Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Time Keeps Rollin' On

I could keep telling you how busy I am, but no one believes me with the amount of time I spend on Tumblr, honestly. And I do have a Tumblr, in case you want to see what really occupies my waking hours. Spoiler alert- books, cats, food, Kitten and a few very pretty British men. Specifically This one:

Oh. And I've been figuring out how to work gifs, FINALLY, because I am sick of not being able to do it. Thanks to Sakura for that. Seriously.

I've been meaning to write lately and every time I get in here I get distracted because I want to talk about so many things. I keep thinking, why can't I be nice like Aravis and Swiss and only talk about one thing at a time? It occurs to me this is because Aravis and Swiss and all the other lovely bloggers I know actually have things to say and their minds are not, like mine, as cluttered as a forgotten attic in a romance novel. Fortunately, I explore mine pretty often and I always find a few treasures. Here's what's been on my mind lately:

The government shut down. I could get all wound up and do a political post but we'll stay away. I'll say this, the system is broken. EVERYONE is at fault. This started years before now. I'm sick of all of it. Talk about voter apathy. I won't have the heart to encourage people to vote if this keeps up, because really, who wants to convince someone their voice matters when really a bunch of assholes are going to hijack your decision making governing body and hold it hostage while pitching a fit like a two year old because they aren't getting their way. This goes for both sides, btw. All this nonsense does have a practical aide to it- I worry about money. I also worry because we have several customers who work for the government at Super Coffee and I don't want to cope with them not coming in because they've no paychecks.

Oscelot and Bobcat live next door. This causes no angst, its just new.

I am, though, concerned about Oscelot, because I have this horrible feeling the friendship is going to go south, and I hate when shit goes sideways. I've had a few tarot readings that indicate this is going to happen soon and it is going to effect my wallet. This will piss me off. We'll see. I feel like there's an effort on her part to needle me into being an asshole so she can be the victim, so I'm being as nice as possible for the moment, probably a dick move in and of itself. Ah, well. At least I'm being nice about it.

I have been enjoying some new fandoms lately. My love of Doctor Who grows daily. Of course, I've been loving Sherlock. Okay, I'm obsessed with Sherlock and not just because BC is a very painfully, adorably perfect example of what humanity should be. I've always loved the AC Doyle shorts and I think that there has been serious thought put into updating the stories into modern London. In old fandom news I am preparing to be really excited about Catching Fire. I think it is going to be great. I've seen some of the casting for the third and fourth film as well, and I can't be bitter about that. The Hobbit, Desolation of Smaug trailer came out and I think its going to be great. I will certainly be purchasing the latest Star Trek special edition to own for my very own quite soon. Kitten is currently really into AMC's The Walking Dead. Me? Not so much. I did, however, really like World War Z as far as zombie movies go and they aren't usually my favorite. I even liked it in 3D.

I am gearing up for Nanowrimo (Nano) and I think this year is going to be great. I've actually stayed in touch with some of the people who I have met in the forums over the last couple of years, and seeing them grow as writers and them  being there to encourage me is huge. I think I am going to try a romance again this year, though I am planning on skipping the historical and trying out a modern romance. I am also going to work to make this one real and enjoyable. I feel like there has to be more to romance than just billionaire philanthropist playboys, right? Poor people need love too. Hell, look at me.

My brother turned 30 last week and its making me feel really old. On the upside, Punk did invite me to his birthday party for the first time in years. I, of course, could not attend. But it was the thought that counted. We'll probably lunch later this week and it will be a good time. If not this week, well, by week I mean sometime in the next seven days. I need to work out his days off...

I may or may not have mentioned that my mom and grandmother came unglued on me in public when I told them I didn't want to celebrate Christmas with anyone this year-not specifically them, but anyone. See, I'm not a Christian and I hate the shuffle and crazy. They both apologized and are being really mature about it. For now. This, I think, is a good thing.

Samhain (Halloween) is fast approaching and I am really looking forward to the dumb supper we are planning (it means we don't talk, not that its stupid). I've almost got everything ready, except for purchasing the food, of course. And I'm waiting on the final RSVPs. It'll be great. I love the holidays, I really do.

Outside of that I think I am joining a gym in January (Specials, friends. I hate paying the building fees, especially when they're more than a third of the yearly subscription. That's stupid.) I am finally uncomfortable with my body shape. I am okay with the weight, and I know a lot of it comes from not smoking (did I ever mention I quit smoking? I quit in May.) and the food cravings that I have been completely giving into because of it. I have to remember now that I probably shouldn't always listen to my cravings, especially if they are for truffles and cans of pringles. Or cupcakes for breakfast. Either way, I've been meaning to get into a gym and swim more. I've been a lot less active as a housewife than I was when I was working at Casa Bueno and I need to take better care of myself. Kitten is positively rail thin because of her work now (all muscle too- I keep feeding her and it doesn't work!) so I feel like a total layabout when I look in the mirror. I could definitely use some toning. Not to mention I decided to ride my bicycle to the post office today to get some stamps and what would have been a quick and easy ten minute ride was a painful and embarrassing fifteen minute slog. It is certainly time to get back into shape. I may take my bike to work with me tomorrow and ride it home. I don't fancy the ten mile ride will be pleasant, but then, exercise hardly ever is...I suppose I'll see how miserable and defeated my body is tomorrow. I mowed the lawn and hacked at some weeds today too....

So that's me. I think there's not a whole lot of other interesting things going on. I'll eventually get around to talking about exciting things again, and maybe telling you all about my workplace, which really is a treasure. I am so happy there I can't even think.

So....you lot take care and I swear I'll make it in soon. Swear.

Lots of love- AGxx


Oh- and a postscript for someone who swore they were getting the hell out of my life a few years ago and I've discovered that they are occasionally stalking my blog. For the record, I was right. I still am. I'm glad I made the decision I did. As for you?














Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I'm More Than Some Pretty Face Beside a Train

Okay, so I've had a little time to think about this whole Ben Affleck being Batman thing. I'm sure you've heard by now...the whole internet exploded when it was announced...seriously, it really interrupted my fangirl on Tumblr time, and I don't have a lot of that right now...

Anyway, I think everyone's being a little harsh. Has he made some bad films? Sure. Is he who I would have pictured? Not at all...but I thought the same thing about Toby Maguire being Spiderman and look how that turned out. I think there's some things that people forget- like how actors have no control over how a movie is produced if they aren't one of the producers. Or how Affleck has made decent movies. And how he's directed some good ones too- that bodes well for the script. And don't point out Gigli to me. That was all JLo and you know it. You throw the first stone on that one if you've never done something seriously stupid because of the very hot person you were dating. Yeah. Mostly, I think everyone forgets that people make mistakes. Even actors choosing movies.

Look at Meryl Streep- she's amazing, right? But she's got The Ant Bully, Mamma Mia, The River Wild and A.I. on her acting credits. Its almost enough to make you forget how great she can be.

Or how about Johnny Depp? Did you see The Lone Ranger? Or how about Alice in Wonderland (which he's filming the sequel to) or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or The Secret Window. All horrible movies. And just think, if he hadn't made so many great films before and these were all you'd ever seen, there would be no Captain Jack Sparrow, no Corpse Bride or Sweeney Todd.

Yeah, Yeah, I hear you saying. But those two weren't given iconic superhero roles. They aren't risking ruining years of great actors and cannon....they aren't destroying a franchise. First- the Batman franchise is rife with horrible Batmans- hell its rife with horrible casting decisions. Its the truth and you know it. Come on, Val Kilmer? He's pretty, but he was an awful caped crusader. Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger should come to mind for you too. Terrible. And look at the actresses who have mangled Cat Woman...Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry and Anne Hathaway. All amazing actresses. All shitty Cat Women. Honestly, I don't think anyone will ever do it as well as Julie Newmar did in the sixties...but that's just me. Point is, sometimes it takes more than being a great actor to portray a great part. Otherwise I wouldn't weep every time I think of George Clooney and his batnipples. You think he picked those out? Yeah, neither do I. Hell, if acting ability was the only criterion for getting an iconic part we'd have never seen Terry Hatcher as Lois Lane..... For that matter we'd have never seen Jim Carry as the Riddler or Danny Devito as The Penguin (and both were great) if their crimes against film had been the criterion by which they were given their roles.

And for the record, I would like to offer you the following in defense of great actors who played iconic superhero/supervillain roles but have shady pasts. Imagine if we had judged the following based on their bad movies alone:

Before American Beauty we loved Kevin Spacey for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and The Usual Suspects. But let's face it, if we judged him based on A Bug's Life and L.A. Confidential, we'd have never seen him as Lex Luthor.

Outside of To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar has Wesley Snipes made a decent film? Outside of the Blade movies, for which , of course, he would not have been cast....

