This one goes out to the one I left behind

Well hello. As you can see from last night's post, I'm back. I was on a break, thinking that if I spent less time blogging I would write more on my novel. It turns out that I didn't write more on my novel, I just wrote less altogether and I was stressed out. I'm done with writing breaks.

The last couple of weeks have brought some interesting things. I spent this last weekend supervising at work. It was good, even though I had a few moments where I thought I was going to scream. Our fax machine gave me hell on Saturday, right at a time when I didn't need it to. I put in our soda order for the first time. I had to call a vendor and change out a beer keg that was delivered because it was the wrong kind. We had equipment break that I had to get fixed. There were a few times where I was asked a question I actually didn't know the answer to. That was a new experience. I discovered that after four years there, I am finally in a position at Casa Bueno that challenges me. Which is good. Especially since Oscelot is moving on. She got a new job last week. I'm happy for her. Unfortunately, this means my number one work companion is going away. I'll certainly miss her, although I would hedge my bets this will contribute to me appreciating her more when I am not at work.

I'm discovering new things about myself. I learned that those lovely deep breathing exercises have been helping me. That meditating does worlds of good for my stress levels and that illness (especially my headaches) seem to work in direct proportion to the amount of stress I'm under. I had been gaining control over my headaches. Unfortunately I had two last week. The first one was caused by stress. No ifs ands or buts. I gave in to pressure instead of handling it, and as a consequence, I got a migraine. End of story. I had one yesterday as well. That one was caused by two specific things. I drank beer on Saturday night -a surefire way to make me sick if I haven't eaten enough- and I was coping with a few emotional shocks. I was really, really sick yesterday. It wasn't much fun.

On the upside, I did get off so I could go to the roller derby double header I was telling you about. Our Battle Broads played first, and put up a valiant effort. They didn't win, but I enjoyed the game immensely anyway. If you check my blogroll, you can see New Pound Glory- one of our girls- played this game. I think it was her first home bout. She did a great job. Also, I am adding another lovely one of our girls, Battle Broads team captain, Mary Lou Wretched, to my blogroll. She's a fantastic writer. (I'm not kidding) She's sweet as can be. Also a kick ass roller girl. Watching her play is great for me, because she seems utterly fearless. One of our All Stars came and sat with me and the ladies for a while. Outside of her being a sweet and immensly entertaining lady, she could sometimes explain to me the finer points of what is going on. Since sometimes I don't understand the intracasies of the penaties, I appreciated it. Oscelot's derby wife played a great game. Sakura was with us again and we brought a new friend we met last week. It was his first bout ever and he loved it. I was happy.

The second game was our All Stars. They kicked some serious ass. I always love watching them play. There were some heated moments with the referees this bout, and it showed. All said and done though, it was great to watch. I got to see one of our very best blockers, also our team captain, Miss Chetty Boop, play in the jammer position. I didn't know she could. Turns out she's really good at it. It bent my mind a little. Oscelot was teasing me, she thought I'd seen it before. I had to pull my jaw off the floor. I'm pretty sure there isn't anything that lady can't do!(I might also mention, we were talking after the bout and I discovered I went to high school with her. She was a couple years behind me, but we definately went together. Weird, small world, right?) The bout was epic. We won big time. It was good to watch. I learned a lot this time, I think in part because of all the referee disputes. It was definately an interesting time.

After the bout we went to the after party bar and talked with the girls for about 45 minutes. I got to check up with some that I don't get to see very often. I might have done shots with one of them (oops!) I also downed the beer that was my downfall yesterday. ONE BEER! I'm getting old. Afterwards we went to our favorite local gay dance club to party the night away. We hadn't been dancing in ages.


Pause for an interlude that actually has something to do with this story, I swear. Yesterday at work Rogue seemed to be having a bad morning. I asked her what was wrong and received the perfunctory "I don't want to talk about it" that I normally get since we aren't as close as we used to be. Imagine my suprise when a few moments later she comes up to me and gives me a very brief explanation as to why she was having a bad day. It involved her personal life. My jaw hit the floor. She never tells me stuff like that anymore.

Later in the day when her mood seems not to improve by much, however chatty she seems with me, I tell her quietly that after the bout we were planning on going to said Gay Bar and I know she likes to dance, would she like to come? She told me she's think about it. I took that as the most polite no she's given me since we stopped being Bffffff's. Later she came up to me and demanded to know when I'd eaten last. It had been a while. She asked if I wanted to split lunch with her. I agreed. She ordered it and I got distracted dealing with work issues. She actually waited for me to eat, which was really sweet. Especially since cold mexican food is gross. Either way, I finally came out and sat down at the booth we all eat lunch at, and she parked it across from me. Then she proceeds to tell me all about her personal drama. I was goggling. This never happens. Honestly, it didn't happen much before.

As I was headed out the door that night to go to the bout (Sakura picked me up and I changed at his place) she stopped me. "I guess I'll see you tonight then." Three shocks from her in one day was almost too much.

