Ain't It Good To Know You've Got A Friend?

Dear Friends on Facebook,

By now I am sure you're aware that we're friends. (If we aren't please go unfriend me. Seriously. I don't like strangers seeing my dash.) As your friend, I feel incumbent to remind you a few things. If you know me at all you know I have no problem planning an intervention. Consider this part intervention, part public service announcement and part gentle, loving talk from someone who cares about you. Minus the gentle- because let's face it, if you've met me you know that isn't really my style.

First, I want to establish that the reason you are on my Facebook at all is because at some point in my life I considered you a friend or part of my family. I care about you. I want to know what you are up to. I want to see pictures of your pets and kids and you feeding giraffes at the local zoo. I want to keep connected with you. I want to learn from you, swap recipes with you and tell you what I am up to. If you sent me a friend request, I assume you know me. If you accepted one from me, I assume you know me. If you aren't sure what I like and don't like, you can always read all that nonsense they make us fill out when we get a profile in the first place. I love you. I do. I wouldn't be friends with you if I didn't. But sometimes I think you might forget....well, I know it sounds selfish....I think you forget what I like.

Don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to think of what I like every time you post. I don't. But if most of your friends are like me (if they have similar personalities) then its likely that you're not just pissing me off. So I want to share with you, if I can, some of the things that really get me going. They are the things that make me hide you from my timeline and contemplate whether or not I actually want to be friends with you in real life:

I won't tolerate blatant misogyny or misandry. Its just not acceptable. Yes, I am a lesbian. Yes, I don't want to sleep with men (okay, maybe Robert Downey Jr...but that's a special case) but that doesn't mean I don't know some absolutely wonderful, awesome, kick-ass guys who are excellent examples of what a man really is. It offends me to know end that you feel like its okay to bash men to me, or post those (ADMIT IT THEY ARE) obnoxious E-cards about how all men are stupid, lazy, smell bad and don't give a damn about the women in their lives. This is not true. If you need examples I can always point to here and here and here to get you started, and then if those shining examples aren't enough you can call me and I'll be happy to introduce you to Flyguy and some of my other very awesome male friends. If you are a misogynist- this goes for you too ladies, I know some of you are out there- you can shove it, then go unfriend me. I have no idea how you ended up in my life if you think women are stupid, flighty or incapable. Also, you have never met me, clearly, or any of the women in my life. It still baffles me that in an age where people consider themselves to be modern and mature and open-minded that its still common for people to actively discriminate against women.

Arm-Chair Activism irritates the crap out of me. I cannot tell you how sick I am of people posting stupid pictures for me to "like" if I am against child abuse, domestic violence, if I hate cancer or want to protect my first, second or whatever amendment rights.  I'll tell you something, I probably don't like it and I definitely won't share it. Because it's lazy. In fact, if you post those things frequently, I've probably hidden your pictures from my news feed. Because, of all the people I know who post those things only one (that's right, one) to my knowledge actually does something about it. He and I share very different political ideas and faiths. But I respect him because he actually does stuff that makes a difference before he takes the time to post the stuff about how he doesn't want gun control, or how everyone should respect armed service members. I don't mind that he and I disagree. Partly because even when we do, he can be a mature adult about it and agree to civil discussion and we don't have to come to terms when its over. In part because he did serve in the military, he is a responsible gun owner and honestly, he's a reasonable person. Also, because he exhorts people to actual action, not just sharing his posts on Facebook. If you're reading here, friend, thank you for doing it right. Also, if I had his blog or whatever, I'd throw him in with the links of decent men I know.

Anyway, the point is most of you post pictures about those causes as a way of patting yourself on the back and feeling like you've done some good. I hate to tell you this- you haven't. Not a bit. Here's why. I hate cancer too. I do. But if I don't share your post, and you have shared it, neither of us has done anything to work towards curing it. If you want to raise money for cancer research and whatever, you should probably get in contact with the American Cancer Society .  See how that works? I just gave you a link to a place where you can actually do something to prove that you hate cancer. Isn't that great? Now you can get a team together for the Relay for Life, or volunteer or work as a counselor or donate money or whatever. If you don't, can I say, maybe you don't hate cancer quite as much as you thought you did? I mean, I know you can't work with every charity...but if you hate cancer enough to repost about it- but you ignore diabetes or MS or  AIDS then maybe, just maybe, you should get off your butt and do something about it. If you really, truly don't have time to volunteer but you've got forty seconds on Facebook, skip the picture and post an actual status update like this: "Hey- I know all of you know how much my grandmother having cancer effected me as a child. Well, this month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I'd love it if you would take the time to go to the American Cancer Society web page and see if there's anything you can do to help, or if you have the money, donate. This spring will be the Relay for Life. I haven't had a team before. Message me if you think you'd like to go, or form a team and raise money with me." Its just that easy. And way more personal than a stupid picture of a pink ribbon. You want to post a picture? Share one of you and your grandma. It will mean more to everyone.

Same goes with the political posts. First- if you didn't vote- I don't want to hear it. I don't. You don't get a say. Second, before you start posting more obnoxious pictures of our president or of guns or whatever- before you really, truly complain, please do me a solid and write to these fine folks (if you live in my state anyway)

Senator Claire McCaskill
Senator Roy Blunt

Or, if you need help, we'll look up your congressional district and you can write to them, or email them or whatever. But I do, as both your friend and a citizen of this country, ask you to please go speak to your representatives about your concerns. Democracy doesn't work when we don't communicate. Also, you look like way less of an asshat if you start complaining about minimum wage going up if you've taken the time to do your homework, write your representatives and maybe volunteer time passing out flyers or heading to make calls for your party office.

As for those pictures you keep posting of children and women with bruises all over their faces and bodies or (worse) the ones with a man actually hitting the woman or the child, I want to be really clear about these. STOP. JUST. FUCKING. STOP. As a person who was a victim of domestic violence, I can tell you that you are being insensitive, rude and horrible by posting a picture like that. I'm sure that you never thought that posting a picture of graphic violence might serve as a trigger to me, reminding me of the horrible things that happened to me. It does. It did. You suck. Seriously. If you were a victim of abuse and you're stronger than me, kudos. But you should know, better than anyone, that that sort of thing sticks with you. If you want to stop abuse or help those who do, post links, or go volunteer. But can those photos. Also, you should know, men can be abused too, but we never see that. I think that's sad. (By the way, if you want to head over there now, I've linked to a site that has all the US states individual child abuse prevention hotlines.)

Finally, my last really big complaint (because let's face it, I've covered E-cards in other posts) is about your religion. Now, I don't have a problem with you having one. In fact, if it makes you happy and gives you comfort, I'm super glad you have it. I don't care if its not mine. That's cool too. Here's what I have a problem with:

I have a problem with these. Not because I don't love Jesus and you do. That's fine. The problem is that you look like a self-righteous prig. I love you, but its true. Let me tell you why. If most of your friends are more like me, you're being an annoying ass by not respecting my religious choices. For example, most of my friends are either pagans, neopagans, agnostics or atheists. Me posting a bunch of stuff that says "Come to Jesus"  would not be me ministering to them. Its me being a pain in the ass. They aren't interested in it, and I know it.  Its plain rude. Not to mention if you actually want to convert them, you should probably do it in person. Now, say most of your friends are Christians. I hope they love Jesus. Maybe you can start a group on Facebook all about it. Get a Bible Study together. I don't care. But they should know  you love Jesus. If they don't either you or they are doing it wrong. So, assuming that everyone knows you love Jesus, and you know you love Jesus, what's the point of these pictures? To me, they annoy your non-Christian friends, they shame your church going ones for not being as religious as you (wow, you're posting about God on Facebook- how daring!)  and give yourself a good solid pat on the back about how many stars you're getting in your crown. I'll say it again you look like a self-righteous prig.

Now before you go getting all bent out of shape I want to point out two things. First, I have another friend on Facebook who is a very devout Christian. (actually, I find it ironic since when we were kids she didn't like church and I did and now I'm a lesbian witch and she's a church going soccer mom...its like fate in reverse. I digress) and sometimes she will post about her Bible study in the morning. She'll give the verse and how she feels it applies to her life. You know what? I like it. I like to see her god working in her life. It inspires me. It makes me happy that she finds comfort. And sometimes (its true!) those verses give me inspiration too. And that's okay. So you know, I single out Christians for a reason. No one else I know tries to convert me. None of my Jewish friends. None of my pagan ones (you heard it here- no one converted me. I came to being a witch all on my own!) None of my atheist ones try to tell me there is no god- though we can sometimes enjoy a lively debate about it without hurting anyone's feelings. None of my agnostic friends try to bring me round to them. I've never been approached by a Muslim looking to convert me (and yes, I do know some). Christians are the only ones I know who make such a huge ass fuss about gaining converts, putting their religion in your face and making a huge butt-hurt deal about you not wanting to go to church with them or listen to how Jesus can set you free or whatever.  Friends, family, I love you. You're welcome to your religion. But I'm not lost, I'm not wandering. This isn't a phase. I've been practicing witchcraft for 15 years now. That's right, since I started high school. No one convinced me. I did it on my own. So I'm pretty sure, now, you see, that its the right path for me. And you trying to convince me otherwise is rather irritating. If you want to know more about my faith, I'll be happy to talk to you about it. But the minute you start telling me how I'm wrong, I'll walk away. Because I've been your religion, but you've never been mine. I made my choice, thanks so much, and I'd appreciate you not posting those "Like if you love Jesus  share if you whatever, keep scrolling if you love the devil" because frankly, Satan is your creation, not mine, I don't believe in him or love him or worship him. Just because I'm not a Christian doesn't lump me into the the pack of devil-worshiping psychos your posts seem to imply we non-believers are.

