Saturday, January 28, 2012

As You Shoot Across the Sky

Well hello. As you can see, I've been going through my old photo albums. I thought this might amuse you, because it certainly amuses me. I went and looked back at all the photos of me since I started blogging. I compiled here a little of what you might call a photo diary of how I've changed (at least in looks) since I started this little venture of mine, and since I met many of you.

This first picture is of me on the evening of my twenty third birthday. Well, I think its twenty three. I might be wrong about that, so don't quote me. I always loved that shirt, in fact I bought a bright blue, more updated version of this shirt a few years ago, though I wore it so rarely I finally threw it out this last spring. Also, I'd like to mention I definately don't wear jeans with that high a waist anymore. In fact, I rarely wear jeans. Anyway, this is me when I first started blogging, when I first met Perpet, back when Beloved and I were living together. I had a lot of ideas then, and I think most of them were probably a little off the mark, but that's the beauty of youth, isn't it? You're allowed to be wrong once and a while.

This next picture is of me (singing karaoke, mind you which is why I look possessed) just after I started dating BBD, sometime after I split up with Beloved and sometime before he and I got engaged. I've got a bit of a harder look about me, I think, and I was. I was rough around the edges. I took the split up wiith Beloved, well, not as well as I could have seeing as how I drank all the time, went out every night, and managed to not only start dating but end up getting engaged to someone it turned out I despised. This was definately a time when I was cutting off my nose to spite my face.

This was right before I started the whole Rogue fiasco, and after I left school. Again. This was the time I met some very cool people, and then again, I met some realy jerks too. I met little black book during this time. Shortly after this picture was taken I did get engaged, and it wasn't too much before or after (I honestly don't remember when) I began working at Casa Bueno.

Skip ahead a year or so and this is me again. This picture was taken about a month or two before BBD and I split up. You can see I'm a little more alert in the eyes. My face is pretty pink, in fact, I was probably well into drink the time this photo was taken. But this was a time when I started wanting a little more for myself and a little more from life.

Enter Kitten.

This is me after Kitten and I startd dating. You can see, I am actually able to smile a real smile. You can't see it, but my bestie Perpet took this picture, and that's another reason to smile, outside of finding real love. She and I had been on the outs a bit, ever since she sat me down and told me that I was being an idiot, I drank too much and BBD was ruining my life. I was mad, but she was right. I'm big enough to admit when I'm wrong.

Also, if you look in the background, the red hair and ugly blue vest belong to our old roommate, Guitar Hero. This was taken about a year before she moved in, before we figured out she was bat shit crazy.

This is me on the lake at Epcot in Disney world. Obviously, I'm on my honeymoon. Incidentally, this is the photo I was looking at the other day when I was thinking about how long my hair has gotten. Its much curlier than it is now, because the longer my hair is the wavier it is, and the more like a rats nest it looks like. I spend a lot of time straitening my hair nowdays. Obviously, I am much happier in this picture than the others, I'm relaxed, and you can see my skin actually has a healthy tint to it.

This is me this last spring. It was taken at our local zoo. Because I have it in my hands behind my head, you can't see how long it is. I don't have an accurate photo of myself right now, because I haven't uploaded my vacation photos, and even then, we took pictures of big cats and not ourselves. Its almost an inch past my elbows now. Its also one of the few pictures I've taken of myself (well, someone else has taken, in this case, I think, it was the Lifeguard) where my hair is its natural color. Yes, those are natural highlights. No, I don't still have them. I mess with my hair all the time.

If you want to actually analyze this one, you can see that I've got a healthy skin tone. Overall, since that first picture, I've slimmed down. Rather, I should say, I toned up a bit, and put my flesh where it ought to be. I've only been really big once (andno, you can't see those photos) and I intend to keep it that way. I think you can also see my personality is developing, and I think I look more like a woman in this photo than any of the others.

I'd say its likely that's because its only been in the last four years I've come into my womanhood. I understand things now that were utterly beyond me a decade ago, and honestly, its nothing to do with books either, though I've acquired plenty of those in the process too.

I could wax poetic all night about the things I've learned and all the ways I've changed, but you know, I think you're more than able, if you want, to go back and read all of those posts and see it. Of course, those of you who have been with me all this time, you know how I've changed anyway. You've rather watched me come into myself, haven't you? Then again, I've got no illusions that I still have a lot of growing to do, although I think most of the personailty is pretty well set in stone. I hope so at least. I feel a lot more stable.

There is one thing, though, I will mention, and that's because I was speaking with Flyguy on the topic earlier today. Most of you have heard me say this, although you've never seen it. I have a spectacular temper. In that first picture, when I was angry or upset, I'd run away from a situation. I know now that just puts off the inevitable. By the time you hit the third picture, I'm well aware of how angry I can get, in fact, I spent a lot of my time when I was with BBD yelling. That did me no good at all. The fireworks were seen a lot more frequently, and they were pretty wild when they were out.

Kitten and I don't fight often, I don't say this to brag. I know every relationship has issues. Fortunately, I've learned that I have to discuss things calmly and like an adult. I know now how I feel when I'm working up to a good fit of rage, and for the most part, I can stop it in its tracks now. In the last year I've leanred to reflect why I'm angry. I have learned to take a deep breath and remember thatm ost of the time I can't fix the problem, and getting mad only makes things worse for me. I've learned when to say "Okay, I need to step away (not run away) and take five minutes to breathe and think about how I really feel, and then we can talk. " I've also learned that with almost all people, anger is less a sign of being truly angry, and is more often a sign of something else, like frustration, fear, hurt or sadness. I leanred this because I usually get mad when I am sad, frustrated, disappointed or afraid of soemthing.

Anyway. Enough about my big changes. I'm going to post this sucker, let you guys laugh at how I look, and then think of something to post that doesn't involve me being so abominably vain that I have to post pictures of myself so you can look at them.

Oh- I changed my profily picture because I thought you might like to see me in something that isn't a bikini, and also because its jauary and a bikini is simply not sensible. That picture was taken last summer while I was running in the warehouse district near my house. That was about the time I decided to toss the bangs. I'm so glad I did.

Right. Off to something more entertaining and less, visual.


Postscript. Sorry about the Katy Perry Lyric. It was the only one that came to mind that didn't involve Sheryl Crow, Kid Rock or that terrible Photograph song. I'll do better next time.

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