I've just gone back and re-read what I posted last night. Tripe. Utter tripe.
I had actually meant to post something about my years as a teenager, but that was what came out instead. As a point of pride, I refuse to take it down. There may be soem point in the future I was torewrite that crap. God save me.
Tonight I promise I will give you something worth reading. Probably tales from my teen years. Or I might tell you about what it was like for me to work as a dancer at a gay bar. There's some funny stories there...Or maybe you want me to post something serious? Today is the anniversary of the official announcement of the discovery of HIV/AIDS. 30 years...my god...it astoundsme sometimes. Actually, if you check out NPR, they're doing some interesting stuff on that.
Anywho...I will get around to writing something interesting.
You tell me, what do you want to read about?
AGxx
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Press Me
There has to be more.
Tonight I want more. Tonight, as I stare out the window at the clouds rolling across the moon, I pray that there is more. A terrible empty feeling is welling up inside me. I cannot escape it- just as I cannot escape you.
I can feel you more than I can see you. I know you are there, standing over me, just beside my bed. I can sense the power rolling off your body in waves, drowning me, pulling me further down. The strength of you body does not have to be seen tonight. I can sense it as I watch the clouds, the stars and the moon. I can feel it as I lay here and wish for more.
Tonight I want you to tear me apart.
It seems to me there is more in that than there is in anything. I want to feel more than I do now. I want to feel more than the hollow, echoing ring of my own pain. There is a waterfall inside me and I have run it dry for too long. I have let the tears fall, let them slip down inside me and fill me up and then waste away for as long as I can think of. I want to feel something else.
Come and kiss me. I can feel you, kneeling on the bed over me. It has a weight to it that I never remember feeling before. Slip your mouth over mine and stifle the cries that threaten to rip up out of me and break the silence of the night.
Just like that. See? That's perfect. The hard, almost cold pressure of your mouth is overwhelming me. Calming me. Bringing me an odd sense of peace as I drift away into you. The feeling of your body on mine is comforting. I let go. I can feel myself now in you. I can taste the rise of the heat between us. I can feel the pressure of all the things we will never say. It threatens me, and I love it.
Your nails raking down my back are ecstasy. My skin, tearing beneath your onslaught, is better this way than ever it was whole. I feel myself in a completely new way as you lift me, turn me, make me yours. The taste of cotton on my tongue is sweet. The sheen of sweat you bring to the surface better than any dampness my body finds in its long, lonely wanderings.
Press me, push me, take me further than I have ever been. I can see you are wanting to lead me down a path of pain and pleasure. You see that I walk it willingly with you. My hands belong to you. You make them your own as you use them. My mouth is yours completely. I scarcely recall breathing as you fill me over and over. I remember no taste but that of you and me, of my pleasure on your fingers, of your passion on my tongue. Give me your mouth. Share it with me over and over. Your teeth are gleaming ivory knives. I want to feel the tiny cut, the sweet peicings as you consume me. Send me up in flames for you. Let me show you all that I can be when you make me.
Tonight your violence is something I crave. It is beautiful, terrible and perfect at once. The terror and emptiness that was sweeping like a wind through me is gone. You have come to shake me free of it. I can match you tonight. I can fight you with all there is in me. I find there is more, there was more, than I expected. I find with you at the bottom of the well inside me a fire burns and you have stoked the flames. They lick up inside, burning me in my stomach and my throat. My fingertips become matches and I can touch the tinderbox of your love.
There is nothing gentle about you. There is nothing tender and sweet. I am so thankful. I am so happy. The power of your body propels me on. The force of you is more than I can bear, and I want to fight it. I want you to feel me too. I want you to know that though I am conquered I am not servile. Though I am below you I am not submissive. I can see the light in your eyes and I know that I am the one that set them ablaze.
The closeness of your hands on my wrists, your mouth hard at my neck, your legs trapping me- all of these things make me want to fight you, to make you work harder to take me. They make me want to push you to the edge. Tonight, you will want me more than you have before. I will press you, pull you, drive you to the edge of reason. You will feel it with me- the echo, the longing, the sense of despair as I pull you deeper into me. When I weep it will be your mouth that drinks my tears. It will be the sweetness of your kiss that wipes away all that I have felt, leaving me with a sense of peace and contenment.
You will drown in who I am tonight, and we will both wake more alive.
Take me tonight. Tear me up. Let me have you too.
Tonight I want more. Tonight, as I stare out the window at the clouds rolling across the moon, I pray that there is more. A terrible empty feeling is welling up inside me. I cannot escape it- just as I cannot escape you.
I can feel you more than I can see you. I know you are there, standing over me, just beside my bed. I can sense the power rolling off your body in waves, drowning me, pulling me further down. The strength of you body does not have to be seen tonight. I can sense it as I watch the clouds, the stars and the moon. I can feel it as I lay here and wish for more.
Tonight I want you to tear me apart.
It seems to me there is more in that than there is in anything. I want to feel more than I do now. I want to feel more than the hollow, echoing ring of my own pain. There is a waterfall inside me and I have run it dry for too long. I have let the tears fall, let them slip down inside me and fill me up and then waste away for as long as I can think of. I want to feel something else.
Come and kiss me. I can feel you, kneeling on the bed over me. It has a weight to it that I never remember feeling before. Slip your mouth over mine and stifle the cries that threaten to rip up out of me and break the silence of the night.
Just like that. See? That's perfect. The hard, almost cold pressure of your mouth is overwhelming me. Calming me. Bringing me an odd sense of peace as I drift away into you. The feeling of your body on mine is comforting. I let go. I can feel myself now in you. I can taste the rise of the heat between us. I can feel the pressure of all the things we will never say. It threatens me, and I love it.
Your nails raking down my back are ecstasy. My skin, tearing beneath your onslaught, is better this way than ever it was whole. I feel myself in a completely new way as you lift me, turn me, make me yours. The taste of cotton on my tongue is sweet. The sheen of sweat you bring to the surface better than any dampness my body finds in its long, lonely wanderings.
Press me, push me, take me further than I have ever been. I can see you are wanting to lead me down a path of pain and pleasure. You see that I walk it willingly with you. My hands belong to you. You make them your own as you use them. My mouth is yours completely. I scarcely recall breathing as you fill me over and over. I remember no taste but that of you and me, of my pleasure on your fingers, of your passion on my tongue. Give me your mouth. Share it with me over and over. Your teeth are gleaming ivory knives. I want to feel the tiny cut, the sweet peicings as you consume me. Send me up in flames for you. Let me show you all that I can be when you make me.
Tonight your violence is something I crave. It is beautiful, terrible and perfect at once. The terror and emptiness that was sweeping like a wind through me is gone. You have come to shake me free of it. I can match you tonight. I can fight you with all there is in me. I find there is more, there was more, than I expected. I find with you at the bottom of the well inside me a fire burns and you have stoked the flames. They lick up inside, burning me in my stomach and my throat. My fingertips become matches and I can touch the tinderbox of your love.
There is nothing gentle about you. There is nothing tender and sweet. I am so thankful. I am so happy. The power of your body propels me on. The force of you is more than I can bear, and I want to fight it. I want you to feel me too. I want you to know that though I am conquered I am not servile. Though I am below you I am not submissive. I can see the light in your eyes and I know that I am the one that set them ablaze.
The closeness of your hands on my wrists, your mouth hard at my neck, your legs trapping me- all of these things make me want to fight you, to make you work harder to take me. They make me want to push you to the edge. Tonight, you will want me more than you have before. I will press you, pull you, drive you to the edge of reason. You will feel it with me- the echo, the longing, the sense of despair as I pull you deeper into me. When I weep it will be your mouth that drinks my tears. It will be the sweetness of your kiss that wipes away all that I have felt, leaving me with a sense of peace and contenment.
You will drown in who I am tonight, and we will both wake more alive.
Take me tonight. Tear me up. Let me have you too.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Old School, Always
(A picture of she-ra used to be here. She was slowing my computer down. Sorry)
I'm really feeling my age this morning. Now, before you go all "you're not that old" on me, let me tell you, I recognize that my age is not so great as some. I know that I am really not old. I am a healthy, vibrant young person. I just don't feel that way sometimes. I'll tell you why.
Most of the people I work with are teenagers, or in their very early twenties. Nothing wrong with this, its the nature of the business. It is disturbing, though, sometimes to think that I am the oldest person on our crew. And while the staff are very sweet, sometimes they unwittingly do and say things that make me feel ancient.
For example, my 26th birthday, I think it was, I went into work the morning after. I was tired and crabby because I had been up late. I was slightly hung over. I was feeling the after-effects of my birthday party. I went to get a drink and one of our younger servers looked at me and said "rough night, huh?" I nodded and she smiled encouragingly. "It could be worse, my sister went out for her 25th birthday last night. Can you imagine being that old?" I looked at her and answered drily, that somehow I could.
Another great moment in the history of me being old to my co-workers: we dress up for Halloween. I love it. It gives us a chance to express ourselves and show our personality. My second year I worked at Casa Bueno I went as Rainbow Bright. I wish I had the pictures, because you would appreciate it. I got a blone wig, did the pigtails and cut it to look like her hair. I had the million inch tall white leather boots, the blue dress, the arm warmers, the leg warmers. I did my makeup. I even had my Sprite dolls from when I was a little girl. Everyone over 30 thought it was awesome. I made bank tips in the bar that night. No one I worked with knew who I was.
One of the girls comes up to me and says "Cool outfit. So are you like, one of those 70's roller skater chicks?"
I blinked. "No, I'm rainbow bright." (duh!)
"I don't know who that is..." she looks uncertain.
"Come on! Rainbow Bright? Cartoon from the 80's?"
She looks blank.
"He-man? She-ra? The smurfs? Any of this ringing a bell?"
I say smurfs and she lights up. "Awesome!" She exclaims. "Vintage cartoons!"
Vintage? Vintage? I prefer to think of myself as "old school" but its whatever. Irun into the same problem with the radio at work. We listen in the back to various stations, but most afternoons we listen to what the local station calls "old school lunch hour" basically, its all the fun stuff from the 90's.
I was totally rocking out the other morning to something I had listened to when I was 17 or 18. One of the guys grinned at me, and asked if this was soemthing that I had listen to as a kid, like him? I told him I used to listen to it every day on my way to school when I was a senior in high school. he frowned slightly. "I listened to this when I was like, 7." Great.
Other moments, too, bother me. Sometimes I think its because there isnt anyone that appreciates history. But it might just be that I'm old. You tell me. I came in on the day of the anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall, which also coincides with the forming of the Bosnian state - although not in the same year....I was trying to talk to my co-workers about it. Not only did they not remember it happening, they didn't understand why it was important! I mean, maybe our school systems are failing us, but how could someone not know? How? I pressed- did they remember when Princess Diana died? When Bill Clinton got elected? Did they even know about the little blue dress from the Gap? How about the first Iraq war? (Desert storm)Nope....nothing. Honestly, right up until 9/11 most of them didnt seem to know crap about modern american history.
Or Pop Culture! Larry Bird? Rodney King? Oprah before she was a mogul? The original lets make a deal? Bob Barker asking you to get your pets spayed and neutred? The Boxcar Children? Where's Waldo? Prince before he changed his name? Neon? Spandex leggings? Oversized sweaters? Slouch socks? Scrunchies? Big Wheels? Skip-its? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I don't think most of them realize that disco ended in the 80's not the 70's.
Am I boring? Or am I just old?
I don't know. There are other things too....I would have been slapped senseless the way most of these kids talk to and about their parents. I never had the freedoms they did. Now, I grew up in a strict home, but I know for certain that my classmates didn't enjoy the freedom these kids do.
The more time passes, the more I feel it. The more I wonder if I am out-dated and out-moded. Its killing me. Seriously.
I'm off to work soon, to express to them again, just how boring and old I am. What fun.
Someone tell me I'm not alone....
AGxx
Incidentally, I do not own any of the cool "vintage" stuff I mentioned above. Of course I don't. And if anyone is curious why I chose She-Ra, it was my nickname in high school. Yeah. That's right. I'm the Princess of Power.
I'm really feeling my age this morning. Now, before you go all "you're not that old" on me, let me tell you, I recognize that my age is not so great as some. I know that I am really not old. I am a healthy, vibrant young person. I just don't feel that way sometimes. I'll tell you why.
Most of the people I work with are teenagers, or in their very early twenties. Nothing wrong with this, its the nature of the business. It is disturbing, though, sometimes to think that I am the oldest person on our crew. And while the staff are very sweet, sometimes they unwittingly do and say things that make me feel ancient.
