Ain't It Good To Know You've Got A Friend?

Dear Friends on Facebook,

By now I am sure you're aware that we're friends. (If we aren't please go unfriend me. Seriously. I don't like strangers seeing my dash.) As your friend, I feel incumbent to remind you a few things. If you know me at all you know I have no problem planning an intervention. Consider this part intervention, part public service announcement and part gentle, loving talk from someone who cares about you. Minus the gentle- because let's face it, if you've met me you know that isn't really my style.

First, I want to establish that the reason you are on my Facebook at all is because at some point in my life I considered you a friend or part of my family. I care about you. I want to know what you are up to. I want to see pictures of your pets and kids and you feeding giraffes at the local zoo. I want to keep connected with you. I want to learn from you, swap recipes with you and tell you what I am up to. If you sent me a friend request, I assume you know me. If you accepted one from me, I assume you know me. If you aren't sure what I like and don't like, you can always read all that nonsense they make us fill out when we get a profile in the first place. I love you. I do. I wouldn't be friends with you if I didn't. But sometimes I think you might forget....well, I know it sounds selfish....I think you forget what I like.

Don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to think of what I like every time you post. I don't. But if most of your friends are like me (if they have similar personalities) then its likely that you're not just pissing me off. So I want to share with you, if I can, some of the things that really get me going. They are the things that make me hide you from my timeline and contemplate whether or not I actually want to be friends with you in real life:

I won't tolerate blatant misogyny or misandry. Its just not acceptable. Yes, I am a lesbian. Yes, I don't want to sleep with men (okay, maybe Robert Downey Jr...but that's a special case) but that doesn't mean I don't know some absolutely wonderful, awesome, kick-ass guys who are excellent examples of what a man really is. It offends me to know end that you feel like its okay to bash men to me, or post those (ADMIT IT THEY ARE) obnoxious E-cards about how all men are stupid, lazy, smell bad and don't give a damn about the women in their lives. This is not true. If you need examples I can always point to here and here and here to get you started, and then if those shining examples aren't enough you can call me and I'll be happy to introduce you to Flyguy and some of my other very awesome male friends. If you are a misogynist- this goes for you too ladies, I know some of you are out there- you can shove it, then go unfriend me. I have no idea how you ended up in my life if you think women are stupid, flighty or incapable. Also, you have never met me, clearly, or any of the women in my life. It still baffles me that in an age where people consider themselves to be modern and mature and open-minded that its still common for people to actively discriminate against women.

Arm-Chair Activism irritates the crap out of me. I cannot tell you how sick I am of people posting stupid pictures for me to "like" if I am against child abuse, domestic violence, if I hate cancer or want to protect my first, second or whatever amendment rights.  I'll tell you something, I probably don't like it and I definitely won't share it. Because it's lazy. In fact, if you post those things frequently, I've probably hidden your pictures from my news feed. Because, of all the people I know who post those things only one (that's right, one) to my knowledge actually does something about it. He and I share very different political ideas and faiths. But I respect him because he actually does stuff that makes a difference before he takes the time to post the stuff about how he doesn't want gun control, or how everyone should respect armed service members. I don't mind that he and I disagree. Partly because even when we do, he can be a mature adult about it and agree to civil discussion and we don't have to come to terms when its over. In part because he did serve in the military, he is a responsible gun owner and honestly, he's a reasonable person. Also, because he exhorts people to actual action, not just sharing his posts on Facebook. If you're reading here, friend, thank you for doing it right. Also, if I had his blog or whatever, I'd throw him in with the links of decent men I know.

Anyway, the point is most of you post pictures about those causes as a way of patting yourself on the back and feeling like you've done some good. I hate to tell you this- you haven't. Not a bit. Here's why. I hate cancer too. I do. But if I don't share your post, and you have shared it, neither of us has done anything to work towards curing it. If you want to raise money for cancer research and whatever, you should probably get in contact with the American Cancer Society .  See how that works? I just gave you a link to a place where you can actually do something to prove that you hate cancer. Isn't that great? Now you can get a team together for the Relay for Life, or volunteer or work as a counselor or donate money or whatever. If you don't, can I say, maybe you don't hate cancer quite as much as you thought you did? I mean, I know you can't work with every charity...but if you hate cancer enough to repost about it- but you ignore diabetes or MS or  AIDS then maybe, just maybe, you should get off your butt and do something about it. If you really, truly don't have time to volunteer but you've got forty seconds on Facebook, skip the picture and post an actual status update like this: "Hey- I know all of you know how much my grandmother having cancer effected me as a child. Well, this month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I'd love it if you would take the time to go to the American Cancer Society web page and see if there's anything you can do to help, or if you have the money, donate. This spring will be the Relay for Life. I haven't had a team before. Message me if you think you'd like to go, or form a team and raise money with me." Its just that easy. And way more personal than a stupid picture of a pink ribbon. You want to post a picture? Share one of you and your grandma. It will mean more to everyone.

Same goes with the political posts. First- if you didn't vote- I don't want to hear it. I don't. You don't get a say. Second, before you start posting more obnoxious pictures of our president or of guns or whatever- before you really, truly complain, please do me a solid and write to these fine folks (if you live in my state anyway)

Senator Claire McCaskill
Senator Roy Blunt

Or, if you need help, we'll look up your congressional district and you can write to them, or email them or whatever. But I do, as both your friend and a citizen of this country, ask you to please go speak to your representatives about your concerns. Democracy doesn't work when we don't communicate. Also, you look like way less of an asshat if you start complaining about minimum wage going up if you've taken the time to do your homework, write your representatives and maybe volunteer time passing out flyers or heading to make calls for your party office.

As for those pictures you keep posting of children and women with bruises all over their faces and bodies or (worse) the ones with a man actually hitting the woman or the child, I want to be really clear about these. STOP. JUST. FUCKING. STOP. As a person who was a victim of domestic violence, I can tell you that you are being insensitive, rude and horrible by posting a picture like that. I'm sure that you never thought that posting a picture of graphic violence might serve as a trigger to me, reminding me of the horrible things that happened to me. It does. It did. You suck. Seriously. If you were a victim of abuse and you're stronger than me, kudos. But you should know, better than anyone, that that sort of thing sticks with you. If you want to stop abuse or help those who do, post links, or go volunteer. But can those photos. Also, you should know, men can be abused too, but we never see that. I think that's sad. (By the way, if you want to head over there now, I've linked to a site that has all the US states individual child abuse prevention hotlines.)

Finally, my last really big complaint (because let's face it, I've covered E-cards in other posts) is about your religion. Now, I don't have a problem with you having one. In fact, if it makes you happy and gives you comfort, I'm super glad you have it. I don't care if its not mine. That's cool too. Here's what I have a problem with:

I have a problem with these. Not because I don't love Jesus and you do. That's fine. The problem is that you look like a self-righteous prig. I love you, but its true. Let me tell you why. If most of your friends are more like me, you're being an annoying ass by not respecting my religious choices. For example, most of my friends are either pagans, neopagans, agnostics or atheists. Me posting a bunch of stuff that says "Come to Jesus"  would not be me ministering to them. Its me being a pain in the ass. They aren't interested in it, and I know it.  Its plain rude. Not to mention if you actually want to convert them, you should probably do it in person. Now, say most of your friends are Christians. I hope they love Jesus. Maybe you can start a group on Facebook all about it. Get a Bible Study together. I don't care. But they should know  you love Jesus. If they don't either you or they are doing it wrong. So, assuming that everyone knows you love Jesus, and you know you love Jesus, what's the point of these pictures? To me, they annoy your non-Christian friends, they shame your church going ones for not being as religious as you (wow, you're posting about God on Facebook- how daring!)  and give yourself a good solid pat on the back about how many stars you're getting in your crown. I'll say it again you look like a self-righteous prig.

Now before you go getting all bent out of shape I want to point out two things. First, I have another friend on Facebook who is a very devout Christian. (actually, I find it ironic since when we were kids she didn't like church and I did and now I'm a lesbian witch and she's a church going soccer mom...its like fate in reverse. I digress) and sometimes she will post about her Bible study in the morning. She'll give the verse and how she feels it applies to her life. You know what? I like it. I like to see her god working in her life. It inspires me. It makes me happy that she finds comfort. And sometimes (its true!) those verses give me inspiration too. And that's okay. So you know, I single out Christians for a reason. No one else I know tries to convert me. None of my Jewish friends. None of my pagan ones (you heard it here- no one converted me. I came to being a witch all on my own!) None of my atheist ones try to tell me there is no god- though we can sometimes enjoy a lively debate about it without hurting anyone's feelings. None of my agnostic friends try to bring me round to them. I've never been approached by a Muslim looking to convert me (and yes, I do know some). Christians are the only ones I know who make such a huge ass fuss about gaining converts, putting their religion in your face and making a huge butt-hurt deal about you not wanting to go to church with them or listen to how Jesus can set you free or whatever.  Friends, family, I love you. You're welcome to your religion. But I'm not lost, I'm not wandering. This isn't a phase. I've been practicing witchcraft for 15 years now. That's right, since I started high school. No one convinced me. I did it on my own. So I'm pretty sure, now, you see, that its the right path for me. And you trying to convince me otherwise is rather irritating. If you want to know more about my faith, I'll be happy to talk to you about it. But the minute you start telling me how I'm wrong, I'll walk away. Because I've been your religion, but you've never been mine. I made my choice, thanks so much, and I'd appreciate you not posting those "Like if you love Jesus  share if you whatever, keep scrolling if you love the devil" because frankly, Satan is your creation, not mine, I don't believe in him or love him or worship him. Just because I'm not a Christian doesn't lump me into the the pack of devil-worshiping psychos your posts seem to imply we non-believers are.