Remember Alfred Molina's riveting performance as Doc Oc in Spiderman? We'd have never seen it if the internet had been the judge, because all he had done prior was crappy television shows and Chocolat (another Johnny Depp crime, I might add).

And believe me when I say The Avengers cast wouldn't exist. Tom Hiddleston was a relatively unknown television actor, much like Molina. Look at him now....Can you think of anyone else being Loki? There would be no Iron Man because (face the music kids) RDJ didn't make anything decent post Chaplin (1992) until around 2005. He did, however, make an appearance in that god awful Halle Berry film Gothicka and he contributed to the further degeneration of an entire generation of yuppies by doing a 25 episode stint on Ally McBeal. But we worship him as Iron Man (and Sherlock Holmes). Lucky the internet wasn't there for those casting decisions. If you thought Mark Ruffalo was a way better Hulk than Edward Norton congratulations. Remember, though, Norton is a spectacular actor who had tons of great films to his name before he bombed as Hulk. Ruffalo had Just Like Heaven and 13 Going on 30 to his name....Chris Evans can't be Captain America anymore because Fantastic Four was a crime against humanity, I'm pretty sure there's a UN council still debating whether or not that movie violates the Geneva Conventions....Oh, and no Black Widow, because Scarlett Johansson still needs to be punished for The Other Boleyn Girl and The Nanny Diaries.

I think I made my point.

You know, I don't even really care for Affleck as an actor. He's okay, but I don't think he's done anything groundbreaking. What I do know is that he deserves a chance before we say how much he sucks. A year or two from now, maybe I'll be eating my words...but if I am, I'll let you tell me that you told me so. Honestly, I'm sick of the people on the internet, and fan bases and other groups of, oh say, non-film people, thinking they know better than Hollywood on how to entertain us. I think it contributes to all the bad films we see, and bad television too- there's too much pandering to what they think people want. The loud and vocal majority of morons are ruining entertainment for the rest of us.

Let it go. Its just a movie.

If you hate him that much, don't go see it.

My two cents.
AGxx

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Ain't It Good To Know You've Got A Friend?

Dear Friends on Facebook,

By now I am sure you're aware that we're friends. (If we aren't please go unfriend me. Seriously. I don't like strangers seeing my dash.) As your friend, I feel incumbent to remind you a few things. If you know me at all you know I have no problem planning an intervention. Consider this part intervention, part public service announcement and part gentle, loving talk from someone who cares about you. Minus the gentle- because let's face it, if you've met me you know that isn't really my style.

First, I want to establish that the reason you are on my Facebook at all is because at some point in my life I considered you a friend or part of my family. I care about you. I want to know what you are up to. I want to see pictures of your pets and kids and you feeding giraffes at the local zoo. I want to keep connected with you. I want to learn from you, swap recipes with you and tell you what I am up to. If you sent me a friend request, I assume you know me. If you accepted one from me, I assume you know me. If you aren't sure what I like and don't like, you can always read all that nonsense they make us fill out when we get a profile in the first place. I love you. I do. I wouldn't be friends with you if I didn't. But sometimes I think you might forget....well, I know it sounds selfish....I think you forget what I like.

Don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to think of what I like every time you post. I don't. But if most of your friends are like me (if they have similar personalities) then its likely that you're not just pissing me off. So I want to share with you, if I can, some of the things that really get me going. They are the things that make me hide you from my timeline and contemplate whether or not I actually want to be friends with you in real life:

I won't tolerate blatant misogyny or misandry. Its just not acceptable. Yes, I am a lesbian. Yes, I don't want to sleep with men (okay, maybe Robert Downey Jr...but that's a special case) but that doesn't mean I don't know some absolutely wonderful, awesome, kick-ass guys who are excellent examples of what a man really is. It offends me to know end that you feel like its okay to bash men to me, or post those (ADMIT IT THEY ARE) obnoxious E-cards about how all men are stupid, lazy, smell bad and don't give a damn about the women in their lives. This is not true. If you need examples I can always point to here and here and here to get you started, and then if those shining examples aren't enough you can call me and I'll be happy to introduce you to Flyguy and some of my other very awesome male friends. If you are a misogynist- this goes for you too ladies, I know some of you are out there- you can shove it, then go unfriend me. I have no idea how you ended up in my life if you think women are stupid, flighty or incapable. Also, you have never met me, clearly, or any of the women in my life. It still baffles me that in an age where people consider themselves to be modern and mature and open-minded that its still common for people to actively discriminate against women.

Arm-Chair Activism irritates the crap out of me. I cannot tell you how sick I am of people posting stupid pictures for me to "like" if I am against child abuse, domestic violence, if I hate cancer or want to protect my first, second or whatever amendment rights.  I'll tell you something, I probably don't like it and I definitely won't share it. Because it's lazy. In fact, if you post those things frequently, I've probably hidden your pictures from my news feed. Because, of all the people I know who post those things only one (that's right, one) to my knowledge actually does something about it. He and I share very different political ideas and faiths. But I respect him because he actually does stuff that makes a difference before he takes the time to post the stuff about how he doesn't want gun control, or how everyone should respect armed service members. I don't mind that he and I disagree. Partly because even when we do, he can be a mature adult about it and agree to civil discussion and we don't have to come to terms when its over. In part because he did serve in the military, he is a responsible gun owner and honestly, he's a reasonable person. Also, because he exhorts people to actual action, not just sharing his posts on Facebook. If you're reading here, friend, thank you for doing it right. Also, if I had his blog or whatever, I'd throw him in with the links of decent men I know.

Anyway, the point is most of you post pictures about those causes as a way of patting yourself on the back and feeling like you've done some good. I hate to tell you this- you haven't. Not a bit. Here's why. I hate cancer too. I do. But if I don't share your post, and you have shared it, neither of us has done anything to work towards curing it. If you want to raise money for cancer research and whatever, you should probably get in contact with the American Cancer Society .  See how that works? I just gave you a link to a place where you can actually do something to prove that you hate cancer. Isn't that great? Now you can get a team together for the Relay for Life, or volunteer or work as a counselor or donate money or whatever. If you don't, can I say, maybe you don't hate cancer quite as much as you thought you did? I mean, I know you can't work with every charity...but if you hate cancer enough to repost about it- but you ignore diabetes or MS or  AIDS then maybe, just maybe, you should get off your butt and do something about it. If you really, truly don't have time to volunteer but you've got forty seconds on Facebook, skip the picture and post an actual status update like this: "Hey- I know all of you know how much my grandmother having cancer effected me as a child. Well, this month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I'd love it if you would take the time to go to the American Cancer Society web page and see if there's anything you can do to help, or if you have the money, donate. This spring will be the Relay for Life. I haven't had a team before. Message me if you think you'd like to go, or form a team and raise money with me." Its just that easy. And way more personal than a stupid picture of a pink ribbon. You want to post a picture? Share one of you and your grandma. It will mean more to everyone.

Same goes with the political posts. First- if you didn't vote- I don't want to hear it. I don't. You don't get a say. Second, before you start posting more obnoxious pictures of our president or of guns or whatever- before you really, truly complain, please do me a solid and write to these fine folks (if you live in my state anyway)

Senator Claire McCaskill
Senator Roy Blunt

Or, if you need help, we'll look up your congressional district and you can write to them, or email them or whatever. But I do, as both your friend and a citizen of this country, ask you to please go speak to your representatives about your concerns. Democracy doesn't work when we don't communicate. Also, you look like way less of an asshat if you start complaining about minimum wage going up if you've taken the time to do your homework, write your representatives and maybe volunteer time passing out flyers or heading to make calls for your party office.

As for those pictures you keep posting of children and women with bruises all over their faces and bodies or (worse) the ones with a man actually hitting the woman or the child, I want to be really clear about these. STOP. JUST. FUCKING. STOP. As a person who was a victim of domestic violence, I can tell you that you are being insensitive, rude and horrible by posting a picture like that. I'm sure that you never thought that posting a picture of graphic violence might serve as a trigger to me, reminding me of the horrible things that happened to me. It does. It did. You suck. Seriously. If you were a victim of abuse and you're stronger than me, kudos. But you should know, better than anyone, that that sort of thing sticks with you. If you want to stop abuse or help those who do, post links, or go volunteer. But can those photos. Also, you should know, men can be abused too, but we never see that. I think that's sad. (By the way, if you want to head over there now, I've linked to a site that has all the US states individual child abuse prevention hotlines.)