Its not that I don't want you to post. I don't even want you to agree with me all the time. But there was a time when I would get upset because all anyone ever did was take pictures of their dinner or post pictures of their kids. I'd welcome that now. I realized recently, I follow you on Facebook because I care about your life. I want to know how your vacation went or when you're having a bad day. I'm interested when you go to a new restaurant. I like it when you tell me all about how you beat whatever new video game you bought three days ago.

I like you for you. I like your ideas and opinions. I like your smile and how think and speak. I want you to express yourself in your own words. If that's a clever quip- go for it. But let it be yours. I don't care what other people say. I'm not interested in their pictures. I want to see you, speak to you and hear your voice in your posts. Otherwise, there's no reason for me to want to be connected to you.

Let me be honest. Sometimes I don't mind your pictures and E-cards. Sometimes I don't mind your political posts. Sometimes I actually laugh at the things you post. But go look at your wall. Seriously, open a new browser. I'll wait. When was the last time you posted something that had to do with your actual life that had nothing to do with sharing or liking someone else's idea or picture? When was the last time you posted about what you were up to that didn't involve shameless self-promotion of your new book/album/artwork/gallery show? When did you actually share a little bit of who you are? If I suddenly disappear from your dash, maybe its not because I don't love you, or I don't think of you. Maybe its because its you only think of you, or you never think of me, or (sadly) I want to preserve what relationship we have and I won't be able to respect you if I watch you consistently do the things I've mentioned above.

I love you. I hope I see you soon.

Love,
Me

Charge of the Crone

Its not often that I post something directly related to Wicca on my page. Yes, I discuss it, but coven rules rather tie my hands when it comes to actually talking about the goings on of our day to day workings. However, I was working on the Samhain Ritual yesterday and I was looking for a Charge of the Crone to do for the ritual rather than the usual Charge of the Goddess. Unfortunately, I did not find anything that I truly loved online, and my resources outside the internet proved a little dull as well. So I took it upon myself to write a charge that I loved, that I felt was appropriate to the holiday and to the spirit of the Great Lady whom it was about. I was rather pleased with my results, so I thought I would share them with you. I don't feel that me posting this will reveal any coven secrets. So.

Hear Ye the words of the Crone, the dark goddess eternal, who has been called Cerridwen, Hecate, Inari, Morrigan, Kali, Grandmother, Wise Woman and by many other names:

Come my children through the dark of night and seek me. Though my face be shrouded in the veil of the new moon, my power wanes not. I am the wise woman, who guides you through your hardships and strife, the great midwife of your transformation.

Though you may face your greatest terrors, fear me not, for I bring you that which you need- for I am the source of knowledge eternal and the keeper of all secrets. And these be my gifts unto thee: strength and courage, wisdom through experience, and the excitement and freedom of lessons learned.

Seek these within thyself and there you shall find me also. Surrender your fear and ignorance- with my shining sickle I shall cut them away. Then shall you learn compassion and love and find completion of spirit. I wait for you to call to me to reveal the lessons within thyself- for behold! I am the balance of the scales of light and dark, the interim of life and death. From me all things dance forth and it is I who awaits you at the end of the spiral!

It probably needs a little more work, but I am quite happy with what I was able to do. It makes me feel wonderful to be finally connecting to this aspect of the Goddess, because she is possibly the most misunderstood and the most feared of all her aspects. To me, she has always seemed beautiful, and very open and welcoming. Maybe growing up with a house full of strong women has caused me to be less afraid of them, and more admiring. I like a woman who can take charge, who has great mystery and power within her. Having been forced to face the darker aspects of myself, having grown the way I have as a woman and as a witch, I suppose it is no shock to me that I identify with the Crone aspect more than others. 

I feel very blessed to have been able to have written something that I feel is a lasting tribute to one of the mot beautiful parts of my beliefs. 

I hope you enjoyed it. 

AGxx

PS- any visitors, I am happy to allow you to use my work, however, in print, I would appreciate that you contact me first, via email, to obtain permission. Within your own personal work, of course feel free to make use of it. Bright Blessings to you.

If I Hear One More Time About A Fool's Right To His Tool's Of Rage...

I have to get a few things off my chest about Facebook.

I want to preface this with the thought that I normally love facebook. I use it all the time, I think its a great way to stay in touch with people you might not get to see as often as you like and reconnect, or just plain connect, with people that you love. I like Facebook and the concept behind it.

Lately, I hate Facebook.

If I were a normal person, or the average FB user, I suppose I would be posting this there under my notes section. But, you see, I am seriously tired of FB drama. And honestly, I like updates and notes, but I think me venting about things that make me crazy belongs here, where people have to make an effort to come and read it, and they aren't inundated with my opinions without having a choice. And there, my friends, is the thing that is making me crazy. Well, its threefold, really.

First, and I'll totally confess to Sakura venting this to me first, and I agree with him. I am sick of those stupid E-cards. Yeah, some of them are witty. Most of them aren't. Most of them are bitchy and whiney, not funny. And more of a problem, people are posting them so frequently now that they are taking the place of true humor and wit on FB, which was something that I really loved about that space. Now, I have reposted a couple, I won't lie. But I don't post five or six a day, which is what some people on my friends list are doing. What irritates me is that the people I am friends with, for the most part, are a very intelligent, very amusing group of people. I don't need E-cards to know that. Honestly, I like their own brand of humor much better. I actually spend enough time scrolling past them that sometimes I miss an important post I actually wanted to read. That's annoying.

Second, and I know- I know I swear- that its election year...but I'm tired of politics. I normally take my civic duty very seriously, and I'm to the point now I don't even want to vote because I'm sick of listening to all of it. Its not even November yet. And while I am a liberal, its not just the conservatives that are making me nuts. Its everyone. I don't care anymore that Mitt Romney got a huge tax break on his therapy horse. I don't care if George Bush is still your idea of a great president. I don't care if you hate President Obama's healthcare plan. I don't. Because your opinions are not mine. You are not going to change my mind about my political views with a meme or a photo or a rant on FB any more than you would change them with a political attack ad on television. I'm a smart woman. I know there's two sides to every coin, and frankly I find it insulting that you believe that posting that crap is going to be enough to change my mind without me fact checking or looking into the issue more.

And forget even just the election stuff, I'm tired of political posts in general. I'm gay and I am sick of pro-gay, pro-gay marriage posts. I'm sick of abortion posts and women's health posts. Do I care about these things? Yes. But I am so tired of facing a barrage of posts about it on my news feed every morning. I'd like to point out that posting a picture on FB is not the same thing as being politically active. You want to do something to make a difference? You want change? Form a political action group. Join an existing one. Write to your congressperson (do you know who your local and state reps are? I bet you can't name them without a google search. I can.) Organize a rally. Make some sort of actual contribution to the cause or shut the hell up. Honestly. When is the last time you attended a city council meeting? Do you know where your local party office is? When was the last time you took advantage of the days at the State Capitol when constituents can go visit their representatives. When's the last time you actually took the time to research the legalities of the bills that you so vehemently oppose? Not recently, I'd bet.

Do something. Do anything. And then post on my wall about how you got something going. Then we'll talk about whether or not my politics line up with yours and whether or not I feel like helping out your cause. But for the love of every thing good and holy stop wasting my time with statistics your blindly reposted or facts you can't bother to check. I'm sick of them all.

Finally, and lord and lady knows I will offend someone here- I'm sick of religion on FB. I'm tired of flame wars over who loves or doesn't love Jesus. I'm tired of having to defend my faith to people who are supposed to be my friends. And while I love you and respect your religious path- I'm frankly quite sick of waking up every morning to a come to god post or twelve. You find inspiration in your religion? Awesome. You want to post a quote from a guru or a bible verse that makes your day better? You do that. Do you want to "witness" to all of your friends in FB land by posting a picture of Jesus on the cross with a huge note underneath about how you don't want them to go to hell if they haven't come to god yet? Spare me. Do that in person. With the person you are trying to reach. Because if like begets like, most of your friends are looking past that post anyway. Those of us of different religions are probably rolling our eyes, because its insulting that you would post something that guilts us into becoming a member of your faith so *you* don't have to suffer by us going to hell. Honestly, if our sensibilities were that weak, why bother being acquainted to a person like that at all? 