Its not that I don't want you to post. I don't even want you to agree with me all the time. But there was a time when I would get upset because all anyone ever did was take pictures of their dinner or post pictures of their kids. I'd welcome that now. I realized recently, I follow you on Facebook because I care about your life. I want to know how your vacation went or when you're having a bad day. I'm interested when you go to a new restaurant. I like it when you tell me all about how you beat whatever new video game you bought three days ago.

I like you for you. I like your ideas and opinions. I like your smile and how think and speak. I want you to express yourself in your own words. If that's a clever quip- go for it. But let it be yours. I don't care what other people say. I'm not interested in their pictures. I want to see you, speak to you and hear your voice in your posts. Otherwise, there's no reason for me to want to be connected to you.

Let me be honest. Sometimes I don't mind your pictures and E-cards. Sometimes I don't mind your political posts. Sometimes I actually laugh at the things you post. But go look at your wall. Seriously, open a new browser. I'll wait. When was the last time you posted something that had to do with your actual life that had nothing to do with sharing or liking someone else's idea or picture? When was the last time you posted about what you were up to that didn't involve shameless self-promotion of your new book/album/artwork/gallery show? When did you actually share a little bit of who you are? If I suddenly disappear from your dash, maybe its not because I don't love you, or I don't think of you. Maybe its because its you only think of you, or you never think of me, or (sadly) I want to preserve what relationship we have and I won't be able to respect you if I watch you consistently do the things I've mentioned above.

I love you. I hope I see you soon.

Love,
Me

Dodging Bullets While You're Trying To Find Your Way

Okay. I was hoping to avoid this. I really was. I've mentioned several times how sick and tired I am of this nonsense, but I was pushed over the edge tonight. I'm doing this once. I'm jumping into the gun control debate/war/bullshit nonsense.

Okay. I'm taking three minutes to step away from the blog, not be angry and I'll be back. You'll be here, right?

Okay. Now that I am calm I will proceed with much less ranting than would have gone on had I not taken a moment.

I want to start by saying that I am well and truly sick of the whole gun control issue. Seriously. I am tired of Facebook and Twitter posts on it, I'm sick of my morning news being inundated with updates about the whole issue and what the government plans to do about it. I'm just tired of it all. That said, though, there was a post on Facebook tonight by one of my acquaintances that set me off. I want to discuss it now so that I can get all of this off my chest and get the angry out of my brain because it will irritate me all night if I do not.

First things first, I want to be clear. I am not anti-gun. We have a gun in our house. Everyone in our home knows how to operate it. I even recently went to the gun range with Dad and shot a few rounds. It was relaxing and an interesting form of recreation. Now that we have that out of the way, let's proceed.

I think there should be gun laws, and that they should be enforced. Here's a list of things I think are a good idea:

If you want to purchase a gun you should have to pass a criminal background check. I don't think people with a criminal background, especially a violent one, should be able to own a gun. I'm not talking parking tickets or whatever, either. I'm talking about drugs, robbery, assault- that sort of thing. These people have already proved that they are a danger to society and should not be allowed to further endanger it by having possession of a firearm.

I also believe you should have to take some sort of basic mental health test before you get one. No, no one is completely adjusted. But I do think that we could do more to keep guns out of the hands of maniacs by doing this.

I believe that all guns should be sold by licensed dealers who would be held responsible for the sale of weapons to unsuitable people, people who by law should not be in possession of those weapons. I also believe that every gun should be registered. This means that the serial number on each gun should be kept in a register by the government and when that gun is sold by its owner it should be re-registered in the name of its new owner. If a private gun owner should want to sell their firearm, they should be held to the same regulations as a dealer would be held to. This enhances accountability of all parties involved. Once a gun is registered, the owner should have to produce some form of annual or biannual verification that they are still in  possession of that gun. If they are not, they should be able to provide details as to where that gun has gone.

All people who own a gun should have to take classes in firearm safety and use. This is already a requirement for conceal and carry in many states. I do not think it unreasonable that it should be a requirement for all gun owners. If you're going to have a deadly weapon in your home, you should know how to operate it. I think that's reasonable.

I don't think private citizens need to own automatic weapons. Period. I have never heard one good reason they need to posses them. Not one. And no, I don't count "The Constitution says I can, and I like shooting them" as a good reason.

I am not saying that there should be no guns. I think a person has a right to protect their personal autonomy and that of their family. I think they are useful in the context of recreation and hunting. I think that using them for that purpose is fine. I do. There's nothing wrong with that. But I also think there is nothing unreasonable about wanting there to be limits to ownership as a matter of personal and public safety.

I've heard a lot of people spout statistics about gun violence versus other violence. I don't really hold with it. There have been relatively few (and none in recent memory) mass killings with weapons like knives. I'm not saying it can't be done, only that it is much harder to do. In my state, and in many of the states around me, there are already in place many restrictions on the sale of knives as well. Certain kinds are prohibited and there are rules about the ones that are sold by licensed dealers. There is no fuss over that. As an outdoorsman, I use knives and prefer them as a form of personal protection. But I do not argue that some are more dangerous than others and should be restricted.

No one seems to argue that access to explosives that can create bombs and deadly gasses should be restricted. Everyone seems to think this is reasonable. No one cries out second amendment rights over these restrictions, even though those things are also used as forms of "arms" for out "militia" - the US military. That is because it is recognized that for the common good it is much better to have restrictions to protect the citizenry of this country. I see gun control as just that, an effort to make sure that the use of these weapons is controlled.

I have never, not once -despite the hysteria of my more conservative friends- heard any elected official ever suggest that all guns should be made illegal. I have never heard them suggest that no person should be able to own them. I have only heard that there should be reasonable restrictions to the sale and purchase of those guns. I don't think that is unreasonable. If you are, as most of my friends claim, a responsible gun owner than you have already registered your firearm, taken classes, know how to use is and purchased them in a legal manner. A person such as that should have no problem with these suggestions because they are already operating within the bounds of the law. Unless, of course, they own an automatic weapon. And to all of those people I reiterate- Why? What in the name of heaven do you need one for. Give me a reasonable answer and I might change my mind. But to date, I've never heard one.

Now, for the thing that truly set me off tonight and made me want to talk about this. This picture:

As both a liberal and a rape victim I cannot tell you how much this offends and upsets me.

First, because not all rapes are preventable by the use of a gun. In fact, most rapes (statistically 80-85%) are done by someone you know, in a setting familiar to you. Sure, if you're in a dark alley you might be willing to pull out a gun and shoot that person. Unfortunately, most of us will not carry (even if we have a conceal carry permit) a gun on a date, a trip with our family to a church event or in our own homes or the homes of our friends. This is simply an impracticable solution.

Second, this is an advocating violence to repress violence. I don't agree with that. Now, I am not saying if you are attacked you shouldn't fight back. You should. In fact, I encourage every woman I know to take a rape prevention and self defense course. If you are a male and there is a local organization who will allow you to attend, by all means do so (a lot will not, since it makes women feel vulnerable, though it is certainly true that men can be attacked as well, and that shouldn't be forgotten.). But pulling out a gun and shooting creates a whole new ballgame when it comes to violence. Yes, I agree that preservation of personal autonomy is important, and sometimes deadly force is necessary, but I also think that it is important to remember that once a gun is put into the picture of any scenario the likelihood of someone being gravely injured or killed is substantially raised. Do I think sex offenders should be punished? Absolutely. To the fullest extent of the law. But I also think it is important to be mindful of the consequences of your actions, self-defense or no.

Most of you who have known me for some time know that I was attacked by my pastor's son (whom I was dating) and several of his friends. Had I pulled out a gun and shot them, I cannot even begin to imagine the fallout from that decision. Would it have stopped the attack? Maybe. But several of those men were also gun  owners, and they could have hurt me as well. Would I have stopped it if I could? You know I would have. But the use of a gun would not have aided me in any substantial way in that situation, and I am aware of it. There had not been, in the whole of my life, a single situation where I was involved in some sort of personal violence where I would have been okay with pulling a gun and shooting that person. Those of you who know me well will know how that speaks volumes to the amount of personal control I have now, considering the horror I have of those events and the resulting personal damage that it caused me.

Finally, and I cannot say this enough, this picture is a vile and horrible way of scaring people into the acceptance of guns. I do not advocate or own a gun because I was raped. I do not advocate the use of rape as a means of convincing anyone that your political agenda is acceptable. Only a person who has been raped or who has a loved one who has lived through that terrible ordeal can understand the magnitude of the experience, or the horror that this sort of threat presents. I do not like being told that if I do not allow unrestricted access to guns for all that I or someone I care about will have that happen to them. I do not like rape as a threat. It is unconscionable in my opinion. To further that threat with pictures of rape violence is not only terrifying, it is crass and insensitive. As a liberal, it offends me to no end that any conservative would believe or put about the idea that I would rather have a person violently violated then allow them to protect themselves. As a victim of rape, as an intelligent person and as a woman it disgusts me that anyone would use a tactic like this to frighten and pressure me into agreeing with their political agenda.