Transition to where I tell you that after we leave the after party we most definately ran into Rogue. I got an introduction to her lady. I also got to meet her friends. She introduced me as an old friend, which kicked my ass. I've known her long enough to know that when she introduces you, if she qualifies what you are to her, then that's what you are to her. She plays her cards closer to her chest than anyone I know. Anyway, dancing with them, and with my ladies, was awesome. They played some songs from when Kitten and I first met, aeons ago, and it made me feel 18 again. I hardly ever feel that way.

I danced hard enough that I knew I was going to be sick by the time I got home. Oops on the no food. I forget sometimes. Its not on purpose. I just get distracted.

In other news, the next big holiday is coming up. I'm helping with the ritual. I'm excited. I also got some new books in the mail. I want to read all of them at once. Its killing me. There was one, however, I feel like I ought to read first. It had a handwritten note in the front. It said "To (my name), I hope this book opens paths for you as it has for me. Your path is already wide open. Love Laurie."I thought that was cool since the book was ordered by Kitten for me. There was no way of knowing my name. Its previous owner was a Wiccan by my name...I don't believe in coincidence. I also met a lovely Wiccan lady at work the other night. It was refreshing to talk to her. It made me very happy. She gave me her number and I plan on getting in touch with her very soon. Talking to her gave me a profound sense of peace.

We gave away one of our kittens last night. One of the strays. It was wonderful, because I knew the girl who took her and this kitten had never looked so happy, beautiful or peaceful before. Honestly, I thought she was the mankiest, least adoptable one we had. But my coworker saw something beautiful in her, and it was like she was transformed. I was amazed. It was nice to find a good home for one of my kids.

I went through a series of emotional shocks over the last couple of weeks, as well. I don't know that I am ready to talk about it yet. I don't know if I will be any time soon. What I will say is this- if I seem melancholy try to be patient with me...if I seem wistful, remember what its like to feel keep disappointment. If I seem angry, well...that's just me all over isn't it? I'm doing my best to cntrol it. So far I have. Lets hope I manage to in the near future as well. I came close to spitting fire a few times recently. I don't want to mess up all the karma I've been working to build.

I recognize that some of the things I go through I bring on myself. I recognize that karma will pay me back when I've done wrong. I'm receiving some of that payback now, in a form I never expected. I should have, but I didn't. So I deal with the shock and I try my best to move on.

The biggest comfort I have are my sweethearts and my friends. I realize now more than ever how special the two women in my life are. I don't deserve them, but I'm thankful I have them. I've never seen two people more patient with my idiocy and emotional volitility. If it were part of our cannon I'd swear they were working towards sainthood. I know I am a test to them sometimes. I only hope I am a reward as well. I also have two very wonderful friends who seem to always have the right words for me. They're the ones who feel with me, who understand me best, and I hope I always tell them how great that is. I love it when one of them gets all fired up on my behalf, even when they know I am partially in the wrong in a situation, just because they can't stand the thought of me hurting. It takes a special friend to do that. Especially knowing later they're going to both empathize and kick you in the ass for what you've done. Its special.

I actually dont have the time to keep talking at present. I'm going to be late to work because I've spent all morning spilling my guts to you. But you're worth it. And you're here for me, like you always are. I appreciate it more than I can tell you.

There's something I wanted to tell you-

No matter how you feel about anything, whatever situation you're in, show yourself the respect you deserve, and sometimes a little more. We sell ourselves short too often. Don't do that. You're pretty special.

I love you.
AGxx

Also, I've given up not using song lyrics in my titles. Its a habit of almost 7 years. I am tired of trying to break it. I have worse ones. Also, this one is courtesy of Swisslet. I read his earworms last night, and I'll be damned if I didn't wake up with one in my head. Thanks, pal. :)

My Weekend

Happy last day of June, friends! I hope July is a beautiful month for all of you. Honestly, some of June was awesome, but I'm glad for a new month- and new experiences to go with it.

Today was so much fun. I had two days off in a row, which i loved, beacuse it gave me a chance to really relax. We got up this morning and went to our favorite breakfast dive to eat. I had a waffle covered in strawberries and blueberries. I was able to eat it without getting sick, so that was an epic moment strait away. Now, I was disappointed because there were no breakfast cupcakes today, only chocolate banana scones, but I lived with it.

After we had taken care of some errands we met up with Kitten's sister, Cat, and went to a little hidden away spring we know about. It was awesome. We whiled away the afternoon there, playing in the seriously cold water and relaxing. Afterwards we went and got some italian before giving Cat our love as she headed back to her hometown, some three hours away. I was really glad to see her. It was nice. It had been since Christmas for me, because I was seriously sick the last time she and her husband were in town. I wish they lived closer to us, she's a lot of fun.

I did have one slightly traumatic moment today, I saved a kitten. One of our strays gave birth, and most of the babies didn't make it. There was one live one, though, that we found. It was still attached by the umbilical cord to one of its siblings that didn't make it. I had to tie off the cord and cut it so the live kitten didn't bleed to death. Not my favorite moment. The mother cat thought I was trying to hurt the kitten so she was trying to carry it off. Of course, the girls had gone for a walk so I was doing this all by myself. I almost cried while I was washing my hands afterwards. I'm turning into such a girl!

