Something's Coming Over Me

So, here’s the R rated version of the about me. This one is predominantly about sex and love and all that stuff that generally makes people uncomfortable. So you’re forewarned.

I wanted to start with my “would” list. I thought that would be fun. First, I want to point out that I get both a male list and a female list. And I’m not aiming for a specific number, these are just generally celebrities that I would sleep with if they showed up on my front porch and asked me to. Some people call it the celebrity exceptions. Whatever…Also, I am picking people whom I not only would sleep with, but whom I assume would be good in bed. There’s some people I think are pretty, or would be fun to see nude, but I’m sure would be a totally lame lay (Liam Hemsworth, I’m looking at you.)

Women:

Michelle Rodriguez- because she's just lovely. 

Ellen DeGeneres- I could look at her all day. She's got a great smile. 

Tilda Swinton- androgyny, beauty, activism...its all sexy

Meryl Streep- Classic. That's all

Jennifer Lawrence- so beautiful. And funny. And she has *curves* which I love. 

Emma Watson- not just for Harry Potter fans anymore

Anna Kendrick- cute as all get out. 

Men:

Robert Downey Jr.- quite possibly the perfect specimen of a man...

Utkarsh Ambudkar- Musician, actor, super-cute....

Peter Dinklage- so beautiful. And his voice....I want him to sit and read to me for hours....I would utterly melt!

Jason Issacs- not just for Harry Potter fans

Howard Stern- Yeah. I can't explain it. The hair, the mouth....its like when I had a crush on Jeff Goldblum in the '90's....there's inexplicable sex appeal. Not to mention, if you listen to him at all, he's a spectacular person. 

David Beckham- Look at that picture and tell me you blame me!

Chris Hemsworth- he has a classic manly beauty.

So I wish I could say that I don’t think looks are important in a relationship, but I think at the first they are pretty important. I think later it still plays a part, because I think you have to be attracted to your partner. Even if that attraction is mainly intellectual, you wouldn't want to sleep with or wake  up next to someone you found repulsive all your life. Maybe that’s shallow, but it’s the truth. Conversely, I refuse to be with a partner I don’t find intelligent and intellectually stimulating. I won’t date stupid people. Hell, I won’t even have a one night stand with a stupid person. If you go to YouTube and look up interviews with each of the celebrities above, you’ll discover they are all well-spoken, passionate, amazing people who are highly intelligent and devoted to good causes. That’s sexy.

My position on PDA, as a general rule, is that as long as it’s not something you wouldn't do in front of your mother or grandmother, it’s acceptable. That is how I try to conduct myself. I do, I’ll admit, have some exhibitionism incidents in my past, but as a rule I don’t do stuff in public. You never know who’s watching. Not to mention we've all seen couples in public that are just...it's uncomfortable. Now I won't say I don't run around naked in the house with the windows open. I'm not so prude that I can't see why people do it. I'm just saying as a rule its really not my thing to be all over someone in public.
  

I've slept with both men and women. I do identify as a homosexual. I'm a big fat lesbian. Or I think I am. Here’s why- I can have sex with a man and have a great time. I truly can. Some of my favorite partners have been men. Unfortunately, I am completely incapable of maintaining a relationship with a guy- I’m always wishing he was a girl. If you offered me the perfect mate- if I could design the person I was going to be with- no question, it would be a woman. There are things I like about men- they almost border on fetish- their chests, their backs, stubble…I adore stubble…I like their legs and how they’re shaped. That’s the thing, though, when I sleep with men it is, for me, a tactile experience where I am drinking in all of my partner. When I sleep with women it’s about my being with her. I pay more attention. I want her to feel special. I adore every single part of women. There isn't an ugly body part on a woman, really. (sorry guys, they may be interesting, but penises are ugly) And when I have a woman as a partner I devote myself completely to making her feel like she’s the most special person on earth. Its about awe and worship. Its damn near religious. I don’t do that with men, and honestly, I've never tried. Which makes me great for a romp but terrible for a relationship. I still prefer the softness and sexiness of women. I like the way they smell and how they feel. I like the way they taste and how they sound. 

As a general rule I have a strong preference for partners who are older than me. They’re more experienced, more mature, more fun. The relationship usually lasts longer because I spend less time being ticked off at how immature they are. Can my partners be silly? Sure. Can I tolerate a gross lack of life experience? Not really. I’m not patient enough. The largest age difference I have had with a sex partner is about 18 years. The largest difference in a person I was dating, 5 years. Emotionally maturity doesn't always equate to sexual maturity, mind, but it does help. It also means that my partners are less likely to equate sex with love (not the same thing) and they're willing to approach it with a sense of humor and lightness. I was talking to a friend the other day and I mentioned that I really like having a sex partner who doesn't mind that it can be messy, awkward, loud and strange sometimes. I like a partner who will have fun with me. Sex can be all those things and still be sexy- or at least I think so. 

I want to leave these next questions here where you can see them, because they just seem odd to talk about without them there:

Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?  Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have?

The answer is, yes, I've liked one of my best friends. I ended up marrying the person I like and admire most in the world. She is my best friend. I like hanging out with her. I like talking to her. She understands me in ways other people don’t and that was true before we ever dated. I always say make it a policy to be friends with your lovers, that way you have more than sex in common. It makes the relationship - and the sex- better.  I have dated someone that my friends didn't like and as a rule, they were right about them. Especially the last one. He was a douche. I don't always listen, but if everyone I know dislikes my partner, something is probably wrong. Yes, every now and again who I am attracted to will surprise me. Hell, look at my “would” list- I would have never predicted Howard Stern would make it…eh, it happens. My tastes are fairly eclectic, and I find so many different things appealing that I'll on occasion startle myself. In real life I am generally less surprised by my predilections. As a general rule I don’t hang out with people who disgust me, most of my friends are good looking (I’m the ugly duckling) and they’re all intelligent, compassionate people. The fact that in the past I've looked at some of my friends and been attracted to them is never a surprise to me. And yes, absolutely, a thousand times over, I have had desire for someone I can’t have. I think that’s part of the human experience. It’s frustrating beyond all measure, especially when its someone you care about, but sometimes you put on your big girl panties and suck it up- there’s nothing to be done.  

I can usually make it about ten seconds kissing before my hands start roaming unless the person kissing me is holding them and even then it won’t last more than thirty seconds. I’m a tactile person. If you’re teasing me by holding my hands in place I end up touching with other parts of my body and it’s all over from there. If I’m being intimate with you, you have to be prepared for me to want to touch you all over.  Don't get me wrong, if all you want is a good make out session, I can sign up for that...but that doesn't mean I'm putting my hands on your shoulders and being a good girl. I don't think I know how. 