I have no problem with the gun control debate, so long as it is intelligent and civil. I think there are reasonable solutions that everyone can agree on. But I do not agree and will never condone the use of that sort of tactic to encourage people to make a certain decision. I am thoroughly tired of listening to the hysteria and accusations of both sides and a am irritated to no end that I am forced to look at images like that one any time someone wants to shock or cause debate, or whatever.

I think that, in all things, being reasonable and intelligent can solve this issue.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I can go about my business and avoid a personal explosion on Facebook with regards to this particular political issue. I'm always willing, of course, to discuss the issue, though I would encourage everyone (always) to be reasonable, rational and avoid the name calling and pettiness that always seems to accompany this sort of hot-button political issue.

Peace and Love, Y'all
AGxx

Ain't That America?

Wow. Election Day is finally over. More than that- Election Night is over. What's the difference? To me, its like night and day. Sort of like yesterday I did community service by coaching a pee-wee football team and last night I watched the Super Bowl.

In my house politics are like sports when it comes to viewing. We're very passionate. I'm fortunate that both Kitten and Oscelot are as nuts as I am (though they have less stamina, I was the only on who made it to President Obama's speech) so we went to vote yesterday afternoon and then settled in for a big night.

As most of you know, I don't own a television. So our election coverage was watched via online stream from NBC News. Bless their hearts. I love them for it. Coverage started at six my time, so we ordered a pizza at about six and we drug our couch out of the living room and into the library. We set up some footstools and then settled in for a long, long night.

It was a long night too. Believe me. There was a good deal of time I was on pins and needles. We didn't get up unless they were going to a scheduled break. We didn't do anything unless we had the chance of getting out of the room (usually to the bathroom) and back again without missing anything. There was one point in the night when Gov. Romney and Pres. Obama were tied, and Kitten missed it so I trucked into the bathroom to tell her immediately. (What? Touchdown Romney? Damnit...)

As the night wore on we became more anxious. I was dying to get results on our local and state elections because we had a nationally recognized senate race. Fortunately they put us out of our misery about that around ten. The rest of the night was us, engrossed, as we listened to political commentary and waited for Chuck Todd to show us the numbers in the swing counties and then for Brian Williams to interrupt so we could watch them call a state and then put it out on the ice.

When they finally -finally- called Ohio for the President, around eleven or so, our house erupted in cheers. (You're not surprised are you?) and we had a victory dance with our cats. Oscelot went to bed, saying she would watch the speeches in the morning. Then the unthinkable happened. Gov. Romney wouldn't concede Ohio. What??? Surely not? So Kitten and I went back to the screen and waited anxiously as the results from every other swing state rolled in. Colorado and Nevada...was that enough? Then we heard that Miami-Dade was not counting any more ballots as of midnight. What???

Finally, finally, Kitten went to bed too, apologizing that she couldn't stay up later. Hell, I don't blame her. Both of them had to work this morning after all. So I cozied up with the cats and waited for Gov. Romney to make the call. And waited.

Finally, the call was made and I listened to Gov. Romney's concession speech. I'll say this. I never would have voted for him. But he was dignified, passionate and caring. You could see in his face that he was heartbroken. You could hear in his voice that he truly cares for America. And that? It made all the difference to me. He is a good man. I don't agree with him. But had I seen that man on stage all year, I would have liked him better.

His speech down, I only waited on my new president. I was anxious and tired- but I would not miss this. His speech, to me, was beautiful. It was not just rhetoric. It was not just victory. It was a call for unity. And that, my friends, is what I learned while I was watching last night.

A lot of pundits say there was no mandate. A lot of them say that the country is more divided than ever. What I saw was Americans giving their elected officials a hard rap of the butt and telling them to get back to work and to get it right this time. Nothing changed, and everything changed.

I had an interesting conversation this morning with Sakura's aunt on facebook. She's a conservative, and she asked if we could have a discussion about gay marriage because she didn't understand why it was such a big deal that it be called marriage. After the long discussion it turns out that we agree. She doesn't think a church should be forced to marry two people if they don't want to, neither do I. But she does agree that all people have the same fundamental rights. We call it a draw, because it all boils down to the semantics of the word. But today, for the first time, I saw someone from the right who was willing to engage in discourse about a controversial topic important to both of us, and saw us walk away with an answer we could both live with.

That is what needs to happen now. I pray, I hope, and I will that there will be this kind of talk in Washington. I hope that there is a clear sense that four years ago we elected a bunch of liberals and it didn't work. We swapped them out for conservatives in the mid-term elections. That didn't work. Now we have a nice mix, similar but different, and we're ready for them to lay aside the bullshit and the party politics and talk. I think last night was America saying maybe we don't always agree. What's best for me might be bad for you, but maybe we can find something that is simply good for all of us. I hope this time we will have the opportunity to compromise and become a more socially minded electorate.

I can hope right?

Oh, and for those keeping tally, because I was-

*First openly gay senator elected.
*First female handicapped war veteran elected
* First openly pansexual elected to congress
*Four states voted to legalize or decriminalize marijuana (I don't like it, but can't we spend money fighting drugs like meth for a change?)
* Three states legalized gay marriage and one voted to repeal a constitutional amendment banning it.

This is huge. HUGE. 

I can't tell you enough how excited I am. Or how exhausted. One of the highlights of the night for me was Sakura calling me at like, eleven thirty to celebrate with me. It was wonderful.

The game is over, let the games begin.

Thank you, thank you, to every person who went and voted yesterday. Today is a new day for all of us.

AGxx
*NO SENATOR who publicly supported anti-abortion legislation for rape victims was elected.

Then Again It Feels Like Some Sort of Inspirtation To Let The Next Life Off the Hook

Tomorrow is election day. If you live in the United States this probably is not a surprise to you. No doubt even those who live under rocks will be well aware of it- all of the political campaigns will have surely found a way to get a flyer to you somehow. At this point I am relatively certain that however they might lean politically, every single American has got to be sick of the politics. This is the culmination of more than a year's worth of campaigning, mud-slinging, primaries, caucuses, debates, interviews and -don't doubt it- spin.

We, as Americans, are weary. We've seen it all. We've heard it all. If there is a single undecided voter left in this country today, I would be shocked. Seriously. At this point, I think it is more than clear that the country is wildly divided, and when you draw the line, or in most cases, when the line has been drawn for you, its not hard to see which side you fall on. But today, it's not just those elusive, coveted, undecided voters I am concerned about.

It's every voter.

Now, at this point, if you aren't registered to vote I imagine its either because you aren't old enough or you have such a sincere amount of voter apathy that whatever I say will not make a difference to you. You can read on if you like, but feel free to skip out here. Who I want to speak to today is every registered voter who comes across my blog. I want your attention, for just a moment.

I need you to go vote tomorrow.

No- you need you to go vote tomorrow.

This election, in my mind, is hugely important. I see, for the first time in my lifetime, a country that is wildly divided. We are standing at a crossroad. Whatever happens tomorrow, make no mistake- things are changing. Personally, I don't care for divisive politics. I hate that the right has moved further right with the assistance of the Tea Party. I hate that in response, the left has moved further left. I don't like this all or nothing choice we are being forced to make. Unfortunately, the line has been drawn in the sand. We have to choose where we're going to go. And this year, like many other years, there's not as much choice as we would like. But that doesn't mean we have no choice.

I've heard this election referred to as many things. Some see it as a referendum on President Obama. Some see it as a chance to "reclaim America". Some people think this is our chance to protect our moral ideals. Some see it as a way to protect freedom. I've been told that when we step into the voting booth tomorrow we are not choosing who we like, but who we hate less. We are not selecting a leader we feel our country can't live without- we are choosing the leader we can live with. I've even had people who are not voting tell me they aren't because they feel like their is no choice at all, no difference between the two men who are running for our nation's highest office. I couldn't agree less.

Regardless of your politics, tomorrow you are making a choice. You are choosing the course of human rights in this country. You are making a decision about a woman's right to choose. You are deciding how you think the finances of this country should be handled. You are making choices about how your brothers, sisters and children and grandchildren will be educated. You are deciding who makes the choice with regards to a person's healthcare. You are the one who is casting the vote to decide what support, if any, our grandparents, parents and even ourselves will receive in the years to come. You are making the decision that says exactly how much a person's religion should effect their government. You are deciding what foreign policy we will take with India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Israel, Russia, China and the UN.

Tomorrow, when you step in to vote you are deciding what taxes you and I pay. You are deciding whether or not you and I will have access to healthcare. You are deciding whether or not my grandmother will be able to afford the medication she needs. You are deciding where and what your children will learn. You are making decisions, not just for yourself, but for every person who is able to vote, unable to vote, or too young to vote. You are making a decision that will effect every single person in the state and country you live in. You are not just voting for you, but for every person you know. The choice you make tomorrow will effect all of us for the rest of our lives. Tomorrow you are voting for the greater good.

That's a lot of responsibility.  Fortunately, there is only one way you can fail, and that is by not voting.

There will be many people tomorrow who don't vote because they can't, and I think that is a travesty. There will be people who have no access to cars, or who can't afford the ID required by their state to vote. There will be some who can't get off work. There will be some who wanted to vote but didn't register on time. There will be thousands of people tomorrow who will want to vote, and who can't. You must go vote for them.