In other, less icky news, we went skating last night. This isn't a huge suprise, if you know us. Oscelot and I go to the rink almost every Wednesday. What is big, for me, anyway, is I finished my first speedskate. In case you aren't familiar, there is a point in every session where they clear everyone off the floor and they open it up to people who want to skate fast. Really fast. Up until yeserday, I hadn't done it. Well, I did once when were were skating with Lifeguard. I felt saef getting out there while she and one of the other derby girls, Cyclops, were skating. But I felt inadequate and I stepped off after two laps.

Last night I had a revelation. I keep talking about how much I want to do roller derby. Part of that is learning how to skate fast. Granted, it is much more than speed skating. It is a hundred other things. BUT I figured if I was going to whine I had better put up or shut up. So I put up. I told Oscelot I was going to do it. I was nervous. I almost chickened out. But, we reasoned, the worst that could happen was I would fall over, and then its over. I have to get up and keep skating.

Guess what? I fell. Like, in the first turn. I felt like a loser. But I was counting, and I was up in two seconds (that's derby regulation there) and I got back on my skates and finished out the speed session. Now, I can report two things. I have my first rink rash. I'm going to have to go buy a new pair of capri length leggings, because I tore them all to hell. The bruise this morning doesn't feel so spectactular. I'm not going to lie...The other thing is my respect for the roller girls went through the ceiling. Its hard! I really need to work on getting into shape. I know some of those girls smoke way more than I do, and my chest from center to throat felt like it was on fire by the time I was done. I was feeling it for about three songs afterwards. I don't know how they do it. Never doubt- those ladies are athletes of the highest order. I love them more now than ever before.

So that's my "weekend." I get to gear up for the fourth of July festivities this week. By that I mean i get to prepare to be bored at work and not do anything the night of the fourth. Tell you the truth, I probably wouldn't have done anything anyway. I'm not a huge fan of fireworks, for personal reasons...

I hope everyone is finishing out their week in style.

AGxx

PS- I highlighted my hair yesterday too. I'll probably have a picture up of it sometime soon.

What's in a name?

I'm planning on doing an actual post later, but I have to share with you the way I've been amusing myself in my spare time for the last week or so.

See, I want to play roller derby, but I know the liklihood of that is somewhere between slim and nothing. So, as a way of amusing myself in my spare time I've been debating with the girls a name if I were a rollergirl. I thought I would share with you some of the ones we've come up with. (I'm including the taglines or jersey numbers when we've thought of them)

I also have to add, I know some of these are probably already taken. I didn't check the database they have...it keeps track of what names are already in use because you cant take a name that's already been chosen unless the girl releases the name to you.

Anyway. Here they are.

Hallmark Shards "You won't get greetings, sympathy or well wishes from this girl"
Sara Pain and Tall
Kim Shady "Can she have your attention please?"
Colt Fortified
Hard-Knock Cathae "She's got you on the menu tonight, served with a side of rink rash!"
Beast Infection (number 666)
Rammin Noodle (The girls think this one is hilarious since I have a ramen fixation)
Tragic 8-Ball "We asked before the bout, and her answer was 'outcome not favorable'"
Jailhouse Block
Porcelain Maul
Annie Choakley
Pauncho Villian
Otis Spankmonster "Her muffin leaves a bruise!"
Dez Astor
Mood Poison (number 8N0M)
Scarlett O'Scareya
Carrie Plotter
Malice Cullen
Hella Swan
Drama Mean
Ariel Assault
Voodoo Maul
Georgia O'Queefe (that one is Kitten's. Oscelot says its disgusting.)
Tyra Shanks
May-kill Boltin'

Anyways. I'm going to start a little sidebar with these in them. I'll probably add more from time to time. I hope they amuse you.

AGxx

Double Header Delight

Right. So before you think I'm being naughty again, look at the pictures. This post is about roller derby.

Last night was the first home bout for my team since they became WFTDA certified. It was something I was really excited for. I'm pretty sure I mentioned I was going earlier this week. I took the time on Thursday to make the shirt you see me in. It's one of their old logos, and i added a few sequins, because I'm a huge girl.

I was really thankful that I had last night off so I was able to go. Nothing's more annoying than wanting to go watch a good bout and not being able to because you're stuck at work. Either way, as soon as we were off we headed home and got dressed. After dinner we pulled into the lot at the rink where the bout was taking place. it was already packed. We had to park way in the back. In fact, if you look closely at the photo of me and Kitten, you can see we are parked almost behind the rink. I'm not sure where everyone else who showed up less than an hour before the bout ended up parking.


We were super excited because some of our friends were playing in the bouts. We know some of the roller girls because Oscelot used to play, and so we had the opportunity to get to know them before she ended up leaving because there simply isn't enough time in the day for her to do it. It makes us sad. She loved it, and I loved watching her. Of course, it is nice to go to a bout and not have to worry that the woman you love could be broken in half by some monstrous blocker, but hey- that's derby. Then again, I love all the roller girls I know, so I'm still a bit on pins and needles when they're on the floor anyway.