For example, my 26th birthday, I think it was, I went into work the morning after. I was tired and crabby because I had been up late. I was slightly hung over. I was feeling the after-effects of my birthday party. I went to get a drink and one of our younger servers looked at me and said "rough night, huh?" I nodded and she smiled encouragingly. "It could be worse, my sister went out for her 25th birthday last night. Can you imagine being that old?" I looked at her and answered drily, that somehow I could.
Another great moment in the history of me being old to my co-workers: we dress up for Halloween. I love it. It gives us a chance to express ourselves and show our personality. My second year I worked at Casa Bueno I went as Rainbow Bright. I wish I had the pictures, because you would appreciate it. I got a blone wig, did the pigtails and cut it to look like her hair. I had the million inch tall white leather boots, the blue dress, the arm warmers, the leg warmers. I did my makeup. I even had my Sprite dolls from when I was a little girl. Everyone over 30 thought it was awesome. I made bank tips in the bar that night. No one I worked with knew who I was.
One of the girls comes up to me and says "Cool outfit. So are you like, one of those 70's roller skater chicks?"
I blinked. "No, I'm rainbow bright." (duh!)
"I don't know who that is..." she looks uncertain.
"Come on! Rainbow Bright? Cartoon from the 80's?"
She looks blank.
"He-man? She-ra? The smurfs? Any of this ringing a bell?"
I say smurfs and she lights up. "Awesome!" She exclaims. "Vintage cartoons!"
Vintage? Vintage? I prefer to think of myself as "old school" but its whatever. Irun into the same problem with the radio at work. We listen in the back to various stations, but most afternoons we listen to what the local station calls "old school lunch hour" basically, its all the fun stuff from the 90's.
I was totally rocking out the other morning to something I had listened to when I was 17 or 18. One of the guys grinned at me, and asked if this was soemthing that I had listen to as a kid, like him? I told him I used to listen to it every day on my way to school when I was a senior in high school. he frowned slightly. "I listened to this when I was like, 7." Great.
Other moments, too, bother me. Sometimes I think its because there isnt anyone that appreciates history. But it might just be that I'm old. You tell me. I came in on the day of the anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall, which also coincides with the forming of the Bosnian state - although not in the same year....I was trying to talk to my co-workers about it. Not only did they not remember it happening, they didn't understand why it was important! I mean, maybe our school systems are failing us, but how could someone not know? How? I pressed- did they remember when Princess Diana died? When Bill Clinton got elected? Did they even know about the little blue dress from the Gap? How about the first Iraq war? (Desert storm)Nope....nothing. Honestly, right up until 9/11 most of them didnt seem to know crap about modern american history.
Or Pop Culture! Larry Bird? Rodney King? Oprah before she was a mogul? The original lets make a deal? Bob Barker asking you to get your pets spayed and neutred? The Boxcar Children? Where's Waldo? Prince before he changed his name? Neon? Spandex leggings? Oversized sweaters? Slouch socks? Scrunchies? Big Wheels? Skip-its? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I don't think most of them realize that disco ended in the 80's not the 70's.
Am I boring? Or am I just old?
I don't know. There are other things too....I would have been slapped senseless the way most of these kids talk to and about their parents. I never had the freedoms they did. Now, I grew up in a strict home, but I know for certain that my classmates didn't enjoy the freedom these kids do.
The more time passes, the more I feel it. The more I wonder if I am out-dated and out-moded. Its killing me. Seriously.
I'm off to work soon, to express to them again, just how boring and old I am. What fun.
Someone tell me I'm not alone....
AGxx
Incidentally, I do not own any of the cool "vintage" stuff I mentioned above. Of course I don't. And if anyone is curious why I chose She-Ra, it was my nickname in high school. Yeah. That's right. I'm the Princess of Power.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
What Really Matters
So I've finally had that day. The one I dread. The one I have managed not to have in a while. I did something really, really stupid. And when I did that somethign really, really stupid, I managed to hurt someone.
I'm not going to talk about it. Not really. Because its between me and that person and I talk about them here and they don't deserve me airing my dirty laundry at their expense. What I will say is that this is a person I love very much. Its someone who is incredibly important to me. Its someone I would be very upset to have out of my life.
So me, being stupid, upsetting them...I'm a moron. But it did give me something to reflect about and that's actually what I'm going to write about tonight.
Sometimes, as a friend and a lover, priorities seem really clear. Sometimes, as a friend and a lover, they are not. Regardless of whether you are talking about someone you love romantically, or someone whom you love as a friend, being really clear about your priorities when it comes to the love you have for them is so very important.
I'm a big fan of communication. I think its what makes every relationship work. I think the minute you stop talking is the minute your relationship begins to deteriorate. I've actually had fights, fairly recently, with people I love about just that. Of course, if you're like me, you usually manage to talk yourself into a corner. You'll say something without thinking, or you'll say something you don't mean. You'll say something stupid or hurtful. Its times like this that its really important that the people you love truly know your heart.
For you, my blogger friends, and my real friends, let me tell you what matters to me.
Are you a good person? i don't mean do you not break laws. I mean do you think about the consequences of your actions before you act? Do you care if you hurt someone when you act? That's important.
Are you honest? Ivalue honesty in a person. I especially value it because I've often found myself in a place where people aren't honest with me. My family seems to be made up of pathological liars. I do my best, but I honestly will have a hard time telling the truth if I know it will hurt someone, hurt me, or get me into trouble. Its incredibly difficult sometimes for me to be honest. But its somethign I've worked on, and having good, honest people in my life is wonderful.
Do you care about me? Does what happens to me matter at all to you? I've gone through a lot in the past where I've thrown myself heart and soul into a relationship only to find out that the person I've been trying to build it with could give a rats ass whether I loved them, or was their friend, or even if Iliked them at all. I hate being used. It leaves me feeling empty and worthless. There's nothing worse than a false friend or lover. If I wanted those, I would be a hermit and settle for one night stands every now and again.
Are you willing to agree to disagree? I dont' have a problem being friends with people who have ideas or lifestyles different from mine. I like it. I think variety enriches your life and improves your world outlook. If you and I don't see eye to eye on an issue, I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is you feeling like I have to agree with you all the time. I'm not an automaton or a drone. I have opinionso f my own. You should love me for them, because I love you for your ideas.
Can you forgive me? Because, as any reader or friend of mine who has known me long will tell you, I am prone to doing stupid shit. I can be hateful and passive agressive. I am selfish and unthinking sometimes. But the thing is, its almost never on purpose. If I have a fight with someone, I need to know that (barring me actually intentionally trying tocause a breach) you can forgive me if I ask it. I forgive almost instantly. I don't like to hold grudges, because I am the victim of my own idiocy far too frequently to not.
Will you let me love you? I'm a passionate person. Way more than most people, I would say. When I take it into my head to do something, love someone, be their friend, it is almost impossible to dissuade me, barring me managing to get hurt. And I get hurt a lot, because Itrust people. I shouldn't. That's the thing, there's this combination of cynicsm and blind trust. I fully expect to be hurt, to have my heart broken, to have a friend betray me. The thing is, I do it anyway. I never want to waste a chance. In my post the other day Imentioned that my greatest crime was wasting love. I've done that far too often in the past...let someone who loved me go, let a friend go when there was no reason for me to, except that I wanted to. I've become far less capricious as I get older. Now that I am a woman, I do the very best I can to accept every bit of love that a person can give me. I expect that from the people I know. To let me have the opportunity to be the very best I can be for them, even when my very best is sometimes far less than I want to give, or far less than that person may deserve.
And while I'm here, let me tell you what doesn't matter:
your age, your sex, your race. I don't care what religion you are. I don't care if your personal habiits dont jive with mine. I could care less what you eat or what you look like. I know I'm vain, and I'm a total lech, but if I love you there's not a chance in the world that would change if you somehow became less physically attractive. The heart, that's what matters. I don't care if your family is crazy. I don't really care if you're crazy. I don't care where you go or what you do. What matters to me is the things above.
There are other things, to be sure. I can't list them all here. But I had to say that. To you, to the people I love who read this, and to myself.
If you're ever wondering, if you want to know whether or not you mean something to me, ask yourself this:
If you weren't in my life, would it change me?
If you left my life tonight, would it change me? Would it hurt me?
Could you break my heart?
Could you disappoint me?
Can you hurt me?
Do I trust you with my secrets?
Do I trust you with my heart?
If you could answer yes to any one of those questions, you mean more to me than you'll ever know. If you're reading this blog, I'm guessing, just possibly, you can. Because if you couldn't, why would you be here?
I know I say it a lot, but I mean it tonight with all of myself.
I love you. Always. Unconditionally.
AGxx
I'm not going to talk about it. Not really. Because its between me and that person and I talk about them here and they don't deserve me airing my dirty laundry at their expense. What I will say is that this is a person I love very much. Its someone who is incredibly important to me. Its someone I would be very upset to have out of my life.
So me, being stupid, upsetting them...I'm a moron. But it did give me something to reflect about and that's actually what I'm going to write about tonight.
Sometimes, as a friend and a lover, priorities seem really clear. Sometimes, as a friend and a lover, they are not. Regardless of whether you are talking about someone you love romantically, or someone whom you love as a friend, being really clear about your priorities when it comes to the love you have for them is so very important.
I'm a big fan of communication. I think its what makes every relationship work. I think the minute you stop talking is the minute your relationship begins to deteriorate. I've actually had fights, fairly recently, with people I love about just that. Of course, if you're like me, you usually manage to talk yourself into a corner. You'll say something without thinking, or you'll say something you don't mean. You'll say something stupid or hurtful. Its times like this that its really important that the people you love truly know your heart.
For you, my blogger friends, and my real friends, let me tell you what matters to me.
Are you a good person? i don't mean do you not break laws. I mean do you think about the consequences of your actions before you act? Do you care if you hurt someone when you act? That's important.
Are you honest? Ivalue honesty in a person. I especially value it because I've often found myself in a place where people aren't honest with me. My family seems to be made up of pathological liars. I do my best, but I honestly will have a hard time telling the truth if I know it will hurt someone, hurt me, or get me into trouble. Its incredibly difficult sometimes for me to be honest. But its somethign I've worked on, and having good, honest people in my life is wonderful.
Do you care about me? Does what happens to me matter at all to you? I've gone through a lot in the past where I've thrown myself heart and soul into a relationship only to find out that the person I've been trying to build it with could give a rats ass whether I loved them, or was their friend, or even if Iliked them at all. I hate being used. It leaves me feeling empty and worthless. There's nothing worse than a false friend or lover. If I wanted those, I would be a hermit and settle for one night stands every now and again.
Are you willing to agree to disagree? I dont' have a problem being friends with people who have ideas or lifestyles different from mine. I like it. I think variety enriches your life and improves your world outlook. If you and I don't see eye to eye on an issue, I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is you feeling like I have to agree with you all the time. I'm not an automaton or a drone. I have opinionso f my own. You should love me for them, because I love you for your ideas.
Can you forgive me? Because, as any reader or friend of mine who has known me long will tell you, I am prone to doing stupid shit. I can be hateful and passive agressive. I am selfish and unthinking sometimes. But the thing is, its almost never on purpose. If I have a fight with someone, I need to know that (barring me actually intentionally trying tocause a breach) you can forgive me if I ask it. I forgive almost instantly. I don't like to hold grudges, because I am the victim of my own idiocy far too frequently to not.
Will you let me love you? I'm a passionate person. Way more than most people, I would say. When I take it into my head to do something, love someone, be their friend, it is almost impossible to dissuade me, barring me managing to get hurt. And I get hurt a lot, because Itrust people. I shouldn't. That's the thing, there's this combination of cynicsm and blind trust. I fully expect to be hurt, to have my heart broken, to have a friend betray me. The thing is, I do it anyway. I never want to waste a chance. In my post the other day Imentioned that my greatest crime was wasting love. I've done that far too often in the past...let someone who loved me go, let a friend go when there was no reason for me to, except that I wanted to. I've become far less capricious as I get older. Now that I am a woman, I do the very best I can to accept every bit of love that a person can give me. I expect that from the people I know. To let me have the opportunity to be the very best I can be for them, even when my very best is sometimes far less than I want to give, or far less than that person may deserve.