Finally, my last really big complaint (because let's face it, I've covered E-cards in other posts) is about your religion. Now, I don't have a problem with you having one. In fact, if it makes you happy and gives you comfort, I'm super glad you have it. I don't care if its not mine. That's cool too. Here's what I have a problem with:

























I have a problem with these. Not because I don't love Jesus and you do. That's fine. The problem is that you look like a self-righteous prig. I love you, but its true. Let me tell you why. If most of your friends are more like me, you're being an annoying ass by not respecting my religious choices. For example, most of my friends are either pagans, neopagans, agnostics or atheists. Me posting a bunch of stuff that says "Come to Jesus"  would not be me ministering to them. Its me being a pain in the ass. They aren't interested in it, and I know it.  Its plain rude. Not to mention if you actually want to convert them, you should probably do it in person. Now, say most of your friends are Christians. I hope they love Jesus. Maybe you can start a group on Facebook all about it. Get a Bible Study together. I don't care. But they should know  you love Jesus. If they don't either you or they are doing it wrong. So, assuming that everyone knows you love Jesus, and you know you love Jesus, what's the point of these pictures? To me, they annoy your non-Christian friends, they shame your church going ones for not being as religious as you (wow, you're posting about God on Facebook- how daring!)  and give yourself a good solid pat on the back about how many stars you're getting in your crown. I'll say it again you look like a self-righteous prig.

Now before you go getting all bent out of shape I want to point out two things. First, I have another friend on Facebook who is a very devout Christian. (actually, I find it ironic since when we were kids she didn't like church and I did and now I'm a lesbian witch and she's a church going soccer mom...its like fate in reverse. I digress) and sometimes she will post about her Bible study in the morning. She'll give the verse and how she feels it applies to her life. You know what? I like it. I like to see her god working in her life. It inspires me. It makes me happy that she finds comfort. And sometimes (its true!) those verses give me inspiration too. And that's okay. So you know, I single out Christians for a reason. No one else I know tries to convert me. None of my Jewish friends. None of my pagan ones (you heard it here- no one converted me. I came to being a witch all on my own!) None of my atheist ones try to tell me there is no god- though we can sometimes enjoy a lively debate about it without hurting anyone's feelings. None of my agnostic friends try to bring me round to them. I've never been approached by a Muslim looking to convert me (and yes, I do know some). Christians are the only ones I know who make such a huge ass fuss about gaining converts, putting their religion in your face and making a huge butt-hurt deal about you not wanting to go to church with them or listen to how Jesus can set you free or whatever.  Friends, family, I love you. You're welcome to your religion. But I'm not lost, I'm not wandering. This isn't a phase. I've been practicing witchcraft for 15 years now. That's right, since I started high school. No one convinced me. I did it on my own. So I'm pretty sure, now, you see, that its the right path for me. And you trying to convince me otherwise is rather irritating. If you want to know more about my faith, I'll be happy to talk to you about it. But the minute you start telling me how I'm wrong, I'll walk away. Because I've been your religion, but you've never been mine. I made my choice, thanks so much, and I'd appreciate you not posting those "Like if you love Jesus  share if you whatever, keep scrolling if you love the devil" because frankly, Satan is your creation, not mine, I don't believe in him or love him or worship him. Just because I'm not a Christian doesn't lump me into the the pack of devil-worshiping psychos your posts seem to imply we non-believers are.

Its not that I don't want you to post. I don't even want you to agree with me all the time. But there was a time when I would get upset because all anyone ever did was take pictures of their dinner or post pictures of their kids. I'd welcome that now. I realized recently, I follow you on Facebook because I care about your life. I want to know how your vacation went or when you're having a bad day. I'm interested when you go to a new restaurant. I like it when you tell me all about how you beat whatever new video game you bought three days ago.

I like you for you. I like your ideas and opinions. I like your smile and how think and speak. I want you to express yourself in your own words. If that's a clever quip- go for it. But let it be yours. I don't care what other people say. I'm not interested in their pictures. I want to see you, speak to you and hear your voice in your posts. Otherwise, there's no reason for me to want to be connected to you.

Let me be honest. Sometimes I don't mind your pictures and E-cards. Sometimes I don't mind your political posts. Sometimes I actually laugh at the things you post. But go look at your wall. Seriously, open a new browser. I'll wait. When was the last time you posted something that had to do with your actual life that had nothing to do with sharing or liking someone else's idea or picture? When was the last time you posted about what you were up to that didn't involve shameless self-promotion of your new book/album/artwork/gallery show? When did you actually share a little bit of who you are? If I suddenly disappear from your dash, maybe its not because I don't love you, or I don't think of you. Maybe its because its you only think of you, or you never think of me, or (sadly) I want to preserve what relationship we have and I won't be able to respect you if I watch you consistently do the things I've mentioned above.

I love you. I hope I see you soon.

Love,
Me

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Make A Wish For Better Days, The End Of Hard Times

When I sat down to dinner tonight I actually took a moment to look around my kitchen, which has a lot of open air shelves around it, and take stock of all the food we have hanging around our house. When I added it up in my head, along with all of the other food we have in the cabinets that do have doors I did a quick estimation and discovered that if I still had running water I could feed our family for almost three months on what I have in our cabinets right at this moment. Then I recalled how when Kitten asked me what I wanted for dinner I thought to myself, "do we even have anything in the house to eat?" and I felt a terrible sense of shame wash over me.

I don't make much a secret of the fact that when I was young and still living in my parents home, we didn't have a whole lot. For whatever reason (and I honestly don't know what it is) we never seemed to have enough to make ends meet. We were certainly lower middle class at best. I remember clothes, until I was in high school, came from my great aunt, my grandmother and at Christmas and Easter. When I was older and I had a job, I bought from thrift stores. We received Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter baskets from churches and charities and I remember them as being a big part of the excitement of the holidays for me, outside of our family gatherings. I don't know exactly to what extent my extended family helped to support us. I have a heavy suspicion that most of my activity fees were paid for by my grandparents.

Whatever the reason, whatever the circumstance, we didn't have a lot. Now, I think about how much I do have and how often I truly take it for granted. I know I do. I mean, I thank Kitten frequently for the hard work she does, and Oscelot too, to make sure that we have food and shelter. We have a decent vehicle. We are all well clothed and well cared for. We get to take trips to fun places on occasion, when we save for it, and they are always special times for us. But on a day to day basis I think sometimes I forget how well off I really am.

Its easy, I suppose. We don't live on an upscale side of town. Our house is probably (okay, is) a little cramped. Its not new, in fact, its about a hundred years old. Our truck isn't fancy, its got a lot of mileage on it. We don't eat out all the time. Whenever its time to get new clothes, we still hit the thrift stores first. Of course, we like the thrift stores...it might be ingrained in all of us by now. Whenever our computer broke down earlier this year and we had to buy a new one, Kitten was genuinely distressed and when the coffee pot (a nice one, one of our few true indulgences) followed shortly after, I remember how upset Kitten was that we were going to drop another 100 bucks for a pot that would probably only last another five years or so.

Still, we don't live paycheck to paycheck. We have a savings account. A couple of them, actually, and we are planning to have more set by in the future. We never want for food. We always have clothes. Our bills are paid on time and we never have to worry about having a roof over our heads or utilities or any other the other things that plagued me when I was younger. In fact, beautiful blessing that it is, for the first time since I was 15 I am voluntarily unemployed and we are still doing okay. We cut back here and there, but we still make it fine.

I say this because I notice lately (and this was brought to my attention by a dear friend of mine) that an alarming amount of the people I know seem really unaware of how lucky they truly are. They are almost always complaining about money and it seems to me that they don't know how good they have it. It frustrates me. I'm not saying I could step into their circumstances and do any better...but I think sometimes they could do better for themselves. I grow tired of people I know complaining they don't have enough money to pay bills when they've just bought a house, or a brand new car (when they could have gotten two decent used ones for the price). I get angry when I have friends bemoaning the fact they can't go do such and such or join in a big vacation because they just spent a ton of money on some other frivolous thing and now they have to buckle down and take care of necessity. To me, you take care of the needs first, and the wants second.

The sheer extravagance of some people I know blows my mind. They complain when they don't get to eat name brands from the store, or when they have to order less than they might want when they go out to dinner because filet mignon is getting pricey. People who eat out every day for lunch and complain when they have to cut back on other things. I think to myself, "pack a lunch."

I know it sounds judgmental  But you're talking to a person who grew up thinking desert (which we have about once a week in my home now, because we're spoiled) was for holidays, birthdays and special occasions. When I was a child The Olive Garden was a seriously fancy place to eat- you dressed up. I learned, both from my mom and my grandparents, how to feed a family a decent meal for next to nothing. Take Lunchables- those decadent schoolday lunch treats- for what one of those costs, to this day I can feed my family a good dinner. And a healthy one. Dinner at McDonalds? I can feed my family for that too. In fact, most coven nights, my goal is to feed my entire coven and well for about $2 a person. Most the time, I come in well under the count. So to me, when someone I know is complaining they don't have any money for food, I think "let me show you how much you can really get for that twenty bucks."