When we got inside I got a chance to talk to a few of the girls before the first bout. I don't know if I mentioned it, but both of our teams were playing. It was a double header. (derby all night long? yes, please)
We watched the warm up, and I'm not going to lie, the girls on the first team (Route 66 Roller Girls, from Amarillo Tx) looked pretty scary. Turns out, the last time our team captain had played them she ended up with a broken collar bone. Ouch. Either way, we were totally psyched. Oscelot's derby wife, Anabell Lecter, was playing. We were really excited to watch her first home bout too.


We won the first bout. It was rough, and I think for the first time I got a glimpse of what it was like to watch two really good teams go at it. The Rt. 66 girls were huge, and tough, and watching them play our girls had me biting my fingernails a few times. I had to get a drink of water between bouts, I'd nearly shouted myself hoarse during the first one!

Our All Stars team played second. I can't brag on these girls enough. I watched them last year and was impressed, but this year they seem to be a completely different team. They were playing the Northwest Arkansas All Stars Roller Girls, and they looked just as vicious as Rt. 66. Turns out they were more so! I've never seen so much toughness in one place at one time. But our girls, danm- they're fast, they're tougher and so smart. I was enthralled.


I truly love this sport. There were some moments last night that I couldn't believe. About halfway through the bout one of our girls whipped our jammer, but it wasn't a normal whip- they made a figure eight with their arms and spun in a circle. It was so cool. Not to mention it gave our Jammer and chance to really build some velocity. Two of our players, one a pivot and blocker, the other a jammer, pivot and blocker, are known for getting ejected. As rough as the game got, I was really proud neither of them did- although they both came really close penalty wise. Both of them had some seriously amazing hits during the bouts- you know- the ones that make you cringe and cheer at the same time...I couldn't believe it. Our All Stars won too, and it was a bit of a blowout- but it didn't seem that way during the bout. the NWA All Stars really put up a fight, and sometimes I forgot we were winning, because those girls kept hitting like there was only a 10 point difference in the score...


A couple of fun and interesting moments I must report:

First, most of the derby girls do not scare me. They're really nice, and off the track they are super fun people. There's one, who was actually coaching last night rather than playing (an injury, I think) who is tough as nails. When she's in her gear, I'm terrified of her. Before the first bout i went to the bathroom and when I opened my stall door she was waiting outside it, glaring her trademark glare. I almost shut my stall door again, just to hide. Thinking of it now makes me laugh.

At the halfway point in the first bout I went to the ladies again (its good to get it out of your system when there's no play. I hate missing a jam) and one of the NWA All Stars came in while I was washing my hands. She gave me one of those cocky once-overs and smiled at me. "Hey. What's up?" I blushed from head to toe. I'm normally not a blusher, but if I haven't mentioned it- the one thing that turns me from a flirty smart ass to a quivering pile of blushes and giggles is a oood looking roller girl. This one was seriously good looking. I almost melted into my sneakers. When I watched her play later I reconsidered, because she was a seriously badass chick- but I giggled all the way back to my spot in the suicide lane...

Also, and this concerns one of our team members...so I don't talk to some of them. I don't know them, or we've only been introduced a couple of times, or we haven't been introduced at all and I only know them by how they play....Anyhow. One of the girls on our team is awesome. She's a wild, fun loving, amazing player. I always walk the line between roller crushing on her or being completely terrified because she's a rock star and I'm pretty sure she knows it. We were sitting watching the girls run around while the other team was warming up during one of the breaks. She skated by, paused, waved at me and gave me a little wink, and then skated off.
Kitten looks at me and goes "Are you blushing?"
"No."
"you're blushing!"
"No, I'm not!"
Maybe I was. See, this girl has had four conversations with me ever. The first was "Nice to meet you." The second was "thanks for the Dr. Pepper." the third was "good to see you again" and the fourth was a brief talk at the front door when we came in last night because she happened to be up there and knows Oscelot. I couldn't figure out why in heavens name she would take the time to single me out. So I was a little suprised, it made me blush. again. (see ref: rollergirls make me blush) The girls totally made fun of me. I don't care. Oscelot says she did it because I'm cute and I got to all the home bouts. I think she's full of it.

And no, I won't tell you who it was, because I know some of the roller girls read my blog, and I am so not letting you take the mickey out of me for thinking she's awesome. (Its NOT a crush!)

Anyway, delightful time had by all. I got some pictures with the girls afterwards, and was totally disappointed we didn't get to go to the after-after party, even though several of the ladies asked us along. I was up for a night of dancing, and man, if I've learned one thing its that those girls know how to have a good time. It would have been fun. Maybe next time.

So, in case you're curious, the pictures.
1. The first one is Oscelot with one of the All Stars- Miss Chetty Boop
2. That's me and Kitten. Obviously.
3. That's me and two of our All Stars- Shotgun Shell and Tiger Beatdown. Shell got the MVP award last night. I thought it was awesome.
I might also mention last night before the bout I watched one of our other girls, Seven Deadly Shins, do a leg whip with Shell. It was so cool. I'm such a dork. But I got all excited because they were doing it again after the bout.



Interestingly enough, and I don't know if she knows it, Lifeguard was in the program last night, listed as one of our players, even though she's out of town. Also, there wasn't a picture, just a sillouette of a girl flexing her biceps. It gave me a good giggle.