And while I'm here, let me tell you what doesn't matter:
your age, your sex, your race. I don't care what religion you are. I don't care if your personal habiits dont jive with mine. I could care less what you eat or what you look like. I know I'm vain, and I'm a total lech, but if I love you there's not a chance in the world that would change if you somehow became less physically attractive. The heart, that's what matters. I don't care if your family is crazy. I don't really care if you're crazy. I don't care where you go or what you do. What matters to me is the things above.
There are other things, to be sure. I can't list them all here. But I had to say that. To you, to the people I love who read this, and to myself.
If you're ever wondering, if you want to know whether or not you mean something to me, ask yourself this:
If you weren't in my life, would it change me?
If you left my life tonight, would it change me? Would it hurt me?
Could you break my heart?
Could you disappoint me?
Can you hurt me?
Do I trust you with my secrets?
Do I trust you with my heart?
If you could answer yes to any one of those questions, you mean more to me than you'll ever know. If you're reading this blog, I'm guessing, just possibly, you can. Because if you couldn't, why would you be here?
I know I say it a lot, but I mean it tonight with all of myself.
I love you. Always. Unconditionally.
AGxx
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Having a Bath With God
The summer I turned 18 I was a counselor at a summer camp for girls. I know this doesn't really seem like something I would do, but I was totally into it. I had gone to this particular camp every year from the time I was about 8 until I was 14. I loved it. Every summer during those years I felt a sense of homecoming.
Living in the middle of nowhere, you might wonder where exactly I went to camp. Truth be told, this place was farther out than even the place I live. There was literally nothing for miles and miles. I remember, now, that summer I was a counselor, driving there and wondering how the hell I ever had the patience for a bus ride there as a child. it seemed I spent countless hours and miles driving winding backroads and climbing hills in my old Cutlass.
I remeber clearly though the sense of anticipation I felt as the trees grew more dense and the road began to climb. The camp I went to The Hill, was aptly named. Honestly, they could have called it The Bluff because for all intents and purposes that was where it was situated.
When you reached the crest of the hill there was a flat plain, lined with trees, some of which you could tell had been thinned out for the purposes of safety. As I drove past all the places I remembered as a child, I felt a sense of nostalgia. Despite the fact that staff parking was about two miles from anything (indeed, I never remembered seeing a car when I was a camper there) I didn't really mind the walk. Of course, this was a time when I was trying to run more, trying to be more healthy. It was one of those brief periods where I had quit smoking. I remember it was just before I came out, it was as I was trying to find myself. Going back to this place seemed like it would help.
I walked the long path back and saw all of the things I had seen before, only they seemed smaller. The archery fields not so expansive. The horses in their pen seemed smaller than before, though of course horses are always huge. They weren't nearly as frightening. The spring fed pool was not a big either, although still massive. If I recall right it could accomodate almost 100 swimmers comfortably, and that's a big pool. I smiled at the nature and craft classrooms, in old cabin-like buildings.
I probably shouldn't have been smiling. I was carrying a shitload of luggage. Now, before you laugh, I was not just carrying my clothes for the week I was there. I managed to cram all of that in a single duffle bag. I'm a firm believer in packing light when you're going to be out in nature. I had a few pairs of shorts, some t-shirts, a few peasant skirts for cooler evenings. There were a ton of bandanas, because those are useful for a lot of things, my swimsuit, my socks and sneakers, because you wear those everywhere. I think I even managed to cram in a pair of jeans for hiking, although I remember distinctly that I wore shorts, and got ate up by bugs.
No, I had other things. I had little boxes I had made for all of my campers. They had things like name tags, matching bandanas (hey- it helped me keep track of them in the masses of little girls) journals for them to write in, postcards for them to send their family. I also had a bag full of snacks. I know, I know, there was a canteen, but you normally didn't get anything good with your credits, and I never had extra money as a kid. I figured my girls might have the same problem, so I brought them some of my favorites from when I was a camper (Air Head taffy, Pixie Sticks, stuff like that) and let them save their credits for the ice cream. I also had air fresheners and first aid stuff, because the cabins always smell weird and honestly, I'm proficient enough in first aid that I could help with the minor stuff. I remember one year when Iw as a kid there was a girl in my cabin clumsier than me. We spent half of camp in the infirmary getting her fixed up, because we couldn't be away from our counselor. What a drag. No, first aid kits were necessary if anyone was going to have fun.
Plus there was my bedroll. I only brought a sleeping bag and a pillow, like most of the campers. I always hated counselors that needed to bring quilts and crap like that. If the kiddos only get boring bedroll, so do I. Not to mention those cabins got so hot, it was like sleeping in a sauna most nights. Who needs blankets. I was pissed I had to wear pajamas. Who needed blankets?
The cabins, such as they were, weren't really cabins. I mean, there were a few of those, but only the older girls got them. I got to stay inone once. We called it the Taj Mahal because it had its own bathroom and showers. The other cabins, such as they were, was actually more like one huge longhouse divided by a hallway. There were rooms, with curtains over the doorways, to mark off what "cabin' was what. At the center of the longhouse was a set of bathrooms on either side with those huge showers like they had in my high school, where you could shower with a partner, one of you washed while the other wrapped up in a towel and changed, then you dried off while they showered.
so kind of like this rooms: ===== [bathrooms] ======= more rooms
So my cabin for my girls was about halfway down on the right side of the diagram. We were ont he right side of the hall. There were ten bunks crammed into the space. No windows (seriously, who needs blankets?) They were old iron bunks. They were tall. And not just for a kiddo. They were tall to me too. And they had no ladders. Well, they were on the end, but you couldn't reach them because of the way they had crammed all of them together. They made a big "U" shape and the end bunks were the ones you could use the ladders on.
I threw all my stuff on the floor and threw my roll on the bed. I was so excited. There was one little shelf that lined the wall not covered in bunk beds. I placed all the little boxes on it. I set next to it little rubber ducks with their names on it. Then our table topper, another little rubber duck, sat beside it before they took it with us to pick our first spot in the dining hall.
Then I went to go meet my girls. I had ten girls, all ten years old. Oh. My. God. they were a handfull.
I can honestly say, I had a lot more respect for my former counselors after the first day. How inheaven's name do you keep track of that many headstrong girls and not loose your mind?
Turns out, I'm a big fan of lovingly enforcing rules, and creative forms of punishment.
The first night was an utter disaster. Part of it was because we had last shower. I am, to this day, a quick shower because of this camp. Remember I mentioned those group shower things? Imagine trying to get 500 girls plus showered every single day. The sheer mechanics of it is mind boggling, especially if you take into account you only shower either at morning or at night. This means that in the course of any given morning or evening you have about 250 girls needing to shower. That's not even counting the counselors, who unfortuately, have to use the same showering system. Only earlier. Or later. Those bathrooms only had about 15 showers. They weren't that big. So you had to do the buddy system. And you got 3 minutes. Three. Total. To wash everywhere you needed to. Then someone shut off the water with a switch located in the bathroom.
I've mastered the art. I learned my first year what it was like to have to rinse my waist length hair out in the sink while some girl was brushing her teeth next to me because I took my sweet time soaping up. And forget conditioner. That was out of the question. (also, if you ask me, that fruity smelling stuff only attracts bees)
My girls were the girly type. The really girly type. I mean, I get shy, but I don't think that it was necessary for all ten of them to make a pact to let everyone else go first so they could all have thier own shower stall to themselves. I also had to explain no, that didn't mean they got six minutes either. Three. Like the rest of us. Like me. Because the counselors, like everyone else, got three minutes. I think maybe there was also some water conservation going on there.
Anyway, after I talked tehm back out of the shower stalls, and then talked them into their pajamas without face cream and makeup (before bed???) I convinced them best I could they didn't need straighteners or curling irons, I would let them get up early enough to make themselves presentable. I had to get ready too...
When I finally got them corralled into the bunks it was almost lights out. (ten o'clock. Way too late for them, if you ask me) I swear to you, by everything holy, it was like a game of Donky Kong in that cabin. They were up and down those rickety ladders faster than lightnening, shooting across the the bunks like deranged monkeys, before either turning back or heading down another ladder to make a trip across the bottom bunks, and then up and across again. They finally passed out around 2, which was way too late for my tastes, because I had to make sure they weren't dong anything stupid, so I was awake. I had to get up at five.
Well, I had to get up at 6, because breakfast was at seven. But remember how I said I was taking care of myself? I wanted to go for a run to the spring at the bottom of The Hill and that would take a good half hour or so, plus coming back, plus I was planning on getting in that nice cold 60 degree water. I had already made an agreement with the counselor across the hall Addidas. She was going to be up anyway because she was a groomer, so she promised to look in on my girls until I got back.
The run was amazing, the spring water perfect- although I could have lived without the crawdads. I felt completely refreshed when I returned to my sleepy girls. I had to herd them out of bed, of course, and then get them to move it towards breakfast. I was starving, and didn't really want to be last in line. First morning is always french toast. I LOVE french toast. No go- we were last in line, which means there was absolutely no time for seconds before we headed off for a non-stop day of nature lectures, craft classes, archery lessons, horseback riding and time in the pool.
Now, this might sound like a vacation to most people. And it would be, if I were the one doing it. Except I was busy keeping them out of beehives, poison ivy and from under the feet of the horses. I was watching them while they swam. I was applying sunblock and aloe. I was picking glue out of people's hair and rebraiding and brushing. I was calming frightened girls who didn't know how to ride a horse and were afraid of walking in the woods. I was pulling out ticks and doing all those things that camp counselors do. Let me tell you, its not a vacation.
By the time showers s and bedtime rolled around the second evenign I was tired as hell. When the donky kong began again, I about lost it. I couldn't handle another night of no sleep. I told them, in no uncertain terms, that I was going to get sleep that night, and so were they. I didn't want to have to wrestle them out of their beds in the morining. So, I gave them five minutes to get it out of their systems. After that, I told them, they got one warning, and then they were going to have to get up with me and go running in the morning if they couldn't be quiet.
They settled in. And then they started chattering. And I warned them. And then one of my girls, just one, said "You can't make me"
That's about hte last thing you ever want to say to me. Especially if I am in a postion of authority over you.
I told her to plan on getting up with me in the morning. She whined, and another girl said "She won't really make you."
I told her she could join us.
Idon't think they believed me until 6am rolled around and I actually made them get out of bed and put on their shoes. They definately slowed me down. They were tired. Hell, so was I. I didn't really feel like running. But, a promise is a promise.
They were delighted, though, when we got to the spring and I told them they could get in with me if they wanted, if they promised to be careful. They really seemed to enjoy themselves. One of them actually commented how I looked more peaceful after the swim. I tried to explain to them that I felt more in touch with god, with the earth, when I was swimming all alone in the creek.
Two days later all of my girls and several from other cabins were coming with me in the morning. The other cabin girls were being punished for staying up late. I loved it that night when Addidas crept up to my shower stall while I was drying off and went "Psst- Alecya....I told my girls if they didn't go to sleep tonight I was making them go running with you tomorrow. Is that okay? Oh- and sing that good morning song. Its cute- and it annoys the hell out of the kids." I laughed so hard I almost slipped in the shower. Turns out I had become the big threat in camp. Don't sleep? You have to go run with Alecya. I had some seriously unhappy teenagers with me a couple of times. My girls seemed to think it was a priveledge. After the first morning I also never sang the good morning song by myself. My girls sang it so loudly, so raucously, that you would have thought we were in a bar. I never had another sleepless night, I'll tell you that.
Although, I will admit, I had a hard time explaining to the other counselors when my girls tried to tell them that in the morning we got up to go take a bath with god. That was the easiest way for them to explain it. I wanted to die of embarassment Addidas asked me to explain how the hell you had a bath with Jesus every morning. To me, it sounded weird as hell. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. But the girls got the idea, and I liked that some of them used time at the spring as a sort of reflection time. (although I did get slightly peeved when we had to run back double time to retrieve a left behind journal)
It wasn't all rosy. There was one day I woke up itching and had to turn the girls over to Addidas while I went to the infirmary. I'm not allergic to poison ivy (of all ironies) so I knew somthing was wrong. Turns out, I had been bitten by a poisonous spider. A baby one, thank god, or I would have had to leave for the hospital, but a poisonous one nonetheless. When I finsihed getting treated I went back to the cabin. There was an entire nest under my bunk. I don't know if I've mentioned it to you, but I really, really don't like spiders. The fact that I had to puto n a brave face and help them get all their stuff out of the cabin while hey fumigated it tells you how tough I was trying to be.