I'm not saying I don't have friends who are in real need. I do. I admire them all the time, because they are making the best of their circumstances and working hard to better their lives. They (as a general rule) don't complain and don't fuss. They do the best with what they have and they never ask for help. But a lot of the time, I think of all the days I spent as a child and in my first year on my own. I think of how I could make $5 turn into dinner for a week (no matter how boring it might get!) and how I knew the feeling, all that time ago, of being hungry, or of worrying there wouldn't be a roof over my head. I remember not having a roof over my head and wondering how the hell I was going to make it better for me. I remember wearing clothes that didn't fit or that were threadbare. I remember making do when there was nothing to be done about it. I think of all the times I passed up things I wanted because I knew I was choosing between that fun thing and helping my family put food on the table. And I think to myself that maybe some of the people I know would have benefited from that experience. The knowing what it is like to really, truly want. To be without.

I would never wish it on anyone I know, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I want to scream when I have a friend who says "Oh yeah, Twinkies were a real treat in my house too. We weren't all that well off growing up either. We were poor too," as we drive away from the quarter million dollar home they grew up in. I hate when someone I know complains about how old their car is when it was manufactured within the last five years. The truck we drive was made when I was a sophomore in high school. The car we have (currently waiting for permanently warm weather so we can fix an oil leak) was made the year I was born. People who tell me they never went anywhere fun, but then tell me all about their childhood trips to New York and Hawaii and Europe, irritate the hell out of me.

Maybe I need to work more on my sense of compassion. Maybe if I grew up with more I would feel deprived too. But I don't. I can't. There's some part of me, always, thinking of the thrill I felt when I got my very own brand new Barbie doll from a Christmas basket and I didn't even have time to be upset about the fact she was a brunette and not a blonde because I was already plotting in my head how I could get scrap fabric from my grandma to make her a nice new dress. There's some part of me that remembers the terror of high school when the groups I was involved in (paid for, by the way, by my nearly full time after school job) would adopt a family from a charity around town and I was just praying to God it wasn't mine, because I knew I wouldn't want to face the pity and scorn of my classmates. There's a part of me that remembers that I would save my lunch money or my clothes money when they did this, and I would go without because I wanted to contribute too, and there was something inside me that had to believe that there was someone out there I could help- even if it wasn't myself. It is this person, the one who knew hungry and homeless and hopeless, that the people I knew wakes up inside me. There is a part of her that screams aloud when I hear them speak, and I listen to her as she tells me all she could be doing with the money they are wasting, to keep her family fed and sheltered.

Hearing her, remembering my own shame and fear, makes me angry. It makes me angry with them. And it makes me angry with myself, because I experience every day a life I didn't have when I was growing up. I wake up, every day, knowing I will be able to eat. That I will be warm. That I will be safe and comfortable. I wake up to love and hope and a future that, while was not what I dreamed of then, is far more than I could ever have hoped for or deserved, had I known what to ask for in my ignorance.

Tonight I am aware of my own hope that I never allow myself to fall into that complacency again. To forget those things is a step to losing what I have- not just the physical, but the emotional fortitude and strength that it took to bring me to this place where I can look back and say, Thank God, I will never feel that way again.

AGxx

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Dodging Bullets While You're Trying To Find Your Way

Okay. I was hoping to avoid this. I really was. I've mentioned several times how sick and tired I am of this nonsense, but I was pushed over the edge tonight. I'm doing this once. I'm jumping into the gun control debate/war/bullshit nonsense.

Okay. I'm taking three minutes to step away from the blog, not be angry and I'll be back. You'll be here, right?

Okay. Now that I am calm I will proceed with much less ranting than would have gone on had I not taken a moment.

I want to start by saying that I am well and truly sick of the whole gun control issue. Seriously. I am tired of Facebook and Twitter posts on it, I'm sick of my morning news being inundated with updates about the whole issue and what the government plans to do about it. I'm just tired of it all. That said, though, there was a post on Facebook tonight by one of my acquaintances that set me off. I want to discuss it now so that I can get all of this off my chest and get the angry out of my brain because it will irritate me all night if I do not.

First things first, I want to be clear. I am not anti-gun. We have a gun in our house. Everyone in our home knows how to operate it. I even recently went to the gun range with Dad and shot a few rounds. It was relaxing and an interesting form of recreation. Now that we have that out of the way, let's proceed.

I think there should be gun laws, and that they should be enforced. Here's a list of things I think are a good idea:

If you want to purchase a gun you should have to pass a criminal background check. I don't think people with a criminal background, especially a violent one, should be able to own a gun. I'm not talking parking tickets or whatever, either. I'm talking about drugs, robbery, assault- that sort of thing. These people have already proved that they are a danger to society and should not be allowed to further endanger it by having possession of a firearm.

I also believe you should have to take some sort of basic mental health test before you get one. No, no one is completely adjusted. But I do think that we could do more to keep guns out of the hands of maniacs by doing this.

I believe that all guns should be sold by licensed dealers who would be held responsible for the sale of weapons to unsuitable people, people who by law should not be in possession of those weapons. I also believe that every gun should be registered. This means that the serial number on each gun should be kept in a register by the government and when that gun is sold by its owner it should be re-registered in the name of its new owner. If a private gun owner should want to sell their firearm, they should be held to the same regulations as a dealer would be held to. This enhances accountability of all parties involved. Once a gun is registered, the owner should have to produce some form of annual or biannual verification that they are still in  possession of that gun. If they are not, they should be able to provide details as to where that gun has gone.

All people who own a gun should have to take classes in firearm safety and use. This is already a requirement for conceal and carry in many states. I do not think it unreasonable that it should be a requirement for all gun owners. If you're going to have a deadly weapon in your home, you should know how to operate it. I think that's reasonable.

I don't think private citizens need to own automatic weapons. Period. I have never heard one good reason they need to posses them. Not one. And no, I don't count "The Constitution says I can, and I like shooting them" as a good reason.

I am not saying that there should be no guns. I think a person has a right to protect their personal autonomy and that of their family. I think they are useful in the context of recreation and hunting. I think that using them for that purpose is fine. I do. There's nothing wrong with that. But I also think there is nothing unreasonable about wanting there to be limits to ownership as a matter of personal and public safety.

I've heard a lot of people spout statistics about gun violence versus other violence. I don't really hold with it. There have been relatively few (and none in recent memory) mass killings with weapons like knives. I'm not saying it can't be done, only that it is much harder to do. In my state, and in many of the states around me, there are already in place many restrictions on the sale of knives as well. Certain kinds are prohibited and there are rules about the ones that are sold by licensed dealers. There is no fuss over that. As an outdoorsman, I use knives and prefer them as a form of personal protection. But I do not argue that some are more dangerous than others and should be restricted.

No one seems to argue that access to explosives that can create bombs and deadly gasses should be restricted. Everyone seems to think this is reasonable. No one cries out second amendment rights over these restrictions, even though those things are also used as forms of "arms" for out "militia" - the US military. That is because it is recognized that for the common good it is much better to have restrictions to protect the citizenry of this country. I see gun control as just that, an effort to make sure that the use of these weapons is controlled.

I have never, not once -despite the hysteria of my more conservative friends- heard any elected official ever suggest that all guns should be made illegal. I have never heard them suggest that no person should be able to own them. I have only heard that there should be reasonable restrictions to the sale and purchase of those guns. I don't think that is unreasonable. If you are, as most of my friends claim, a responsible gun owner than you have already registered your firearm, taken classes, know how to use is and purchased them in a legal manner. A person such as that should have no problem with these suggestions because they are already operating within the bounds of the law. Unless, of course, they own an automatic weapon. And to all of those people I reiterate- Why? What in the name of heaven do you need one for. Give me a reasonable answer and I might change my mind. But to date, I've never heard one.

Now, for the thing that truly set me off tonight and made me want to talk about this. This picture:


As both a liberal and a rape victim I cannot tell you how much this offends and upsets me.

First, because not all rapes are preventable by the use of a gun. In fact, most rapes (statistically 80-85%) are done by someone you know, in a setting familiar to you. Sure, if you're in a dark alley you might be willing to pull out a gun and shoot that person. Unfortunately, most of us will not carry (even if we have a conceal carry permit) a gun on a date, a trip with our family to a church event or in our own homes or the homes of our friends. This is simply an impracticable solution.

Second, this is an advocating violence to repress violence. I don't agree with that. Now, I am not saying if you are attacked you shouldn't fight back. You should. In fact, I encourage every woman I know to take a rape prevention and self defense course. If you are a male and there is a local organization who will allow you to attend, by all means do so (a lot will not, since it makes women feel vulnerable, though it is certainly true that men can be attacked as well, and that shouldn't be forgotten.). But pulling out a gun and shooting creates a whole new ballgame when it comes to violence. Yes, I agree that preservation of personal autonomy is important, and sometimes deadly force is necessary, but I also think that it is important to remember that once a gun is put into the picture of any scenario the likelihood of someone being gravely injured or killed is substantially raised. Do I think sex offenders should be punished? Absolutely. To the fullest extent of the law. But I also think it is important to be mindful of the consequences of your actions, self-defense or no.