So. I'm off to shower and pretend like I'm getting ready to goto another bout, when I really have to get ready for work. Our next home bout is in July. I can't wait.
AGxx

PS- sorry the formatting is screwed up again, I'm willing, since I posted some nice pictures for you.

Can You Look Me In The Eye?

Hello friends! i'm back, and feeling much better. I don't even dare read my post from last night. I was so out of it, I'm not sure it made the slightest bit of sense. But now that I'm feeling better I've got a whole list (literally) of things I feel like talking about today. I'm actually heading them, so if something possibly bores you, well, you can skip it. :)

Litha and Accountability

I figured I start out with a Litha recap. I know I wrote a little about it last night. During my few lucid hours yesterday the girls and I went out hunting for allt he things we needed for our coven's ceremony last night. It was a lot of fun. When we got home they dug a firepit in our backyard for the bonfire. It was awesome. They got a little blaze going while Sakura and I set up our makeshift altar table.

When we preformed the ceremony it was awesome. I didn't do as well as I wanted, but given that I was tired and more than a little druggy, I'm not disappointed. Sakura said he actually felt the circle raise when I did it, which is cool. I didn't but then, I'm pretty sure that's because it took most of my energy to do it. I did the ritual, which was wonderful. Today I am feeling really blessed that they let me take a chance on doing it, even though I wasn't feeling as well as I would have liked. We've all agreed that since we don't have a working high priest or preistess yet, because we are a young coven, that we would take turns doing the rituals. Me getting to do the first one for our coven was absolutely an honor.

I'm already planning how I am going to do my next one, how to make it better. We have another holiday coming up in August, but I'm rather hoping I'll get to take a shot at Samhaim (that's Halloween to most of you). I was actually thinking of asking Sakura to do it in conjunction with me. I think between the two of us, we could raise some seriously awesome power. In the meantime, we have a chance to take the time to practice together and learn our strengths and weaknesses.

I feel really blessed to have such an in touch, wonderful coven.

I might also add, with a slight amount of blushing, yes, since we had a bonfire going and it was a midsummer celebration- I did dance around the fire. Sakura had kindly brouh some appropriate music for us, and I was feeling inspired (again- the meds? The ceremony? Both? I'm unsure) I slipped off my shoes and danced as the sun set around our little bonfire. It was freeing, and beautiful and I was laughing and happy. Even more fun, my beautiful Kitten joined me, and we danced and danced, and stopped just over the spot where we were handfasted, and kissed. Midsummer was truly a dream for us. It was wonderful. For teh record, no, I did not do it naked. I've got neighbors.

I'm also glad Sakura's back. He was in Mexico for a little over a week and I definately felt the lack of his presence. I love him, because for me, he's like a concience. I think Christians use the term "accountability partner" When I feel like I'm about to do something collossaly stupid, he's the one I turn to for advice. He's got a good head on his shoulders and I appreciate his insights. It gives me a chance to think on my actions before I make them. I was talking to Perpet yesterday about that. Technically, since she's my best friend, she should be the one I always turn to when I need advice. But for some things its better to have a second opinion. Perpet and I are on the same wavelength. Soemtimes that means we can get into extra trouble. I might call her up and say "I'm tinking of doing this stupid, passive aggressive thing" and she'll say "Oh, do that- and then do this. That's even better." I usually agree. And while I love having someone who can help me justify why I do things, its even better to have someone there who won't let me.

Angry Chick Songs

I woke up this morning with Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" in my head. I'll admit, I don't normally wake up with crbby songs in myhead. Its usually something more mellow, or on a good day, bouncy. However, given that the come-down from the medicine I was on yesterday usually involves me being terribly depressed, I'll take angry songs over mopey ones any day of the week. So I posted the song on my facebook, because that's what I usually do when I've got a song stuck in my head first thing. Turns out one song led to another, and I've been playing angry chick songs in my head all day today. It worked out though, because we got our butts kicked at work and it kept me in the right frame of mind. Sometimes its better for me to let the rage flow on the inside so I can keep calm on the outside.

A sample of my internal playlist today:
Since U Been Gone, Kelly Clarkson
Are You Happy Now? Michelle Branch
You Oughta Know, Alanis Morisette
Mother Mother, Tracy Bonham
Gravel, Ani Difranco

I'm thinking before the end of the day Garbage and Hole will make my list too. That's alright. I like it. It'll give me soemthing to write to.

Speaking of writing, I think I am finally in the right frame of mind to tackle some of those pesky scenes I haven't been willing to try, so later, I'll be jumping into the new novel and seeing if this personal feeling of ( medicine induced) angst will play out on the page. Take it where you can get it, right?

Television and Intelligence

When I was at work this morning I had an interesting conversation with one of my bosses and one of my coworkers. They were talking about some television show (maybe you know it?) where people have eating addicitons to weird things. I remembered vaguely someone talking about it, so I chimed in "like eating the stuffing in your couch, wasn't that one?"

My boss asked me if I had seen that episode. I responded no, I didn't have television at my house. She laughed and said "Oh, I forgot."

