ones, right?

  4. Swiss, you're right. Its one of the good ones, so I can't complain too much, although I must admit, two dys of waking up to it is a little strange. I can alwys count on you for a good earworm though.

    Aravis and Sakura, thanks for the hugs. I'll take all I can get. You know how much I love a good hug.

    As far as the rest of Sunday went...well, I felt like crap most of the moring, to be honest, Sakura, but I was expecting that. I felt better in the evening. I've been thinking of all the things we have to plan this week, and all thethings I want to chat to you about. I can't wait to see you again. Thanks for being there for me. I love you too.

  5. You are such a sweetheart. Thank you for saying such wonderful things about me. xo

  6. Wrtrgrl- I don't say things I don't believe are absolutely true. You're awesome. Seriously.