Tell you a secret? I went back to the infirmary, under the auspices of gettng more tylenol, and shut myself in a room and cried for about half an hour. I am such a spinless baby when it comes to spiders. But man, I toughed it out for those girls. They will never know how brave I was for them. They thought I was superwoman.
I actually got really attched to those girls. It was fun to watch them blossom once they got used to eachother. None of them had met before they got into our cabin, but they all cried when it was time to go home.
You should have seen them together when they went on their float. A few of them were terrified. Don't you know it, th ebraver ones took them into their canoes, promised not to tip. They actually landed me in a canoe with Addidas, because her girls were so close too. None of them wanted us. They wanted each other. When Addidas and I made snide remarks about the alligators we saw on the float (that's old bits of tires to you folk who don't canoe) the girls nodded sagely and shook their heads. "We have to love the earth," one said. "How can people be so dumb?" This sparked a debate amongst the girls as to who might have put tire strips in the water. I almost fell out of the canoe trying not to laugh.
Tell you the truth, by the time it was all over, I really didn't want them to go. I didn't want to go.
Sometimes, I will wake up on a summer morning and want to go running. Soemtimes, when I am at a spring, I can hear the sound of them laughing, an dI think about how much fun I had. Sometimes I think of how I might have gone back, had things been different. Alas, they never are.
The smell of the dew, the smell of fresh earth in the morning, it always brings that summer back to me. I can hear myself calling, "Girls..." and them answering me back "we know, we know- book it, we're late for class"
I was cleaning out my storage unit about a year ago, and you know...I found one of those little ruber ducks. It almost made me sad.
Now that summer has arrived agin, I think about it.
I hoe my recollections amused you.
AGxx
Living in the middle of nowhere, you might wonder where exactly I went to camp. Truth be told, this place was farther out than even the place I live. There was literally nothing for miles and miles. I remember, now, that summer I was a counselor, driving there and wondering how the hell I ever had the patience for a bus ride there as a child. it seemed I spent countless hours and miles driving winding backroads and climbing hills in my old Cutlass.
I remeber clearly though the sense of anticipation I felt as the trees grew more dense and the road began to climb. The camp I went to The Hill, was aptly named. Honestly, they could have called it The Bluff because for all intents and purposes that was where it was situated.
When you reached the crest of the hill there was a flat plain, lined with trees, some of which you could tell had been thinned out for the purposes of safety. As I drove past all the places I remembered as a child, I felt a sense of nostalgia. Despite the fact that staff parking was about two miles from anything (indeed, I never remembered seeing a car when I was a camper there) I didn't really mind the walk. Of course, this was a time when I was trying to run more, trying to be more healthy. It was one of those brief periods where I had quit smoking. I remember it was just before I came out, it was as I was trying to find myself. Going back to this place seemed like it would help.
I walked the long path back and saw all of the things I had seen before, only they seemed smaller. The archery fields not so expansive. The horses in their pen seemed smaller than before, though of course horses are always huge. They weren't nearly as frightening. The spring fed pool was not a big either, although still massive. If I recall right it could accomodate almost 100 swimmers comfortably, and that's a big pool. I smiled at the nature and craft classrooms, in old cabin-like buildings.
I probably shouldn't have been smiling. I was carrying a shitload of luggage. Now, before you laugh, I was not just carrying my clothes for the week I was there. I managed to cram all of that in a single duffle bag. I'm a firm believer in packing light when you're going to be out in nature. I had a few pairs of shorts, some t-shirts, a few peasant skirts for cooler evenings. There were a ton of bandanas, because those are useful for a lot of things, my swimsuit, my socks and sneakers, because you wear those everywhere. I think I even managed to cram in a pair of jeans for hiking, although I remember distinctly that I wore shorts, and got ate up by bugs.
No, I had other things. I had little boxes I had made for all of my campers. They had things like name tags, matching bandanas (hey- it helped me keep track of them in the masses of little girls) journals for them to write in, postcards for them to send their family. I also had a bag full of snacks. I know, I know, there was a canteen, but you normally didn't get anything good with your credits, and I never had extra money as a kid. I figured my girls might have the same problem, so I brought them some of my favorites from when I was a camper (Air Head taffy, Pixie Sticks, stuff like that) and let them save their credits for the ice cream. I also had air fresheners and first aid stuff, because the cabins always smell weird and honestly, I'm proficient enough in first aid that I could help with the minor stuff. I remember one year when Iw as a kid there was a girl in my cabin clumsier than me. We spent half of camp in the infirmary getting her fixed up, because we couldn't be away from our counselor. What a drag. No, first aid kits were necessary if anyone was going to have fun.
Plus there was my bedroll. I only brought a sleeping bag and a pillow, like most of the campers. I always hated counselors that needed to bring quilts and crap like that. If the kiddos only get boring bedroll, so do I. Not to mention those cabins got so hot, it was like sleeping in a sauna most nights. Who needs blankets. I was pissed I had to wear pajamas. Who needed blankets?
The cabins, such as they were, weren't really cabins. I mean, there were a few of those, but only the older girls got them. I got to stay inone once. We called it the Taj Mahal because it had its own bathroom and showers. The other cabins, such as they were, was actually more like one huge longhouse divided by a hallway. There were rooms, with curtains over the doorways, to mark off what "cabin' was what. At the center of the longhouse was a set of bathrooms on either side with those huge showers like they had in my high school, where you could shower with a partner, one of you washed while the other wrapped up in a towel and changed, then you dried off while they showered.
so kind of like this rooms: ===== [bathrooms] ======= more rooms
So my cabin for my girls was about halfway down on the right side of the diagram. We were ont he right side of the hall. There were ten bunks crammed into the space. No windows (seriously, who needs blankets?) They were old iron bunks. They were tall. And not just for a kiddo. They were tall to me too. And they had no ladders. Well, they were on the end, but you couldn't reach them because of the way they had crammed all of them together. They made a big "U" shape and the end bunks were the ones you could use the ladders on.
I threw all my stuff on the floor and threw my roll on the bed. I was so excited. There was one little shelf that lined the wall not covered in bunk beds. I placed all the little boxes on it. I set next to it little rubber ducks with their names on it. Then our table topper, another little rubber duck, sat beside it before they took it with us to pick our first spot in the dining hall.
Then I went to go meet my girls. I had ten girls, all ten years old. Oh. My. God. they were a handfull.
I can honestly say, I had a lot more respect for my former counselors after the first day. How inheaven's name do you keep track of that many headstrong girls and not loose your mind?
Turns out, I'm a big fan of lovingly enforcing rules, and creative forms of punishment.
The first night was an utter disaster. Part of it was because we had last shower. I am, to this day, a quick shower because of this camp. Remember I mentioned those group shower things? Imagine trying to get 500 girls plus showered every single day. The sheer mechanics of it is mind boggling, especially if you take into account you only shower either at morning or at night. This means that in the course of any given morning or evening you have about 250 girls needing to shower. That's not even counting the counselors, who unfortuately, have to use the same showering system. Only earlier. Or later. Those bathrooms only had about 15 showers. They weren't that big. So you had to do the buddy system. And you got 3 minutes. Three. Total. To wash everywhere you needed to. Then someone shut off the water with a switch located in the bathroom.
I've mastered the art. I learned my first year what it was like to have to rinse my waist length hair out in the sink while some girl was brushing her teeth next to me because I took my sweet time soaping up. And forget conditioner. That was out of the question. (also, if you ask me, that fruity smelling stuff only attracts bees)
My girls were the girly type. The really girly type. I mean, I get shy, but I don't think that it was necessary for all ten of them to make a pact to let everyone else go first so they could all have thier own shower stall to themselves. I also had to explain no, that didn't mean they got six minutes either. Three. Like the rest of us. Like me. Because the counselors, like everyone else, got three minutes. I think maybe there was also some water conservation going on there.
Anyway, after I talked tehm back out of the shower stalls, and then talked them into their pajamas without face cream and makeup (before bed???) I convinced them best I could they didn't need straighteners or curling irons, I would let them get up early enough to make themselves presentable. I had to get ready too...
When I finally got them corralled into the bunks it was almost lights out. (ten o'clock. Way too late for them, if you ask me) I swear to you, by everything holy, it was like a game of Donky Kong in that cabin. They were up and down those rickety ladders faster than lightnening, shooting across the the bunks like deranged monkeys, before either turning back or heading down another ladder to make a trip across the bottom bunks, and then up and across again. They finally passed out around 2, which was way too late for my tastes, because I had to make sure they weren't dong anything stupid, so I was awake. I had to get up at five.
Well, I had to get up at 6, because breakfast was at seven. But remember how I said I was taking care of myself? I wanted to go for a run to the spring at the bottom of The Hill and that would take a good half hour or so, plus coming back, plus I was planning on getting in that nice cold 60 degree water. I had already made an agreement with the counselor across the hall Addidas. She was going to be up anyway because she was a groomer, so she promised to look in on my girls until I got back.
The run was amazing, the spring water perfect- although I could have lived without the crawdads. I felt completely refreshed when I returned to my sleepy girls. I had to herd them out of bed, of course, and then get them to move it towards breakfast. I was starving, and didn't really want to be last in line. First morning is always french toast. I LOVE french toast. No go- we were last in line, which means there was absolutely no time for seconds before we headed off for a non-stop day of nature lectures, craft classes, archery lessons, horseback riding and time in the pool.
Now, this might sound like a vacation to most people. And it would be, if I were the one doing it. Except I was busy keeping them out of beehives, poison ivy and from under the feet of the horses. I was watching them while they swam. I was applying sunblock and aloe. I was picking glue out of people's hair and rebraiding and brushing. I was calming frightened girls who didn't know how to ride a horse and were afraid of walking in the woods. I was pulling out ticks and doing all those things that camp counselors do. Let me tell you, its not a vacation.
By the time showers s and bedtime rolled around the second evenign I was tired as hell. When the donky kong began again, I about lost it. I couldn't handle another night of no sleep. I told them, in no uncertain terms, that I was going to get sleep that night, and so were they. I didn't want to have to wrestle them out of their beds in the morining. So, I gave them five minutes to get it out of their systems. After that, I told them, they got one warning, and then they were going to have to get up with me and go running in the morning if they couldn't be quiet.
They settled in. And then they started chattering. And I warned them. And then one of my girls, just one, said "You can't make me"
That's about hte last thing you ever want to say to me. Especially if I am in a postion of authority over you.
I told her to plan on getting up with me in the morning. She whined, and another girl said "She won't really make you."
I told her she could join us.
Idon't think they believed me until 6am rolled around and I actually made them get out of bed and put on their shoes. They definately slowed me down. They were tired. Hell, so was I. I didn't really feel like running. But, a promise is a promise.
They were delighted, though, when we got to the spring and I told them they could get in with me if they wanted, if they promised to be careful. They really seemed to enjoy themselves. One of them actually commented how I looked more peaceful after the swim. I tried to explain to them that I felt more in touch with god, with the earth, when I was swimming all alone in the creek.
Two days later all of my girls and several from other cabins were coming with me in the morning. The other cabin girls were being punished for staying up late. I loved it that night when Addidas crept up to my shower stall while I was drying off and went "Psst- Alecya....I told my girls if they didn't go to sleep tonight I was making them go running with you tomorrow. Is that okay? Oh- and sing that good morning song. Its cute- and it annoys the hell out of the kids." I laughed so hard I almost slipped in the shower. Turns out I had become the big threat in camp. Don't sleep? You have to go run with Alecya. I had some seriously unhappy teenagers with me a couple of times. My girls seemed to think it was a priveledge. After the first morning I also never sang the good morning song by myself. My girls sang it so loudly, so raucously, that you would have thought we were in a bar. I never had another sleepless night, I'll tell you that.
Although, I will admit, I had a hard time explaining to the other counselors when my girls tried to tell them that in the morning we got up to go take a bath with god. That was the easiest way for them to explain it. I wanted to die of embarassment Addidas asked me to explain how the hell you had a bath with Jesus every morning. To me, it sounded weird as hell. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. But the girls got the idea, and I liked that some of them used time at the spring as a sort of reflection time. (although I did get slightly peeved when we had to run back double time to retrieve a left behind journal)
It wasn't all rosy. There was one day I woke up itching and had to turn the girls over to Addidas while I went to the infirmary. I'm not allergic to poison ivy (of all ironies) so I knew somthing was wrong. Turns out, I had been bitten by a poisonous spider. A baby one, thank god, or I would have had to leave for the hospital, but a poisonous one nonetheless. When I finsihed getting treated I went back to the cabin. There was an entire nest under my bunk. I don't know if I've mentioned it to you, but I really, really don't like spiders. The fact that I had to puto n a brave face and help them get all their stuff out of the cabin while hey fumigated it tells you how tough I was trying to be.