There is no doubt in my mind that this election, more than ever, your vote counts. If you don't believe that, you haven't been paying attention. There are at least three states that will have possible recalls because the margin of votes between the two candidates is less than a half a percent. A half a percent! In some cases that is somewhere in the neighborhood of 100,000 voters. Of all the people in those states, in this country, that is a drop in the bucket of votes. Yet tomorrow, every single voice in every single one of those states will mean something. Every person is Ohio, Florida, and Colorado will walk into a voting booth knowing they might be casting the deciding vote of the election- not just for their state but for the whole United States.

In many states, including the three I just mentioned, there have been election officials that have tried to stop or decrease hours of early voting. They have tried to purge their voter rolls. They have made it harder, in come cases for lower and middle class Americans, nearly impossible to vote. I am heartened to see that in every case there have been people who were willing to make a sacrifice and stand in line for four, five and in some cases in Florida up to nine hours to cast their vote. That is amazing to me, that these people see that their voice, that every voice, counts. It should never be an act of heroism to vote in the US. This year it is. I admire those people. Unfortunately, for every person who is able to take the day off, get a sitter for the kids, or has the good health required to stand in line outside for eight hours to vote, there is a person who can't. Those people are victims to an agenda that is neither mine nor yours, friend. You must go vote for them.

For my friends who don't have the privilege to live in a "battleground state" I urge you to go vote anyway. Every state is a battleground. Every one of them. I live in a Red State. I am a democrat. You better bet that every election for me is a battle. It is a chance for me to tell my conservative representatives that I am still here, and that they are still accountable to me and every other liberal that is not a part of their voter base. Because they are still making choices for me. If every single liberal I know who has given up the fight would rally and head to the polls, things could change. We could make our voices heard. We could become a "battleground" state. It is the fear and complacency of my generation that causes me the most pain.

I am tired of being told that my voice doesn't matter. I don't want to hear that the voice of my friends and family don't matter. I don't want to be told that I cannot possibly make a difference on my own. Let me tell you something- tomorrow I get one vote. Tomorrow Mitt Romney and President Obama get one vote. The richest man in America gets one vote. The poorest Hispanic mother gets one vote. We all get one. No more. My vote is equally precious as the vote of a person of greater or lesser standing than my. My vote is my chance to say that despite the odds, despite the opinions of others, my voice has just as much a right to be heard as anyone else's. I refuse to fall victim to the popular ideology that one vote and one person cannot make a difference. I refuse to fall into someone else's agenda by not following my own. 

I don't care what your views are. Maybe we have similar ideas. Maybe they are wildly different. Either way, tomorrow, your voice is important to me too. It should be important to you. Your vote, no matter who you cast it for, is an act of patriotism. It is an act of pride. It is an act of defiance. Tomorrow, you choosing to vote is your way of saying that you will not quietly let others make decisions for you. You are demanding to be heard. You are telling the world that you still believe that you live in a country where every person matters, where every thought deserves to be considered, where reason and rationality and the good of mankind can still be thought of. You are voting to tell others that greed and scandal and spin do not matter as much as the ideas and opinions you have. The parties in the US determine their platforms based on what they think you want to hear. Go out tomorrow and tell them exactly what you want from your country. The more we speak, the more they must listen.

I ask you, I charge you, to go do your duty tomorrow. The course of my life, the course of your life and the course of the life of every single American depends on it. Please don't let me down.

AGxx

Time is on my side

Wow. Time keeps slipping away from me!

I'm sure most of you have noticed its November, which means it is National Novel Writing Month. I love NaNo and have done it for years. I have done some of my best work and met some of my best friends through NaNo and I couldn't encourage budding writers enough to try it out. But this also means that despite the fact I will be at the computer for nearly all of the month, writing until I am certain my fingers will fall off, that I will probably be really lazy about updating here. Not that I am really regular here, or anything, but it seems like I am worse during November.

Samhain went really well. My coven and I had a great time. We went to Kitten's mom's house for the ritual. We were house sitting for her because she was at a conference, and she suggested we might like to have ritual at ehr place since there is a massive back yard surrounded by trees and its really private. Not to mention her house is a bit larger than ours. So we took her up on the offer.

I'm not going to lie, hauling all of the ritual stuff over there was a bit of a challenge, but we had a nice time in the end. We even had a sleepover, so some of our coven members stayed at the house all night. We ended the evening after ritual with a nice dinner and a chat in front of the fireplace. It was a good time. We also got to eat my very first attempt at a made from scratch cake. I am a notoriously bad baker, I can ruin slice and bake cookies...but the cake was good! I am not suprised that as usual, the stuff that is harder to do is much simpler for me.

We did a really nice ancestor meditation too, and I felt very comforted to see many of my passed family members and several of my spirit guides waiting for me. It meant a lot to me. I always feel so close to them this time of year. They had been making regular appearances in me dreams, so it was nice to see them when I went to seek them, not just when they came to find me. That may seem odd, but I really do feel like the deep relationship I have with my personal spiritual guardians is an important one, and it gave me the grace and the strength to see where I am in my life and where I need to go next.

We also discovered, quite by accident, that I have a new allergy. I am allergic to pumpkin. Or at the very least highly intolerant. See, I never eat pumpkin except for in pie during the holidays. I thought that it was the stress of being with my family that was causing me to be so sick. We carved pumpkins a couple of days before Samhain and wouldn't you know, I got a rash that looked rather like the chicken pox on my arms and a raging headache. Huh. I would have never thought. Oh, well, as much as I enjoy the seasonal rule of our pumpkin spice overlords, I rarely indulge. I am looking at this as an opportunity to try new flavors of the season. That's always best, isn't it?

I'm working hard on my new novel. I think I've got a lovely plot idea and it seems to be coming at a rather fast clip. I have no illusions. Week two is looming, and I know how difficult it is to stay motivated. But I have a really great group of writing buddies, and they are all on the same train of love, support and a little bit of verbal abuse that keeps my Type A personality writing.

Alright. I might be able to sneak on later in the week. If you live in the US, be sure to go vote. Oh- and a reminder- if you vote a strait party ticket- vote for the president first, before you hit the "select all one party" button. The presidential race is separate. It would suck if you forgot to vote for our commander in chief by technicality. Especially if you are anticipating on waiting in the same long lines I am. I waited 3 hours to vote for our last election. This year I imagine it will be just as bad, especially since we have one of the big national senate races. Do your duty by your country friends. I'll be proud of you.

Lots of love,
AGxx

Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue

I was sincerely hoping to avoid one of these this election season. Unfortunately, it wasn't in the cards. So here comes the preface:

This is a political post. I am going to state my political opinions herein. I am going to likely offend someone. I'd apologize, but I'm entitled to my opinion. If you disagree with me, that is okay. I am all about civilized discussion. If you want to be a stubborn, bull-headed pain in my rear and call me names, I will not tolerate it. Period. So lets get the names out of the way. Yes, I am a liberal, left wing, tree-hugging, witchcraft practicing, let's install a solar power generator to power my stove to cook my organic food, gay flag waving huge heathen lesbian bleeding heart liberal. There. See. I know I am. Let's get on to the civilized discussion.

Right. Its this time of year, well, every couple of years, and every four years especially that I find myself really irritated with the public at large and with the people who are politically active in general.Part of it has to do with the fact that I can't watch television without seeing a political ad. Part of it is I can't sit down to dinner without some politician or PAC or whatever calling me to tell me about the evils of the particular candidate on THE OTHER SIDE. Part of it is I have flyers in my door, pamphlets in my mail and signs stuck in my yard...I don't want any of them. I really don't. Here's why-

I am a grown ass adult who is capable of researching, fact checking and making my own decision when it comes to electoral politics. I really can. What irritates me is that most people are not. Most people don't know anything about their candidates when they go to vote their straight party ticket. That's their choice. If they want to vote the party line, that's okay. God knows, most of the time I do. Most of the time.

I find myself irritated though, because people start spouting off party or political rhetoric without any regard to fact checking, truth, or sometimes how they even feel about the issue. It pisses me off. Its especially bad on facebook. Really bad there. And I sometimes wonder how people have the nerve to post the shit they do. It makes them look like complete assholes, and ignorant to boot.

Take the current election as a great example. Now most of us know that the laws are actually passed by congress. Its true. Check the constitution. Its there, I read it about five minutes ago. Now, I have the utmost respect for President Obama. I think he is a good man, and I think he has the potential to become a very great president. Here's the problem- both with him and Former Governor Romney- THEY DON'T WRITE THE LAWS. I love a good debate. I think tonight's on foreign policy should be interesting, because President's do have an effect on foreign policy. But nothing gets my goat like listening to them tell me all about their job's plans and their social security plans and their medicare plans and how they are going to address my rights as a woman when the truth of the matter is, all they can do is ask congress to work towards a certain goal, maybe even propose those goals, but in the end they only get to sign the legislation that they did not write because it had to be written and sponsored and voted through both the house and senate before they ever get a chance to make that bill law.

I'm going to say that again for emphasis. Congress makes the laws. Congress sponsors and writes the bills. Congress passes the bills. If congress does not pass the bill the president never gets to touch it. NOT ONCE.

So why all the fuss about the Presidential Election?