 My longest relationship lasted almost 6 years. I have every faith that Kitten and I are going the distance on our marriage and there’s no change that 6 will be my max. I’m willingly working on a life sentence. I would mention, however, that I think quality of relationship has nothing to do with length. 

 I've “dated” (and by date I mean sleep with over a period of time and maintained a close, emotional relationship with a person) probably 5 women and 4 men. I have slept with probably (and I’m guesstimating here, because I’m not willing to sit and tote up all my conquests, its taxing) 15-20 men, 3 M to F transsexuals, 1 F to M trans, and about 20-25 women. Of those, only about 6 of those were one night stands and the numbers jump a bit because I have been involved in several (I hate this term) “group” interactions.  I've had a lot of partners I will never forget but I think sometimes it’s more upsetting to think of how many I could recognize by face but not remember their names. Every now and again one will pop up in my mind and I'm like, crap, how did I forget them the last time I thought to count?

8 facts about my body:

I have a 36” inseam

My teeth are crooked but I like them because I have fangs

 My feet are a little warped because of all the years of ballet.

A majority of my tattoos are on my back

I wear glasses most of the time, my eyes are very weak.

I have a 34” bust and a 32" waist

I wear my nails long

Despite the fact I am relatively soft around the middle, I have very prominent hip bones.

 Five Ways to Win My Heart (excluding the obvious, which is to be Kitten):

Be honest with me all the time

Pet me- I like to be touched. It’s comforting to me. I like my partners to make me feel safe

Don’t be afraid to laugh, to laugh with me, to be silly or to play

Pay attention to the things I say

Know what you’re doing in the bedroom.

 This is what I look like (as of a month ago)

This is how I see myself.(Obviously, this photo has been doctored)

The first thing I notice about a person is their smile (or their mouth, if they aren't smiling). The way a person smiles and how their mouth moves says a lot to me. After that, it’s their eyes. I don't have a preference, really. Or I should say, I love brown eyes but I have predominantly been with people who have blue (maybe my part of the country?) Again, its not so much the color as the depth of the eyes and what's behind them. Beyond that, it’s usually how tall they are and what they smell like. I’m a sucker for someone who smells good.  I don't care about height so much. History indicates I like short women (most of mine have been 5'2" or less) and tall men (most have been 6' or taller) but if you look at my would list you'll notice some tall women and some very small men. As for smell, I'm super sensitive. If you're wearing too much cologne it turns me off. I love the natural smell of a person. I guess, technically, I mean how you smell when you've been active. Like, you're gym smell. Though most people have a softer version of that when they aren't running a marathon, and that's usually what I notice. I've known some people whose natural pheromones made me absolutely nuts any time they were near me. 

My definition of sex depends on whether I’m with a male or a female. For me, sex is about the most intimate common physical act that you’re capable of, involving the genitals. For sex with a man, that means penetration. For a woman, that means some version of oral sex and/or touching. Everything else is either (less) foreplay or (more) special favors/preferences.

Things that turn me off or things I won’t do in general: watersports of any kind- just the mention of it freaks me out, humiliation (NOT the same as domination), lack of consent/forcing, cutting, cockiness- I don’t like partners who think their god’s gift, the sound of the phone ringing if it’s in the room, animals in the room (the cats ALWAYS go out- there’s nothing that kills the act faster than a cold nose on your leg during), food in the bedroom, boy/daddy style role play, baby voices, extreme cold

 Things that turn me on or things I generally like: kissing- lots and lots of kissing, innuendo, extended foreplay, petting, teasing, leather, playful pain (i.e. spanking, swatting, crops), light BDSM, when my partner is vocal, laughter, backs, necks, long fingers, touching “non-traditional” erogenous zones- wrists and palms, having my back touched/licked/bitten, light biting in general, warmth, anything tactile, watching my partner (mirrors are fun), wet skin (just out of shower/pool), latex, if you have scars I like to touch them (note I don’t say I want you to have them, just if I notice them), tattoos, my partner smelling good, when my partner tastes either sweet (like fruit) or like alcohol- but not the heavy fumes, just like, the light taste of beer or a cocktail.  

As a general rule I am not too terribly superficial about my partners. I do, however, require them to have all of their teeth. For some reason lack of teeth bothers me. I don’t mind curvy partners.  Height or lack of doesn't bother me. Yeah, I require teeth and you can’t be stupid. Those are automatic nos.

I would be willing to date someone off the internet, though I think that would require some prerequisites. For example, if I was getting a date from a website, I’d probably ask for a double date first with a couple I knew, so I could feel safe. If it were someone I met online I would want to have known them for a while. Confirmed identity and stuff like that. Otherwise, I don’t see what’s wrong with it. I wouldn't exclusively date ON the internet, meaning, I would like to see them in the flesh. Sex-scyping or whatever wouldn't be enough for an actual relationship, I think. 

Right. There's the NSFW version of about me. As always, questions and comments are welcome. I'm an open book. Not to mention, I've always liked writing about sex. It makes me happy. (no, as a general rule it doesn't turn me on.)

Happy Playing,
AGxx

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

Advance warning, I'm going to be chatting about some not so family friendly stuff today. If a TMI post isn't your style...bail now.  Oh, and thank you, I like the new layout too. I was sick of the trees.

So, have you ever had a dream that just left you a little...dazed? I had one of those last night. Well, this morning. Normally my dreams don't phase me. Being a witch, I put a lot of stock into the things I dream and I dream pretty frequently. I don't normally have a hard time remembering what I dream, and I am usually pretty good at telling you what my dreams mean. Anyone in my coven can tell you that, I'm pretty sure I've done dream interpretation for most of them at this point.

This morning...this morning was different. The more I think of it, the more I try to convince myself it was nothing more than a half-lucid product of my imagination...a combination of things that resulted in what I was dreaming about. I tell myself that chatting about a vampire novel last night, plus me chatting about a fantasy novel this morning before I fell asleep on the couch, plus me working on a clothing design project added to me getting kisses from my wife and idly thinking of a couple of my friends resulted in this very weird dream. I can almost tell myself that.

Except it was...more. You know that I am an intensely sexual person. I make no protest over it, I don't hide it. When I'm not being a huge glutton I am walking, talking, thinking and breathing sex. Its the truth. Not in an overt way but its never too far from my mind. And normally a sex dream is just that to me- an expression of my desires. I leave it at that. But when its in the incredibly odd context this one came in, and there was more than just my wife and those others were people I know and not, you know, Robert Downy Jr. or Michelle Rodriguez...it gives me pause. And I'm having a lot of trouble escaping this one.