Tell you a secret? I went back to the infirmary, under the auspices of gettng more tylenol, and shut myself in a room and cried for about half an hour. I am such a spinless baby when it comes to spiders. But man, I toughed it out for those girls. They will never know how brave I was for them. They thought I was superwoman.
I actually got really attched to those girls. It was fun to watch them blossom once they got used to eachother. None of them had met before they got into our cabin, but they all cried when it was time to go home.
You should have seen them together when they went on their float. A few of them were terrified. Don't you know it, th ebraver ones took them into their canoes, promised not to tip. They actually landed me in a canoe with Addidas, because her girls were so close too. None of them wanted us. They wanted each other. When Addidas and I made snide remarks about the alligators we saw on the float (that's old bits of tires to you folk who don't canoe) the girls nodded sagely and shook their heads. "We have to love the earth," one said. "How can people be so dumb?" This sparked a debate amongst the girls as to who might have put tire strips in the water. I almost fell out of the canoe trying not to laugh.
Tell you the truth, by the time it was all over, I really didn't want them to go. I didn't want to go.
Sometimes, I will wake up on a summer morning and want to go running. Soemtimes, when I am at a spring, I can hear the sound of them laughing, an dI think about how much fun I had. Sometimes I think of how I might have gone back, had things been different. Alas, they never are.
The smell of the dew, the smell of fresh earth in the morning, it always brings that summer back to me. I can hear myself calling, "Girls..." and them answering me back "we know, we know- book it, we're late for class"
I was cleaning out my storage unit about a year ago, and you know...I found one of those little ruber ducks. It almost made me sad.
Now that summer has arrived agin, I think about it.
I hoe my recollections amused you.
AGxx
99 and 1- Can You Spot the Lie?
Right, so this was a thing some of the bloggers I know did about a million years ago. Its called 99 truths and a lie. The idea is that I'm going to tell you 100 things about me and you have to pick out the one that isn't true. It took forever for people to get it last time. I wonder how it will go now?
Also, I promise a real post after this one, probably later tonight. :)
1. I love to roller skate. I have my own pair of speed skates. They are black and pink.
2. Even though I have had them since second grade, I still hate the look of my glasses. I think they make me look ugly.
3. I love to ride roller coasters. Except wooden ones. They make my teeth chatter.
4. I hate ranch dressing. It makes my gag reflex kick in. i almost never put dressing on my salads. I like them dry.
5. I like horror movies, but I won't watch them at night. It will give me terrible dreams.
6. I like to drink my soda hot. As a general rule, I prefer all my beverages warm.
7. I can run quickly, but I run like a girl. (You know, arms flailing, etc.)
8. I've been a smoker since I was 15. I started on a church trip.
9. I like to garden, even though I have a bit of a black thumb.
10. I prefer to wear skirts and dresses to wearing pants.
11. I've had sex with my best friend. I was glad I did. We're better friends for it.
12. I want to move to Portland, Oregon. I've only visited once, but I've felt homesick for it ever since then.
13. I have a huge sweet tooth. I especially like chocolate (the fancy kind) and red vines, which are like crappy twizzlers.
14. I have ten tattoos, but I am terrified of needles. I always have a bit of a panic attack before I get one.
15. I actually like Eminem as an artist. I know a lot of people in my community don't, but I think he's really talented.
16. I used to be a ballet dancer. I danced until I was in my mid-teens, when I had an ankle injury that kept me off my feet for 3 months and effectively ruined me for toe.
17. I used to work as an exotic dancer at a local gay bar. I loved it. I made most of my money from gay men.
18. It took me four years to finish my first novel. I'm currently at about 6 months on the new one.
19. I'm a snob about my writing, I believe the genre I am writing in now generally contains poor quality work.
20. I hate waitressing because I'm actually very shy. I don't like talking to strangers.
21. I have an enormous ego. I hate to have people make fun of me. I have no idea where it came from, because most of my life I have had a ver low self-esteem.
22. I'm a chronic flirt. It makes me happy to make someone smile when I flirt with them. Sometimes I do it unintentionally.
23. Before I became a Wiccan I was a Southern Baptist.
24. I love to cook but I am a terrible baker. I can literally ruin a box cake mix.
25. I love black and white photography. I spent hours at the Ansel Adams travelling exhibit. I've seen it four times. My favorite black and white photographer is Christian Coigny.
26. I am compulsive about having my bra and underwear match. This is a recent development, say in the last five years. It is especially difficult as right now my two favorite bras are purple and leopard print. I actually don't own a white bra.
27. In a pinch, I'll use duct tape for a cra if I don't have a strapless that matches. You'd be suprised at the colors they make it in now.
28. I love to swim. I am a self taught swimmer. I didn't learn until I was a teenager because my mom is afraid of water.
29. I was almost 21 before I could run a mile in under 12 minutes.
30. I like having my picture taken, even though I don't think I take terribly good photos. I think this goes back to the ego thing.
31. My passport only has two stamps outside the US stamps: England and Kuwait.
32. Instead of wearing cologne I wear essential oils. My favorites right now are Jasmine and Frankinscence and Myrrh. The girls call it "the baby jesus" When I wear it.
33. I am terrified of spiders. Its one of the few things that will truly make me scream.
34. I think my toes are funny looking. For me, its a sign of trust if I let you see me barefoot. I'll even wear sneakers right up until the moment I get in the pool.
35. My mom's second husband was a tornado chaser. I grew up listening to the police scanner at night. I think its really calming.
36. I have to sleep in absolute blackness. When its summer and we keep the windows open, I actually wear a sleep mask.
37. I write better when there is background noise. If the radio isn't on, or the television, I have a hard time focusing.
38. I would love to own a motorcycle. Not likely, because Kitten says I would kill myself.
39. I'm really clumsy. Seriously, a danger to myself and others.
40. If I watch television for too long I get a headache. I can read for hours and it not effect me.
41. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 23.
42. The last song played at my high school prom was AC/DC "shook me all night long"
43. I am a karaoke addict. I love to go out and sing.
44. I've tried out for American Idol. Sort of.
45. I have never owned a pair of leather pants. I have, however, owned leather capirs, skirts, jackets and vests. I love the smell of leather.
46. When Kitten and I were on our honeymoon I almost choked to death while we were scuba diving because a leopard ray swam up to me and scared the crap out of me.
47. I am allergic to fish. Almost everything out of the water will send me into anaphylaxis. I know, because I've tried almost everything in an attempt to find some sort of seafood I can eat.
48. My first car was a 1988 Cutlass Calais. My parents bought it for me. It was black with gold rims and a red velvet interior. I worried it was hot. The sound system was awesome though.
49. I absolutely adore the Toyota Prius. I want one. But not until they fix that "the battery dies every 7 years and costs as much as the car to replace" problem.
50. I wish I had brown eyes.
51. I absolutely cannot tan. I might get slightly darker in the summer, but I'm still pale. If I get too much sun I burn, blister and peel. I wear SPF 50+ sunscreen to prevent this from happening.
52. I hated the color pink until I was about 25. Suddenly, its one of my favorite colors. My bedroom even has pink polka dots on the walls.
53. My IQ is high enough I qualify for automatic admission into MENSA.
54. I havent seen my biological father since my parents were divorced when I was four. I've nevre had the desire to.
55. I have a terrible habit of eating in bed, if you'll let me get away with it. It drives Kitten crazy, I've almost stopped doing it. Almost.
56. I don't know why, but I think eating fresh fruit is sexy.
57. I hate cantelope.
58. I was bitten by a snake when I was 7. I still have a scar on my ankle from it.
59. I didn't start shaving until I was almost 17. My parents wouldn't let me. I tried once to sneak it, and I ended up needing stitches.
60. I love zoos. They make me happy because I like the idea that animals have a safe place to be when their natural habitat is disappearing.
61. My favorite bird is the vulture. I think they are beautiful.
62. I love riding carousels. I will get on one at any opportunity. Even if its me and twenty five year olds.
63. I used to have a pet guinea pig called artaxerxes. I called him xerky for short.
64. I attened my first catholic mass two years ago. I was disappointed they didn't do it in latin.
65. My favorite month of the year is October. November is a close second, since its the month I got married in.
66. I can read palms.
67. Almost all my life I have had two swimsuits, one black two peice, one black one peice. I currently do not own a black swimsuit.
68. Most of the shorts I own are actually men's swim trunks. I hate shorts that come up high on my leg, I think my thighs are frightening.
69. I prefer baths to showers.
70. I love candles, and have tons of them, but I never burn them outside of rituals.
71. My high school didn't have air conditioning. They got it about three years after I left.
72. I was a cheerleader in junior high.
73. I've never purchased a car. All of my boughten vehicles have been trucks.
74. For the first time in my life, this last eye appointment, my eye actually improved.
75. I eat my steak medium. Nothing bugs me more than to see a good peice of meat burnt to where you can't taste it.
76. I only like alfredo sauce sometimes. It doesn't vary by restaurant either, it depends on my mood.
77. My current favorite style of cuisine is Japaneese. I eat hibachi as often as possible.
78. I hate sandals with a split in the toe. I think flip flops are an abbomination of god. I never, ever wear them. In fact, I've never owned a pair.
79. I love the rain. I like to leave my windows open and look up at the sky and smell the rain when it comes. I think its peaceful.
80. I don't like to drive. I let Kitten drive as often as possible. I'd rather be in the passenger seat, although I am a horrible backseat driver.
81. I have a terrible overbite, so I have to eat stupid things like apples and ribs with a fork, because I can't get my mouth properly around them. (haha, I know, I'm laughing too. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
82. I've only recently discovered that I like the Beetles. I'm usually more a Stones girl.
83. I wear a turquiose necklace to work, it helps me to stay calm and focused. There is a visible difference on the days I don't.
84. I resent my mom for liking my brother better than me. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm the better kid. Love in my family is usually given based on merit, and it annoys me because I try hard, and it doesn't seem to make a difference.
85. I am terrified of Kitten's mom, even though I have no reason to be. She really intimidates me. After three years, I still feel like I have to impress her. I hate when she drops by unannounced because I don't have time to clean beforehand.
86. I skipped marijuana as a gateway drug, The first thing I ever tried was cocaine.
87. I am really pendantic about other people's grammer, even though mine is sometimes lackluster, and my spelling is atrocious.
88. I am a chrinic book re-reader. I have books on my shelf I have never read, but I'll pick up one of my old favorites first.
89. I love trashy vampire novels.
90. I do not have the same problem with short skirts as I do with shorts. I do, however, hide my legs with hosiery if I wear a skirt. I hate when women don't wear appropriate hosiery.
91. I can run faster in high heels than I can in sneakers.
92. I own more pairs of boots than I do anything else.
93. I am good in bed. That sounds cocky, but its not. I don't admit to being good at many things, but that's one of them. Probably an overshare, but its the truth. And if I can't brag here...where can I brag?
94. Writing is relaxing to me. Its how I cope with stress.
95. On my days off, its fun to go drive and get lost. As long as I don't end up on some back road with a cliff on it. But I do like finding new places.
96. If you give me a camera, I will take pictures of seriously stupid stuff. Walls, flowers, ducks...anything that catches my eye.
97. No matter what time I go to sleep I almost never get more than five hours. If I sleep longer than that I tend to wake up feeling like crap.
98. I think my ice cream man is either selling or buying drugs from my neighbors. At inne every night we hear him and he stops next door pretty frequently. Its common for one of us to call out "anyone want a bomb pop or a dime bag?"
99. I can't fall asleep with my socks off. I do, however, kick them off once I fall asleep.
100. I paint my toenails but not my fingernails.
There, that's 100. Your turn- guess the lie.