Truly, I do think its important, because presidents get to do things like nominate supreme court justices- and those guys are on the bench for life. And they do have an effect on my day to day life. Look at Roe v. Wade, look at Brown vs. Board of Education, look at them taking up the matter of gay marriage on the high court level. I want those judges to be on my team, voting my party ticket, thank you very much. Now, do I want them to pay attention to the letter of the law? You bet. But when it comes to political interest, the law is flexible, and so is its interpretation. I want a president in office whose going to choose someone who has my rights in mind.

The president gets to pass executive orders too. And those are important and little spoken of. But they should be. If you want to see how much a president does on a day to day basis, look at his executive orders. See what it takes for a person to work each day to help run the federal government. A productive president has a whole lot of EO's.

Presidents are influential. They set the tone of an administration. They negotiate and handle statesmanship duties, which I appreciate because believe me, some of our members of the legislature don't need to be talking to foreign ministers. They just don't. I know, too, that if a president disagrees with a bill, they can veto it, and that's a lot of power.

Here's the thing, though. NO ONE EVER GETS EXCITED ABOUT CONGRESSIONAL ELECTIONS.

I do. Believe me. Because the person that takes the senate and house of representative seats for my state is the person who is speaking with my voice. I want it to be my words coming out of their mouth. Right now, my senator is up for re-election. Her name is Clair McCaskill, and I honestly like what she does. I've followed her work, and her accomplishments since she was first elected to the federal government. I'm proud to have her from my state. She is currently running against a Republican named Todd Akin. You might remember him because of his little debacle on live television talking about pregnancy and rape. Obviously, I don't want this man speaking for me. If every single person who got fired up about presidential politics got fired up about their national and state legislative races, if they were truly informed, politics in the US would be wildly different. Mark me on that. Because the people who actually make the laws would be the ones we would be holding accountable. The people who make the laws would be the ones we are grilling about their policies and how they represent our choices and freedoms.

But outside of the obvious implications of the fact that most of the people I speak to about the elections have already formed their opinions, or don't care, or are so terribly misinformed about the political process in general there are some things that have been weighing heavily on my mind. And these are things, I will admit, that are probably only things that irritate me because I am a liberal. So bear that in mind. However, I'd like to point out:

The phrase "Gun Control" is not equivalent to "Lets Repeal the 2nd Amendment." I get really fucking sick of listening to people tell me the moment a democrat is elected that they're going to go bury their guns in their back yard so some crazy, mythic, black ops all Democrat mob can't come steal their guns away. Please. This sort of hysteria is the stuff that political campaigns dream of. They want you afraid and hysterical. Let me tell you something. I am a democrat. I own a gun. I own knives. I own all sorts of fun hunting toys that I will gladly make recreational use of and possibly make other use of if someone takes it upon themselves to cross my threshold with the intent to infringe on the autonomy of me or anyone in my family. You fucking bet I will. And I believe that's my right. BUT I also believe the state has the right to make sure that I am a sane, mentally competent person before they let someone sell me a gun. If they did, I would be a lot less likely to have to use my gun to shoot anything other than a squirrel, deer or paper target. And please, please spare me the drivel about regulating the types of guns being sold. You don't need an AK47 to shoot a deer. That weapon is designed to kill people in military combat. If you want one, join the fucking military. I'll wear a flag pin just for you. Seriously, I get so angry when people rant and rave about how we allow gang violence, and how cops get killed and how crime is on the rise and then they get all pissed off when someone suggests that maybe, just maybe, the socially responsible thing to do is make sure that gun shops don't hand out automatic weapons like they're candy on Halloween. I hate to say this, but you don't get it both ways.

Terrorism is not a political issue. Its not. Terrorism is shitty. It is. And it effects the way we run our country. But let me tell you something- there is no way to prepare for terrorism. There isn't. That's the point of terrorism. That they strike when you aren't looking, where you don't suspect, and the fear of them literally strikes terror into you. There is only one answer to "how do you feel about terrorism?" and that, if you are sane, is "terrorism is fucking awful." Here's what we should be talking about- diplomacy, international relations, how we are viewed by the rest of the world, who our allies are and how we deal with terrorists in a safe but humane way, because torture isn't an option. ( I assume if you're okay with torture, you've either stopped reading or are just plain punishing yourself. Or you're working up an awesome retort to my points) These things, my friends, are called foreign politics, and they're very important. And truthfully, I think most Americans forget that no, we aren't the only civilized country in the world. No, we aren't the only democracy. In fact, we're not even the best one. Sorry, that's the truth. I'm not saying I don't love living in the US. I do. But there are other places where the democratic process itself works better. I truly believe that the biggest problem with America is Americans. I get so sick of people saying shit like "We're America damn it. They should respect us." Why? Why? Because we make a lot of shit? Because we're a democracy? Because we have a huge GDP? Because our land mass is bigger? Fuck that. England is less than the size of my state and it has been and still is just as, if not more, powerful than the US is now. What do we do that makes us worth respecting. That's what I want to know. And frankly, none of the things that make us a country worth respecting have been election issues any time since I've been able to vote.  And truly, out of all of the "civilized" and "developed" countries- we're one of the youngest. We're still a teenager. And maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to take a leaf out of the books of some of the countries that have been around literally since Jesus was born. Just sayin'. (though maybe financial advice from Greece wouldn't be too sweet right now)

And Freedom. Sweet Jesus, Mary and Jospeh, I am so sick of hearing about freedom. Let me tell you why- the people I listen to who screech about freedom have every fucking freedom in the world. I am tired of Republicans telling me that I am trying to take away their liberties. Please, someone, explain to me how me being able to marry a woman, or have an abortion, or buy contraception, or get government assistance for health insurance takes away your freedom. Because I don't think it does. I think you disagree with it. Bully for you. You're allowed to. But let me explain: me having a freedom does not take away one of yours. You think gays shouldn't get married? Sweet. Don't be gay. Or if you are gay, don't get married. You think abortion is murder? Cool. Don't get one. You think that contraception is a form of abortion? Okay. Don't put your teenage daughter on the pill (and while you're at it, give her the abstinence talk, because you won't let her sit in on those family life films that explain about things like STDs) You are completely and totally free to do all of those things. Awesome. You not choosing to do those things is your right. It is also your right to think that I am going to hell if I am going out and having lesbian sex using a dental dam i picked up at a government clinic the week after I get an abortion.

Here's where my rights come in. Because I should be able to do or not do all of those things. I should. And the argument about whether or not I can do all of those things is almost always based in someone's religion. And its not mine. I promise you that. Because my religion says that if I am not harming someone, and it is for the purpose of my higher will, I can do it. And I know that's not the most common belief out there. Don't get me wrong. I like a lot of Christians. I think there's a huge bunch of moral, good ones out there. But the fact is, I don't want them using their faith to make laws I have to live by. Because its not my faith, and its against the law for them to dictate my moral beliefs. Period.

The problem is, everyone is so concerned about their "rights" but what they really mean is that they should not have to live in a world with people who have different ideas or moral beliefs than they do. That somehow, witnessing any other person doing something their religion or morals don't agree with diminishes the faith that they live by. Sorry folks, that means your religion sucks. And so does your faith. Because me, in my own corner, doing my own thing, has absolutely zero effect on you or your god or your religion. And if it does- if it truly does- maybe you should be having a talk with god, because one of the two of you got it wrong somewhere.

I'm all politic-ed out. Relieved, aren't you? I'll probably fire up again soon. But right now I have another debate to watch. Even if I have made up my mind. Its nice to be informed, right?

Constructive comments and thoughts below!
AGxx

You Have A Drumstick and your Brain Starts Tickin'

I was scrolling through facebook earlier and saw one of my cousins had posted a picture of President Obama on her facebook wall with the following quote: "You may be a liberal if you hold your fast food restaurants to a higher moral standard than your president."

Really?

First, I'd like to say, I'm already sick of this whole Chick-Fil-A debacle/scandal/whatever. I am. You know what? The conservatives are right- they have every right to give money to whomever they want. And the Liberals are right- we have a right not to give them business as a way of protesting that. Hell there's even groups out there saying lets all go and be gay (gay, but appropriate) at Chick-fil-A once a month as a peaceful way of protesting their beliefs. Everyone is within their rights to say and do these things. Let's agree to disagree.

BUT

I do not agree with active descrimination against anyone for any reason. I am especially opposed to the oppression of homosexuals since I am one. In case I haven't mentioned it, to all my readers- I am a lesbian. I'm a lesbian because I was born that way. It is not my choice. But I'll tell you something, if I had a choice, I would still choose the wonderful woman whom I married. I would. I couldn't have made a better choice. And we have been married for nearly three years now and we are very happy. I digress. Discrimination is bad. Violence against people who believe things differently from you? Bad. Killing and actively promoting the killing of people simply because their beliefs are not yours? Very, Very Bad.

In case you're interested, this was my response:

Or you may be a liberal if you feel like people are allowed to make their own choices but your choice involves not financially supporting a company that actively promotes discrimination and violence against you. I'm not normally snarky on facebook- you're allowed your own opinions, but remember this: every time you eat at Chick-fil-a you are supporting a company that donates money to organizations who want to see me beaten, killed and actively denied civil rights. You're my family, and I love you, but if you think that's okay, I'd rather you unfriend me. Because regardless of your personal choices, I would never say it was okay for someone to do those things to you.