Most of you who have known me for some time know that I was attacked by my pastor's son (whom I was dating) and several of his friends. Had I pulled out a gun and shot them, I cannot even begin to imagine the fallout from that decision. Would it have stopped the attack? Maybe. But several of those men were also gun  owners, and they could have hurt me as well. Would I have stopped it if I could? You know I would have. But the use of a gun would not have aided me in any substantial way in that situation, and I am aware of it. There had not been, in the whole of my life, a single situation where I was involved in some sort of personal violence where I would have been okay with pulling a gun and shooting that person. Those of you who know me well will know how that speaks volumes to the amount of personal control I have now, considering the horror I have of those events and the resulting personal damage that it caused me.

Finally, and I cannot say this enough, this picture is a vile and horrible way of scaring people into the acceptance of guns. I do not advocate or own a gun because I was raped. I do not advocate the use of rape as a means of convincing anyone that your political agenda is acceptable. Only a person who has been raped or who has a loved one who has lived through that terrible ordeal can understand the magnitude of the experience, or the horror that this sort of threat presents. I do not like being told that if I do not allow unrestricted access to guns for all that I or someone I care about will have that happen to them. I do not like rape as a threat. It is unconscionable in my opinion. To further that threat with pictures of rape violence is not only terrifying, it is crass and insensitive. As a liberal, it offends me to no end that any conservative would believe or put about the idea that I would rather have a person violently violated then allow them to protect themselves. As a victim of rape, as an intelligent person and as a woman it disgusts me that anyone would use a tactic like this to frighten and pressure me into agreeing with their political agenda.

I have no problem with the gun control debate, so long as it is intelligent and civil. I think there are reasonable solutions that everyone can agree on. But I do not agree and will never condone the use of that sort of tactic to encourage people to make a certain decision. I am thoroughly tired of listening to the hysteria and accusations of both sides and a am irritated to no end that I am forced to look at images like that one any time someone wants to shock or cause debate, or whatever.

I think that, in all things, being reasonable and intelligent can solve this issue.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I can go about my business and avoid a personal explosion on Facebook with regards to this particular political issue. I'm always willing, of course, to discuss the issue, though I would encourage everyone (always) to be reasonable, rational and avoid the name calling and pettiness that always seems to accompany this sort of hot-button political issue.

Peace and Love, Y'all
AGxx

Saturday, January 5, 2013

It Must Be True, I Read It In The Daily Mail

As a writer and avid reader I am always interested in how people (and media) view the literary world.   Most of the people who know me as a writer and reader know that I read a lot of reviews, that I am pretty in touch with the literary community at large. There isn't a whole lot that surprises me anymore. However, this article by The UK Daily Mail really threw me for a loop.

Now, because I am all about source material, I suggest you take a moment to read it. Go on. I'll wait. Back? Sweet. For those of you who know that I'm going to surmise the article and didn't read it- bravo. It says, in essence, that there is a disturbing trend in Young Adult (YA) literature of books that involve harsh and realistic situations in teen life-- suicide, self-harm, terminal illness, etc. It further says that these books have a harmful effect on their readers, that children will read them and be emotionally damaged by them. Not only that, but they are more likely to engage in self-harm, suicide attempts and inappropriate sexual behaviors. It cites several young adult books, though the two most often referenced are The Fault in Our Stars by John Green and Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. It is a cautionary style article that almost reads as an open letter to parents and educators warning of the dangers of what they call "sick lit." Let your kids read this, it says, and they'll turn in to sexual deviants, drug users, cutters- they'll even try to kill themselves. Stuff like this, they say, is just too depressing. Especially since these books are being marketed to12 year olds.

I completely disagree with this article. Completely and whole-heartedly. In part, I think this sort of opinion treats young adults as though they are stupid, mindless lemmings. The idea that just because a teen reads about a character committing suicide means they'll want to is silly. Give the kids some credit. While you're handing out that credit, give them some for being able to handle emotionally difficult situations. By the time you are twelve you've likely had some sort of real-life experience dealing with grief, suffering, unhappiness, sex, poverty or low self-esteem. They know what sex is. They know what cancer is. If they've even caught a glimpse of the television they know there are bad things in the world. They aren't morons. Young people are usually far more observant that adults give them credit for. Moreover, I think there's been some sort of disconnect, because I don't know that they're technically paying attention to the difference between Middle Grade literature, YA12+ literature and YA14+ literature, all of which have very different content.

Laying those things aside, though, I'd like to know why it is the Daily Mail feels that other YA books  might be preferable to the ones they object to because they are too "real life" for the kids to handle? I think there's a strong argument to be made, using their logic, that you shouldn't let children read at all. Let's work with this theory that kids are gullible and they can be emotionally damaged by what they read. Let's also agree they might choose to act out in a particular manner because they identify with a character. Running with these assumptions, lets look at other popular YA books and see how they might affect the children.

Let's just jump in with the most obvious. Harry Potter (JK Rowling). Great, intelligent, healthy books- right? Heavens no. Harry Potter teaches children to subvert authority. Harry, Hermione and Ron are constantly breaking rules and disrespecting authority figures and they are constantly rewarded for it. It teaches them that its okay to do bad things if your parents do it too. Draco Malfoy makes out like a bandit at the end of the series, no nevermind that he's responsible for the deaths of several people, the mauling of Bill Weasley and any other number of bad things that happen throughout the books. It teaches our kids that smart people like Hermione, Luna and Ginny are really only worth having around if you can get something out of them or if they're good looking. What's that you say? Harry Potter teaches kids witchcraft? Oh, well, let's just abandon them for something more suitable.

How about Twilight? (Stephanie Meyer) That's a popular YA book. Here's a nice healthy love story about a girl who falls for a good looking guy. She likes him even though he treats her like crap. She likes him even though he's emotionally manipulative and controlling. We'll just ignore the fact that he wants to kill her at first. Or that he's almost 100 years older than her. Or that he's dead. Barring those things, Twilight also teaches us that it is okay to lie to our parents. They're probably overbearing- what with the caring about us and wanting us to be safe and all. It teaches us that it is okay to take unnecessary and stupid risks for the people we love, especially when they've done something stupid that puts their life in danger. Moreover, it teaches us that if the boy/girl we like doesn't like us back, or dumps us, its okay to act like life is over. I mean, there's nothing to life as a teenager outside of having a boy/girlfriend. Right? And those people who actually love you, who want to take care of you, who want to make you feel like you're the most special person ever? Screw them. They don't understand who you really are. Oh, you don't like Twilight either? Too much vampire and werewolf action? Let's move on then.

How about The Hunger Games Trilogy (Suzanne Collins)?  Now there is a cultural phenomenon. I hear a lot of schools are assigning it to their students to read. Well, they shouldn't. First off, this is a post-democracy North America. We should never suggest to teenagers that there might come a time when democracy is not the accepted world-wide governing standard. Also, this book is set after ice-caps melt and nuclear weapons have been used. That's too upsetting to the kids. We don't want them to think about the social or political or environmental consequences of their actions. That's too upsetting for them. Worse, this is a book where kids kill other kids. Yes, I am aware that the main characters will die if they don't kill the other kids. It doesn't matter. Killing is wrong and they should take the high road. Reading this will cause children to think it is acceptable to kill people. Worse, it will breed in them the desire to use weapons. It will. What's worse, one of the heroes (Haymich) is an alcoholic. It glorifies drinking. And it paints an undesirable picture of people who want to live in comfort, and who care about fads and fashion.  These books clearly are trying to impart socialist lessons that are anti-consumer culture. We can't have that. This book also blatantly glorifies sexuality. Katniss and two different boys kiss. Sometimes more than once. And Katniss and Peeta sleep together in the same bed, even. The end of the series is also wildly inappropriate. All of that death and war is upsetting, and Katniss being medicated with the future equivalent of Morphine tells children its okay to use drugs, even prescription ones, to deal with depression. They will eventually draw the conclusion that using drugs for other purposes is okay. Didn't you see how they painted the morphlings from District 6 in a completely sympathetic light?

Perhaps the problem with these books is that they're too recent. We should address the classics we read when we were growing up. There was nothing upsetting in those books. I mean, nothing that would scar a child like these current ones do...

Except that the March girls in Little Women (Alcott) are poor. And Beth dies. And several times in the book its rather implied that they're on the brink of starvation. In Hiedi (Spyri)  one of the main characters is a cripple. Ditto The Secret Garden (Hodgeson-Burnett). On top of that, it teaches children its okay to be brats if you're ill or you've had bad things happen to you. Good lord, A Little Princess (also by Burnett) teaches children that if you're smart and good and well behaved and rich you'll be well loved, but that if you are smart and good and well behaved and poor you'll be mistreated and you'll live an unhappy life because of it. Woodsong (Paulsen) is far too graphic with animal violence and only teaches children escapism- what kind of person actually lives in the woods and raises dogs for sled racing? No normal person. You definitely can't let them read fairy tales. Not the real ones! They're graphic, violent and full of inappropriate language and witchcraft and such. I'd tell you to let them see the clean, Disney versions of them, but since Disney loves gay people, we can't have that either.