Don't get me wrong, I love religion. I especially love mine. And I truly believe that if your religion is your comfort, that's wonderful for you. I post pagan things now and again because I know they inspire me and they inspire my friends. But not once, NEVER, will you see me posting a "become a pagan so your next incarnation doesn't suck" meme with instructions on how to become a witch underneath it. That's stupid. I want the people who are religious to be happy with their religion. But don't insult me, especially on a daily basis, with posts about how sad you are I'm eternally damned, asking me to come to god. Because frankly, if I weren't already of a spiritual path of my choosing, the conclusion I would draw is that all the people of your faith are dogmatic nags.

And while we're talking about both religion and politics, lets just get this out in the open. They don't mix. And frankly, I don't care what faith you are, it doesn't get to dictate my political decisions. And you know, I hate calling them out, but the protestants are especially bad about this. I never hear Muslims or Jews saying pork should be outlawed. Or how their religions are older, so maybe their more important than any other religion. It seems the exclusive right of protestants to tell all of us how wring we are. Truthfully, I think the Muslims in the US are too busy hiding and trying to fight for the political freedoms they were guaranteed when this country was founded to be busy with any other political agenda. And for the love of Jesus and every other deity read your god blessed history books and check out the founding father's real philosophies behind the founding of the United States. They did not form our government to be a Protestant state. They didn't. And frankly, the moment the US becomes a protestant state, I'm out. I'll find somewhere else to live. That's not me being petulant. That's me choosing to emigrate to a new country where I can have religious freedom. Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so.

So the next time you're on FB and you post about how abortion is wrong or how gays shouldn't marry or whatever else political issue you're just dying to change my opinion about- give me a good reason that has nothing to do with your religion. Because its probably not mine. And if it is, well, I'm still going to look long and hard at the facts before I make a choice on what to believe.

I know that I sound hard and bitter. I know that me making all of these statements is my way of making a political statement and religious statement myself. I do. Here's the thing, though. You're here and you're reading this by choice. You choose to listen to my opinion. I didn't type it in all caps on facebook. I didn't tag you in a post about it so it would show up on your wall, in your news feed and in your notifications. I let you make the decision to come here and listen to me rant. And that's all I want. A morning where I wake up and I don't feel compelled to hide someone in my news feed because I am friends with them, and I do want to connect with them, but I can't stand the thought of one more political rant, religious pontification or stupid ass E-card. Let that be my choice.

And I know, I know, I've got someone somewhere who will say "I can post whatever I want and if you don't like it go ahead and unfriend me." Okay. I will. Because it just goes to reinforce the fact that my opinion isn't as special as your opinion. Truthfully, I probably really like or love you if I haven't hidden you or taken you off my friend list. If you don't like that I don't care for all of your posts? You let me know. I probably need to reconsider whether you should be my friend or not anyway. I respect your right to your opinion, even if I don't like it or agree with it. Even when it irritates me. Which is why I'm here, and not on your wall posting snotty comments about your opinions to you. I deserve that too. That's all I'm saying.

Right. I'm off my soap box. I'll post something nicer next time. But I had to have my moment, because some people are truly ruining something that I used to like. I like too few things (especially mainstream, networky type things) to let someone ruin it for me.

Have fun posting y'all.
AGxx

If God Had A Face, What Would It Look Like?

I can say without doubt that this post is of the complete opposite tenor of my previous one, but there you have it.

I've been doing more reading this week on Wicca and the history of Wicca. I've also spent much more time looking at older traditions of my religion, including Gardenarian and Alexandrian Wicca. I have to say, its really not to my tastes, and its given me a completely new perspective on my religion as a whole.

I have to first say, in all honesty, I truly believe there is no such thing as one right path, even in Wicca. I think that spirituality is something that is fluid and has to relate to the person who is practicing that particular form of spirituality. When I blog, in the following, that I don't particularly care for something, it isn't me saying it is wrong, only that it doesn't resonate for me. This does not mean I feel the people who use such practices should change, or that they are bad, or anything like that. It only means I relate differently. I still respect the founders of these traditions because they have done much for my religion as a whole, and their contributions are both large and valuable.

Rather than boring you with a history lesson, I will instead direct you to information concerning Gardinarian Wicca and Alexandrian Wicca. Feel free to read up, it will give you a much better idea of where I am coming from with regard to my thoughts. In fact, it might also give you a good background to look into Janet and Stewart Ferrar as well, as most of my thoughts have come from reading their excellent books on witchcraft: The Witches' Bible, The Witches' God, and The Witches' Goddess. They are wonderful, well written, informative books. If you are interested in learning more about the general history of Wicca, both in its more ancient forms and in its modern incarnations, I would suggest reading Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler, an excellent journalist and practicing pagan.

I will also add, in case you've missed any of my other posts about wicca, that I (along with Sakura, Kitten and Oscelot) am a tradition head for a new form of wicca. Or I should say, if my coven ever hives, I will be. A tradition head simply means that I have founded my own coven and that I (and by I, I mean our group) have created an eclectic coven that operates on its own principles and beliefs within the Wiccan framework. Should, and I hope it does, our coven ever grow past 13 members it will "hive" or split off from the original coven, practicing under new leadership the same things the current coven does, acting as a "daughter coven" which would relate to the older, original coven. The hope is, of course, to have several hives, and a large group of practitioners that relate to your particular brand of wicca because it brings them joy and comfort.

That said, I've had a lot of food for thought in the last couple of days. Part of this is a direct result of reading these books and becoming more intimately acquainted with the particulars of Gardenarian and Alexandrian rituals and coven practice. They really aren't my style. Part of that is that there is a certain ancientness and solemnity surrounding their ritual. Part of it is that it is very solid, there is no change. The ritual for Beltane, for example, is the same every year, and so on for all of the holidays. That, also, is not to my tastes. There is also a certain...I don't know...feel you get from the books I've been reading that while we are all very open about agreeing there is no one right path, the authors of the book feel that if there were one right path to be chosen, it would be theirs. It almost borders on dogma.

As you know, I am a very take it or leave it kind of person. Whenever we have people approach us about joining the coven or wanting to know more about it, I am very open about our ideas and practices. If they like what they hear, we can talk further. If they don't, well, I appreciate their time and we all move on with no hard feelings. I don't believe there is room for dogma in any reasonable religion, because you have to be concerned with other things. I don't have time to fight about whether I am right or wrong, I only need to know that I and my coven feel right about our practice. That has to be enough. We have other things to think about- like living good lives, and playing by the rules, etc. I'm all for theological discussion, but I am not into argument. I don't have the energy for it. Two people can be philosophically very different and agree to respect each others opinion even when they don't see eye to eye.

There was one passage in particular very early in the book (The Witch's Bible) which in specific gave me that impression:

"Interestingly, what Doreen Valiente has done for Gardenarian Wicca in Witchcraft for Tomorrow, Raymond Buckland has done for another tradition, Saxon Wicca, in The Tree, The Complete Book of Saxon Witchcraft. That, too, includes a simple but comprehensive Book of Shadows and procedures for self-initiation and the founding of your own coven. We found many of the rituals in The Tree admirable, though we were less happy about its eight Festival rites, which are even scantier than in the Gardinarian Book of Shadows, and amount to little more than brief spoken declamations; they are based on the idea that the Goddess rules the summer, from Beltaine to Samhain, and the God the winter, from Damhain to Beltaine- a concept to which we cannot attune ourselves. Persephone, who withdraws to the underworld in winter, is only one aspect of the Goddess- a fact which her legend emphasizes by making her the daughter of the Great Mother.

However, to each his own; it is presumptuous to be too dogmatic, from the outside, about other traditions of the Craft. What matters is that anyone who wants to follow the Wiccan path but cannot get in touch with an established coven, now has two valid Wiccan traditions open to him in published form." (The Witches' Bible, p.29)

To me, this passage gave the impression that because the Saxon tradition chose to focus on Persephone as an archetype, and that wasn't really the authors' thing, that they were probably wrong. I wasn't a fan of the phrase "Too dogmatic from the outside" because I don't think you should be too dogmatic at all. It seems as though its maybe more acceptable to them to badmouth other traditions only within the privacy of the coven circle. It goes, to me, directly against one of the basic laws of the Craft "do not gossip or speak evil of other witches." Maybe I'm wrong there. I could be.