 The dream takes place in what I can only call an alternate reality because there were beings and things that happened that are not possible on this plain. And before you all start shouting that this was happening in the astral (witch friends I'm looking at you) I'd like to point out that I am relatively certain that at least two of the people in the dream were awake and not meditating so unless I'm really cool and able to call parts of them to the astral while they are out and about in their daily lives...not possible. Also one of the men in the dream was a guy I went to grade and high school with and I've seen him twice since I gradated and I am fairly certain he hasn't thought of me since the last time I saw him. I'd be shocked if he had. (Come to think of it, I saw one of his dad's real estate signs yesterday...maybe that's where he came from.)

Anyway these things that weren't...well, I'd say they were vampires but that's not really correct. I mean, they liked biting and all, but it wasn't a bloodletting thing. It was more a drawing on essence kind of thing, if that makes sense. I'm just calling them Biters. They were very, very beautiful. Very beautiful. It was certainly inhuman.

We're in this, well, rather like an old fashioned circus tent. The canopy is made of this lavish red material and there's goldenrod colored embroidery all over the walls. One side is open and I can look out over what looks like a field. There are very clearly other humans out there, doing strange things in water and on obstacle like courses and they're all very fit. I can recall as I watch in the dream that I've just been out there. Looking back in my mind, I can see that I am also very fit. My hair is longer than usual and its black- this is fairly common, I almost always see myself this way when I dream. I know in my mind that I've done well and I am pleased with how I've been performing. This has something to do with the Biters, but I couldn't tell you know if my motivation was to impress them or to gain their approval or what. But there I was.

At one point I get up and I cross the room to chat with the guy I went to high school with (whom I will now refer to as Mohave Martini) and I make both of us a drink while we talk. Its nothing of consequence that we talk about, I can recall that. He's being pleasant and I am cordial with him. I get the impression he is more concerned about what I think of him, which makes no sense in a realistic, real world context because he was always really well liked in school- popular, really- and I was a nobody. I know in my dream I make him a martini- vodka, in an iced highball glass, extra dry and so dirty its x-rated (hence his name. true story, this is actually how he liked his drinks, that I remember this even in my dreams having not seen him in about 4 years is frightening). When I leave to go back to Kitten and the Biters where I came from he kisses my palm and almost sort of bows, but its more with the neck and shoulders.

Before I get into much more of the dream I want to (1) give you another moment to bail, because its about to get more intense and (2) talk about palm kisses. Still here? Okay. So I love palm kisses. I think they're deliciously sensual and absolutely beautiful. If they show up in a dream its almost always a signal things are about to get hot. To me they're one of the best places to kiss. Generally, we're more sensitive in our hands (psychically speaking) than anywhere else. So for me, there's a greater potential for feeling the transfer of emotion. On top of that, its not a common place to kiss and its a gesture to me that signals not only passion and affection, but respect as well. Truly, if I offer to kiss your palm I admire you very much indeed, and not always sexually, but in a way that speaks of deep caring and fathomless emotion. I can think of maybe a handful of people I would kiss on the palm of my own volition. There's plenty who's fingertips or hands I would kiss, as a gesture of respect....but palms? I have to truly love you to do that.

At this point in the dream I've gotten myself a very lovely palm kiss. I'm aware enough of the dream to know what's happening, its almost like a dreamscape. I head back over to the area I came from which has several fainting couches, what most people now call "chaise lounges" I think. Tacky name. Anyway. There's several of them and a few low lying tables. When I arrive there is a male that I know and am very, very fond of (well call him Fine Sir) and he is standing by these couches clearly waiting for me. He pulls me into a hug and its one of those where you touch from the soles of your feet all the way to your shoulders. I draw his palm to my lips (and at this point in the dream I know beyond a doubt we're lost when it comes to adult content) and kiss it. He responds by kissing the hollow at my throat. These are done almost like a greeting, so I sit down after. I'm sitting with my back against Kitten's chest and we're reclining on one of the benches. Its not terribly innocent either, there's definitely some possessive petting and holding going on. Nothing territorial, but in that way that clearly marks you're around people you don't mind to see you making out.

Kitten, Fine Sir and myself are chatting with a beautiful Biter. Really beautiful. As we're chatting another person walks by and they've got beautifully tinted skin. I remark on it and Beautiful Biter tells me that its very common. Cue typical teasing about the fact that I am out of the loop. I ask how its done and I get a description from Beautiful Biter that indicates it is done by magick. As the biter is telling me, Kitten is stroking my arm and where she strokes a lovely pink and lavender snakeskin patter emerges. I am feeling no small amount of wonder at this. I hold my arm out to Fine Sir in delight and he joins us on the couch, He lifts me gently so that I am sort of in his lap but not- my body resting against Kitten and my legs sort of propped around his waist on one side so that he is very close. Its rather hard to describe. Kitten and Fine Sir are petting me and admiring this new pattern even as it begins to fade.

Beautiful Biter moves over to us, kneeling on the floor and explaining how the magic works, which is pretty well some sort of essence exchange with the biters, and it makes feelings more intense between you and the people you care about. Apparently I've done something that makes Beautiful Biter like me very much and he offers to let me experience the exchange, which gives me some measure of control over this magic. I look to Kitten, who seems not to mind because she nods and so I offer Beautiful Biter my hand. He bites me at the apex of my thumb and first finger, with my palm facing his mouth. The biting is intense, seriously intense and it hurts me for just a moment (honestly, this hand has been sore all day in that spot, its weird). As soon as the exchange starts happening....I honestly lose words on how it feels. What I can tell you is that Kitten gasped and her eyes were tearing up over the emotion she and I were sharing. Fine Sir, who apparently until this moment in the dream really didn't know how much I cared for him, looked down at me with wide eyes. His hands grip my hips and he asked me, "My dear, sweet girl, what have you done?" I look into Beautiful Biter's eyes as Fine Sir and Kitten wrap me up in this glorious cocoon of love and heat and I see him glowing brilliantly and I know I am too. The feeling I am experiencing is so close to ecstasy that I want to cry out.

And that, my friends, is when I wake up. And when I start puzzling about the dream, because really, what in the hell? Nothing super sexual but I swear to god when I woke up I felt like I had been teased to the point of crazy for hours. I mean, I had been sleeping for almost two hours, but seriously...I've been puzzling it out all day and I'll be damned if I can figure out what it means.  What I do know is that it feels like it meant something, but it may have just been a very beautiful, very weird, intensely erotic dream about two people that I love very much with some seriously odd stuff thrown in because that's how my brain works.

I'm at a loss. Any of you witchy sorts, feel free to have a stab at it if you want. Or non-witches. Or you can just laugh at how silly I can be over a dream.

I'm back to telling myself its just a weird sex dream.

Yeah, that's it....
AGxx

You Make Me Feel Like A Candied Apple

So you can thank one of my friends for posting another sex survey, because you know I had to fill it out. It was a good time. I don't think I've answered most of these before, so new stuff. That's always fun, right?

1: Kitchen counter, couch, or on top of the dryer?

