A Long Walk

I promised I would get back to normal writing today, so here's a boring life update.

I've been writing more, as you can see. There is a high liklihood that there will be more and more short peices coming up on the blog in the future. I'm liking that I am in the mood to write, even if it is only short stuff, even if it is only nonsense. It keeps makign me think that sometime soon I'll shake the muse loose and get back to work on the novel.

Kitten started her own blog today. If she decides to update frequently and will allow me to, I'll probably add her to my blogroll. It would be interesting, I think, to have an additional perspective on the life we lead together. Of course, I don't know that she'll want me reading it, but then- that doesn't mean you cant. It was fun to go through the setup and remember how frustrated I felt when I picked out this blog template.

She decided to do it this morning, and we talked about it over breakfast. It made me remember the people I met when I first started blogging, and how I got into the world I am now, where people know me as Alecya and are interested in my life though we've never seen eachother. Some of them are still my friends. Aravis and Swiss, in my blogroll, have been there since almost the beginning. I recall sending Swiss a message on facebook a few months ago, noting that it has been seven years since we started talking. Seven. That's longer than I've been friends with Perpet and Sakura. In fact, I could go backand find my first posts about them in the old blog, if I wanted to. It made me think of the people I've somehow let go, or the blogs that are missing from my roll now, and I wonder what they are up to, how they're lives have turned out, and I rather miss them.

Of course, there are a few, like me, who went missing on the blogs but I never lost touch with. People you wouldn't (or maybe a few of you do) know. Flash, Hyde and Wingring. I still see Mark Reed around every now and again, and I was fortunate enough to meet his brother through facebook. What fun guys. Good lord, wasn't that a long time ago? I remember a blogger called Mr. Mystic, whom I still think about all the time, and hope is doing well. I remember he always inspired me.

Anyway, the trip down memory lane was fun. I ws prompted to remember the origins of my original blog name, how this one got its name and how I used to have an erotica blog that disappeared long ago. I miss that thing, and wish I hadn't felt guilty about it, because really, it was Beloved's hang-up and not mine that brought that to an end. Actually, Swiss commented earlier today about one of the last posts, and mentioned I was good at it, that I used to be. It made me smile. I don't know if that;s necissarily true, me being good at it (though Itake the compliment kindly friend) but I do remember how much I love it. I think that's what shows, isn't it? My love of the erotica genre, and most likely, my love of sex.

Because lets face it, I love sex. I don't think its possible to be in a relationship like the one I'm in without loving sex, because there's a lot to have. When you have two partners needs to meet...I do have my hands full. But sex. Sex! Wow, I don't think there's ever been a time when I didn't love it. Even when I was with BBD and not really getting any, either from my repugnance or his own, it was always there, pulsing and teasing me. I think there's somethign that's a little bit wrong with me, honestly, there's got to be some sort of condition. I think of it all the time. Its there in the back of my mind. When I look at anyone, anyone at all, not a just a woman, it seems like my eyes automatically seek out those things that make them sexy. I have to admit, I don't always find it. But if its there, I'll notice it. And its not an "I want to get laid" thing, either, with strangers. I just like to see the strange beauty in the people I encounter. I suppose it does make my job more interesting. I suppose you cold sttribute that to my nature, that I want to love people and the best way I know to love is through the physical aspect, but that probably isn't right either.

Its more than that though. The girls give me a hard time, because it seems like I'm The Todd on Scruubs sometimes. Everything seems like a double entendre around me. I actually made an effort to behave, to not do it, when we went to the zoo the other day (see prior posts). The girls entreated me. Said I was making some of our friends more bashful because of it. I did it a few times without thinking. Not like, on purpose, but they took it the way I would have it I had meant to be teasing, and just like that I saw how I make people think about it anyway.

It might also be noted, that trip to the zoo, we had been making an effort to set up The Lifeguard and Black Magic. That was an epic fail. In fact, I think I'm still in the doghouse for that one with Lifegaurd. I'm not sure how Black Magic feels about the epic fail, since she isn't really speaking to me right now. Again, a story for another day, assuming she stops talking to me permanantly. I know she reads here, and it would be cold of me to air her dirty laundry without asking first. I try to be a good friend even if I fail. I digress. Point is, the girls seemed to think that Lifegaurd was feeling more bashful than usual because of my joking and the effect that it had on Black Magic. I don't think this is the case. I rerained as much as possible anyway, in case I was wrong.

The long and short, I suppose, is that writing erotica is a good outlet for me. Its like making something constructive out of somethign that would otherwise waste my time.

In other news, I did get to have a nice long conversation with Perpet last night. It was so good to catch up with her at last. The time difference between us now makes calling impossible without inconveniencign at least one of us. Either way, I was up quite late last night, and I enjoyed staying up waaay past my bedtime to text her. I have to admit, I like the texting. She and I are able to both talk at once. The conversations move faster. It cracks me up. WE probably covered at least 6 hours worth of talking in 3 hours of texting last night. Hooray for us.

It turns out, and I assume she doesn't mind me saying so, she misses me like I miss her. I was thinking about it the other day, and really, since she left almost a year ago, I haven't had that once person I can talk to or vent to or whatever to. I have al ot of great friends, don't get me wrong, but its hard to find a person that I trust with all my secrets. Its a different kind of relationship, with the two of us, because there are no serets. There isnt any mystery between the two of us. When you honestly love your best friend, it amkes such a difference. I do, too. I love Perpet. I love her like I love my wife, like I love Oscelot. Not romantically, that is, but with the same devotion and intensity. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, we my world to crumble, or hers, she and I would be there together fighting whatever it is. Also, having slept with her (yes, yes I have and it took us way to long to get to it if you ask me) the whole problem of attraction has been solved. I would say we got it out of our systems, but that isnt necissarily so. Its more that we can let it go now, and be friends, because we don't have to wonder. We already know. It was great, we had fun, now lets get back to the business of supporting eachother and being best pals. (Isn't that right, Perpet? Back me up here:))

Either way, I love her and she's a great lady and its been really hard not being able to ring her up for a drink or a bitchfest of whatever it is we did when she was here. I was terrified that her arrival in the Rose City would be the signal of my demise as best pal, not because I think her fickly, but it seemed like physical closeness was so important.

I shoud have known better. Look at you, my longtime readers, look at Perpet, look at the people I love who are far away and love me still. Turns out distance doesn't change anything, really, except the location itself. It means I travel more, I text more, I burn up my cell minutes more, because I can't have them there on my couch or in the park that we would go and walk to when I was having a bad day. It means I check my facebook more frequently and I email more vociferously. I means my camera is getting a workout. But my love for her, nd all my friends that are father from me than I would like, it hasn't changed.

Wow. One hell of a ramble, huh? Get back to the emo and the erotica, Alecya. Its not nearly so boring, eh?

Oh, and for the record, all my lurking buddies, I enabled the comments so you could leave me messages to. I know you're out there, because I check my stats. Talk to me. I like making new friends.

I'm off to write something more salacious. Or whiney. I'm not sure yet. Maybe a bit of both. We'll see.

I love you all.
AGxx

Oh, and in case you're interested, that's me on the carosel in the center of the Kansas City Zoo. We took that pic last summer. I just thought you might like to see something that isn't me in that blue shirt. Plus, my thumbnails on facebook are getting boring.