Anyway, with that at the outset of my studying, I felt a little unsettled with the book, and wondered how I would feel in relation to their other ideas. I won't bore you with a chapter by chapter analysis of the book, you can read it if you want to. I will say that I did enjoy looking at the basic rituals for all of the holidays, and for how they are relevant to them.

It was not for me.

I believe, very firmly, that wicca is an experiential religion. I think that interaction with god (and by god I of course mean the god, goddess or great spirit, The All, or however you express divinity) is something that is personal and has to relate directly to you. I think there are things that make less sense as a modern witch in some of these traditions than they would if we were still living at the turn of the century. Do I believe that god has existed since before time, is ancient and ageless and perfect? Yep, I sure do. Do I believe that this god is the only god there is? No.

I dislike the idea that god has to be some bearded man in the sky, or some crone sitting on a throne in a castle made of clouds. I see them that way, but I see god as both constant and ever changing. Because god is in everything, and everything changes, then god must change too. How else can he be relevant in a modern age? I think this is why some witches are into ceremonial magick, which involves pop culture references, because it is something relevant that relates to them. To me, its not something I am ready for, because I am more immersed in the things around me than pop culture, but I understand it from the view that we must see god in all places, rather than in one.

To me, the idea that god can only be spoken to in flowery, old fashioned language is an insult to the deity. They created the world which we live in, and have watched and existed in the changes that humans manifest. They would surely understand this blog post as well as they would a Shakespearean sonnet, right? (Maybe better, who writes in sonnets but bards?)

I have a hard time accepting that just because a way of doing things is older, or has been done more often, means it is better or works more effectively. Sometimes this is true. Sometimes not at all. Experience, then, is the only test of what really works for a person.

Another thing that I found irksome was the implication that if you were not living in the country it was hard to be in touch with the earth and the seasons. This is particularly insulting because we practice an earth based religion where the cycle of the seasons marks the turn of our year, our lives, and gives significance to our holidays. To tell me that if I can only view the change of the fall into winter from my window at my house in town rather than seeing my field frost in the country makes me less attuned to the earth, is the same as telling me that because I drive a car, I cannot relate to the feeling of walking or riding a bicycle or a horse. That's silly. Its condescending to say that when I note to myself that its time to get out the winter sweaters and scarves that this is my only way of marking the passing of the seasons is purely insulting. I may not have fields but I have a yard, and gardens and parks and lakes very close to me. My garden may be small, but it is mine, and I tend it with as much love as I would a whole crop of wheat.

My relationship to the earth, indeed, is one I could argue is as strong, or more strong, than a country person's because I crave the earth more- having less access to it on a moment to moment basis. I appreciate the fruits from my garden more, because I am not always able to have them. They are wonderful to me, and I understand the barrenness that comes with Lammas, Mabon and the dark months better, because I have less to store and enjoy during those times. Don't I count the months in which I wait to seed start? Don't I wait, too, for the blooming of my first flower in the spring?

Maybe I am wrongly indignant, but to me, saying "poor little city witch, you'll never feel the seasons the way I do" is hurtful and marginalizes my experience with the earth as a witch because I am not fortunate to have the means to live on a giant farm or commune. This is not the path for everyone. And to marginalize that path because it is not yours? I call it hubris.

There are other things, too, that bother me. Grated, this book was written in 1981, and those traditions were founded long before the gay liberation movement, or even the women's right's movement, but there is a distinct distaste projected in the book for gay covens and gay coven members. They say they do indeed, have gay friends, and gay coven members, but the coven members were only allowed in when they were able to "assume the role of their actual gender when in a Wiccan context."  Thsi could of course lead to a lengthy discourse on whether or not a person's actual gender is their sex organs or what is in their soul, but lets all agree to what is obvious- I think that's a silly thing to require.

I also seem to feel more than a little reverse discrimination in the idea of these forms of wicca, and its something that bothers me deeply. I do know that I practice a goddess centered religion. As the High Priestess of my coven, I am the supreme authority, and the High Priest is second to me. In our mythology, the mother goddess never dies, whereas the father god is sacrificed twice a year for the sake of fertility (that's an oversimplification, but you get the gist of it). However, it seems wrong to me not to recognize further the polarity of nature. Is there not light and dark, day and night, frost and fire, god and goddess? Everything has a mate, a match, an opposite. This, to me, seems something that should hold true in the religious structure as well.

Sakura, who I am blessed to work with, is our High Priest. He is my dear friend and partner in this spiritual journey. In other traditions of wicca, it is not uncommon for a husband and wife to be high priest and priestess. However, we are both gay. I can say though, he and I understand each other fully, and there is no question in my mind of how we ever need proceed. It is an excellent partnership based on trust and love. His contributions to our tradition are no less significant than mine. It bothers me that as a priest of the wicca, he may be accorded the honor of "strapping on the sword" which is his right as a High Priest and a tradition head. It is his symbol of manhood and strength, and of the gifts of the god. I may wear a garter, with buckles for each of my daughter covens, and it is my honor and right as a High Priestess and tradition head to do so. What upsets me is that I may also strap on the sword. But Sakura may not wear a garter, because he is a male. I suppose this is to signify that while a woman can imbibe and even imitate the strength of a man by using an imitation phallus, a male may never understand the female experience because he cannot get rid of his penis.

I call bullshit. What about Oscelot, who has both sets of chromosomes, though she has a female's body? What does she do? May she only strap on the sword, because of her Y chromosome? I find it puzzling. I do see, with respect to Dianic Wicaa, which is all female, the need for a woman to strap on the sword. But what happens in an all male coven? Do such covens even exist? They surely must...but I have never heard of them. I would be interested to see what they do in such a situation. Polarity, to me, and the recognition of balance, seems so much more important.

The only other thing which I truly disagree with is the opinion of working skyclad, or naked. Now, I completely agree that if you want to and you have a private place to practice, its your right. I mean, it goes without saying you can raise great energy when you are not working with clothes- there is less between you and the rest of the universe. But there was implied that working with clothes on, choosing not to be skyclad was a result of three things- the first, vanity. If you are thinking of how you feel  naked, you are more concerned with how you look than how your soul looks. The next is prudery, which I won't even argue, because you can read the post I made before this and know I'm not a prude. Finally, there is the implication that modesty is something that is imposed upon all of us by the patriarchal society that we live in. The man, they say, is trying to keep me covered.

I disagree completely. If my body, in its divinity, is something I regard as a beauty and a mystery, my source of power, why would I reveal that to someone? Even within the sacred circle, where I am with my most trusted spiritual family, I feel as though my understanding of myself and my divinity is mine alone, as their body and their divinity is theirs. Do I choose to share that with some of my circle, certainly. I am married to Kitten and I am lovers with Oscelot. however, it is only upon deep spiritual connection that I would choose to make the jump from physical connection to spiritual connection with regards to my body. As it is, I only do that with Kitten, and that's my private business.

I am not ashamed of myself. Yes, I am vain, but not so that I would be thinking of whether or not my coven thinks my thighs are fat. They seem them often enough when I wear skirts, or my underwear or whatever. I trust them to see me as I am. I don't need to be naked to touch the divine. The divine is already within the body, and in touch with me, whether I am clothed or not. And, though it may seem bold to say so, I trust my ability to raise power with my clothes on just fine.

So what has all this reflection done for me? It has made me more determined than ever to found a tradition of wicca, and to work with other traditions of wicca, who have the spiritual best in mind for their covens, where the relevance of deity is something that comes from both a modern and ancient perspective. I want to be a tradition where there is equal respect for all aspects of deity, and recognition of polarity in all places, not just in form or thought.

As I said, I am not saying they are wrong. It works for them, and practice is the only way to know whether or not something will work for you. I simply think it does not work for me, and I felt like I wanted to write about why. As I mentioned, I have great respect for the traditions I have mentioned. I have great respect for the authors in question. Without them, I would not have the tools I have now to form my own ideas and opinions. I will even confess that parts of my eclectic tradition draw from their traditions. But not all of them. Not even most of them.

I am much more clear, now, though, as to what direction I would like to take my coven. I know where I feel I have more growth to make, and where I can work to do more for the development of our spirituality and philosophy. For that, I am very thankful.

I hope my little rant has been interesting, or at least enlightening or entertaining for you.

AGxx

A note, I obviously do not own Janet and Stewart Ferrar, any of their books or covens. I do not have claim to Alexandrian or Gardinarian or Saxon witchcraft. In general, nothing is my own except my coven and my opinions. I do, however, encourage you to read them in full to get a full picture of their ideas and thoughts, as this is merely my reflections and impressions of their work. Their ideas are their own, which I respect. I have no intention of offending or misusing any of their works, and this post was made with the intention of expressing my love of the Craft, harming none.