Also, I promise a real post after this one, probably later tonight. :)
1. I love to roller skate. I have my own pair of speed skates. They are black and pink.
2. Even though I have had them since second grade, I still hate the look of my glasses. I think they make me look ugly.
3. I love to ride roller coasters. Except wooden ones. They make my teeth chatter.
4. I hate ranch dressing. It makes my gag reflex kick in. i almost never put dressing on my salads. I like them dry.
5. I like horror movies, but I won't watch them at night. It will give me terrible dreams.
6. I like to drink my soda hot. As a general rule, I prefer all my beverages warm.
7. I can run quickly, but I run like a girl. (You know, arms flailing, etc.)
8. I've been a smoker since I was 15. I started on a church trip.
9. I like to garden, even though I have a bit of a black thumb.
10. I prefer to wear skirts and dresses to wearing pants.
11. I've had sex with my best friend. I was glad I did. We're better friends for it.
12. I want to move to Portland, Oregon. I've only visited once, but I've felt homesick for it ever since then.
13. I have a huge sweet tooth. I especially like chocolate (the fancy kind) and red vines, which are like crappy twizzlers.
14. I have ten tattoos, but I am terrified of needles. I always have a bit of a panic attack before I get one.
15. I actually like Eminem as an artist. I know a lot of people in my community don't, but I think he's really talented.
16. I used to be a ballet dancer. I danced until I was in my mid-teens, when I had an ankle injury that kept me off my feet for 3 months and effectively ruined me for toe.
17. I used to work as an exotic dancer at a local gay bar. I loved it. I made most of my money from gay men.
18. It took me four years to finish my first novel. I'm currently at about 6 months on the new one.
19. I'm a snob about my writing, I believe the genre I am writing in now generally contains poor quality work.
20. I hate waitressing because I'm actually very shy. I don't like talking to strangers.
21. I have an enormous ego. I hate to have people make fun of me. I have no idea where it came from, because most of my life I have had a ver low self-esteem.
22. I'm a chronic flirt. It makes me happy to make someone smile when I flirt with them. Sometimes I do it unintentionally.
23. Before I became a Wiccan I was a Southern Baptist.
24. I love to cook but I am a terrible baker. I can literally ruin a box cake mix.
25. I love black and white photography. I spent hours at the Ansel Adams travelling exhibit. I've seen it four times. My favorite black and white photographer is Christian Coigny.
26. I am compulsive about having my bra and underwear match. This is a recent development, say in the last five years. It is especially difficult as right now my two favorite bras are purple and leopard print. I actually don't own a white bra.
27. In a pinch, I'll use duct tape for a cra if I don't have a strapless that matches. You'd be suprised at the colors they make it in now.
28. I love to swim. I am a self taught swimmer. I didn't learn until I was a teenager because my mom is afraid of water.
29. I was almost 21 before I could run a mile in under 12 minutes.
30. I like having my picture taken, even though I don't think I take terribly good photos. I think this goes back to the ego thing.
31. My passport only has two stamps outside the US stamps: England and Kuwait.
32. Instead of wearing cologne I wear essential oils. My favorites right now are Jasmine and Frankinscence and Myrrh. The girls call it "the baby jesus" When I wear it.
33. I am terrified of spiders. Its one of the few things that will truly make me scream.
34. I think my toes are funny looking. For me, its a sign of trust if I let you see me barefoot. I'll even wear sneakers right up until the moment I get in the pool.
35. My mom's second husband was a tornado chaser. I grew up listening to the police scanner at night. I think its really calming.
36. I have to sleep in absolute blackness. When its summer and we keep the windows open, I actually wear a sleep mask.
37. I write better when there is background noise. If the radio isn't on, or the television, I have a hard time focusing.
38. I would love to own a motorcycle. Not likely, because Kitten says I would kill myself.
39. I'm really clumsy. Seriously, a danger to myself and others.
40. If I watch television for too long I get a headache. I can read for hours and it not effect me.
41. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 23.
42. The last song played at my high school prom was AC/DC "shook me all night long"
43. I am a karaoke addict. I love to go out and sing.
44. I've tried out for American Idol. Sort of.
45. I have never owned a pair of leather pants. I have, however, owned leather capirs, skirts, jackets and vests. I love the smell of leather.
46. When Kitten and I were on our honeymoon I almost choked to death while we were scuba diving because a leopard ray swam up to me and scared the crap out of me.
47. I am allergic to fish. Almost everything out of the water will send me into anaphylaxis. I know, because I've tried almost everything in an attempt to find some sort of seafood I can eat.
48. My first car was a 1988 Cutlass Calais. My parents bought it for me. It was black with gold rims and a red velvet interior. I worried it was hot. The sound system was awesome though.
49. I absolutely adore the Toyota Prius. I want one. But not until they fix that "the battery dies every 7 years and costs as much as the car to replace" problem.
50. I wish I had brown eyes.
51. I absolutely cannot tan. I might get slightly darker in the summer, but I'm still pale. If I get too much sun I burn, blister and peel. I wear SPF 50+ sunscreen to prevent this from happening.
52. I hated the color pink until I was about 25. Suddenly, its one of my favorite colors. My bedroom even has pink polka dots on the walls.
53. My IQ is high enough I qualify for automatic admission into MENSA.
54. I havent seen my biological father since my parents were divorced when I was four. I've nevre had the desire to.
55. I have a terrible habit of eating in bed, if you'll let me get away with it. It drives Kitten crazy, I've almost stopped doing it. Almost.
56. I don't know why, but I think eating fresh fruit is sexy.
57. I hate cantelope.
58. I was bitten by a snake when I was 7. I still have a scar on my ankle from it.
59. I didn't start shaving until I was almost 17. My parents wouldn't let me. I tried once to sneak it, and I ended up needing stitches.
60. I love zoos. They make me happy because I like the idea that animals have a safe place to be when their natural habitat is disappearing.
61. My favorite bird is the vulture. I think they are beautiful.
62. I love riding carousels. I will get on one at any opportunity. Even if its me and twenty five year olds.
63. I used to have a pet guinea pig called artaxerxes. I called him xerky for short.
64. I attened my first catholic mass two years ago. I was disappointed they didn't do it in latin.
65. My favorite month of the year is October. November is a close second, since its the month I got married in.
66. I can read palms.
67. Almost all my life I have had two swimsuits, one black two peice, one black one peice. I currently do not own a black swimsuit.
68. Most of the shorts I own are actually men's swim trunks. I hate shorts that come up high on my leg, I think my thighs are frightening.
69. I prefer baths to showers.
70. I love candles, and have tons of them, but I never burn them outside of rituals.
71. My high school didn't have air conditioning. They got it about three years after I left.
72. I was a cheerleader in junior high.
73. I've never purchased a car. All of my boughten vehicles have been trucks.
74. For the first time in my life, this last eye appointment, my eye actually improved.
75. I eat my steak medium. Nothing bugs me more than to see a good peice of meat burnt to where you can't taste it.
76. I only like alfredo sauce sometimes. It doesn't vary by restaurant either, it depends on my mood.
77. My current favorite style of cuisine is Japaneese. I eat hibachi as often as possible.
78. I hate sandals with a split in the toe. I think flip flops are an abbomination of god. I never, ever wear them. In fact, I've never owned a pair.
79. I love the rain. I like to leave my windows open and look up at the sky and smell the rain when it comes. I think its peaceful.
80. I don't like to drive. I let Kitten drive as often as possible. I'd rather be in the passenger seat, although I am a horrible backseat driver.
81. I have a terrible overbite, so I have to eat stupid things like apples and ribs with a fork, because I can't get my mouth properly around them. (haha, I know, I'm laughing too. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
82. I've only recently discovered that I like the Beetles. I'm usually more a Stones girl.
83. I wear a turquiose necklace to work, it helps me to stay calm and focused. There is a visible difference on the days I don't.
84. I resent my mom for liking my brother better than me. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm the better kid. Love in my family is usually given based on merit, and it annoys me because I try hard, and it doesn't seem to make a difference.
85. I am terrified of Kitten's mom, even though I have no reason to be. She really intimidates me. After three years, I still feel like I have to impress her. I hate when she drops by unannounced because I don't have time to clean beforehand.
86. I skipped marijuana as a gateway drug, The first thing I ever tried was cocaine.
87. I am really pendantic about other people's grammer, even though mine is sometimes lackluster, and my spelling is atrocious.
88. I am a chrinic book re-reader. I have books on my shelf I have never read, but I'll pick up one of my old favorites first.
89. I love trashy vampire novels.
90. I do not have the same problem with short skirts as I do with shorts. I do, however, hide my legs with hosiery if I wear a skirt. I hate when women don't wear appropriate hosiery.
91. I can run faster in high heels than I can in sneakers.
92. I own more pairs of boots than I do anything else.
93. I am good in bed. That sounds cocky, but its not. I don't admit to being good at many things, but that's one of them. Probably an overshare, but its the truth. And if I can't brag here...where can I brag?
94. Writing is relaxing to me. Its how I cope with stress.
95. On my days off, its fun to go drive and get lost. As long as I don't end up on some back road with a cliff on it. But I do like finding new places.
96. If you give me a camera, I will take pictures of seriously stupid stuff. Walls, flowers, ducks...anything that catches my eye.
97. No matter what time I go to sleep I almost never get more than five hours. If I sleep longer than that I tend to wake up feeling like crap.
98. I think my ice cream man is either selling or buying drugs from my neighbors. At inne every night we hear him and he stops next door pretty frequently. Its common for one of us to call out "anyone want a bomb pop or a dime bag?"
99. I can't fall asleep with my socks off. I do, however, kick them off once I fall asleep.
100. I paint my toenails but not my fingernails.
There, that's 100. Your turn- guess the lie.
Getting To Know You
Right, well, I'm up really early, so I thought I would post this. Its one of those forever long surverys that kind of gives you the basics of a person without telling you a whole lot about them. However, if you were a new friend of mine, you'd probably be interested in knowing these things. Also a good refresher course for someone that has known me a long time and doesn't really want to think "hmmm. I don't remember alecya's favorite color."
Also, might be interesting for you to post on your blog, or in my comments, if you have time. Something to think about.
Also, if any of you who have been aroudn a while remember it, I was thinking of doing 99 truths and a lie. Would anyone be interested in that?
Also, I kow I spaced some of this and didn't space other parts. I tried to make it easy to read, I might have failed. I also made an effort to actually answer some of these questions, where I felt like a clever two word answer wasn't really going to help you get to know me.
THE BASICS
name: Alecya Giovanni (nope, I'm not telling you my real name. If you friend me on facebook you can find out there)
date of birth: January 3
birthplace: Middle of Nowhere, MO
current location: Middle of Nowhere, MO (god save me)
eye color: blue grey
hair color: brown, with natural red and blonde highlights. Right now I've got black lowlights to even out the growth from when I dyed my hair black...
height: 5'8"
heritage: British and Irish (a WASP? Me?)
peircings: My ears twice, my nose once. I used to have my tongue and navel peirced but I took them out.
tatoos: Three rune charms across my shoulders, a pheonix in the center, two runes down the middle under the pheonix, a Celtic knot in my tramp stamp spot, two arabic words on the tops of my shoulders and a pinup riding a revolver sidesaddle on my hip.
FAVORITES
band/singer: Brandi Carlile (right now)
song: Um, current varies from day to day. My all time stranded on a a desert island, this is the only song you ever get to hear is Hotel California by the Eagles.
movie: Gone with the Wind
disney movie: Lelo and Stitch
tv show: another that varies. Season 3 of Tru Blood just came out on DVD, so its probably going to be my new favorite. I don't watch TV unless its on DVD.
color: black until they make somethign darker. pink or red.
food: meat in any form
pizza topping: pepperoni
ice cream flavor: neopolitan, or chocolate chip with flakes not chunks.
drink (alcoholic): Mimosas if I'm being girly, neat scotch if I'm not. If I drink beer I like imports like Tecate (Mexico) If I have to drink American beer I want either Budweiser or Miller Lite
soda: Coke
store: Envy (a boutique in my town)
clothing brand: I like eclectic stuff, but if I'm at the mall Express hands down
shoe brand: Candies or sketchers
season: Autumn
month: November
holiday festival: Halloween and Christmas
flower: Yellow roses tipped in red, jasmine, cupid's dart, forget me nots, irises, magnolias
makeup item: black eyeliner. Its the only thing I put on every day.
board game: Scrabble. Beat me. I dare you.