 

Direct, to the point, and me not being as angry as I felt. Because here's what I really think- I think its annoying that she posts tons of conservative stuff on facebook. But that's her right. I said that a few posts ago. I don't agree with her on politics. That's okay. We're grown adults. We don't have to agree. But to see someone I spent many a day of my childhood actively choosing to support discrimination against me and the people I love most in public absolutely enrages me. I'm beyond hurt. I am beyond disappointed. I'm pissed. 

 

I never, NEVER, say shit like that to members of my family. I would never, NEVER, say something so disrespectful and hurtful to people that I know and love. I try not to be like that with people I don't like. Why would I say something like that to someone I'm supposed to love? 

 

Now, don't get me wrong. I haven't seen her in a long time. We're not super close. But I keep track of what's going on in her life. I ask my grandma about her. And when she sent me a friend request on FB I accepted it, because I hate how my family isn't close the way it used to be. Still- its really, really disrespectful. 

 

I never told her, when she got home from her tour in Iraq that I thought it was terrible that she was over there, fighting people who didn't ask us to come, killing people who had no choice about how they lived under a dictator. I didn't tell her I felt like it was wrong that she was fighting a war started by a president who should have been looking out for his country but was instead looking out for his own legacy...I didn't. I didn't because I know that she was re-upped more than once. I know that it was hard on her, her family, her kids. I didn't because those are her beliefs and her choices. And I sure as shit now don't post hateful things about the military online. I respect our military. I respect my grandfather and all the other members of my family who fought in wars that actually meant something. I know some wonderful men and women now who are in our armed forces and are lending their talents and lives to our country admirably. I would never be so hurtful. Never. 

 

But I'd like to remind her- being in the military? Her choice. Going to war? Her choice. Me being gay? Not my choice. That's how god made me.  

I could go on for hours about how I think our President is a very moral man. How much good he has done for our country, and especially for people like me. It would be a waste of time. Probably she won't vote for him because of what he did for me. I can see my partner in the hospital now. They can't throw her out when I am sick. DADT has been repealed once and for all and all the people like me in the military don't have to hide so they can use their talents to support a country they love that may not love them quite so much. Like I said- waste of time. 

I just feel like there's so many other things in this world we could be worried about. Instead, here we are, myself among them, fighting about love, and who has the right to love, and who doesn't. It seems like such a waste.

Its even more sad to me that however much someone in my family might disagree with my lifestyle, they would feel like its okay for people to actively discriminate against and hurt me. 

Thank you, to my friends and family who choose to love and support me just as I am. I appreciate it. I love you all too. 

AGxx

If I Hear One More Time About A Fool's Right To His Tool's Of Rage...

I have to get a few things off my chest about Facebook.

I want to preface this with the thought that I normally love facebook. I use it all the time, I think its a great way to stay in touch with people you might not get to see as often as you like and reconnect, or just plain connect, with people that you love. I like Facebook and the concept behind it.

Lately, I hate Facebook.

If I were a normal person, or the average FB user, I suppose I would be posting this there under my notes section. But, you see, I am seriously tired of FB drama. And honestly, I like updates and notes, but I think me venting about things that make me crazy belongs here, where people have to make an effort to come and read it, and they aren't inundated with my opinions without having a choice. And there, my friends, is the thing that is making me crazy. Well, its threefold, really.

First, and I'll totally confess to Sakura venting this to me first, and I agree with him. I am sick of those stupid E-cards. Yeah, some of them are witty. Most of them aren't. Most of them are bitchy and whiney, not funny. And more of a problem, people are posting them so frequently now that they are taking the place of true humor and wit on FB, which was something that I really loved about that space. Now, I have reposted a couple, I won't lie. But I don't post five or six a day, which is what some people on my friends list are doing. What irritates me is that the people I am friends with, for the most part, are a very intelligent, very amusing group of people. I don't need E-cards to know that. Honestly, I like their own brand of humor much better. I actually spend enough time scrolling past them that sometimes I miss an important post I actually wanted to read. That's annoying.

Second, and I know- I know I swear- that its election year...but I'm tired of politics. I normally take my civic duty very seriously, and I'm to the point now I don't even want to vote because I'm sick of listening to all of it. Its not even November yet. And while I am a liberal, its not just the conservatives that are making me nuts. Its everyone. I don't care anymore that Mitt Romney got a huge tax break on his therapy horse. I don't care if George Bush is still your idea of a great president. I don't care if you hate President Obama's healthcare plan. I don't. Because your opinions are not mine. You are not going to change my mind about my political views with a meme or a photo or a rant on FB any more than you would change them with a political attack ad on television. I'm a smart woman. I know there's two sides to every coin, and frankly I find it insulting that you believe that posting that crap is going to be enough to change my mind without me fact checking or looking into the issue more.

And forget even just the election stuff, I'm tired of political posts in general. I'm gay and I am sick of pro-gay, pro-gay marriage posts. I'm sick of abortion posts and women's health posts. Do I care about these things? Yes. But I am so tired of facing a barrage of posts about it on my news feed every morning. I'd like to point out that posting a picture on FB is not the same thing as being politically active. You want to do something to make a difference? You want change? Form a political action group. Join an existing one. Write to your congressperson (do you know who your local and state reps are? I bet you can't name them without a google search. I can.) Organize a rally. Make some sort of actual contribution to the cause or shut the hell up. Honestly. When is the last time you attended a city council meeting? Do you know where your local party office is? When was the last time you took advantage of the days at the State Capitol when constituents can go visit their representatives. When's the last time you actually took the time to research the legalities of the bills that you so vehemently oppose? Not recently, I'd bet.

Do something. Do anything. And then post on my wall about how you got something going. Then we'll talk about whether or not my politics line up with yours and whether or not I feel like helping out your cause. But for the love of every thing good and holy stop wasting my time with statistics your blindly reposted or facts you can't bother to check. I'm sick of them all.

Finally, and lord and lady knows I will offend someone here- I'm sick of religion on FB. I'm tired of flame wars over who loves or doesn't love Jesus. I'm tired of having to defend my faith to people who are supposed to be my friends. And while I love you and respect your religious path- I'm frankly quite sick of waking up every morning to a come to god post or twelve. You find inspiration in your religion? Awesome. You want to post a quote from a guru or a bible verse that makes your day better? You do that. Do you want to "witness" to all of your friends in FB land by posting a picture of Jesus on the cross with a huge note underneath about how you don't want them to go to hell if they haven't come to god yet? Spare me. Do that in person. With the person you are trying to reach. Because if like begets like, most of your friends are looking past that post anyway. Those of us of different religions are probably rolling our eyes, because its insulting that you would post something that guilts us into becoming a member of your faith so *you* don't have to suffer by us going to hell. Honestly, if our sensibilities were that weak, why bother being acquainted to a person like that at all? 

Don't get me wrong, I love religion. I especially love mine. And I truly believe that if your religion is your comfort, that's wonderful for you. I post pagan things now and again because I know they inspire me and they inspire my friends. But not once, NEVER, will you see me posting a "become a pagan so your next incarnation doesn't suck" meme with instructions on how to become a witch underneath it. That's stupid. I want the people who are religious to be happy with their religion. But don't insult me, especially on a daily basis, with posts about how sad you are I'm eternally damned, asking me to come to god. Because frankly, if I weren't already of a spiritual path of my choosing, the conclusion I would draw is that all the people of your faith are dogmatic nags.

And while we're talking about both religion and politics, lets just get this out in the open. They don't mix. And frankly, I don't care what faith you are, it doesn't get to dictate my political decisions. And you know, I hate calling them out, but the protestants are especially bad about this. I never hear Muslims or Jews saying pork should be outlawed. Or how their religions are older, so maybe their more important than any other religion. It seems the exclusive right of protestants to tell all of us how wring we are. Truthfully, I think the Muslims in the US are too busy hiding and trying to fight for the political freedoms they were guaranteed when this country was founded to be busy with any other political agenda. And for the love of Jesus and every other deity read your god blessed history books and check out the founding father's real philosophies behind the founding of the United States. They did not form our government to be a Protestant state. They didn't. And frankly, the moment the US becomes a protestant state, I'm out. I'll find somewhere else to live. That's not me being petulant. That's me choosing to emigrate to a new country where I can have religious freedom. Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so.

So the next time you're on FB and you post about how abortion is wrong or how gays shouldn't marry or whatever else political issue you're just dying to change my opinion about- give me a good reason that has nothing to do with your religion. Because its probably not mine. And if it is, well, I'm still going to look long and hard at the facts before I make a choice on what to believe.

I know that I sound hard and bitter. I know that me making all of these statements is my way of making a political statement and religious statement myself. I do. Here's the thing, though. You're here and you're reading this by choice. You choose to listen to my opinion. I didn't type it in all caps on facebook. I didn't tag you in a post about it so it would show up on your wall, in your news feed and in your notifications. I let you make the decision to come here and listen to me rant. And that's all I want. A morning where I wake up and I don't feel compelled to hide someone in my news feed because I am friends with them, and I do want to connect with them, but I can't stand the thought of one more political rant, religious pontification or stupid ass E-card. Let that be my choice.

And I know, I know, I've got someone somewhere who will say "I can post whatever I want and if you don't like it go ahead and unfriend me." Okay. I will. Because it just goes to reinforce the fact that my opinion isn't as special as your opinion. Truthfully, I probably really like or love you if I haven't hidden you or taken you off my friend list. If you don't like that I don't care for all of your posts? You let me know. I probably need to reconsider whether you should be my friend or not anyway. I respect your right to your opinion, even if I don't like it or agree with it. Even when it irritates me. Which is why I'm here, and not on your wall posting snotty comments about your opinions to you. I deserve that too. That's all I'm saying.