Couch. I know this sounds totally boring, but honestly, it’s just more comfortable. I’m all about comfort.

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or bad, and why?

Great. Because Kitten always is.

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:

Good grief, I’ve been reading so many romance novels lately that it seems like every fictional character would be. From classic literature thought? I’m certain Rhett Butler knew what he was doing. He said as much, didn’t he? As for women, I’m pretty sure I’d have a nice time with Elizabeth Bennett. She seems playful.

4: Something that never fails to make you horny:

Making out

5: Where is one place you would never have sex:

In a graveyard. It is just so disrespectful.

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when:

Oh, good lord, I have a thousand of these. I think the winner would be when one of my former girlfriends stuck her gum on her palm during sex without me knowing about it. It got, uh, tangled up. I ended up having to use a razor to get it all out. Not a great day. Certainly made me feel awkward after.

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:

I don’t know. I’ve had some weird things get me going. Usually it’s a song that isn’t meant to be sexy at all. Once or twice a cartoon has done it. Seems weird to me, anyway.

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone:

I assume this means tie them up? I’ve always been partial to soft fabrics. I think it’s more comfortable.

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny:

Innuendo

10: Top or bottom?

Yes, please. I don’t really have a preference. It depends on my mood.

11: We were about to have sex but then ________

My grandmother showed up at my house unannounced.

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

One is fine. More is fun. I don’t even care if I don’t have one. As long as I have a good time.

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

Truly, I don’t have much that I would be ashamed to have someone find, although I put all of my “personal” stuff in a specific drawer…

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

I’ve never had any truly weird ones. I know that’s a boring answer, but it’s true.

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:

Like: taste, how messy it can be

Dislike: much harder…I guess that you have to stop at some point?

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

I had a partner once who wanted to use the ice cream stuff Magic Shell on me. It was weird. Also, it didn’t work because I’m not, you know, ice cream temperature.

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

Yes. It was fine.

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

Oh, this is a touchy subject for me. I’ll substitute the word protection for a condom and say, no not really, if you’re in a casual relationship. If you are in an intimate relationship, you and your partner have been tested and have discussed it and are completely exclusive and you trust them, then I think you can talk about not using protection. That’s my situation. But you have to know your partner is honest. You also have to be prepared for the consequences of not using it (for heterosexuals, pregnancy) if you do make that decision.

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

I don’t think I’ve ever had a teacher I thought was sexy. I had one once in college who was a former marine and tattooed everywhere and he had a badass personality, and that is (in theory) pretty sexy. But it wasn’t something that made him attractive to me, if that makes sense. I can find someone sexy and not be attracted to them.

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

NO. I don’t like food in bed. Ever.

21: How big is too big:

When it hurts all the time or they don’t know how to use it.

22: One sexual thing you would never do:

Watersports. Ew.

23: Biggest turn on:

I don’t think there’s one set thing. I suppose being sexy?

24: Three spots that drive you insane:

My back, my wrist, the inside of my lower lip.

25: Worst possible time to get horny:

When I’m in a bad mood or feeling self-conscious. It always ends badly.

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

If it is real, sure.

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had:

I won’t say their name here. *evil grin*

28: How much fapping is too much fapping:

When you hurt yourself?

29: Best sexual complement you ever got:

This seems like a good place to brag and mention all those times you hear “you’re the best I’ve ever had” but that’s silly. Not to mention, you can never tell if someone is just stroking your ego. I love it when my partner tells me I make them feel loved, or special. That means I’m doing it right.

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:

I prefer tasteful grooming, but I would rather my partner be comfortable with themselves than it be to my taste. Self-confidence is always sexy.

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:

Yeah, it can be

32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fucking.

Give us a few hours alone and it’s a good day

33: What your favorite part of your body?

My hair. But that has nothing to do with sex.

34: Favorite foreplay activities:

All of them, especially kissing

35: Love (>,<, or =) Sex?

I’m not certain about these abbreviations (I won’t lie) but I will say that love does not equal sex or vise versa, although they can go hand in hand and are usually better that way.

36: What do you wear to bed?

Nothing

37: When was the first time you masturbated:

I don’t remember. Whenever it was, it obviously wasn’t a big deal to me.

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

Yes, yes and yes.

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

Yes, but it has been a good long while.

40: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

I have and no, that’s not normally my thing.

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

Yes and Yes. I’m in a triad. That’s part of the deal, right?

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

I’ve never chosen anything random. How vanilla am I now…?

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

I have before. I’d like to not do it again.

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

No and probably not. Like I said, I’m all about comfort. And I don’t care for planes.

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

Um, I think I’ve had it to most of the ones I’ve wanted to. I like Goldfrapp…

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

Massages

47: Most attractive celebrity?

Male? I’m really into Robert Downey Jr. Female? Michelle Rodriguez is hot.

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

Yes. And I watch straight porn. But I like the real thing better.

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?

Two weeks old

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

No.

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

Um, I hate overt come ons. They’re lame.

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)

I have slight ones on my legs from when I was a dancer. They make me feel a bit shy but no one I know of has cared.

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

No. I’m a lesbian. But I do like going down on ladies. A bunch.

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

I guess it depends on the tattoo, but I don’t really care. If I am interested in them, the ink won’t make a difference.

55: How would you feel about taking someone’s virginity?

I have. I suppose it is a special moment for them, and you should try to be good to them, but I don’t think it’s the end all be all of sex.

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

I hate food in the bedroom. But I would especially discourage chocolate, meats (especially pork) mint (the burn) and of course, gum.

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

No.

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? how long have you had it?)

Yes. I own a ton of them. I have bondage toys and implements and stuff. Most of them are relatively new, because they need to be in good condition if you don’t want to make yourself sick.

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

Sure

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

Yes. Probably.

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

I’d rather not work in the sex trade honestly. But if I had to choose, probably prostitute. There’s no permanent record of that, is there.

62: Do you watch porn?

Yes.

63: How small is too small?

Size doesn’t matter if you know how to please your partner.

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

Yes. It has happened various times, for various things. None of them, in my opinion, we’re terribly freaky things, either. I’ve had a few seriously vanilla partners. Like, anything not missionary position was wild.

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

Kitten. It always does.

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

Sure.

67: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

Depends on what I’m wearing.

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

No.

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

Well, I’m not a boy, so I don’t know. I mean, that’s a different form of masturbation, so I wouldn’t think it would be all that special. It seems like that would be extremely uncomfortable.

70: Booty or Boobs?

Sure? I don’t care one way or another. I truly don’t, although I suppose I look at the backside more than the front. Neither one are my particular fetish.

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

Captain Kitty.

72: Have you ever been on an official date?

Well, there weren’t referees or anything…yes, of course I have.

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

Yes. Because I was unhappy. Because I wanted to. Because I wanted more. And no, I don’t feel guilty about it either.