My coworker was looking at me aghast. She wanted to know how I relaxed if I didn't have a television. I pointed out I have one, I just watch DVD's on it. I don't watch TV. Honestly, I don't feel like I am missing anything. There are some television series that we will buy on DVD when we hear that they're worth watching, but otherwise, when I want to relax I read.

"Yeah, readings nice...but how do you relax?"
"I read a book."
"But- I mean, when you aren't reading. I mean, when I get home I have to watch Real Housewives on Bravo, or I can't cope."
"I read. And when I'm not reading, I write. Or I go outside."
"But you don't watch TV?"
"No."

Now, kids, maybe I'm being judgemental, but I think this says a lot about this person's personality. Especially since she is going to be an elementary school teacher. I mean, don't you sort of need to like reading if you want to teach? Shouldn't you be encouraging your students to get outdoors or pick up a good book?

A couple weeks ago I was talking to her about my idea for a masters paper, and how I wanted to compare the rythm, syntax and word choice of modern genre writing to older styles of genre writing. I began to explain and she told me that it was way over her head. At the time I couldn't grasp the idea of her not getting it, because she's in a master's program. Shallow as it might sound, now I do. If she's relaxing by watching a bunch of rich tramps pick fights and go shopping, no, she probably wouldn't understand the concept of sound and flow in modern versus classic genre literature.

It made me think- do I judge people by what television shows they tell me they watch? I mean, I know I judge people by what kind of books they read (or if they read at all) but I figured that's a natural part of my future profession. I analyze what kind of audience they might be for me. But seriously, if someone spends time reading at all I give them a little credit for having intelligence, because they are exercising their minds regardless of what they are reading. Television shows are a completely different animal.

For example, I mentioned to her we own all the seaons of Xena, Warrior Princess, but that its a pretty standard tv favorite for lesbians my age. I don't know many who don't like that show. And its not the quality of the work either, because lets be honest, the plots and dialog especially in the first couple of seasons are terrible. But if I know someone watches, say America's next Top Model, or Jersey Shore, or the evening news, or whatever...that to me that says somethign about their personality. When I read my friend's facebook profiles, I actually look at the television shows that they watch.

I can use my Bestie as an example here again. Perpet likes British car shows (Top Metal? Is that what its called?) and she likes classic Simpsons and up and coming stuff. I learned to love joss Wheadon through her. I think if you look at her list of watched television shows, it points towards her being a relatively thoughtful, intelligent woman.

Whatever the reason, I've realized that I do it. I jusge people. Heaven save me if anyone judged me by the few television shows I watch....

Roller Derby Weekend

I'm really excited. I have this Saturday night off. On top of that being nice, because its the weekend and normally new managers get all the awesome weekend night shifts, I am doubly happy because this Saturday is a home bout for our local roller girls. Even more exciting, its a double header, so I get to watch both the "a" team and the "b" team play. I've got friends on both teams, and I'm excited I get to spend a whole evening watching them do what they're good at.

This bout is more special than usual because our team recently became WFTDA certified, which means that they are part of the league now, and they can compete for national titles and such. Our girls are so talented, there's no doubt in my mind I'll get to plan a trip to nationals some time in the near future.

I've even got a cute little outfit I'm going to wear the the bout. The "b" team, as it were, have black and pink for their colors. Awesome, because they are my favorite colors. I've got an adorable little black ruffly skirt and a pink top I'm going to wear. Naughty pigtails are in order, and I will most defiately be getting ahold of some facepain and doing some fun painting on my face, maybe even my arms. I can't wait.

I've also recently developed a fascinating for blogs by derby girls. I'm sure you've noticed their ranks increasing in my blogroll. I can't help it. There's something fascinating about the way they think, on and off the track. I love the way they express themselves. I love how they claim their independence. Even when unsure, these women are sure. They know. They live. They take every moment and wrestle it into submission. Honestly, these girls inspire me.

Karma and Optimism

So now for a slightly more pessimistic turn of the blog, for a moment. As a general rule, I wouldn't call myself a pessimist. I try to be as positive about things as I possibly can. True, I am prone to worry, and I do have a tendency to get upset about things, but I also try and look for the upside of every situation.

I've mentioned before that i look for the best in every person. I'm incredibly trusting, even when I shouldn't be. I do my very best to hope for the best. This hasn't always been the case. I used to say that if you expected nothing, you were always plesantly suprised when there was more than nothing. Now, I expect the best from everyone. I try to glean the best from every situation. This has backfired on me several times.

I'll say this. I'm learning a lesson. Karma is not a patient tutor. About four years ago I made an incredibly stupid personal decision. It was a bad idea, but at the time I thought I could make the best of it. I honestly believed that if I tried hard enough, things would come out okay. I was wrong. I mean, really wrong. That decision cost me a lot of pain. I was most definatly punished for it.

Recently, I was confronted with a similar decision. Now, if I had been smart I would have said to myself "Alecya, you've been through something like this before. Remember how bad an idea it was?" But I didn't. See, I keep thinking that because my life has changed so much in the last four years, the world has too. Turns out, no it hasn't. I made the same incredibly stupid decision that I made the last time.