You Were Never Very Kind

Over the last week or so my group of friends (more specifically, most of the people in my coven) and I have been talking about our personalities. Part of this came from a discussion on a section of study we're going to be working on in about two years. I know that seems like a long way out, but honestly, sometimes studying the craft is a lot like college. You have to go through the courses in the correct order.

Anyway, we were talking about this particular part of study because its very intense. Its what we call "shadow work" and is much deeper than what we're doing right now. The entire course will focus on the darker part of the self- the parts of you that aren't necessarily pleasant. Its about facing your demons and dealing with the harder emotional aspects of life. This got us on a discussion of our personalities because we were thinking about who would be effected the hardest in our group. Taking time to emotionally prepare for a big journey is always important, and this one certainly will be. Later in the week I had a girl, Adidas, over and we were again turned to the topic of personality. Part of this stemmed from me filling her in on a piece of my personal drama I've been dealing with because my personality has made the situation more difficult, for better or for worse. She was getting a fill in because I was doing some work for her, and while she was over Sakura and I threw a tarot spread about my little issue.

It led me to think about me as a person, because honestly, these things make you think about what you're really like. If you were to think about yourself, and you were to ask how someone might describe you to a total stranger, what do you think they'd say? Honestly, I think the words nice, friendly, outgoing, compassionate, caring, bouncy are not words that would come to mind for me. They would describe Oscelot well, but not me. Sakura, for example, I would say is energetic, caring and funny. He has a ton of energy. He's really smart. So where do I fall?

If I were to stick with Wiccan explanations of my personality, there's be a strong general theme. Take, for example, the cards that usually represent me in a Tarot spread. When you are laying a tarot spread (the traditional Celtic Cross) and I come up in a reading I am always one of three cards: The Queen of Swords, The Empress, or The High Priestess. All of these are great cards, but they're not what you'd call fluffy bunny cards.

The Queen of Swords, for example, is a pretty aggressive gal. She's the representation of a woman alone. Key words for her would be strong will, sharp wit, sarcasm, ambition, independence, and perceptiveness. She's a woman who has known sorrow and now remains aloof. She is someone who has suffered loss and hardship. She can be intelligent, witty and analytical. She's strong willed and ambitious. Sometimes cold. She values prestige and success. And that's when she's in her upright position. When she's inverted she's even scarier. In fact, Anthony Lewis describes her in his "Tarot Plain and Simple" book as "a real bitch." His words, not mine. When she's inverted she is sly, vindictive and manipulative. She's embittered and hostile as a result of hardship or emotional lost. She is clever, verbally skillful and a very dangerous enemy because she operates in secret.  The Queen of Swords is the personification of wrath.

Honestly, I think this card suits me pretty well. If we're talking honestly, and I think we are, I can be pretty aggressive. I know I'm a smart girl, and I catch things other people don't think I do, which is fine because I generally use that information to my advantage later. I've known my fair share of sorrow and hurt, sometimes I think more than my fair share...but then, some of it I brought on myself. I won't lie, I'm very much like the inverted Queen of Swords when I have my angry on. I haven't been her as much in the last six months or so, and i think that's indication of my personal progress in dealing with my anger issues. However, when I am angry, there is no doubt I am all of those things. And truly, if you've done me a wrong and you think I don't know and I do? I'll admit I work in the shadows, because being patient works better for me when I know a payoff is coming, even if its only me watching you shoot yourself in the foot. 

The Empress is the mother card. She is the Jungian anima archetype. She is an earth mother, a regal woman. She is creative, and has power and authority. She is helpful, and full of influence. She is the representation of beauty, sensuality and fertility. On the up side, she represents the ability to receive and give love. Which is awesome. She is the card that represents the successful results of hard work. Inverted, she's a hot mess. She's icy, and emotionally unstable. She's promiscuous. She is the symbol of blocked development. I'm not the empress as often as I am the other two, but I think that's because most of the time when I pop up in a reading as her, its because I do have a nurturing side, of you're close to me.Still, if you've ever made your mom angry, you know how formidable she can be.

The High Priestess has been my bag more and more lately, and I honestly think I am okay without that. I mean, the virgin daughter archetype surely doesn't apply to me, but her being the representation of intuitive awareness is. Key words for her would be secrets, mystery in the inner world, trusting your inner voice, esoteric knowledge, looking within. As a person she is a psychic, a counselor and an adept. She is an intuitive confidante and a sensitive person. She is a female Luke Skywalker, a personal Fairy Godmother. Inverted she is a manipulative person. A secretive enemy who can be cruel. She is promiscuous and self destructive. She can be shallow and superficial. She is the symbol of willfully ignoring your inner voice.

If that's not me, I don't know what is, honestly. I can be a good friend, a good psychic. I can be intuitive and caring. I am sensitive. But truly, when you catch me on the flipside, I'm more unpleasant than that. I think the high Preistess is a symbol of my approaching balance, the person I can be once I have my anger more under control. Once I face my shadows. I am her more and more. I see her as an amalgamation of the two cards above.*

So, you know, looking at the tarot, I look pretty scary on paper. If you were to ask me what I am like to an astrologer they would tell you other things, also true. My Natal Chart is a great way to demonstrate that. For example, it would tell you my Sun sign, Capricorn, makes me serious and mature. I get angry when people get rewards after not working as hard as me. It (rightly) describes me as persistent, tenacious and tireless in my quest for things I want. However, it would also tell you my Gemini rising sign means I talk all the time, and that I love to read. It would tell you that I am extremely active by nature and that I look younger than I really am, and likely always will. It would tell you that I have a high level of nervous tension, too, and anyone who works with me can confirm that.

My moon sign, Aries, is indicative of why I have a tendency to hair trigger react and let things "all hang out." It explains that I get into trouble because I have a habit of acting before I think. It also mentions that I have quite a temper, but I don't hold grudges. This, for the most part, is true. I really do have a spectacular temper, but I can usually let it go- unless its something really big. I'm only human after all. Venus in Aquarius, as she occurs at the moment of my birth, explains why I tend to collect a lot of friends, but most of them are odd- even if I do find them exciting and different. And Mercury, my favorite little retrograde mover, was in Capricorn at my birth too. An astrologer would tell you that its why I'm interested in things that are practical and useful to me. It warns me of being narrow minded and dogmatic. It also points out that my sense of humor is both earthy and almost slapstick crude. If you've read this blog for any period of time at all you can confirm this yourself.

But say you're like Flyguy and you think astrology is a huge lot of hooey that anyone can bend to make sense. What other indicators are there of my personality? My totem animals are Panthers, Spiders, Owls and Turtles. None of those are particularly cuddly. (I could go into what they mean, and if you want me to some time, I will, but I think just thinking about them is enough, don't you?) My patron deity as a male is a Voodoo god of sex and death. My patron deity as a woman is a Voodoo goddess made of snakes. I mean, honestly, I couldn't swing a fluffy bunny if I tried. Even the closest things I get to cheerful- like Bacchus, are still pretty intense.

So where does this leave me? Are these things true? Yeah. I think if I'm honest with myself, they are. Are they the only true things about me? No, I don't think so.

I know that I can be a compassionate person. I wouldn't have 15 cats sleeping on my porch if I weren't. I'd just call animal control and be rid of them rather than trying to find them homes. (Although, believe me, the thought has crossed my mind- albeit briefly) I am loving and kind to people that I am close to. I feel the emotions of others very deeply. I can be cold and manipulative, but I can also be warm and open. I like people to like me, and honestly, my personality makes it so that I'm rather hard to love. So when someone makes an effort to know me, I'm an open book, and usually a blanket and a cup of tea to go with it.

My home is open to anyone I know. I have no problem listening to others. I care for people, and what happens to them. Even if I don't like them. Well, there's a few exceptions to that one too, but lets keep chalking that up to me being human. I'm always willing to brew a cuppa and sit down and listen. I'm very rarely judgmental.I know people make mistakes. I've made enough of them in my time to be willing to let that go.

If I love you there is no question about my loyalty. I will stick with it and give you 110%. Honestly, I have a habit of being overbearing in my affections for my loved ones. I can make you crazy with my affection. I've been accused, probably correctly, of treating my close friends like lovers. Well, short the sex. Absent that, its pretty close to the truth. I'll admit it. Whether its a shortcoming or a beneficial aspect of my personality I am unsure, but its there.

I think its impossible to give a complete, accurate description of one person to another. On paper, I look like a psychopath. And maybe I am, just a little. But then. I am also a really great, really fun person when you get to know me. If you take the time, I'm pretty cool. But then, I'm biased and full of my own power, aren't I?

If you were describing me to another person, and being honest, how would you do it? Leave me a message and I'll be happy to do the same for you. So long as you promise not to be offended by my now famed lack of filter.

Love you all, like I love myself.
AGxx

*Incidentally, these cards are all from the Gilded Tarot deck and are very lovely. It is not one of the decks I use, but I might need to get ahold of them. Either way, those are not my artwork, I'm sure you know that.