Right. I'm off my soap box. I'll post something nicer next time. But I had to have my moment, because some people are truly ruining something that I used to like. I like too few things (especially mainstream, networky type things) to let someone ruin it for me.

Have fun posting y'all.
AGxx

I Hate To Say It, But You Look Perfect Together

Its not too often that I get all riled up and make a political post, but this week has pushed me over the edge. i'm sure it comes as no suprise to you that the topic on my mind is gay marriage. i want to preface this whole spiel with the notice that, yes, as a gay woman, I am a little biased. Of course I am. As a woman who is "married" to another woman, my views on this topic are a little heated. But I do think I am able to look at this topic rationally, which is something I think many people are unable to do.

Oh- and before I forget: As always this is my space. I am all about honest and open discourse. You want to have a rational discussion with me about an issue? I am all for that. You want to flame me and call em a faggot and a dyke and tell me I'm going to hell? I think I get that enough off the internet. If that's your intention- go fine somewhere else to flame out. I will cheerfully delete your bigoted ass from my comments. I don't care if you disagree with me, but I do care if you can be respectful about it.

I want to start with an anecdote first, something that illustrates a bit of what its like for me to be a woman in a committed same sex relationship in the Midwest. I was working the other night at Casa Bueno, where most of our customers and all of my staff refer to Kitten as my wife, because that's what I call her. There are even people at my store who were at my wedding. One of our regulars was sitting at the bar having a drink with some of his buddies, also regulars of ours. They called me over and one of them asked me, "So, did you go to Iowa to get married? I meant to ask you that a long time ago." Iowa, for those of you who don't know, is the closest state to mine that has legal same sex marriages. I told him no, we didn't. First, we aren't Iowa residients, so applying for a marriage liscence would have been a pain in the ass. Second, my state does not recognize same sex unions, so it would have been pointless. All we would have accomplished was getting a peice of paper that said we were married. I wouldn't have even been able to take Kitten's last name, because my state still views me as a single woman. I explained that to them. Their response was, "So, if we found you a nice man right now, you could go out and marry him tonight?"

Well, no. Outside of being more than a little offended, I was flabergasted. I mean, I'm married. In my mind, I've made a lifetime commintment to my partner. That's not somethign I'm going to drop in a heartbeat just so I can run off with some dude, have babies and get tax breaks. Who would think that?

I think, other than the obvious religious objections, one of the things that frustrates me most is that people seem to view gay marriage as some sort of fad. Its someting that we do to look cool, or to show that we're "going steady" with our partners. But, in the end, in the minds of most people, I'm not truly serious about my committment to Kitten. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When it comes down to it, in most places in the country, gay marriage is a religious issue. That's my problem with it. I don't feel its right, or constitutional, for my personal life to be dictated by the rules of a religion that I don't believe in. Our country is not a theocracy. There is no state religion. So when its time to debate same sex unions, I want to have someone bring an argument to the table that doesn't invovle the phrases "the Bible says" or "In my religion" or "God thinks." Do you think gay marriage could hurt the economy? Cool, lets debate that, I have a list a mile long of ways it will help improve the economy. Hell, the cost of marriage liscnences and the words "gay wedding registry" ought to be enough to put that argument in my favor. Do you think somehow education or government spending will be effected? Tell me how. We'll put your ideas to the test. But please, please, please, give me soemthing to work with that isn't your religion.

Take abortion. Now, its legal in my country, although there are restrictions in some states and you know what, I agree with some of them. Do I believe in a woman's right to choose? Hell yeah I do. But I think she should choose early. Because late trimester abortions are pushing it for me on personal choice. I think the argument comes down to whether you are taking a human life. It is a socially accepted moray that you don't kill people. Its not done. Murder is wrong. In almost every religion ever. However, I'm willing to debate when life begins with you. Partial birth abortions? Not my thing. I don't like them. But I feel like its a woman's right to choose to get an abortion, when she first finds out she's pregnant. I know I have friends who would debate this with me, and we could, but the end result is the same. We're having an intellectual argument. Not a theology discussion. And for the record, even though I'm getting off track, I don't think abortion should be used as a method of birth control. That's what actual birth control is for.

I digress. The point I'm making is most hot button moral political issues can be discussed with reason and intellect, with reasoning that doesn't involve someone simply telling me that their religion says its bad, so I can't do it. Well, cool. Islam says a woman should keep her head covered, so we better do that too. Hell, the Bible says good Christians don't eat shellfish, cut their hair, wear mixed fiber fabrics or work on the Sabbath. But Christians find those things acceptable, right? And all of those things are out of the same book in the Bible that says gay relationships are wrong. I could debate this theology all day, and if someone wants to, awesome Lets hit the comments and throw down. But I'd rather not. Because in the end, your religion is your business. What you believe and feel is up to you. And I support you having the right to your own beliefs. But I feel I deserve the same respect.

There's a lot of people out there who will say that gay marriage is a civil rights issue. They'll say we deserve the same things as everyone else. I agree. I do. But to me, it has so much more meaning than me being able to change my name, get a peice of paper and go by Mrs. Kitten Tyger legally.  Here's the issue for me. When I die, I want Kitten to make the choices for me about my burial. When I'm sick, I want Kitten to be there with me, every moment, not needing to flash a power of attorney or remind my doctor that if they deny her access to me that she can file a lawsuit and get their medicare funding revoked. I want us to be able to own property together without having to jump through a million and one hoops at the property tax office and with mortgage and loan companies. I deserve those things because she and I are just as committed as my strait friends.

Spare me the commentary about how it violates the sanctity of marriage. Let me tell you something, if someone was willing to grant me some sort of union rights that allowed me those privledges and they wanted to call it something other than marriage so people would be happy I would take it. You could call it anything, so long as I had it. And I'm sorry, but my marriage to Kitten has already outlasted the average length of a heterosexual marriage in the US. Most don't make it past the first year. I'm rounding the corner to year three. And thirty years from now, I promise, someone will still be telling me that my marriage isn't as important, as valid or as special and how I won't make it once I sign that peice of paper that says we're really married and that's why I can't get married to her. Seriously? Stuff it.

Homosexual couples who are committed to each other go through so much more than strait couples. Imagine yourself married (if you aren't) and people telling you every day that what you have isn't special, that your love for the person you are married to is an abomination- an affront to the decentness of humanity. Tell me how you would look at your partner at the end of every day. If you went to work and had to pretend you weren't married. If you had to deal with the criticism of your coworkers and friends. Would you still come home at night and think they were the most wonderful, special part of your life? If you couldn't, one you don't love them enough, and two I've got you beat. You'll see a million tv shows and movies where boy and girl battle the odds every day because their families don't approve. Its romantic, right? Romeo and Juliet. Beautiful. Imagine now that's how you have to feel every day for all of your life because you made a committment, an unbreakable commitment, to someone you love. Imagine your family berating you for not marrying better, having more children -or children at all- telling you that the person you love is going to eternally damn your sould just for existing. It stops being romantic. It becomes a personal trial. How much do you really love them, is it worth it? For me, and for couples like me all over the US, it is. That's real love.

Forget money problems or the normal marriage issues. We get to deal with those too, by the way, because we're human and that's how it works when you get married. Nothing changes that, not even our genders. But we get to mess with all those other things on top of it. Think of how you'd feel if you and your spouse had to ask the government permission to have children. If they did give it to you, and they might not, you have to pay them the equivelent of a year's salary just to get pregnant. Not fun, huh? Wait- you say- the government cant tell you whether or not you can have children. Actually, my friends, they can. Every gay couple that wants children goes to enormous expense to have them. Here's why. Gay men have to adopt, which means they have to get permission from a government agency to have kids. And most of the time, only one man in that couple will be recognized as the adoptive parent if they do get permission. If that one dies, rther than go to the other dad, the kids will go into protetive custody because they are orphans. In my state, if you want to be artificially inseminated by a doctor, you can't be single. Its against the law. Unwed mothers? Totally legal. But the possiblitiy of a gay woman wanting children? We can't have that. So mny of the the women I know do at home insemination, which increases the risk of birth defects and also has a lower success rate on top of being more expensive. Oh, and if they die? Same as the gay men. Orphans and protective custody for the children, despite there being two parents.

How is this okay? I can't fathom it. Rationally, I can't think of how people think its morally acceptable to believe those things. And trust me, the problem above? Solved by a marriage certificate. Easy Peasy. But we can't have that. You know why? Gay people will raise gay children. Of course we will. (Because strait people only raise strait children.) I could argue all day about what a gay household versus a strait household might be like. It doesn't matter. Because once the doors close, its your business, not mine.