Guess what? Karma is kicking my ass. Again. You know what? This time I deserve it. Its worse, because I see it coming. I see what's going to happen and I can feel it moment by moment. I know how things are going to turn out. I know how I will end up feeling. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it because I went ahead and made the decision I knew I shouldn't have made. Apparently, some lessons have to be learned twice before they really sink in. I'd say I hope I never have to make that decision again, but since life comes in threes, I'm betting I will. When that time comes, I hope I'll come back to this blog, to this experience, and the one before it, and think things through before I make another stupid call. Here's the rub- I probably won't.

Things I've Been Meaning to Say

Right- this will probably not mean anything to any of you reading, because it isn't meant for you. But sometimes you have to hold back what you really want to say for reasons of prudence or sanity. That doesn't mean you don't still want to say them. So I'm taking a moment to say some of the things I've been wanting to say for a week, or more, so i can get them off my chest.

You're not that important. Get over yourself.
I don't know why you think you need to do that.
Listening to bad advice is worse than making a mistake and learning from it. Just sayin'
I told you! I told you so! I called it months ago!
You're wrong about this.
I'm not sorry. Not for a second. Even if it pisses you off. I'm so not sorry.
Yep, you were right. If we had been betting on this, you would have fleeced me.
You really, really don't get it, do you?
I know what you're doing. Its not going to work. Good luck anyway.
You lied to me. I let you do it. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger fool for it.
I don't want to do this.
It was worth it. Every second.
This better be worth it.
You're an idiot.
I'm a grown adult. Don't talk to me like that.
I'll forgive you when you figure it out.
I'm better than you.

Well, now that I've got that off my chest I feel a lot less petty. See? Now I don't have to think about it whenever I see the people I want to say these things to, because I've already said them in a safe place. And you'll never tell on me, will you? Because you have no idea what I'm talking about. But seriously, don't you ever feel like you need to just get it off yoru chest?

If you haven't you should totally try it. Just blog for a minute about all the things you want to say that you never get the chance to say because we are all mature adults and we can't because we function in a nice, rational society.

I love you, readers. You make me happy, just by being here (or lurking here, which is what most of you do...I check my stats, I know you're around).

Have a great day, what's left of it.

AGxx

Tonight We Discuss Agony, Irony, Friendship and Fun

Today was a wonderful, exciting, action packed day.

I registered for school today. It was at once the most awesome thing I have done in a long time and the most frustrating and terrifying.

We got up this morning and went to breakfast, its a Tuesday morning tradition in our house to have breakfast together. After breakfast Oscelot had a doctor's appointment. While she was there I was going to zip over to Local CC to see what I needed to do to get registered. I had already looked at the site online. I knew I was going to have to apply. I knew I would have to talk about financial aid. I was aware they might need my transcripts. I was also prepared to take placement testing if they needed me to.

I wasn't prepared to feel totally lost. When we got to the school (Kitten was with me) I went and checked in with Student Services. They sent me upstairs with a little purple slip a bit like a hallpass, and told me there was someone upstairs who could help me. This was a lie.

There was someone upstairs. But she did not help me. I went to the desk and was met by a surly looking Asian chick about my age, possibly younger. I handed her my slip and told her they had said downstairs that she could help me. Our conversation went a little like this:

Me: They said you could help me get things sorted out
AC: What do you want?
Me: To go to school
AC: So you want an information packet?
Me: No, I want to register for school.
AC: Have you filled out an application?
Me: No
AC: well here's a computer password, they're case senstive. You can use the computer over there to do it. Then you'll need to get your transcripts or placement testing or both and deal with your financial aid. Then we'll get back to you.
Me: Um, so, the transcripts...If I wanted to start over, couldn't I just take the placement tests and, you know, start over? Do I have to transfer my credits?
AC: We don't do that. You have to use your old credits.
Me: Why?
AC: Because if you've already gone to school we need to see it.
Me: So couldn't I just give you the transcripts and start over
AC: No.
Me: Why?
AC: You need to fill out an application first. You can use the computer over there to do it. Then you'll need to get your transcripts or placement testing or both and deal with your financial aid. Then we'll get back to you.
Me: So, is there, like, a chance I won't get accepted?
AC: No. We're open enrollment.
Me: How long before I hear anything?
AC: Your transcripts will take at least three days and then we need at least a week to process them.
Me: Before I'm accepted?
AC: Before we can enroll you in classes.

Throroughly confused, I wandered over to the computer and applied. Once it was in I tried printing off a transcript request form from the computer. Nothing happened. I went and asked her timidly if I was allowed to print from the computer, since the printer behind me wasn't working. She told me to use the printer behind me. I ended up writing the information down. We left, after I swiped some study guides for the placement tests.

I tried not to collapse into a state of nerves from this exchange. I have mentioned, frequently, I don't like strangers. I really, really don't like strangers who are grumpy. Especially when I am forced to talk to them because they have something I need. They scare me. I was indeed scared by the AC.