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

Alecya G

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

*redacted*

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

Oh dear lord. No thank you. But if they did? I suppose I would make sure they washed and changed the sheets. It’s a little late by that time, right? Then again, my parents are divorced. I might die of shock.

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina?

Huh.

78: If you had a penis for a day, what are five things you would do?

Buy condoms. Have sex. Wear guy jeans. Wear Boxers, briefs and a man-thong, so I could have an opinion on the issue. 

My Thighs Have Been Involved In Many Accidents

So, last night I read a book called "Fast Girls, Teenage Tribes and the Myth of the Slut" by Emily White. Honestly, without delving into a book review, I can say that it honestly wasn't my cup of tea.

I'm not sure how it ended up on my bookshelf in the first place, and I pulled it out during my current exploration of my bookshelves, a quest that I have given myself in an attempt to pare down the insane amount of books that we currently posses. (I've already culled more than 50 books and not made a dent in our shelves.) Any way you shake it, I was expecting the book to be educational, enlightening and entertaining. It was none of these things. Really, I wouldn't recommend it, I rather would like that two hours of my life back, but then again I mostly finished it to make a point to Kitten, who says I never read new books. If I wanted to, I could have picked up another book and read it, but lost the point.

Either way, it got me to thinking about sluts, and while I was having dinner with the girls tonight (is our 2 year anniversary with Oscelot) I was discussing the book and told them I was pretty sure by the book's definition, everyone sitting at our table was a slut- in fact, most of the people we know are sluts. Which brought us around to the definition of sluts in general. Since its relatively hard to define in terms that aren't relative to the people you know or the moral standards within which most people operate, it got to be a bit of a trick to make a firm definition that didn't include every person who hasn't had sex outside the confines of marriage. So when I got home I took it upon myself to look up the meaning of the word slut in the dictionary.

Dictionary.com says slut means "an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute"

This seemed hardly like a help since most of the people I have known to be called sluts were not prostitutes and some of them weren't even female, so I went to Urban Dictionary instead and found a few more enlightening entries, the most useful of which is:

"A derogatory term.  Refers to a sexually promiscuous person, usually female.  One who engages in sexual activity with a large number of persons, occasionally simultaneously.  Also refers to one who engages in sexual activity outside of a long-term relationship within the duration of said relationship.  These sexual activities include but are not limited to: passionate kissing, manual stimulation of genitalia and/or breasts in the case of a female; oral stimulation of these parts; sexual intercourse.  In some cases, used to refer to a woman who is wearing "skimpy" or tasteless clothing.  Less commonly, used as a derogatory term by one female for another during periods of conflict.

Synonyms: whore, tramp. Derivations: slutty (adj.), sluttier/sluttiest (superlatives). Related Adjectives: easy; immoral; loose; cheap." 

 

This, I think, is a definition that I can work with. It does seem more, uh, specific, especially within the confines of modern (if often slang) usage. 

I suppose the reason I was so interested in the definition was because of this discussion with my partners. I mean, I suppose the definition really makes no difference- I know, and have known for some time, that I am a slut. By most definitions. Maybe not dictionary.com, since I am not a prostitute (despite this popular belief held by Kitten's co-workers- a rumor, I think, started by her ex). But, if you look at the other one, really, I'm pretty sure I fit the bill. I can't deny that I've done all of those things. 

I don't say this because I am proud of being a slut, but more because I am not ashamed of it. Its something that, I suppose, I was looking for in the book I was reading, because I assumed there would be some sense of empowerment, some sense of the futility of slut-shaming, because I don't think there's anything wrong with being promiscuous, if you are being safe about it. I think you can sleep around, have a good time, be safe, and still have your morals intact. For the most part, I didn't find that in the book. Was there a lot of talk about the slut archetype? Sure. Was there talk about the horrors and damage that slut shaming can cause? Oh, yeah. But there was a significant lack of women in the book who were taking up the flag of the slut with pride. That was what I think bothered me. 

I felt bad, I really did, about those poor girls who graduated virgins but who had been accused of sleeping with the whole swim team, or passing out blow jobs at parties. In no way do I feel that what happened to them was okay. But to me, it seemed like there was a lot of ladies protesting too much, and not enough of anyone talking about how it was okay to be in control of your sexuality. 

I do understand we are discussing a book that centers largely on teenagers. I get that. As a teenager sex is a mystery, there is a lot of questioning, a lot of need to explore, and in the case of many teens- the need to subjugate their burgeoning sexuality. Here's where I depart from the author, and where I think I depart from this not book review that is somehow turning into a book review- someone needs to take up for the sluts. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I embrace my sexuality fully. I don't make any excuses, and while I'm always willing to offer explanations, I rarely do it as a means of justifying myself. Are you interested in why I call myself a lesbian despite the fact I've slept with men? Are you curious why I call myself a lesbian despite the fact that I have enjoyed sex with men? Or why I am in a triad. Or why I don't think masturbation is shameful. Or why, for the most part, I have no problem showing myself off in person or via photo, even though I'm not the fittest woman in the world (well, certainly not the way I used to be). I'll talk about those things all day. I have no problem admitting that I've had quite a few sex partners. More than Kitten and Oscelot put together. Actually, probably more than the two of them put together and doubled. I don't think that makes me a bad person. I don't think that makes me anything but someone who is in touch with their sexuality and their needs, and frankly, pretty good in the sack. 

Most people would think it makes me a slut. 

Okay. Sure. 

Tell me, what's wrong with that? To me, I think there's nothing wrong with the way I've experienced sex. I have come out of it happy (most of the time) and disease free (all of the time) and for the most part pleased with the partners I have had. And I'll tell you something- every sex partner I have had has taught me something about myself. They have taught me about the way I experience the world. I don't regret most of my sex partners. There are a few, but they are in general emotional mistakes and not sexual ones. Truth me told, some of the people I liked the least were the ones I had the most fun with. I generally don't ask questions except for the pertinent ones- when were you last tested, are you clean, and do you have protection? 

Take Kitten, for example. When I slept with her for the first time I barely knew her. Granted, we slept together more than once, and I did like her very much by the time we both foolishly ended our first relationship. But here's the truth- Kitten was and still is (and this is NOT partner bias, she doesn't read here and I have no reason to lie) the best sex partner I have ever had. She was the standard by which I held every partner after her to, and forget about the people before her- she obliterated them. No one ever measured up. Now, when she and I got back together I was cheating on the person I was with when I started sleeping with her again. By both counts, sleeping with her when I didn't know her well or love her and by cheating on a long term partner, I was a huge slut. Best decision I ever made. Both times. 