I was raised in a conservative Christian family. My mother is a die-hard Republican. Always has been. But sometimes, sometimes, things can change your mind. Like having a gay child. Mymom is still a Republican, but you know what? She's leaning Independent now. Because suddenly me having a wife that she loves and respects changes things for her. The idea that  I would never be able to have grandchildren for her (If Anna and I were willing to) because our state forbids it, is repellant to her. It frightens her to think that people are allowed to hurt me because I'm gay, and I have no legal recourse. She gets angry when some self-righteous religious asshole at her church or work tells her that I'm going to hell for loving someone who has taken care of me, committed to me, stood by me and loves me more than anyone has ever loved me. My mom likes Kitten. A lot. Its the first time I've ever seen her supportive of one of my relationships with women. Somehow, over the last three years, she's seen what love can do to change a person for the better. So she gets a little hostile when the nominee for her political party jups up and says her daughter has less a right to housing, jobs, and marriage than other Americans because of who she loves. I'm proud of her for that. I wish more people would think like that. Are she and I ever going to match up politically? Hell no, she's too conservative, and I'm too liberal, but we found a meeting ground when it came to something that touches both our lives in a very real way.

She called me the morning after President Obama made his announcement. She was delighted. She wanted to celebrate with me. After all, the President of the United States sat down with his family and talked about the issue and reached the same conclusion she had- not letting me get married is totally unfair, and most likely unconstitutional. She wanted to know how I felt. I told her how much it meant to me that the head of our government, the first major political figure in US history to do this, supports my right to love. Its encouraging. Its wonderful. It makes me feel good.

What I didn't tell her is that so long as that beautiful speech is followed by "but I'll let the states decide" nothing is ever going to happen for me. As of this week 31 of the 50 states in the US have banned gay marriage constitutionally. I need someone to make a nationwide change for things to work out for me and Kitten. As it stands, that's not a possibility.

I'm rambling now, and I suppose I've made my point, really. I'm frustrated. I'm tired of people who have nothing to do with my life making decisions about my life. I'm tired of people telling me my love is somehow less valuable or less important. I'm tired of people telling me that I should let their personal beliefs dictate the strictures of my life. Because that's bullshit. And I'm tired of all the people who parrot that this is how things have always been, and why bother changing them now?

My buddy Bobcat posted about Bristol Palin's blog about gay marriage on facebook this week. It made me laugh and honestly, its far better worded than I ever could, so I'm posting it here for your enjoyment. (Incidentally, if you aren't a US citizen, Bristol is the daughter of forner VP candidate Sara Palin, who made waves by having a child with her boyfriend out of wedlock while her very conservative mother was on the campaign trail.)

Bobcat Posts:

OK, I generally try to avoid any political comentary here, but I just couldn't resist. I just read Bristol Palins blog post about President Obama's support of same sex marriage, and I am just perplexed. she said :"in this case, it would've been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that's not a reason to change thousands of years o...f thinking about marriage."

There are LOTS of reasons to change thousands of years of thinking. If he had not, her unwed pregnant ass would have been sent away to shamefully deliver that baby. We would still be WALKING everywhere. The Obama's would not be sitting in the oval office, they would be cleaning it, or cutting the grass. her MOTHER would not have been able to run for ANY office, and Bristol herself would not have the notariety that she does, nor would she be able to express her backasswards opinions. Times are changing, Bristol. Get with it, or live in a cave.

 

Damn right Bobcat. Damn right.

 

For all of you who can get married or re maried- take time today to consider how very special your partner is, or might one day be. I'm very happy for you. For those of you, who like me, are still witing on making your love "legal" keep fighting the good fight. Nothing matters as much as your love- not a peice of paper, what anyone else thinks, or anything else. No one can dictate who you love. Give that special someone a kiss today, and celebrate your beauty. Goddess knows I do.

 

AGxx

They Will Stop at Nothing Once They Know What You Are Worth

Well, the month is half over and I've been a very lazy poster, haven't I?

I suppose part of it is there hasn't been anything terribly interesting to report, honestly. Work is work as usual. Life goes on. Kitten starts school this week and I'll be missing having a couple days off with her. Even with such a short break, I did get used to taking time to spend with her during the week. I keep promising myself that this semester I'm going to try and be a better partner and help her keep the stress levels down. I want to make sure she takes time for herself, because the strain of full time work and school is a lot to handle.

Speaking of school, I am thinking about the fall semester now. By the time it rolls around my student loan payments should be out of default. I entered the rehabilitation program, which means a higher payment (about $100 more, actually) but it also means I'll have my credit restored, which I am looking forward to. Then I can get student loans and grants again, which will make it much easier to go back to school. If I have to work less, which I'm hoping I won't, I will be able to still make some sort of contribution to our household without the fear of putting us into the red.

Incidentally, Kitten's birthday is this week too. I haven't gotten her a present, because I don't know what to get her. Also, she says she doesn't need anything. *sigh* aint it always the way? I have a hard time shopping for her, so I'm trying to think of something small and thoughtful so she'll know I love her without her feeling like I am going overboard.

I should mention, I think, we've spent the last couple of weeks renting movies. Its not something we normally do, but we've been getting a kick out of it. I made the girls watch Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, because they hadn't seen it. I like it, and I keep trying to remember I need to get a copy of the book because I want to reread it. I don't think they cared for it much, although I'm pretty sure that movie was where my love of Kevin Spacey was born. No, I'm not saying its his best flick- just the one where I realized I liked him as an actor.

We watched Final Destination 4, which I could rant about for days. I know the 5th one just hit DVD and honestly, I don't know that I care to see it. It was excessively and stupidly gory, which isn't scary. Let's be honest- the plot of all of the movies are the same, so you're just trying to figure out how the person is going to die. A lot of the time, its completely improbable, sometimes almost impossible, and for me the ability to suspend disbelief only stretches so far.

Kitten had us watch a movie called Cutting Edge. It was pretty cute. I won't lie. I actually put my book down at watched it.

It was my turn again, and we picked up The River Wild, because Oscelot had never seen it. I love Kevin Bacon as a baddie. Seriously. This was the first movie I saw him as a villain in. It was a fun one to rewatch. Also, Meryl Streep in a swimsuit? Never a bad thing. Ever.

Last night we watched the first Terminator, because (again) Oscelot had never seen it. She didn't like it. Kitten and I of course were really into it. Its a classic. We're planning on getting T2 and Rise of the Machines to watch later in the week. We'll have to find some time when Oscelot isn't around, though, since she disliked the first one so much. I'm pretty sure she said something to the effect of "Arnold Schawtzenegger is ugly, and this movie has a stupid plot." To each their own, I suppose.

Hedgewitch came over on Thursday and I made soup because we had our first snow and soup is always nice when its snowing. We watched Flashdance, and the girls rolled their eyes at our peanut gallery remarks. They'd never seen it. I have to say, I remember the dancing being better and the plot a little tighter than it was this time around. Maybe I was just distracted by all the flesh when I was younger. Or I didn't care. I'm not sure which. I think Kitten is sick of me giggling and saying "Hey- don't you want some pizza?" and then batting my eyes at her. I have to confess, I laid off only long enough to beg Flyguy to send her that quote via text message. I laughed so hard when she got it. It was delightful.

I should add, if you have a lovely classic (even cheezy) movie you feel like we should put on the list, by all means leave me a note, because I've been enjoying the rewatch. Really. I think work started it, because our new music system kept playing songs from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack and OScelot said she hadn't seen it, so I went and bought the anniversary edition, because honestly, I love that movie. I don't care if its silly. And the dancing is nice. I keep thinking how I'd like to learn more ballroom...

The weather here has been, well, erratic. I won't lie. Last Wednesday Kitten and I had a free day and it was in the high 50's- low 60's so we went to the zoo. It was such a nice time. We had a really good time, and the animals were really active. Most were still out in their enclosures, except the animals that can only tolerate a very warm climate. We got to see quite a bit. But, you'll recall, the next day I made soup, because that night it snowed. Like, an inch. And it kept snowing throughout the day. Today we were back into the fifties. Its supposed to be sixty tomorrow and then freeze again by Wednesday. Pathetic. I wish it would just go ahead and be winter so I can stop thinking about how nice the sunshine looks. I'm not normally subject to cabin fever, I normally like darker, rainy weather...but this off again on again warm weather is making me stir crazy.

I suppose I also ought to mention my ire over the whole girl scout cookie protest thing, although I think most of my friends have covered it in their blogs. If you're not familiar: there is a girl scout in California leading a cookie buying boycott because some troop in Colorado allowed a transgendered 7 year old female child into the troop. Honestly? I'll buy cookies this year and I'll tell the local troops that I support that Colorado troop and its why I'm buying them. I mean, how dare a group dedicated to the growth and development of young American women teach tolerance and respect? It baffles the mind. What made me most angry is that this little California girl says the one in Colorado is exploiting her sexuality to get cookie sales. Sad. Seriously sad. In part because I gurantee this child is spouting ideas that her parents gave her, because at that age she can't possibly understand transgendered politics, gender identity or sexual exploitation enough to make a determination as to what someone her own age is doing. Hell, I'm a grown adult who still struggles with the intricacies of those ideas. And I'm not supid. I'm a pretty sharp lady. Moreover, as the partner of a trandgendered person, I can verify that this child likely has no choice in their gender identity. Its likely this young that she was born intersexed. This is something she can help. Its fortunate for her that there are troops out there open minded enough to accept her. She's even luckier that she has loving parents who support her, and help her to grow in the gender she most identifies with. I'll get off my soap box, but it seems to me like there's something wrong with the world when little girls are accusing one another of personally choosing to exploit their sex to sell cookies.

Yeah, that's about me for now. I'm feeling a long, rambling, useless post coming on. The type you'll probably skim because its drivel, but you know...go where the muse leads you...

It always works for me.

Love you all
AGxx