Yes, indeed, children's literature is clearly unhealthy. What we really need is to get back to good old-fashioned morals.  Children should read the Bible. After all, the Bible has no graphic violence, sexism, racism, or blatant sexuality. Nope, none at all. Wait- what? It does? Well, hell.

I think its clear, then, what has to be done. We can't let children read anymore. Nope. Can't do it. If we do there's no getting around it, our children will be damaged. Or so goes the logic of the UK Daily Mail.

Honestly, I read a lot as a child. Not just the books I mentioned (well, the classics, the others hadn't been published yet.) but many others. I wasn't scarred by The Goosebumps books(Stein). Sweet Valley High (Pascal) had no effect on my burgeoning sexuality or my self esteem. I was not irreparably damaged when I read Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (Schwartz). The Boxcar Children (Warner) didn't make me want to run away.  The first time I stumbled across a romance novel at 13 I didn't immediately run out and have sex. I wasn't scarred by the trials and tribulations of Laura Ingalls Wilder in her Little House series. Carolyn Keene's Nancy Drew made me no more nosy than I already was. James and The Giant Peach (Dahl) didn't cause me to cuss, or want to run away, it didn't make me afraid of bugs. Honestly the only effect that book had on me at the time was a propensity to try a rhyme all of my words and sing like the bugs. By the time I was in 4th grade I was checking out books from the Jr. High side of my school's library. I remained unscathed. As I got older I branched into more adult, more graphic books. I've survived all of those as well.

Here's the thing, children are generally aware of the world around them. Give them a chance and they'll surprise you. Its amazing what they learn, what they absorb and their capacity for compassion, love and internalizing the life lessons that books like the ones I mentioned teach. Literature is a tool in which writers reach out to the world. Sometimes it is to make a connection, to teach a lesson or to share an experience. But all of those reasons contribute to our world view as we read. All of them give us the ability to live through others, to experience that which might never happen to us, or give us the opportunity to see that we are never quite as alone in our trials and sufferings as we think we are.

As a child, books were one of my greatest companions. I came from a broken home. I had an alcoholic, abusive father. My mother, bless her, worked all the time to support us and was often from home. By the time I was the age of a YA14+ reader I knew all about terminal illnesses, death, sexual abuse and poverty. I'd seen through other school mates first hand what drugs, violence and alienation could do to a person. I knew what it was like to be poor, a little strange, and unpopular. Through all of this, though, I read. And I read. And I read. I was in seventh grade the first time I read To Kill a Mockingbird (Lee). As a 13 year old girl it didn't horrify me, or hurt me or scare me. It spoke to me, in a way I could hardly express. A year after I read Oliver Twist (Dickens) and the violence, poverty and sadness in that book hurt me no more than any other book I read.

What I discovered as I read was that I was not alone in the great human experience. I was not the only one who had felt the things I was feeling. I found comfort. I found acceptance. I found peace reading those books. That, to me, makes every word I read during that time worthwhile.

It is my sincere hope that people will not take this article to heart. What I do hope happens is that parents, teachers and other adults become more aware of the widespread and positive experience that literature can provide. That they realize that their young adults can  relate to these works and that they should be not only encouraging them to read, but encouraging them to discuss what they're reading and how it makes them feel. Maybe, just maybe, if we take the time to do that we will emerge with a well-read, emotionally healthy, well-adjusted generation who can reflect well on their place in the world, and how they are connected to it at large.

We can hope, right?

I'd be delighted to hear your thoughts.

Keep Reading.
AGxx

A note and disclaimer: I obviously do not own any of the books I mentioned. I did not write them. That is why I put the authors' names in for you. Additionally, I would encourage you to read any or all of these books if you can. Most of them are great works of literature, and I am proud to have read them. Also, in case you had not caught the tenor of my arguments, I actually quite like most of the books I mentioned.

Also, the title comes from a lyric from The Daily Mail song, which was John Greene's only response to the article. Having followed the link, I can only suggest you do so as well. Its worth a good laugh, anyway.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue

I was sincerely hoping to avoid one of these this election season. Unfortunately, it wasn't in the cards. So here comes the preface:

This is a political post. I am going to state my political opinions herein. I am going to likely offend someone. I'd apologize, but I'm entitled to my opinion. If you disagree with me, that is okay. I am all about civilized discussion. If you want to be a stubborn, bull-headed pain in my rear and call me names, I will not tolerate it. Period. So lets get the names out of the way. Yes, I am a liberal, left wing, tree-hugging, witchcraft practicing, let's install a solar power generator to power my stove to cook my organic food, gay flag waving huge heathen lesbian bleeding heart liberal. There. See. I know I am. Let's get on to the civilized discussion.

Right. Its this time of year, well, every couple of years, and every four years especially that I find myself really irritated with the public at large and with the people who are politically active in general.Part of it has to do with the fact that I can't watch television without seeing a political ad. Part of it is I can't sit down to dinner without some politician or PAC or whatever calling me to tell me about the evils of the particular candidate on THE OTHER SIDE. Part of it is I have flyers in my door, pamphlets in my mail and signs stuck in my yard...I don't want any of them. I really don't. Here's why-

I am a grown ass adult who is capable of researching, fact checking and making my own decision when it comes to electoral politics. I really can. What irritates me is that most people are not. Most people don't know anything about their candidates when they go to vote their straight party ticket. That's their choice. If they want to vote the party line, that's okay. God knows, most of the time I do. Most of the time.

I find myself irritated though, because people start spouting off party or political rhetoric without any regard to fact checking, truth, or sometimes how they even feel about the issue. It pisses me off. Its especially bad on facebook. Really bad there. And I sometimes wonder how people have the nerve to post the shit they do. It makes them look like complete assholes, and ignorant to boot.

Take the current election as a great example. Now most of us know that the laws are actually passed by congress. Its true. Check the constitution. Its there, I read it about five minutes ago. Now, I have the utmost respect for President Obama. I think he is a good man, and I think he has the potential to become a very great president. Here's the problem- both with him and Former Governor Romney- THEY DON'T WRITE THE LAWS. I love a good debate. I think tonight's on foreign policy should be interesting, because President's do have an effect on foreign policy. But nothing gets my goat like listening to them tell me all about their job's plans and their social security plans and their medicare plans and how they are going to address my rights as a woman when the truth of the matter is, all they can do is ask congress to work towards a certain goal, maybe even propose those goals, but in the end they only get to sign the legislation that they did not write because it had to be written and sponsored and voted through both the house and senate before they ever get a chance to make that bill law.

I'm going to say that again for emphasis. Congress makes the laws. Congress sponsors and writes the bills. Congress passes the bills. If congress does not pass the bill the president never gets to touch it. NOT ONCE.

So why all the fuss about the Presidential Election?

Truly, I do think its important, because presidents get to do things like nominate supreme court justices- and those guys are on the bench for life. And they do have an effect on my day to day life. Look at Roe v. Wade, look at Brown vs. Board of Education, look at them taking up the matter of gay marriage on the high court level. I want those judges to be on my team, voting my party ticket, thank you very much. Now, do I want them to pay attention to the letter of the law? You bet. But when it comes to political interest, the law is flexible, and so is its interpretation. I want a president in office whose going to choose someone who has my rights in mind.

The president gets to pass executive orders too. And those are important and little spoken of. But they should be. If you want to see how much a president does on a day to day basis, look at his executive orders. See what it takes for a person to work each day to help run the federal government. A productive president has a whole lot of EO's.

Presidents are influential. They set the tone of an administration. They negotiate and handle statesmanship duties, which I appreciate because believe me, some of our members of the legislature don't need to be talking to foreign ministers. They just don't. I know, too, that if a president disagrees with a bill, they can veto it, and that's a lot of power.

Here's the thing, though. NO ONE EVER GETS EXCITED ABOUT CONGRESSIONAL ELECTIONS.

I do. Believe me. Because the person that takes the senate and house of representative seats for my state is the person who is speaking with my voice. I want it to be my words coming out of their mouth. Right now, my senator is up for re-election. Her name is Clair McCaskill, and I honestly like what she does. I've followed her work, and her accomplishments since she was first elected to the federal government. I'm proud to have her from my state. She is currently running against a Republican named Todd Akin. You might remember him because of his little debacle on live television talking about pregnancy and rape. Obviously, I don't want this man speaking for me. If every single person who got fired up about presidential politics got fired up about their national and state legislative races, if they were truly informed, politics in the US would be wildly different. Mark me on that. Because the people who actually make the laws would be the ones we would be holding accountable. The people who make the laws would be the ones we are grilling about their policies and how they represent our choices and freedoms.