I get really tired of the people who somehow feel like sex has to be something secret, or taboo, or something shameful. I like sex with the lights off...but its not because I feel ashamed or like I need to hide what I'm doing. I masturbate with a blanket over me, but its because I get cold and I can't climax if my feet feel like blocks of ice. I think there's be a lot more people out there who were happier and healthier if there were less stigma attached to the sex act. Whether you want to procreate or have a good time, there is simply nothing wrong with sex. There isn't. 

 

There is something very wrong with people who equate sex with love and assume that to have sex without it means you are somehow lacking in morals or emotion. That is simply not the case. Can sex be amazing when you love a person? Oh yeah. But it can also suck. Same as sex with a stranger is sometimes awesome and sometimes awful. It depends on the people, the situation and the skill of those involved.  Now, I can hear someone saying now that there can be good sex with an unskilled partner. Yes, yes there can be. You can even have nice sex with that unskilled partner several times. Here's the catch- you either love them (which isn't what I'm here to discuss) or you are learning with them and -gasp- having sex for fun (which is exactly what I'm talking about). This whole notion that sex is some sort of gift you bestow on your partner because you care about them is silly. It truly is. Because sex, done right, is a gift to yourself too. I could ramble all day about the health benefits of sex, or the emotional benefits of sex, or whatever. Its boring, though, and I don't think any of us care. If you do, google it and post it in my comments and I'm sure we'll all read it. 

But the slut flag...why does no one take it up? Why oh why, in this day and age, is there still a stigma attached to making yourself feel good, especially when you're a woman? I try and puzzle it out, but truly, I think I wouldn't be able to without lots of research, and reading, and a lot of talk about politics and women's rights and human rights and in the end I think the result is the same. I may not like it, but if I got slut tattooed anywhere on my body that was visible, I wouldn't be reclaiming the word. I won't reclaim it by proffering, as I do here, that I am a slut and I'm proud of that. I'll still be judged, and most of it won't be nice. I don't see a lot of people going "That Alecya, what a slut. Man, I am lucky to know a woman like her...witty, nice, well spoken and totally unashamed of the fact that she loves to have sex." 

Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. After all, being a slut is, if anything, loving the act of love and pleasure- and I don't see a lot of people loving that about me. Even if I do. 

AGxx

Lets talk about Sex

Warning, this post will contain information of a sexual nature. If you don't want to know about me and sex, don't read it. If you do...well, there you go. 

I haven't posted about sex in a while, and I saw this on one of my friend's blogs, so I thought I would give it a go. Some of these questions may not apply to me, so I'll do my best answering them, but for the most part I think I can cover most of these.

* I'd like to make the note I edited this after I went to bed because it occurred to me that I have an annoying habit of answering questions with single words.

 What is something you have always wanted to try sexually?
I don't think there's anything I want to do that I haven't tried, honestly, 
  
What is something you have never done in bed before?  
 Uh, watersports. And I won't. That's gross. Also, I've never had sex with more than two people at once. That I don't mind.   


What time of day do you like to have sex?  
Uh, I don't care? I like right before bed or first thing in the am, but I'm not too picky. 

What do you absolutely need to see to turn you on?  
I need to see that my partner wants me. I think its silly this idea that you have to see skin or be titivated by flesh to get turned on or excited. A truly beautiful person who makes you feel sexy can make you hot even if they're wearing a full length sweater and wool pants. 

How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?  
Not very long. I like to touch the people I am with.  


If someone was in the next room would it make you nervous or excited? 
It would depend on who it was. As a general rule, I'd say I would rather they go find something to do.

 Have you ever faked an orgasm?  
Yes. But not recently. 


What Part of your body are you self-conscious about?  
My legs and my feet. I think my toes are warped from ballet when i was younger and I worry that I have monster thighs. I probably don't, but there you have it.
  
Do you have any sexual regrets? 
Nope

How Important is sex in your life? 
Important but not vital. It makes a relationship special, but you don't have to have it to love someone.  I'm not one of those people who'll reproach their partners with "You haven't had sex with my in 
(x) days. You don't love me anymore." I might miss them, but I realize sometimes sleep or quality time doing something that isn't sex is more important. 

 Do you like biting and scratching?
Sometimes. But not, like, drawing blood. And not preplanned. I'm a heat of the moment kind of girl.  

How do you feel about leaving marks?
I like them in private spots you don't see, like the thighs or the rib cage, or the back. I think marks on the neck are tacky. 
  
Do you believe in make-up sex? 
Well, it exists, yes... I don't think sex is the best way to commemorate the fact that you've had an argument. 

Have you ever had a one night stand?  
Sort of. I knew them, but I only slept with them once. Does that count?

 Have you ever rebounded and known you were doing so?
Yes

Who did you lose your virginity to? 
I guy I dated in high school that was a jerk and probably didn't deserve it. His name was Nathan.  


When and Where did you lose your virginity?  
I was 15, it was September 25 in the middle of the afternoon and in a bed...

Would you go down on your bf/gf under a restaurant table?
No. I think that's tacky.  

Where would you have sex in public?  
Not really my thing. I have...but it wasn't my thing. I'm too paranoid. Also, I'd like to think I'm a lady
  
Would you ever have sex while at work?  
No

Would you have sex in the rain?  
Maybe. Location is everything.   

What movie makes you horny? 
Uh, none that I can think of off the top of my head. There's actors and actresses I find attractive but that's about it. I'm a real life person. Movies are so contrived.   

What do you like Trimed,Shaved or natural?  
Trimmed. Although that's a preference. I don't care with most women. Honestly, I think all three can be sexy. Its all about the person and how they wear their personality in bed.  

Would you have sex in a dressing room?  
No

Do you like your partner to be loud during sex? 
If they are naturally loud, yes. I hate when people make noise because they think they need to be loud. I'd rather it be natural. Conversely, though, I've been with people who told me talking or excessive noise turned them off and I spent the whole time worried I was being too loud.  


What words do you like to hear during sex?  
True ones

How many times a week do you like to have sex?  
When I can? I don't normally set a number...

Have you done the 69 position?  
Seeing as how I'm not 16. Yes.
   
What are the top 3 erogenous zones on your body?  
My back, my hips, my mouth

Top or Bottom?  
Depends. I can be happy either way. It just depends on the day and (you got this) who my partner is.  

Bedroom or other room? 
Bedroom. Call me boring. I like soft surfaces.   

Lights on or off?
That depends on my partner and what they are comfortable with. Time of day also makes a difference. I like morning sunlight and moonlight to the light directly overhead in my room. If I need light, I'd rather crack the bathroom door and leave the light on in there. Its to help me see, not provide a spotlight. 

Public or Private?  
Private

Partially or Entirely naked?  
Naked. Partially can be hot, don't get me wrong, but I'd rather be naked.  

Naughty Videos or Hot Photos?  
Real people. I really would rather have a real person in front of me. If I have to break down and use porn, believe me when I say I'd rather it be well written and I get to make the pictures in my head.  