THIS OR THAT
sunny or rainy: Rainy
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
fruit or vegetable: potato
night or day: night
sour or sweet: both, together if possible
love or money: love
on phone or in person: In person
looks or personality: personality
coffee or tea: hot tea, long black cut with cream
hot or cold: hot
YOUR:
goal for this year: finish my second book, send out query letters (check), quit smoking (I'm trying, i swear!)
most missed memory: my grandfather
best physical feature: my eyes
first thought waking up: five more minutes
hypothetical personality disorder: OCD. I compulsively mop, vaccuum and straighten couch cushions.
preferred type of plastic surgery: Um, I want my teeth fixed. Other than that, I dont think people really need the enhancement. If I want to look thinner I'll exercise and tone. I hate the idea of pumping plastic and botcholism into my face and body to meet someone else's ideal of beauty. I think I'm a decent looking girl most days. Surgery isn't going to change the things I don't like about myself.
sesamee street alter ego: Grover. (SUPER GROVER!)
fairytale alter ego: Snow White
most stupid remark: I'm never stupid
worst crime: Wasting love
greatest ambition: publish a novel, have it make Oprah's book club, be asked to contribute to the New Yorker
greatest fear: Dying alone
darkest secret: Its a secret for a reason, though I dare to venture, if you read here frequently enough, you'll hear plenty of mine. I just won't tell you "This is the part where I divulge a secret of mine"
favorite subject: books, specifically the ones I am reading or writing. Wait- does this mean school subject? English.
strangest gift received: I got a vest one time that looked like a dead raccoon
worst habit: I talk too much
DO YOU
smoke: yes. I'm down to about half a pack a day, unless I'm super stressed or I'm drinking.
drink: socially. I fully admit I used to have a drinking problem. I choose now to only drink, in small amounts, with friends and on special occasions. I refuse to drink to cope. There are better ways to deal with life.
curse: hell yes
shower daily: *nervous glance* OF COURSE! Truth? I'm bad about the showers. I do wash my hair every day. I won't leave the house without clean hair. Showers are debateable.
like thunderstorms: yes
dance in the rain: every time I get the chance
sing: yes, I'm pretty good at it, though not nearly as good as Oscelot
play an instrument: several but none of them well
get along with your parents: sadly, no
wish on stars: yes
believe in fate: yes, but I also believe you have a hand in your own destiny
believe in love at first sight: No. I believe in like at first sight and lust at first sight. Love is a deep connection that requires you to know a person. I do, however, believe that you are predisposed to love some people. For exmple, I loved Perpet nearly immediately. I think we have an instinct that tells us when someone important has come into our lives.
CAN YOU
drive: yes
sew: yes, but I can't use a sewing machine. I do fancy work. If you need a hem, ask Kitten. If you want some serious embriodery done or some sequins replaced I'm your girl.
cook: yes. My Grandpa was a chef. He taught me to cook. Its why we're on a perpetual diet in our house. I like fattening foods.
speak another language: Yes. I speak two poorly, I'm working on a third. (French, German, and Chineese respectively)
dance: yes. Love it. Can't ever dance enough. (even if its only in my living room or front yard)
sing: yes. See previous.
touch your nose with your tongue: No. But I can do other fun things with my tongue. Does that count?
whistle: yes
curl your tongue: yes
HAVE YOU EVER
been drunk: yes
been stoned/high: yes
eaten sushi: No. I'm allergic to fish. It makes me nuts.
been in love: yes
skipped school: yes
made prank calls:yes
sent someone a love letter: yes
stolen something: from a store? No. From an ex? Hell yeah...I'm an Ex-lover klepto. I have
taken something from every person I've slept with more than once. I still have most of them too.
cried yourself to sleep: yeah
OTHER QUESTIONS
what annoys you most in a person: People who are two faced. Liars. People with delusions of grandeur. People who avoid confrontation. I like a person who is up front.
are you right or left handed: right
what is your bedtime: This is a topic of controversy in my house. Kitten gets up early. She wants me to go to bed at 9 with her. If I had my choice, and what normally happens, its between 11 and midnight.
name three things you cant live without: Kitten, Oscelot, Perpet. Also, food, water, air.
what is the color of your room: Blue with pink polka dots
do you have any siblings: yes, but I'm estranged from him.
do you have any pets: yes. Five cats Delylah, Voodoo, Purrsephanie, Munkostrap (Bubba for short) and Evelyn. We also feed all the strays in our neighborhood.
would you kill someone you hate for a million dollars: Never. Karma comes back.
what is your middle name: elizabeth. (ooops! There, see some actual personal information)
what are your nicknames: Um, Shera, Panther, xx
are you for or against gay marriage: If you don't know the answer to that, you shouldn't be my friend
what are your thoughts on abortion: I am glad I'll never have to make that choice. It's a woman's decision, but it should be considered seriously and NEVER be used as a form of birth control.
do you have a crush on anyone: Always. I'm firmly of the opinion it is possible to be in a committed relationship and still find other people attractive. Crushes are natural. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have one. The question is, who is it? :)
are you afraid of the dark: no
how do you want to die: In the arms of someone I love
how many posicles have you eaten in one day: Who knows the answer to that? 115.
would you take a bullet for the one you loved: Could I say I loed them If I wouldn't? Yes, of course I would. Although, I'd venture to say there are other things worse than taking a bullet for someone you love. I'd do all of them too.
what's the last law you've broken: Uh, none that I can recall recently unless you count occasionally going a little faster than the speed limit.
IN A MEMBER OF THE SEX YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO
hair color: dark
eye color: that's debatable. I'm married to a brown eyed girl and dating a blue eyed one. I can see the merits of both. Lets say I like them to have eyes, and I wish my blue eyes were brown. I think its what's in and behind a person's eyes that make them beautiful, not just the color.
height: Usually my height or shorter (5'9" or less, if you're curious) but I won't hold it against someone taller than me.
weight: healthy
most important physical feature: smile
biggest turn off: Stupidity
*AND*
Because I was on my Facebook this morning and saw this old meme I had filled out, I've updated it, and added it too. Some of these obviously apply to facebook, but I've tried to make it clear when that's the case...
1. Last beverage: A can of Coke
2. Last phone call: The Lifeguard
3. Last text message: Perpet (God love her, she was up when I was at 4 this morning)
4. Last song you listened to: The last one I remember listening to was Bye Bye Bye, by N*Sync. One of my friends on facebook got me earworming them yesterday.
5. Last time you cried: From sadness? Earlier this week. From happiness? Sometime recently I'm sure.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: Yes. Now I'm married to her
7. Been cheated on: of course
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: no. I think if you decide to kiss someone you better be sure you want to. I don't ever regret showing affection to people.
9. Lost someone special? yes
10. Been depressed?: isn't that sort of a standard thing nowdays? Yes. I used to be on depression medication. I actually don't need it now. I think its proof my life is better than it used to be.
11. Been drunk?: *rolls eyes* Never.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. black
13. pink
14. red
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: yes. And they're pretty awesome. I've also renewed some old friendhsips and I'm grateful for that too
16. Fallen out of love: no
17. Laughed until you cried: yes, I actually do that pretty frequently.
18. Met someone who changed you: absolutely
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you: isn't someone always? I work in a restaurant. If there wasn't someone talking about me, I'd be shocked.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list (on Facebook): yes! And not just Oscelot (kitten isn't on Facebook)
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all of them. I don't friend people I dont know
23. How many kids do you want to have: none. See my post, why my children would hate me, part 1 and 2
24. Do you have any pets: I covered this earlier
25. Do you want to change your name: I want to change my last name. What I would change it to is up for debate right now.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Got drunk and sang karaoke
27. What time did you wake up today: four thirty (am)
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: I'm getting out of town in a couple of weeks. I am looking forward to that. Long term? Getting my book published.
30. Last time you saw your father: I was 4
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I'd like more money
32. What are you listening to right now: the sound of the ceiling fan in the kitchen. My cats running around because I'm not paying attention to them
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? Nothing in particular.
35. Most visited Webpage: Outside of mine? And my email account? Probably Facebook. I check it religiously.
36. What’s your real name? Alecya Elizabeth Giovanni
37. Nicknames: we covered this before. I have others, but you have to be reeaally close to me to know them
38. Relationship status: Married and dating
39. Zodiac sign: Capricorn
40. Male or female: female
41. Elementary: hickory hills
42. Middle School: hickory hills
43. High school: glendale high
44. Hair color: brown
45. Long or short: long. I'm actually aiming for it to hit my elbows before I start cutting it again. 46. Height: 5'9"
47. What do you like about yourself?: my sense of humor, my eyes
48. Piercings: right now nose and ears, i took out my navel and tongue ring
49. Tattoos: ten
50. Righty or lefty: righty, but I can use my left hand tolerably well for most things
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HALFWAY THROUGH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FIRSTS: 51. First surgery: never
52. First piercing: 8 years old, ears
53. First tattoo: 18, lower back
54. First best friend: my neighbor's granddaughter Brandi
55. First sport you joined: softball, at 21
56. First pet: Jerry, a black snauzer
57. First vacation: 6 Flags st. Louis
58. First concert: All 4 One 59.
First crush: Boy? Timmy Johnson in 6th grade. Girl - Rachel Kraft (she looked like Gillian Anderson) There was also a girl about that same time named Tally. She was awesome, but I didn't realize until much later that I had a crush on her.
60. First alcohol drink: Fuzzy Navel
RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating: had a coconut crumb doughnut about an hour ago
62. Drinking: nothing
63. I'm about to: crawl back in bed for a couple hours
64. Listening to: The cats, the fans, the traffic outside
65. Waiting for: my day off tomorrow
YOUR FUTURE:
66. Want kids?: no
67. Want to get married?: want it to be legal? yeah.
68. Careers in mind: writer
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE SEX YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO?
69. Lips or eyes: eyes
70. Hugs or kisses: kisses
71. Shorter or taller: my height or a little shorter
72. Older or Younger: another toss up. Kitten is older than me, Oscelot is younger. I like them to be mature, how's that?
73. Romantic or spontaneous: yes
74. Nice stomach or nice arms: It doesn't matter. Both are great. If you really want to get me going, I like a nice back.
75. Tattoos or piercings?: why not? If its sexy and well placed.
76. Sensitive or loud: yes
77. Hook-up or relationship: relationship
78. Trouble maker or hesitant: cautious trouble maker. I like the onery ones
HAVE YOU EVER:
79. Kissed a stranger: yes
80. Drank hard liquor: yes
81. Lost glasses/contacts:yes
82. Sex on first date: I try not to, but yes. I've actually had sex before the first date a couple of times.
83. Broken someone's heart: yeah
84. Had your own heartbroken: god yes
85. Fallen for a friend:oh yeah
86. Turned someone down: yeah
87. Cried when someone died: yes
88. Liked a friend?: god yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself:I try to
90. Miracles: I'd like to.
91. Love at first sight: I believe in like at first sight
92. Heaven: sort of?
93. Santa Claus: I see him at the mall every year
94. Kissing on the first date?: if i like them
95. Angels: sort of?
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. If you could go back in time, where would you go? I don't know I would. I'd screw something up.
97. Had more than one boyfriend at one time? no. But I've had more than one girlfriend at a time. And I've dated more than one person at a time (with their knowledge of course)
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? yes
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? not at all
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?: No, because its going on my blog.
Well, that's a start on me. Did this silly survey leave out anything you wanted to know about me? Feel free to ask in the comments. I'm a pretty open book.
Also, might be interesting for you to post on your blog, or in my comments, if you have time. Something to think about.
Also, if any of you who have been aroudn a while remember it, I was thinking of doing 99 truths and a lie. Would anyone be interested in that?
Also, I kow I spaced some of this and didn't space other parts. I tried to make it easy to read, I might have failed. I also made an effort to actually answer some of these questions, where I felt like a clever two word answer wasn't really going to help you get to know me.
THE BASICS
name: Alecya Giovanni (nope, I'm not telling you my real name. If you friend me on facebook you can find out there)
date of birth: January 3
birthplace: Middle of Nowhere, MO
current location: Middle of Nowhere, MO (god save me)
eye color: blue grey
hair color: brown, with natural red and blonde highlights. Right now I've got black lowlights to even out the growth from when I dyed my hair black...
height: 5'8"
heritage: British and Irish (a WASP? Me?)
peircings: My ears twice, my nose once. I used to have my tongue and navel peirced but I took them out.
tatoos: Three rune charms across my shoulders, a pheonix in the center, two runes down the middle under the pheonix, a Celtic knot in my tramp stamp spot, two arabic words on the tops of my shoulders and a pinup riding a revolver sidesaddle on my hip.