After picking up Oscelot we went to State U, where I was last enrolled, in an attempt to get my transcript. I discovered I was encumbered (this means I owe the school money for something) So I went to the payment office to deal with it. The lady at the window asked me for my "M Number" I told her I didn't know what that was. I offered my SSN. She told me no, she had to have my M Number. Then she asked when I last attened school. I admitted it had been 5 years. She made a comment about me being in "that old system we used to have"

Cue me waiting for 15 minutes while they find my M Number, which apparently was assigned to me when they got the new system, even if I didn't know it. When I finally got my staggeringly large encumberance figure (okay, $180 but it felt big to me) I left, since I didn't have that in my pocket. Feeling defeated I plodded back to metered parking where the girls were waiting. Kitten cheerfully packed me off to my old high school so I could get those transcripts.

They've completely redone the inside of the building. It didn't even look like my school anymore. I got my transcript request. Then I had to go back to the truck because they make you pay for them in high school, aparently. Then I had to traipse all over the building to get a receipt, because apparently the school has one person solely dedicated to giving out receipts and the lady who did that was out to lunch. (apparently, this isn't uncommon. It was when I was in school) while they were breaking into her office to get my receipt I looked in on the principal, who was nearby. Friends, he looked my age. I wanted to die. Here's this guy who can't be more than five years older than me, sitting in his office in a school mascot hoodie, while I waited to get my transcript receipt so I could go back to community college. Wow. I'm a loser.

I also noted as I stepped back out into the sun that the school is now air conditioned. I made a snide comment about it as we drove off. Oscelot, the darling, looks at me incredulously and says, "You're school wasn't air conditioned?" No, dear heart, it wasn't. I'm old. We were lucky to have heaters that worked in the winter.

Back to State U because apparently Kitten had $180 laying around. After getting my encumberance paid and traisping off to more offices to make sure they knew I wasn't in debt anymore, we headed back to Local CC and I went back to the first floor in a terror, waiting to get my purple slip to go upstairs and have the AC yell at me again.

Turns out, the nice lady who helped me out this time tells me, my transcripts will be processed tonight. If I fill out my FAFSA (the priority deadline is July 1, sweetheart) and do my online orientation tonight or tomorrow, I could enroll for classes as soon as next week. All we have to do is wait on my student aid report. Lovely. I stammer quietly:

"So it doesn't take a week to process my transcripts?"
"No., who told you that?"
"The girl upstairs"
"She doesn't know what she's talking about. Here-I'll give you everything you need."

And she did. AC is a dirty, dirty liar. Kitten says I should cut her some slack since she deals with people and the same questions all the time. Personally, I think this means she should be more patient. Since she ought to know that some people are going to come in feeling uncertain and needing a little more guidance.

Maybe that's just me. When I got home I filled out the federal student aid form. It looks like I might qualify for some grants, which is awesome. I might be able to do this without completely financially decimating myself. Hooray, for once, for being poor. I can get help paying for school.

Things are looking up on the school front.

My first night learning to supervise at Casa Beuno went well. We're also starting some contests for new menu releases, and I always do well in those. I also make more money. I think its because I try harder. Either way, I'm excited about it, and I am looking forward to the next month or so.

Also, it looks like we might be able to find tires for less than $600 for our truck. It makes me feel better. I mean, that's a lot of money, but it feel a little more managable than $900. Stupid truck tires. They're so expensive. Its like they are lined in gold or something. Ah, well. If you need them you need them.

Things are not shaping up as well for me getting out of town in the next two weeks. This is a huge downer, because that means it will probably be after the fourth of July before we get a chance to go and do anything. Not good. I need out of town. Now. I'm so sick of the sight of Middle of Nowhere that I want to scream. I get this way a few times a year. Normally, just a little day trip our of town will fix this. I need to have a day to get away and have fun. Its annoying that money is the only thing preventing this. Really really annoying. It looks as though I will have to work harder, be more charming, and be friendlier than usual, so people want to tip me so I can buy truck tires so I can get the heck out of town.

Edited to note: I was having a friend conundrum last night. I got some good advice from the Lifeguard. I am not a 15 year old girl. I am better than that. Thank you, friend, for reminding me. I expect better from myself too.

In a more interesting aside, for my buddies who are my age, a coworker set me onto a website that totally has be giggling. Its called yeahflashback.com and it has pictures, rather like the lolcats, that are of old stuff from the 80's and 90's. If you ever wanted a dream phone, played with Lincoln Logs or chewed Dr. Pepper or ouch! (hubba bubba) bubble gum, this site is going to make you laugh. You should go check it out.

I'm also adding a new link in my blogroll. Her name is Bunny Low-Browski and she is a non-local rollergirl who blogs. I love reading her stuff, she's a funny, quick witted girl. I have to admit, I also love that she uses the word fuck prolifically. Because it seems natural to her. If you are a derby girl, or you know one, or you love the sport, this is a great read. If you're wanting an insight into the mentality of a great player who has an interesting outlook on her sport, this also something you will want to read. Honestly, I'm hoping you'll go check her out, at least once, just because I think she's cool.

I think that's all I'm able to bore you with tonight. Subscribers, leave me a dang comment. I want to know who you guys are. :) I like friends.

Take a moment this week to try and do something you've wanted to do. If you can't, confront a fear of yours. I'll be interested to hear from you, how it goes.

Have a great night.
I'm off to try and actually get some sleep.

AGxx