But outside of the obvious implications of the fact that most of the people I speak to about the elections have already formed their opinions, or don't care, or are so terribly misinformed about the political process in general there are some things that have been weighing heavily on my mind. And these are things, I will admit, that are probably only things that irritate me because I am a liberal. So bear that in mind. However, I'd like to point out:

The phrase "Gun Control" is not equivalent to "Lets Repeal the 2nd Amendment." I get really fucking sick of listening to people tell me the moment a democrat is elected that they're going to go bury their guns in their back yard so some crazy, mythic, black ops all Democrat mob can't come steal their guns away. Please. This sort of hysteria is the stuff that political campaigns dream of. They want you afraid and hysterical. Let me tell you something. I am a democrat. I own a gun. I own knives. I own all sorts of fun hunting toys that I will gladly make recreational use of and possibly make other use of if someone takes it upon themselves to cross my threshold with the intent to infringe on the autonomy of me or anyone in my family. You fucking bet I will. And I believe that's my right. BUT I also believe the state has the right to make sure that I am a sane, mentally competent person before they let someone sell me a gun. If they did, I would be a lot less likely to have to use my gun to shoot anything other than a squirrel, deer or paper target. And please, please spare me the drivel about regulating the types of guns being sold. You don't need an AK47 to shoot a deer. That weapon is designed to kill people in military combat. If you want one, join the fucking military. I'll wear a flag pin just for you. Seriously, I get so angry when people rant and rave about how we allow gang violence, and how cops get killed and how crime is on the rise and then they get all pissed off when someone suggests that maybe, just maybe, the socially responsible thing to do is make sure that gun shops don't hand out automatic weapons like they're candy on Halloween. I hate to say this, but you don't get it both ways.

Terrorism is not a political issue. Its not. Terrorism is shitty. It is. And it effects the way we run our country. But let me tell you something- there is no way to prepare for terrorism. There isn't. That's the point of terrorism. That they strike when you aren't looking, where you don't suspect, and the fear of them literally strikes terror into you. There is only one answer to "how do you feel about terrorism?" and that, if you are sane, is "terrorism is fucking awful." Here's what we should be talking about- diplomacy, international relations, how we are viewed by the rest of the world, who our allies are and how we deal with terrorists in a safe but humane way, because torture isn't an option. ( I assume if you're okay with torture, you've either stopped reading or are just plain punishing yourself. Or you're working up an awesome retort to my points) These things, my friends, are called foreign politics, and they're very important. And truthfully, I think most Americans forget that no, we aren't the only civilized country in the world. No, we aren't the only democracy. In fact, we're not even the best one. Sorry, that's the truth. I'm not saying I don't love living in the US. I do. But there are other places where the democratic process itself works better. I truly believe that the biggest problem with America is Americans. I get so sick of people saying shit like "We're America damn it. They should respect us." Why? Why? Because we make a lot of shit? Because we're a democracy? Because we have a huge GDP? Because our land mass is bigger? Fuck that. England is less than the size of my state and it has been and still is just as, if not more, powerful than the US is now. What do we do that makes us worth respecting. That's what I want to know. And frankly, none of the things that make us a country worth respecting have been election issues any time since I've been able to vote.  And truly, out of all of the "civilized" and "developed" countries- we're one of the youngest. We're still a teenager. And maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to take a leaf out of the books of some of the countries that have been around literally since Jesus was born. Just sayin'. (though maybe financial advice from Greece wouldn't be too sweet right now)

And Freedom. Sweet Jesus, Mary and Jospeh, I am so sick of hearing about freedom. Let me tell you why- the people I listen to who screech about freedom have every fucking freedom in the world. I am tired of Republicans telling me that I am trying to take away their liberties. Please, someone, explain to me how me being able to marry a woman, or have an abortion, or buy contraception, or get government assistance for health insurance takes away your freedom. Because I don't think it does. I think you disagree with it. Bully for you. You're allowed to. But let me explain: me having a freedom does not take away one of yours. You think gays shouldn't get married? Sweet. Don't be gay. Or if you are gay, don't get married. You think abortion is murder? Cool. Don't get one. You think that contraception is a form of abortion? Okay. Don't put your teenage daughter on the pill (and while you're at it, give her the abstinence talk, because you won't let her sit in on those family life films that explain about things like STDs) You are completely and totally free to do all of those things. Awesome. You not choosing to do those things is your right. It is also your right to think that I am going to hell if I am going out and having lesbian sex using a dental dam i picked up at a government clinic the week after I get an abortion.

Here's where my rights come in. Because I should be able to do or not do all of those things. I should. And the argument about whether or not I can do all of those things is almost always based in someone's religion. And its not mine. I promise you that. Because my religion says that if I am not harming someone, and it is for the purpose of my higher will, I can do it. And I know that's not the most common belief out there. Don't get me wrong. I like a lot of Christians. I think there's a huge bunch of moral, good ones out there. But the fact is, I don't want them using their faith to make laws I have to live by. Because its not my faith, and its against the law for them to dictate my moral beliefs. Period.

The problem is, everyone is so concerned about their "rights" but what they really mean is that they should not have to live in a world with people who have different ideas or moral beliefs than they do. That somehow, witnessing any other person doing something their religion or morals don't agree with diminishes the faith that they live by. Sorry folks, that means your religion sucks. And so does your faith. Because me, in my own corner, doing my own thing, has absolutely zero effect on you or your god or your religion. And if it does- if it truly does- maybe you should be having a talk with god, because one of the two of you got it wrong somewhere.

I'm all politic-ed out. Relieved, aren't you? I'll probably fire up again soon. But right now I have another debate to watch. Even if I have made up my mind. Its nice to be informed, right?

Constructive comments and thoughts below!
AGxx




Sunday, July 29, 2012

You Have A Drumstick and your Brain Starts Tickin'

I was scrolling through facebook earlier and saw one of my cousins had posted a picture of President Obama on her facebook wall with the following quote: "You may be a liberal if you hold your fast food restaurants to a higher moral standard than your president."

Really?

First, I'd like to say, I'm already sick of this whole Chick-Fil-A debacle/scandal/whatever. I am. You know what? The conservatives are right- they have every right to give money to whomever they want. And the Liberals are right- we have a right not to give them business as a way of protesting that. Hell there's even groups out there saying lets all go and be gay (gay, but appropriate) at Chick-fil-A once a month as a peaceful way of protesting their beliefs. Everyone is within their rights to say and do these things. Let's agree to disagree.

BUT

I do not agree with active descrimination against anyone for any reason. I am especially opposed to the oppression of homosexuals since I am one. In case I haven't mentioned it, to all my readers- I am a lesbian. I'm a lesbian because I was born that way. It is not my choice. But I'll tell you something, if I had a choice, I would still choose the wonderful woman whom I married. I would. I couldn't have made a better choice. And we have been married for nearly three years now and we are very happy. I digress. Discrimination is bad. Violence against people who believe things differently from you? Bad. Killing and actively promoting the killing of people simply because their beliefs are not yours? Very, Very Bad.

In case you're interested, this was my response:

Or you may be a liberal if you feel like people are allowed to make their own choices but your choice involves not financially supporting a company that actively promotes discrimination and violence against you. I'm not normally snarky on facebook- you're allowed your own opinions, but remember this: every time you eat at Chick-fil-a you are supporting a company that donates money to organizations who want to see me beaten, killed and actively denied civil rights. You're my family, and I love you, but if you think that's okay, I'd rather you unfriend me. Because regardless of your personal choices, I would never say it was okay for someone to do those things to you.
 
Direct, to the point, and me not being as angry as I felt. Because here's what I really think- I think its annoying that she posts tons of conservative stuff on facebook. But that's her right. I said that a few posts ago. I don't agree with her on politics. That's okay. We're grown adults. We don't have to agree. But to see someone I spent many a day of my childhood actively choosing to support discrimination against me and the people I love most in public absolutely enrages me. I'm beyond hurt. I am beyond disappointed. I'm pissed. 
 
I never, NEVER, say shit like that to members of my family. I would never, NEVER, say something so disrespectful and hurtful to people that I know and love. I try not to be like that with people I don't like. Why would I say something like that to someone I'm supposed to love? 
 
Now, don't get me wrong. I haven't seen her in a long time. We're not super close. But I keep track of what's going on in her life. I ask my grandma about her. And when she sent me a friend request on FB I accepted it, because I hate how my family isn't close the way it used to be. Still- its really, really disrespectful. 
 