FAVORITES
band/singer: Brandi Carlile (right now)
song: Um, current varies from day to day. My all time stranded on a a desert island, this is the only song you ever get to hear is Hotel California by the Eagles.
movie: Gone with the Wind
disney movie: Lelo and Stitch
tv show: another that varies. Season 3 of Tru Blood just came out on DVD, so its probably going to be my new favorite. I don't watch TV unless its on DVD.
color: black until they make somethign darker. pink or red.
food: meat in any form
pizza topping: pepperoni
ice cream flavor: neopolitan, or chocolate chip with flakes not chunks.
drink (alcoholic): Mimosas if I'm being girly, neat scotch if I'm not. If I drink beer I like imports like Tecate (Mexico) If I have to drink American beer I want either Budweiser or Miller Lite
soda: Coke
store: Envy (a boutique in my town)
clothing brand: I like eclectic stuff, but if I'm at the mall Express hands down
shoe brand: Candies or sketchers
season: Autumn
month: November
holiday festival: Halloween and Christmas
flower: Yellow roses tipped in red, jasmine, cupid's dart, forget me nots, irises, magnolias
makeup item: black eyeliner. Its the only thing I put on every day.
board game: Scrabble. Beat me. I dare you.
THIS OR THAT
sunny or rainy: Rainy
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
fruit or vegetable: potato
night or day: night
sour or sweet: both, together if possible
love or money: love
on phone or in person: In person
looks or personality: personality
coffee or tea: hot tea, long black cut with cream
hot or cold: hot
YOUR:
goal for this year: finish my second book, send out query letters (check), quit smoking (I'm trying, i swear!)
most missed memory: my grandfather
best physical feature: my eyes
first thought waking up: five more minutes
hypothetical personality disorder: OCD. I compulsively mop, vaccuum and straighten couch cushions.
preferred type of plastic surgery: Um, I want my teeth fixed. Other than that, I dont think people really need the enhancement. If I want to look thinner I'll exercise and tone. I hate the idea of pumping plastic and botcholism into my face and body to meet someone else's ideal of beauty. I think I'm a decent looking girl most days. Surgery isn't going to change the things I don't like about myself.
sesamee street alter ego: Grover. (SUPER GROVER!)
fairytale alter ego: Snow White
most stupid remark: I'm never stupid
worst crime: Wasting love
greatest ambition: publish a novel, have it make Oprah's book club, be asked to contribute to the New Yorker
greatest fear: Dying alone
darkest secret: Its a secret for a reason, though I dare to venture, if you read here frequently enough, you'll hear plenty of mine. I just won't tell you "This is the part where I divulge a secret of mine"
favorite subject: books, specifically the ones I am reading or writing. Wait- does this mean school subject? English.
strangest gift received: I got a vest one time that looked like a dead raccoon
worst habit: I talk too much
DO YOU
smoke: yes. I'm down to about half a pack a day, unless I'm super stressed or I'm drinking.
drink: socially. I fully admit I used to have a drinking problem. I choose now to only drink, in small amounts, with friends and on special occasions. I refuse to drink to cope. There are better ways to deal with life.
curse: hell yes
shower daily: *nervous glance* OF COURSE! Truth? I'm bad about the showers. I do wash my hair every day. I won't leave the house without clean hair. Showers are debateable.
like thunderstorms: yes
dance in the rain: every time I get the chance
sing: yes, I'm pretty good at it, though not nearly as good as Oscelot
play an instrument: several but none of them well
get along with your parents: sadly, no
wish on stars: yes
believe in fate: yes, but I also believe you have a hand in your own destiny
believe in love at first sight: No. I believe in like at first sight and lust at first sight. Love is a deep connection that requires you to know a person. I do, however, believe that you are predisposed to love some people. For exmple, I loved Perpet nearly immediately. I think we have an instinct that tells us when someone important has come into our lives.
CAN YOU
drive: yes
sew: yes, but I can't use a sewing machine. I do fancy work. If you need a hem, ask Kitten. If you want some serious embriodery done or some sequins replaced I'm your girl.
cook: yes. My Grandpa was a chef. He taught me to cook. Its why we're on a perpetual diet in our house. I like fattening foods.
speak another language: Yes. I speak two poorly, I'm working on a third. (French, German, and Chineese respectively)
dance: yes. Love it. Can't ever dance enough. (even if its only in my living room or front yard)
sing: yes. See previous.
touch your nose with your tongue: No. But I can do other fun things with my tongue. Does that count?
whistle: yes
curl your tongue: yes
HAVE YOU EVER
been drunk: yes
been stoned/high: yes
eaten sushi: No. I'm allergic to fish. It makes me nuts.
been in love: yes
skipped school: yes
made prank calls:yes
sent someone a love letter: yes
stolen something: from a store? No. From an ex? Hell yeah...I'm an Ex-lover klepto. I have
taken something from every person I've slept with more than once. I still have most of them too.
cried yourself to sleep: yeah
OTHER QUESTIONS
what annoys you most in a person: People who are two faced. Liars. People with delusions of grandeur. People who avoid confrontation. I like a person who is up front.
are you right or left handed: right
what is your bedtime: This is a topic of controversy in my house. Kitten gets up early. She wants me to go to bed at 9 with her. If I had my choice, and what normally happens, its between 11 and midnight.
name three things you cant live without: Kitten, Oscelot, Perpet. Also, food, water, air.
what is the color of your room: Blue with pink polka dots
do you have any siblings: yes, but I'm estranged from him.
do you have any pets: yes. Five cats Delylah, Voodoo, Purrsephanie, Munkostrap (Bubba for short) and Evelyn. We also feed all the strays in our neighborhood.
would you kill someone you hate for a million dollars: Never. Karma comes back.
what is your middle name: elizabeth. (ooops! There, see some actual personal information)
what are your nicknames: Um, Shera, Panther, xx
are you for or against gay marriage: If you don't know the answer to that, you shouldn't be my friend
what are your thoughts on abortion: I am glad I'll never have to make that choice. It's a woman's decision, but it should be considered seriously and NEVER be used as a form of birth control.
do you have a crush on anyone: Always. I'm firmly of the opinion it is possible to be in a committed relationship and still find other people attractive. Crushes are natural. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have one. The question is, who is it? :)
are you afraid of the dark: no
how do you want to die: In the arms of someone I love
how many posicles have you eaten in one day: Who knows the answer to that? 115.
would you take a bullet for the one you loved: Could I say I loed them If I wouldn't? Yes, of course I would. Although, I'd venture to say there are other things worse than taking a bullet for someone you love. I'd do all of them too.
what's the last law you've broken: Uh, none that I can recall recently unless you count occasionally going a little faster than the speed limit.
IN A MEMBER OF THE SEX YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO
hair color: dark
eye color: that's debatable. I'm married to a brown eyed girl and dating a blue eyed one. I can see the merits of both. Lets say I like them to have eyes, and I wish my blue eyes were brown. I think its what's in and behind a person's eyes that make them beautiful, not just the color.
height: Usually my height or shorter (5'9" or less, if you're curious) but I won't hold it against someone taller than me.
weight: healthy
most important physical feature: smile
biggest turn off: Stupidity
*AND*
Because I was on my Facebook this morning and saw this old meme I had filled out, I've updated it, and added it too. Some of these obviously apply to facebook, but I've tried to make it clear when that's the case...
1. Last beverage: A can of Coke
2. Last phone call: The Lifeguard
3. Last text message: Perpet (God love her, she was up when I was at 4 this morning)
4. Last song you listened to: The last one I remember listening to was Bye Bye Bye, by N*Sync. One of my friends on facebook got me earworming them yesterday.
5. Last time you cried: From sadness? Earlier this week. From happiness? Sometime recently I'm sure.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: Yes. Now I'm married to her
7. Been cheated on: of course
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: no. I think if you decide to kiss someone you better be sure you want to. I don't ever regret showing affection to people.
9. Lost someone special? yes
10. Been depressed?: isn't that sort of a standard thing nowdays? Yes. I used to be on depression medication. I actually don't need it now. I think its proof my life is better than it used to be.
11. Been drunk?: *rolls eyes* Never.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. black
13. pink
14. red
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: yes. And they're pretty awesome. I've also renewed some old friendhsips and I'm grateful for that too
16. Fallen out of love: no
17. Laughed until you cried: yes, I actually do that pretty frequently.
18. Met someone who changed you: absolutely
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you: isn't someone always? I work in a restaurant. If there wasn't someone talking about me, I'd be shocked.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list (on Facebook): yes! And not just Oscelot (kitten isn't on Facebook)
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all of them. I don't friend people I dont know
23. How many kids do you want to have: none. See my post, why my children would hate me, part 1 and 2
24. Do you have any pets: I covered this earlier
25. Do you want to change your name: I want to change my last name. What I would change it to is up for debate right now.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Got drunk and sang karaoke
27. What time did you wake up today: four thirty (am)
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: I'm getting out of town in a couple of weeks. I am looking forward to that. Long term? Getting my book published.
30. Last time you saw your father: I was 4
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I'd like more money
32. What are you listening to right now: the sound of the ceiling fan in the kitchen. My cats running around because I'm not paying attention to them
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? Nothing in particular.
35. Most visited Webpage: Outside of mine? And my email account? Probably Facebook. I check it religiously.
36. What’s your real name? Alecya Elizabeth Giovanni
37. Nicknames: we covered this before. I have others, but you have to be reeaally close to me to know them
38. Relationship status: Married and dating
39. Zodiac sign: Capricorn
40. Male or female: female
41. Elementary: hickory hills
42. Middle School: hickory hills
43. High school: glendale high
44. Hair color: brown
45. Long or short: long. I'm actually aiming for it to hit my elbows before I start cutting it again. 46. Height: 5'9"
47. What do you like about yourself?: my sense of humor, my eyes
48. Piercings: right now nose and ears, i took out my navel and tongue ring
49. Tattoos: ten
50. Righty or lefty: righty, but I can use my left hand tolerably well for most things
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HALFWAY THROUGH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FIRSTS: 51. First surgery: never
52. First piercing: 8 years old, ears
53. First tattoo: 18, lower back
54. First best friend: my neighbor's granddaughter Brandi
55. First sport you joined: softball, at 21
56. First pet: Jerry, a black snauzer
57. First vacation: 6 Flags st. Louis
58. First concert: All 4 One 59.
First crush: Boy? Timmy Johnson in 6th grade. Girl - Rachel Kraft (she looked like Gillian Anderson) There was also a girl about that same time named Tally. She was awesome, but I didn't realize until much later that I had a crush on her.
60. First alcohol drink: Fuzzy Navel
RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating: had a coconut crumb doughnut about an hour ago
62. Drinking: nothing
63. I'm about to: crawl back in bed for a couple hours
64. Listening to: The cats, the fans, the traffic outside
65. Waiting for: my day off tomorrow
YOUR FUTURE:
66. Want kids?: no
67. Want to get married?: want it to be legal? yeah.
68. Careers in mind: writer
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE SEX YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO?
69. Lips or eyes: eyes
70. Hugs or kisses: kisses
71. Shorter or taller: my height or a little shorter
72. Older or Younger: another toss up. Kitten is older than me, Oscelot is younger. I like them to be mature, how's that?
73. Romantic or spontaneous: yes
74. Nice stomach or nice arms: It doesn't matter. Both are great. If you really want to get me going, I like a nice back.
75. Tattoos or piercings?: why not? If its sexy and well placed.
76. Sensitive or loud: yes
77. Hook-up or relationship: relationship
78. Trouble maker or hesitant: cautious trouble maker. I like the onery ones
HAVE YOU EVER:
79. Kissed a stranger: yes
80. Drank hard liquor: yes
81. Lost glasses/contacts:yes
82. Sex on first date: I try not to, but yes. I've actually had sex before the first date a couple of times.
83. Broken someone's heart: yeah
84. Had your own heartbroken: god yes
85. Fallen for a friend:oh yeah
86. Turned someone down: yeah
87. Cried when someone died: yes
88. Liked a friend?: god yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself:I try to
90. Miracles: I'd like to.
91. Love at first sight: I believe in like at first sight
92. Heaven: sort of?
93. Santa Claus: I see him at the mall every year
94. Kissing on the first date?: if i like them
95. Angels: sort of?
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. If you could go back in time, where would you go? I don't know I would. I'd screw something up.
97. Had more than one boyfriend at one time? no. But I've had more than one girlfriend at a time. And I've dated more than one person at a time (with their knowledge of course)
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? yes
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? not at all
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?: No, because its going on my blog.
Well, that's a start on me. Did this silly survey leave out anything you wanted to know about me? Feel free to ask in the comments. I'm a pretty open book.
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