Losing My Religion

Today, in case you weren't aware, is Saturday February 25. If you do the math, that means that Tuesday of this last week was the 21 of February, the day before Ash Wednesday. Yeah, Mardi Gras. You know, the big holiday where you go out and get wasted and show your breasts for lots of cheap plastic beads. (Incidentally, what is it men do to get beads?)

Anyway, the reason I feel like it is important to point out that Tuesday was Mardi Gras was because our city is having it sAnnual Mardi Gras pub crawl tonight. Now, in case you aren't familiar with the concept of a pub crawl, the basic idea is that a group of nightclubs in the same area all get together and decide that for one night, you can buy a bracelet (usually at a rediculously inflated price) and it will get you into all the clubs instead of you having to pay for each individual one. The idea, I suppose, is that since there's a holiday or something fun to celebrate, you might want to go to more than one bar to get drunk. This is usually paired with a lot of drink specials so that you, literally, by the end of one night "crawl" from one location to the next.

Our town has a pub crawl about every other month or so. We celebrate every thing from HAlloween, St. Patricks Day, Mardi Gras and other big holidays to things like "Dead Day" which is the last day the colleges have to study before finals begin. A great idea, if you ask me, getting wasted right before taking finals..I digress. I'm not a huge fan of pub crawls. I could go on for days about why. I won't. I'll simply get to the main point of this post...or the kickng off point for this one, anyway. The Mardi Gras pub crawl is tonight. Tonight. Four days after the beginning of Lent.

If you're Catholic, or familiar with the concept of Lent, or you've seen 40 Days and 40 Nights, you know that beginning with Ash Wednesday you go through a period of self denial until easter. This usually involves dietary restrictions such as no meat on the weekends and also "giving up" something that you would normally have (I have friends who have chosen everything from coffee to sweets to smoking) as a for of growing closer to God spiritually by denying things you would normally have on a day to day basis. While I don't personally agree with the concept, I understand it. Mardi Gras, then, (Fat Tuesday in French) is the night before all this begins, where you indulge in all your vices one last time before the Lenten season.

So why, some one explain to me, is my terribly culturally unaware city having a Mardi Gras celebration AFTER Lent has already started? They've done this three years running now, and I can't fathom it. Why can't they do it the weekend before? Anyone who goes to the pub crawl tonight is going to be violating the precepts of Lent. Isn't that sort of backwards from the whole concept of Mardi Gras? I mean, I understand that most people who go tonight aren't Catholic. We don't live in a heavily Catholic area. We're more of an Assembly of God and Baptist area. But still...it got me thinking about how much it annoys me, the perversion of religion, and religious holidays, and holidays in general for that matter, in this area of the country.

I spoke last week about how much Valentines Day irritates me. I mean, St. Valentine was a martyr. Yes, he did become the patron saint of married couples and relationships, but somehow I don't see the holiday as we celebrate it now as particularly in keeping with his Martyrdom. St. Patricks Day, another pub crawl holiday in my area, is another one where religiously, we're celebrating the patron saint of Ireland. I get that now we're really celebrating Irish culture, and yes, Lenten restrictions are lifted for this holiday as a way of celebration, but I think a bunch of American college students dressing like leprochans and drinking green beer until they pass out is rather missing the point. Do these kids even know what the wearing of the green is? Do they know where they could find the blarney stone? Do they even know anything about Irish history? I somehow doubt it...

I could go on for days about Cinco de Mayo too. Of course, working in a mexican restaurant, I work this holiday every year. Every year some new kid asks me what Cinco De Mayo means. Outside of its literal translation, the answer they are most given is that its Mexican Independence. Not true, actually. That's on September 16. Its actually the celebration of the Mexican's unlikely defeat of the French at the Battle of Puebla, which is only celebrated in that reigon, and in the United States. Cinco is actually more of an american holiday, and one that is more a reflection of our southwestern and southern roots than anything, although you couldn't convince all the idiots wearing sombreros and drinking margaritas of that...

I suppose I find myself frustrated because I think that one, these holidays are pointless and two, for people who might actually find meaning in them, its a huge insult. I hate the perversion of religion in any sense, and as a person who doesn't normally celebrate "traditionally" celebreated holidays in the US I find it especially irritating. People, as a general rule, have no idea what most of my holidays are, and they aren't celebrated, Halloween being the notable exception. Halloween, of course, is a completely different thing to me than it is to 90% of the US population, and I find that insulting. I can't help but think that these other holidays have got to get on the nerves of some other people as well. Of course, holidays in general irritate me.

I'm not particularly eloquent today, but I'll do my best to explain myself.

Christians, as a general rule, have a set amount of holidays they celebrate. Now, I could go on for days about the perversion of those holidays by the church itself, but lets let that go. I can allow for freedom of choice in religion, and if they want to celebrate the birth of Jesus in December when its actually more likely he was born in summer, I can let it go. A lot of pagans wouldn't because there's a direct history there with regards to my holidays, but that's something that I'll mix into the argument a bit and we'll live and let live. What does irritate me is that Christian holidays are so commercialized.

If you're celebrating the birth of your religions main god figure, it seems like this would be somethign more reverant than what its become. I mean, yes, there are some beautiful church services, music and retellings of the story that go on. I am all for that. Storytelling, music and ritual are a huge part of my religion too, and I think you could stretch and say most religions. But then there's the gift giving and the reindeer and the tree and the fat elves that have nothing to do with the Christian holiday. Actually, the reindeer, the tree (and the decorations on it) and the elves is part of my religion, and part of my winter holiday Yule. And it does serve a purpose in my religion. But for Christians? I don't think it does?

When you decorate your tree, do you know why you put bulbs on it? I do...blbs are traditionally red and yellow and orange...the colors of the sun. They're put there, on a LIVE tree I might add, to entice the sun back during the cold months. Did you know that? Did you know pagans actually bring in a living tree and keep it alive all winter before replanting it in the spring as a way or showing reverence to the earth? Yeah, cutting a tree down is bad juju in my religion. I don't know how that got started. The candies and popcorn and berries that go on the tree? They're put there to feed the elves and fairies living inside it. True story. And the candles (which we're replaced with LED lights not) are a symbol of the warmth of the coming months, and are there to keep those fairies and elves happy and thinking of the spring. Its like a photo of home for them.

I could go on and on about mistletoe and peppermint and snowflakes. But lets face it, I'm not dogging Christians for incorporating these things into their celebrations. If it has a religious meaning for you, go for it. These things are now all a part of the Christian holiday. That's fine with me. What does irritate me is that so many people are unaware of what their religious holidays and symbols mean. If the candy cane is a sheperds staff to you, awesome. Use that symbol and celebrate. I don't care what shape it is so long as its peppermint. The cool and the heat are there to remind me that the cold months are followed by warmth. That symbol works for both os us, so lets share it.

I don't mind sharing. But being unawre of what your religion means is what really sets me on edge. I live in a really conservative part of the US. I'm trying to fix that, but in the meantime, I know that its okay for me to be tolerant of other people's religion. And honestly, I try to be educated about the religions around me, because I want to be respectful. I know how and why Purim (Jewish holiday) is celebrated. I understand, better than most Christians, the meaning behind all the big Christian holidays. I respect them. I truly do. But I think sometimes they don't.

I have to mention here, my wonderful sister in law Cat and her husband Brother, are devout Christians. I really admire them. They practice their faith with diligence and discretion. Their wedding was beautiful. And they are good, honest, kind people who are excellent examples of what I think a Christian really ought to be. I know that we hve differences. What I love isthat they areso respectful. Cat never tells me I'm going to hell because I married her sister. She might be concerns (hell, I don't know, we've never broached the subject) but I think what is important to her is that I love Kitten and that her sister and I live a moral and upright life according to our religion. And I appreciate the fact that because she didn't know a lot about our faith, she took the time to learn. She asked questions. She asked about books she could read. She didn't make assumptions. And you know, despite the fact that I know she probably doesn't agree with my faith, she's respectful to us, and she is always concientious about wishing us well on our holidays, which means a lot to me. She could have assumed we spend all our nights dancing naked around a fire and killing animals for blood sacrifice to worship the devil. Instead, she listens, she learns and she's willing to be kind to us about it which is a refreshing change.

As much as I bitch, I am pretty lucky. Mr and Mrs Boss are alwys good about making sure I have at least the night of all my holidays off, which most places wouldn't do, since technically, Wicca isn't a recognized religion in the US. (Paganism is, but that's rather an umbrella term for a lot of stuff) They respect my faith and the need for me to take time to be with my spiritual guides. Of course, it works for all of us that my holidays are not usually on the same ones as tehirs, because I can work them. But my coworkers have a lot of respect for me, and that's uncommon. I know I got lucky. And for the most part, I think its interesting to see how they have a modicum of faith in what Ido, which might explain why religions get so mixed up in this part of the country, which raises my ire sometimes.