Lacy Panties/Silk Boxers or Leather?  
Yes

Fast & Hard or Slow & Gentle? 
Yes  

Standing up or Laying down? 
laying down

Soft or Firm touch? 
Yes  

Under Covers or On top? 
Yes. EXCEPT- in the winter I require blankets because I am cold natured.

 Is there any desire that you want to try that you think is taboo?  
No  

Any New Positions you havent done but want to try?  
We covered this first. No.   

Do you have any sexual fetishes you want to explore?  
Explore? No. But I have some.   

Are there any secret desires you have never told?  
  Would I tell them here? No, I'm a pretty open person. I mean, I think everyone has desires that they don't talk about, and I think that's fine, but it doesn't make them secret. I think that word implies you would need to hide it for a  reason, and I don't see the need for that.

Where in the house is your favorite spot to have sex?  
In my bed.

What is your favorite thing about sex?  
The way my partner looks and sounds

What is your favorite sexual setting?  
I don't have one  

Would you ever fool around in a movie theater?  
Nope  

Would you ever make a porno with your bf/gf?  
I've filmed before. I wouldn't post it on the internet or anything.   

Would you ever do a photo shoot in sexy clothes for your bf/gf?
Yes

Do you think you need sex more or less often than the average person?  
Haha. I would like it more. But I don't care so much that its necessary. So yes and no?  

Do you like it rough or sensual?:  
Its depends. Usually its sensual.   

Do you prefer to be with the opposite sex or the same sex? or both?:
Same sex  

Do you have sex face to face with your partner?:
Yes  

How often do you get drunk and have wild, crazy sexy with a complete stranger?:
Never  

How do you feel about one night stands?:
I try to avoid them. I don't think they're safe and they are usually less enjoyable because you don't know your partner. 


Do you prefer to make love or fuck?: 
Making love  

Have you ever watched porn while having sex?: 
Yes. It was boring sex too. It was for the gratification of my partner at the time, who would not admit for the life of him that he actually liked men. But he loved slash porn and that kind of stuff. So we watched it. I think he had a nice time. I wouldn't do it again.   

How long do you usually fore-play before doing the deed?: 
As long as possible  

Do you like kissing during sex?: 
YES  

Does size matter?: 
Well, in my experience, yes. But not the way you would think. I think its more important that you fit well together and everyone knows that they're doing. I've been with people who were smaller (hands and genitalia, btw) and they were fine. I've been with people who were huge and awful. But those are exceptions, not rules. Each person is different. I think paying attention to your partner's needs is more important.  

How many sexual partners have you have in the last month?
I have two sex partners. That's it. Ever probably. 

What does your favorite fore-play include?: 
Enjoying the person I'm with.   

Have you ever done anal? If so, did you like it?:  
Yes. And sometimes yes and sometimes no. It depends on your partner.   

Have you ever have sex for money?: 
Never.   

Have you ever bribed someone to sleep with you?: 
No. There's this thing called dignity...

How many positions do you like to do during one episode?:
Uh, whatever I'm in the mood for? Its not like I keep track.

 Do you ever worry about how you’re pleasing your partner?: 
 Not anymore. No. I'm good at what I do. I know that. I used to be more uncomfortable with how I preformed with men, because obviously, I have less experience there, and I'm not as comfortable. I also tend to be way more selfish with men because usually sex with them is a means to an end. Then again, with that the case, why worry, right? With women I know what I'm doing and I love it.  


Could you live without sex?:
I imagine so, but it might get boring...I suppose I should say yes, I could, but I would be very disappointed to have to.  


How long does a typical sexual episode last for you?:
Couple hours or so?  

Do you like to perform oral sex?:
Yes!

Do you like to recieve oral sex?: 
Yes  

Have you ever taped yourself in the act?:
We covered this.   

Have you ever had a 3-some? 4-some? 5-some?: 
Threesome. That's it.   

Have you ever been caught in the act?:
Yes. 

Have you ever had sex on drugs?:
yes

Do you spit or swallow?:
Neither. lol

Would you let other people watch you have sex live?: 
No  

Do you ever have sex in the shower?: 
No  

What was the biggest age difference with a partner?: 
About 12 years

Do you feel your up to par in bed?: 
Yes

What was your most embarrassing sexual moments?:
Um, I had a partner who was chewing gum and she had it on her palm during...it was embarrassing getting it off of me... I became a much stricter groomer after that. Outside of that, I think sex is taken too seriously most of the time. Just because a position doesn't go well or you make a weird noise or whatever doesn't mean you should be ashamed.  

Do you like having sex in cars? If so, driver seat, passenger, or back?:
Not really.   

Do you wear protection as often as you should?: 
Well, since I'm in a relationship now, no I don't because I got tested, as did my partner and we both know we're clean. If I were to be in another relationship I would every time. Always use protection, always, always get tested after every partner and every 6 months, kids, its the only safe way. 

Do you prefer to sleep with someone older or younger than you?:
I think maturity and compatibility are more important, but older.   

Have you ever done bondage sex (chains,whips,etc.)?:
Yes. 

Can you remember who gave you the best sex of your life?:
Yes. She's the first thing I see every morning.   


If you could sleep with ANYONE, would would it be?:
You know, I have a "would" list, but I'm pretty happy with how things stand as they are.  Okay, okay...as far as males go...I think Alexander Skarsgard is really pretty. Then again, i think he's gay, so that's off the options anyway, isn't it. As far as women celebrities go...you know...I don't know. Because a woman can be beautiful and I could still not enjoy her because of her personality. So I guess the safest bet would be Ellen Degeneres because I think she is both sweet and funny. I wouldn't say no to Tina Fey either, for that same reason.

There you go, kids. The ABC's of sex with me. Feel free to repost in the comments, or at your place, and let me know. If you feel like sharing. Or feel free to ask questions I might not have answered. I'm pretty well an open book.

AGxx

Can You Make it Last?

Wow, guys. You like the posts about sex! I think that last post was my highest hit count in ages. Not that I'm mad, or suprised. Most of the people who read my blog are friends of mine...or I should rather say that I haven't had anyone new comment on it in a long time, so I assume I know most of you who are reading me...

Anyway. I was glad to see that you're dropping by, and since we're on the subject, and both you and I seem to like it, I figured I would continue it. Sex is an endlessly fascinating subject to me, I could probably blog exclusively about it if I felt like it. I won't I promise, but I could.