I never told her, when she got home from her tour in Iraq that I thought it was terrible that she was over there, fighting people who didn't ask us to come, killing people who had no choice about how they lived under a dictator. I didn't tell her I felt like it was wrong that she was fighting a war started by a president who should have been looking out for his country but was instead looking out for his own legacy...I didn't. I didn't because I know that she was re-upped more than once. I know that it was hard on her, her family, her kids. I didn't because those are her beliefs and her choices. And I sure as shit now don't post hateful things about the military online. I respect our military. I respect my grandfather and all the other members of my family who fought in wars that actually meant something. I know some wonderful men and women now who are in our armed forces and are lending their talents and lives to our country admirably. I would never be so hurtful. Never. 
 
But I'd like to remind her- being in the military? Her choice. Going to war? Her choice. Me being gay? Not my choice. That's how god made me.  

I could go on for hours about how I think our President is a very moral man. How much good he has done for our country, and especially for people like me. It would be a waste of time. Probably she won't vote for him because of what he did for me. I can see my partner in the hospital now. They can't throw her out when I am sick. DADT has been repealed once and for all and all the people like me in the military don't have to hide so they can use their talents to support a country they love that may not love them quite so much. Like I said- waste of time. 

I just feel like there's so many other things in this world we could be worried about. Instead, here we are, myself among them, fighting about love, and who has the right to love, and who doesn't. It seems like such a waste.

Its even more sad to me that however much someone in my family might disagree with my lifestyle, they would feel like its okay for people to actively discriminate against and hurt me. 

Thank you, to my friends and family who choose to love and support me just as I am. I appreciate it. I love you all too. 

AGxx

Friday, July 20, 2012

If I Hear One More Time About A Fool's Right To His Tool's Of Rage...

I have to get a few things off my chest about Facebook.

I want to preface this with the thought that I normally love facebook. I use it all the time, I think its a great way to stay in touch with people you might not get to see as often as you like and reconnect, or just plain connect, with people that you love. I like Facebook and the concept behind it.

Lately, I hate Facebook.

If I were a normal person, or the average FB user, I suppose I would be posting this there under my notes section. But, you see, I am seriously tired of FB drama. And honestly, I like updates and notes, but I think me venting about things that make me crazy belongs here, where people have to make an effort to come and read it, and they aren't inundated with my opinions without having a choice. And there, my friends, is the thing that is making me crazy. Well, its threefold, really.

First, and I'll totally confess to Sakura venting this to me first, and I agree with him. I am sick of those stupid E-cards. Yeah, some of them are witty. Most of them aren't. Most of them are bitchy and whiney, not funny. And more of a problem, people are posting them so frequently now that they are taking the place of true humor and wit on FB, which was something that I really loved about that space. Now, I have reposted a couple, I won't lie. But I don't post five or six a day, which is what some people on my friends list are doing. What irritates me is that the people I am friends with, for the most part, are a very intelligent, very amusing group of people. I don't need E-cards to know that. Honestly, I like their own brand of humor much better. I actually spend enough time scrolling past them that sometimes I miss an important post I actually wanted to read. That's annoying.

Second, and I know- I know I swear- that its election year...but I'm tired of politics. I normally take my civic duty very seriously, and I'm to the point now I don't even want to vote because I'm sick of listening to all of it. Its not even November yet. And while I am a liberal, its not just the conservatives that are making me nuts. Its everyone. I don't care anymore that Mitt Romney got a huge tax break on his therapy horse. I don't care if George Bush is still your idea of a great president. I don't care if you hate President Obama's healthcare plan. I don't. Because your opinions are not mine. You are not going to change my mind about my political views with a meme or a photo or a rant on FB any more than you would change them with a political attack ad on television. I'm a smart woman. I know there's two sides to every coin, and frankly I find it insulting that you believe that posting that crap is going to be enough to change my mind without me fact checking or looking into the issue more.

And forget even just the election stuff, I'm tired of political posts in general. I'm gay and I am sick of pro-gay, pro-gay marriage posts. I'm sick of abortion posts and women's health posts. Do I care about these things? Yes. But I am so tired of facing a barrage of posts about it on my news feed every morning. I'd like to point out that posting a picture on FB is not the same thing as being politically active. You want to do something to make a difference? You want change? Form a political action group. Join an existing one. Write to your congressperson (do you know who your local and state reps are? I bet you can't name them without a google search. I can.) Organize a rally. Make some sort of actual contribution to the cause or shut the hell up. Honestly. When is the last time you attended a city council meeting? Do you know where your local party office is? When was the last time you took advantage of the days at the State Capitol when constituents can go visit their representatives. When's the last time you actually took the time to research the legalities of the bills that you so vehemently oppose? Not recently, I'd bet.

Do something. Do anything. And then post on my wall about how you got something going. Then we'll talk about whether or not my politics line up with yours and whether or not I feel like helping out your cause. But for the love of every thing good and holy stop wasting my time with statistics your blindly reposted or facts you can't bother to check. I'm sick of them all.

Finally, and lord and lady knows I will offend someone here- I'm sick of religion on FB. I'm tired of flame wars over who loves or doesn't love Jesus. I'm tired of having to defend my faith to people who are supposed to be my friends. And while I love you and respect your religious path- I'm frankly quite sick of waking up every morning to a come to god post or twelve. You find inspiration in your religion? Awesome. You want to post a quote from a guru or a bible verse that makes your day better? You do that. Do you want to "witness" to all of your friends in FB land by posting a picture of Jesus on the cross with a huge note underneath about how you don't want them to go to hell if they haven't come to god yet? Spare me. Do that in person. With the person you are trying to reach. Because if like begets like, most of your friends are looking past that post anyway. Those of us of different religions are probably rolling our eyes, because its insulting that you would post something that guilts us into becoming a member of your faith so *you* don't have to suffer by us going to hell. Honestly, if our sensibilities were that weak, why bother being acquainted to a person like that at all? 

Don't get me wrong, I love religion. I especially love mine. And I truly believe that if your religion is your comfort, that's wonderful for you. I post pagan things now and again because I know they inspire me and they inspire my friends. But not once, NEVER, will you see me posting a "become a pagan so your next incarnation doesn't suck" meme with instructions on how to become a witch underneath it. That's stupid. I want the people who are religious to be happy with their religion. But don't insult me, especially on a daily basis, with posts about how sad you are I'm eternally damned, asking me to come to god. Because frankly, if I weren't already of a spiritual path of my choosing, the conclusion I would draw is that all the people of your faith are dogmatic nags.

And while we're talking about both religion and politics, lets just get this out in the open. They don't mix. And frankly, I don't care what faith you are, it doesn't get to dictate my political decisions. And you know, I hate calling them out, but the protestants are especially bad about this. I never hear Muslims or Jews saying pork should be outlawed. Or how their religions are older, so maybe their more important than any other religion. It seems the exclusive right of protestants to tell all of us how wring we are. Truthfully, I think the Muslims in the US are too busy hiding and trying to fight for the political freedoms they were guaranteed when this country was founded to be busy with any other political agenda. And for the love of Jesus and every other deity read your god blessed history books and check out the founding father's real philosophies behind the founding of the United States. They did not form our government to be a Protestant state. They didn't. And frankly, the moment the US becomes a protestant state, I'm out. I'll find somewhere else to live. That's not me being petulant. That's me choosing to emigrate to a new country where I can have religious freedom. Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so.

So the next time you're on FB and you post about how abortion is wrong or how gays shouldn't marry or whatever else political issue you're just dying to change my opinion about- give me a good reason that has nothing to do with your religion. Because its probably not mine. And if it is, well, I'm still going to look long and hard at the facts before I make a choice on what to believe.

I know that I sound hard and bitter. I know that me making all of these statements is my way of making a political statement and religious statement myself. I do. Here's the thing, though. You're here and you're reading this by choice. You choose to listen to my opinion. I didn't type it in all caps on facebook. I didn't tag you in a post about it so it would show up on your wall, in your news feed and in your notifications. I let you make the decision to come here and listen to me rant. And that's all I want. A morning where I wake up and I don't feel compelled to hide someone in my news feed because I am friends with them, and I do want to connect with them, but I can't stand the thought of one more political rant, religious pontification or stupid ass E-card. Let that be my choice.

And I know, I know, I've got someone somewhere who will say "I can post whatever I want and if you don't like it go ahead and unfriend me." Okay. I will. Because it just goes to reinforce the fact that my opinion isn't as special as your opinion. Truthfully, I probably really like or love you if I haven't hidden you or taken you off my friend list. If you don't like that I don't care for all of your posts? You let me know. I probably need to reconsider whether you should be my friend or not anyway. I respect your right to your opinion, even if I don't like it or agree with it. Even when it irritates me. Which is why I'm here, and not on your wall posting snotty comments about your opinions to you. I deserve that too. That's all I'm saying.

Right. I'm off my soap box. I'll post something nicer next time. But I had to have my moment, because some people are truly ruining something that I used to like. I like too few things (especially mainstream, networky type things) to let someone ruin it for me.

Have fun posting y'all.
AGxx