When someone at work is sick, or hungover, or is having period cramps or whatever, they'll take whatever I give them. It might be a nasty tea or a smoothie blend designed to make them feel better. But they take it. No questions. Because they know I'm good at what I do, its part of my faith and it works. It always works, that's the trick. Mrs Boss jokes I could poison the whole staff because they'll drink anything I give them. I wouldn't, but she's right. I've had people who have asked me to do spell work for them, or cast natal charts for them. I've done tarot readings and auric readings. And my coworkers don't treat me like I'm a travelling gypsy or a freak show. They always ask about the mechanics of what I do, and how its important to my faith. Most of them have done their research. In return, I do my research for them. If I cast a spell for a coworker, I use a ritual for them that involves their incarnation of diety. Because I respect that they may not have the same belief in god as I do, so I try to make sure that this is a prayer (because that's what spellwork really us) that works for them. They have to believe it, and mean it, and praying to your own god is what works. Not praying to someone else's.

I think its that mixing of religion that somehow ends up working its way into other holidays. I mean, yes, do I know that its partly the result of maneuverings by the Catholic church that most major Christian holidays occur on our near solstices? Yep, I sure do. And politics of it aside, I don't care. Easter for them is Easter no matter when they celebrate it. So its fine by me. What makes me angry is when someone accuses me of stealing their religious holidays and perverting them for pagan purposes.

Bullshit. Oastara (yeah, sounds like easter doesn't it?) our spring holiday, or the big one anyway, is close to Easter. But, I hate to say this, the bunnies, the eggs- those are ours. Hell, all that pink and yellow and pale blue you wear? That's ours too. You see, colors have meaning in my religion, and when you dress your daughter in a frilly yellow and pink and lavender dress to go to church, she's wearing the colors of my holiday. She's a symbol of rebirth, flowers, and sunlight. Like I said, you want to use those symbols? Cool.

I once saw a trick with an easter egg that told a story, it had dogwood flowers and a nail in it. Some other stuff too. It was awesome. The egg represented (once opened) the rebirth of Jesus through the empty tomb. The dogwood flowers were for the crown of thorns on his head. The nail represented his death on a Roman cross. It was beautiful. I liked it and I think its awesome that Christians are finding ways to bring meaning to the pagan symbols that have over time become incorportated into their religion, like it or not. But I'd be angry if someone told me that those were the original meanings.

You can't convince me that there were dogwoods in the middle east in ancient times and that's what his thorn crown was made of. Ask an anthropologist, or hell, a botanist. In my religion, eggs are a symbol of fertility. Dogwoods are used for protective magic and for wish magic. I'd tell you that Iron is a symbol of protection in my religion. It drives away death. In Ireland they would drive nails into food and plans to prevent death and disease from entering a house. You can even use it for healing purposes. Speak not of all the uses of nails in Voudon and Hoodoo, which I could go on about for days. Even rust on a nail has meaning for us.

I could go on for weeks about the perversion of Halloween by Christians and the media and commerical groups, but I won't. You tell me if you want a post about that and maybe I'll save it for another day. Suffice to say, the symbols that I use for Halloween have been perverted by people, and almost no one truly understands what that holiday is really about for witches. Ask me why we use pumpkins for jack o lanerns and I'll tell you we used to use turnips and why. Ask me why we put candles in them. As me what a cauldron is for. Or a bat. Do you know? Because most people don't.

I'm running long, and maybe wandering from the point. The point is, triggered by all this post-Mardi Gras Mardi Gras madness, I get really irritated at the total and complete lack of disrespect people have for religion- both for tehir own and for other people;s. I hear over and over (especially dring this election season) that we're a country founded on religious principles. What kills me is most people don't even know what those principles are. They don't care. What they care about it what they get to do what they want, when they want, and then stumble into church with a hangover and get god to forgive them for wht they've done. Or they don't believe in god at all (totally cool, again ,your call) and they feel like that gives them the right to disrespect every religion. I don't think that's right. I think that there's a total and complete lack of respect for cultures and history that belies the fact that we, as Americans, are supposed to be open minded, educated people. We aren't.

I may respectfully disagree with some of the other religions I run into, but I respect them, that's the point. I may not undersand every religious holiday I come across, but I try. And that's really what I'm getting at. If you want to celebrate Mards Gras, and you aren't Catholic then go ahead. Torture yourself by giving up stuff for Lent. But party on Fat Tuesday, take time to think about what Ash wednesday means to you. Do your penance for your sins and talk to god when you feel weak. That's a beautiful thought. Maybe you will get closer to god. I'll be happy for you if you do.

But do me one favor, eh?

Skip the damn pub crawl tonight.

AGxx

Sunday morning is every day for all I care

I'm back, and I still have plenty on my mind. I just finished dinner, and I'm pretty proud to say I ate most of it. For those of you who don't see me on a day to day basis (and I swear, I'm not looking for sympathy, I jsut feel like bitching about it) I've spent most of this summer sick as hell. Its not really a cough cough kind of sick. In fact, I have a high suspiscion that if I went to the doctor they'd tell me I am stressed out and need to take some time off. Yeah, riiiight. Here's the thing- I've been getting more headaches, I think I've mentioned that a few times. Most of them are a result of my blood sugar being all out of whack. Most of that is a result of my inability to eat anything decent.

If you know me at all, you know I'm a foodie. Me going off food has been one of the great tragedies of the summer. I love eating in summer because there are so many fun things out there. Unfortunately, everything tastes terrible. To be honest, everything tastes like blood. Its gross. The only thing I can seem to eat is fresh fruit and vegetables, which is nice, but not a balanced diet for someone like me. I need meat. I need protein. It all tastes awful. As a result, I'm spending more and more time feeling lethargic. I spent most of last night on my couch unable to even lift my arms to grab my water. When I do eat, I'm lucky to force down half of my meal, and nine times out of ten, I get sick to my stomach afterwards. I'm thinking of buying stock in charmin.

Long story short, I've gone from about 155 pounds, a healthy weight for my height and age, given my muscle mass, to about 120. Not cool. At all. And while I love looking like a bean pole, I know in my heart it isn't healthy. My size 2 work pants are getting roomy. Tiger has taken to force feeding me shakes laced with Ensure and Whey Protein. Gross. But I always feel better after, so they must be doing something right.

While laying in bed, contemplating how much it sucks not to be up and about in the evening when the temprature finally dips below 100 degrees, I got to talking to Oscelot about first impressions. Naturally, we got to talking about our first impression of eachother. Turns out, she thought I was sophisticated, because of my extensive knowledge of books and my vocabulary. I don't necessarily agree with her, but it was flattering. She mentioned that I went on "my book rant" which I apprently do any time Ihave someone over for the first time. I show them our extensive library and tell them all about my favorites. I got a huge kick out of this. Kitten verified I do indeed have a book rant. It made me laugh.

I had some people come in to Casa Bueno yesterday that did not make me laugh. Now, I will preface this with a disclaimer. I didn't feel good and that makes me testy. However, I think these people earned my ire. They were stoned. Big time. Like, I could have gotten a contact high from them, they smelled that badly of weed. They were jerks, and they made my life difficult. They were all (yes, all of them, down to the baby in diapers) wearing various shirts advertising the Christian faith.

Now, before you get all riled up and think I hate Christians- that's simply not true. I think its wonderful that there are people out there who gain consolation and faith through that religion. I do. I also think there are a lot of wonderful Christians out there who do many great things for humanity. But I also think there's a lot of jerks like these guys who set a terrible example.

Now, I did mention this to my co-workers, and we postulated everything from they were atheists masquerading a Christians to they went to the local clothing donation place and those were the shirts they got and they all happened to wear them on the same day...we tried to make excuses for them. But the fact is, wearing those shirts and acting like that give all people of that faith a terrible name.

And honestly, I think Christians get a lot more slack than they sometimes deserve. Now, I've been accused before of being insensetive to other people's feelings and religions, so I might as well tell you this part might be worth skipping if you're sensetive. Seriously. I know I don't have a filter, and sometimes I don't word things as gently as I could. But this is my space, and its my right to say what I like here. That said, onward.

Now, I know there are bad Wiccans out there. I know there are other religions out there that do terrible things. I do. And I disapprove of them. Every last one of them from their dirty spellbooks, to their strange cultish ways to their whatever it is they do. I think there's plenty of press out there for that. I know there are Muslim extremists out there. And they are bad people. But there are just as many out there who are good people who have a better sense of morality than most Americans, Christian or not. You never hear about them. I know there are bad Wiccans out there- people who scam for money and charge for spells that don't work. I know there are people out there who use Neo-paganism as an excuse to inflict harm on them. You hear plent about them too. But you hardly ever hear of a Wiccan group doing good. Why is that? I mean, I live in a really, really big city in my state. Its like, the third biggest. I frequent the occult stores, I'm groovy, and I cant even *find* an active coven in this area because they've all gone to ground for fear of persecution.