The thing I was thinking about the last couple of days is rather convoluted. I was thinking about sensuality and also what constituted good sex. This came about in a rather off kilter sort of way. Part of it was I was rethinking over some of my past conversations with my friends about the topic. The other was I was reminded, as a result of these conversations, of an old lover of mine who accused me once of being "really sensual." I took it as a compliment, but the thing was, out of all my lovers, this would be the one I would least expect it from. It still baffles my mind. Let me explain:

This particular lover of mine was not someone I was in love with. It was a fling. We slept together a few times, off and on. It was never anything serious. This partner was, to be honest, a bit of a jerk and that was part of why I liked them. There were never any pretentions to love or a long term relationship, and as most of you who've known me long will corroborate- I like pig-headed partners if I'm out for a good time. They're more of a challenge and I pride myself on my ability to please even the toughest of comers. (no pun intended)

The reason I was so suprised was because this person was not romantic at all. We weren't romantic, even when we were sleeping together. In fact, this was one of my first experiences where I realized that sex is not something you could take seriously all the time. We'd be sitting on the couch talking politics and all of a sudden I'd discover we were having sex. I mean, yeah, that's why I'd come over, but all the same I was stunned to discover a debate about medicare and social security could work as foreplay. We carried on the conversation while having sex. Some people might say that's terribly boring, or maybe the epitome of geek sex. I don't think it was either of those things. We had a nice time, it felt good, we were both pleased. But my partner didn't see the point in stopping the conversation just because we were into each other.

Given this rather unique situation (one I haven't repeated since then) I was really suprised when I was told by them that they found me "really sensual" and that it came as a bit of a suprise to them. I don't know that love and politics, or any other sort of serious topic, usually go hand in hand. Apparently, though, this time, it worked. I mean, at the time I took the compliment with a puzzled smile and moved on. But thinking about it now- I don't think I was trying to be sensual. I was just enjoying myself. Does that always constitute sensuality? I'm not sure.

I think that I've been with plenty of people who were extremely sensual, but you could tell they were trying to be. I've been with people who just were and it was a part of them. I'm not sure how you would define it. I mean, I think in relation to myself, my "sensuality" as it were is more that I am an extremely tactile person. I like to touch and to be touched. What's the point of sex if you can't enjoy a person completely? I want to feel every part of my partner. I don't think that's sensual, I think that's good sense. I mean...I hate to use the phrase "you've seen one you've seen them all" because that is certainly not the case. But, I do think that there are far less suprises when it comes to the actual sex organs than there is in the rest of the body of the person you're sleeping with. I mean, doesn't everyone enjoy finding the nice spots, the ticklish spots, the places where they have birthmarks, freckles and scars from falling on the playground as a child? Those are the best places. Those are the places that make your partner unique and interesting. Right?

I'm interested, you see, in what you think sensuality is. Maybe its that I have no definition to work from. Maybe its because if I actually set out to be that way, I feel like I'm play acting. Of all things, I think sex should be real. I think the act itself is something that should be natural for both people involved.

Which sort of, kind of, brings me to the second thing milling about in my head. What constitues good sex, and how important is it? If you go back to my post prior, and you think about the first time you sleep with someone, I think there's that moment there where you consider afterwards exactly how that felt for you. I think sometimes that's a determining factor for whether or not you do it again. Not always, but sometimes.

Now, I was debating with someone the other day about whether or not you should dump somebody because the sex is bad. I think that's not ever a good cause, although I think in that there is a root problem that possibly goes deeper. Here's why. My friend argues that if the person is trying, and maybe they aren't experienced, or they're nervous, or whatever and it doesn't go as well as you hoped, you shouldn't be basing your whole relationship solely on that act. There has to be more. I do agree. I think that sometimes it takes partners time to find a good stride. And if you are new to it, or you've been less adventurous that your partner, or you just did things differently with all your other partners- sometimes there's a learning curve. You don't say, "well, that didn't work for me, so we can't date anymore."

I am totally there on that one. BUT I also think that if you've been with your partner for a while and things in the bedroom have never heated up, that's something to be concerned about. Here's why- there's a compatability issue here. Maybe you don't trust your partner (you probably shouldn't be having sex with them). Maybe they're selfish. Or you are. Maybe their kinks are simply too much for you, and you can't handle it and it freaks you out. Okay. I get it. But I think that you put that up to a relationship issue that's been manifesting in the bedroom. Its then, I think, you can probably say "maybe this is not working for us" and move on. But I also think you make it clear, the sex may not be great but its a personality thing that's really killing it. Also, I think if you've been with someone a long time and the sex goes bad...well, that's a problem too, and likely one that has nothing to do with sex.

Anyway, so good sex? Important? Yeah, probably, but I think in a different way then most people would think. I've had partners that I didn't think were as talented or adventurous as others I'd been with. This doesn't mean they were bad, just different. I think you're on a slippery slope when you start comparing partners. And at no time do you ever say "my old partner did this and it really worked for me, try it." That's a killer there. I mean, yeah, if you like a certain technique, teach your partner and see if it still works for you. But, for god's sake, don't mention your ex, because that puts other people in the bedroom with you and is a can of worms you probably don't want to open. I'm just saying...

As for the act itself, I think that part of what makes sex good is who you're with. I mean, I've had some partners that could do things that bent my mind and turned me inside out. I've had partners finish me so hard that I actually was physically sick afterward from the vertigo. I still prefer other people I've been with because I enjoyed their company more- in and out of bed. To me, they were better lovers, because we connected at a different level (something Flash mentioned in his comment on the other post, and I completely agree with). I do think that other things, like whether or not you like screamers, or nails, or tender or whatever...I think that's personal preference and doesn't constitute good or bad. I think that's something you should probably talk about with the person you're with before hand. I mean, if you like a good spanking and it weirds your girlfriend out...well, things might not work out there and you need to resolve that issue before you hit the sheets.

Am I wrong on that one? I mean, how many of you actually talk to your partners before you've gotten into bed with them about the things you like? Obviously I can't pretend that you would cover this with someone who you're having a one night stand with. I mean, pick-ups aside, I would be completly freaked out if someone at a bar was like "Hey, I know we're thinking about leaving together, so I need to know, are you into reverse cowgirl?" But I do think, with most of my partners, the topic of sex, the act, comes up in conversation pretty frequently before we bed each other. Am I unique in this? I don't know. I still think its a good idea.

So, here I am, straddling the fence again. Last post I said sex isn't something holy, it isn't some deep mystical act. I believe that. But I also believe that to have a truly good time, you have to be connected to your partner in some way. You have to be on the same wavelength. Am I a hypocrite? I don't know. I mean, if you take it only to mean you have to love you're partner I suppose I am. And I have to confess, the times I've really, really enjoyed myself, if I tote them all up into like a top five list or something- four of those five? I loved them. But then, that partner I mentioned earlier...we connected and I did not love them. Not in the slightest. But I think we understood each other, and that made all the difference. Because, honestly, I did have a nice time.

What do you think? Do you measure good sex purely based on how good you felt after? Or is it something more?

Let me know. We'll go from there.
AGxx