What really yanks my chain is that every time a local Christian church does something even remotely miniscule for the community, its front page news. I'm annoyed by the fact that people assume that because I am not a Christian, I can't be a good person. I'm annoyed that because I work on Sundays people assume have no faith, and that I must be a bad person because I'm not at the local Baptist church up the street. It yanks my chain that there are local and national corporations and restaurant chains that actively discriminate against anyone who isn't just like them, and it never gets press because they're allowed to do it for "religious" reasons. I'm sorry, I don't think Cracker Barrell, a publicly traded company, has any right to not hire me or refuse to serve me because I'm gay, or a pagan or any other reason. Its awful. And the minute I start up a restaurant chain that wants to be exclsive to other religions or walks of life, I know I'd have city council on me like a duck on a june bug. Hell, there are people who are kicking up a fuss because a local restaurant is moving to 18 and up at night.

I'll hand it to my boss, the other night (Sunday, actually) I came in to work in the morning. I've been working Sunday nights recently, and he noticed and said it was unusual to have me in the mornings. I told him it was nice, since it was a religious holiday for me, so I could spend time with my coven that evening. He seemed suprised, then upset that I hadn't asked off for the holiday, and then he looked horrified and asked if I had asked off and not gotten it. I simply laughed, and told him it wasn't a big deal. his sensetivity is nice. It is. But I was frank with him when I said if I asked off for every Sabbat, Esbat and any other occasion I had need to practice, I would never be able to work. (you know, retrogrades, coming out of a retrograde, fun stuff like that) Plus, I know better than to ask off for our biggest day of the year, because Halloween is impossible to get off in our store. It just is. I know better. But I also know I can practice as I am able. So he gets bonus points.

The misconceptions, though, they bother me. I mean, most of my coworkers know about my faith, and they seem truly tolerant. They take it as a matter of course, even if they don't agree with it, and some seem truly interested. One of them the other day accidentaly outted me from the "broom closet" as it were to one of our regular customers. I didn't mind. I've known him for four years, he's pretty familiar with my lifestyle and personality. I trusted him to be cool about it. You know what his response was? "Wiccan? Like, she's a witch and worships Satan?" I rolled my eyes and asked him if he honestly thought I was that stupid. He wants me to fill him in, and I will, when I have the time. But the fact is, it bothers me to think that someone who knows me relatively well would assume because I am a witch that means I worship the devil. Ignorance is such a terrible thing, especially in people who are otherwise really intelligent. It makes me sad.

For the record, yeah, I am a witch. I say Witch the way most people say Christian. Its the title for the people who practice my faith. And no, I don't worship Satan. I don't even believe in Satan. I think you give evil power when you name it, and to make something that is supposed to be evil a diety in your faith....I think its dangerous. I think the evil in this world comes from humans, who choose to make bad decisions and blame them on anything but themselves so they can't be held accountable. Which brings me full circle. I do my very best to be a good person, and to love humanity, and to be patient. I know I have my failings, but I try, every day, to be better than I was before. I know where I stumble and I humbly ask my coven and Spirit to help me be better, to try harder. But if you asked most people who live in my area, I'm going to hell and I am damned eternally because I don't believe in their god. But those jerks, high as kites, children in tow, exposing them to crassness and poor morality, they get a free ticket into heaven because they go to the right church and believe in the right god. Its silliness. I think good Christians are going to be rewarded. I do. But I also think the people of other faiths can be rewarded for their goodness as well.

I get angry when I think of it. Not healthy, really, because anger is and always will be one of my big trouble spots. I can help it, if I try, but it takes a lot of work.

Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox and let you get back to being good people. I know you are. And if I might ask the favor, if you pray, or light candles, or whatever it is you do, if you have the time- think of me. I want to get better. That's the first step. But a little help never hurts.

I love you all, as I hope to love everyone.
AGxx

Running the gauntlet

I'm exhausted. Seriously. Work seems to keep taking the toll it always does, and I find myself more and more trying to find new sources of energy. Lookng within myself to find it is difficult. I'm not going to lie. I tried meditation this evening and could barely keep it up for ten minutes. There are so many things running through my head, it seems nearly impossible to focus on myself. The thing is, I know that's what I need to be doing.

In other news- the garden. Yeah, I think I might have mentioned, our new neighbors in the rental next to us, not such nice people. I think he's made an effort to annoy us. He's taken out one of my corner fences and not replaced it, mowed over my entire hedgerow (yeah, they're dead now) and he tried to mow over my Maria Stern rosebush. Annoyed. So I went and bought newer, fluffier hedges that he can't mow over without making a huge mess. I might have also put metal spikes into the ground under them, sticking up about three inches. If he mows my hedges down this time, its gonna kill his mower. I asked nicely for him to stop twice. I think that's more than enough warning. Three strikes, you're out. I also am the proud owner of five new rosebushes and a dawrf alberta spruce. My lawn is already looking lovelier. And the smell! Its amazing. I'm contemplating filling the whole of my flowerbeds with irises and roses. They smell gorgeous and I know I can get them to grow.

On the homefront, I had some great bonding time with some friends yesterday. Especially Sakura. I love that he and I have a beautiful connection. When it comes to the idea of teh "froup mind" in a coven, I definately understand it when it comes to he and I. I feel like we've connected in a really special way. He did a reading for me last night, and I appreciated it. I knew he would know my question the minute the reading was laid out, and honestly, I knew what the answer to my question was. The thing is, sometimes its hard to face reality. Sometimes its hard to let things go. And hearing it directly from the diety is the easiest way to cope with that. I know what path I need to take right now, regarding a very specific situation. Its been one I've struggled with a lot recently. Finding my footing has really helped me. I'm lucky to have someone as loving, compassionate and talented as a part of my coven.

I also reconnected with an old friend recently, and we got to spend some time together. He got to meet my partners. They love him. Keats (that's what we'll call him) is a really special person to me. I'm not entirely sure if even he remembers all of the favors he has done for me in the past. Suffice to say, having him come back into my life is a boon for me. And it started with a dream. I know, I know, I expound on the power of dreams frequently, but I think this is a great example of how well they work when you pay attention to them. I had a dream about him, so I made an effort to find him. Turns out, he'd been dreaming about me too. An odd "coincidence" when you think of the fact we haven't seen eachother in nearly three years and that we've both changed since the last time we saw eachother. I believe people come into you life for a reason. He reentered mine, and I'm looking forward to seeing what our relationship will bring. As an added benefit both the girls love him (knowing how gurded Kitten is, this is huge) I'm hoping he will become a frequent visitor in my household. He's intelligent, witty and amazingly empathetic. On top of that, he's funny as hell. I love it.

I'm a little frustrated at work right now. Our girls are playing a home bout in a couple of weeks. I asked off for the evening of the bout and the morning after today. Turns out, I'm the only regular supervisor going to be in town that weekend. It bites, because it means if I can't pull some serious strings, Kitten Oscelot and Sakura, with our other friends, will be attending while I am stuck at work. Its part of the new responsibility, I know, but it doesn't make it any less painful. I have my hopes one of our part-time managers will come through for me just for the saturday night. I'm willing to work an all day on no sleep if I have to, I just want to go an have a fun night with my friends.

We're going to get the tires for the truck tomorrow, which is great. It means we have the chance to try and go do something fun before the summer is over. I'm dying for a night out of town. I need a break, seriously. I feel so tired, both emotionally and physically, most mornings, I can barely stand it.

In other good news, I think I finally talked sense to my student loan people, and they realize that I can't pay them $320 a month on my loans. We've worked out a deal, which means that this time next year my loans will be out of default and I can get grants so I can go back to school. Its still a setback, but its better than I could have hoped at this point. My mom had offered to pay for my classes this semester, but I'll believe that when I see it. Hopefully, though, she'll coem through for me, and I can jump in with a class or two this semester. Of course, she doesn't normally come through, there's always something (not that I blame her, I wouldn't do that) but I will confess its another thing I've been sincerely praying for.

That's me, and my world, in a nutshell. I know I have some friends out tehre, lurking in blogland, that have a lot on their plates right now. The offer always stands, let me help you if I can. Even if its just that you need someone to email so you can bitch and get it off your chest. Let me be your pal. I know you are there for me when I need it.

Love you all.
AGxx

Ps- the lovely Gayle Moffet, in my sidebar, is getting ready to publish. She's seriously talented. check her out. Also, I made a mistake in her address, so click on the top of her blog to go to her homepage. I'm working on fixing that up. In the meantime, see what she's up to. Great lady.