There Isn't a Song Lyric To Express how Crazy and Wonderful My Family Is

Family seems to be that secret that we hold really close to the chest as adults. You never really think about it, but all those holidays together are something you may reminisce about but aren't necessarily something you share.

As you get older, that part of yourself is something that reserved for you, maybe your significant other (if they tolerate family gatherings and you still go to them) but by and large you never sit down with your friends and share about your family. Its a shame, really, because I think our families really influence who we are as as adults and its impossible to escape that influence. Sometimes I don't think we even really register the magnitude of how they influence our worldview.

I've been thinking more about this recently. Part of this reflection was brought on by an envelope of photos I brought home from my grandmothers to show Kitten- many of them were from when I was a little girl. Another contributor was our recent viewing (mine, twice) of August: Osage County. During the film Kitten leaned over to me and whispered "This is like watching a documentary of your family." I was also reflecting on how our family changes how people view us while talking to one of my coworkers today. I had been telling her about Sakura's first holiday with my family and his reaction to them. She was dying laughing. Personally, before Sakura's visit to my family Christmas I knew we were a little different from some families but it never occurred to me how much until then. That was also about the time that I realized how different I am from most of my family members in personality as well. I always knew I was one of the odd ducks in the family (maybe even to some extent the black sheep for a few years) but their cohesiveness was a shock when I honestly started to reflect on it.

To understand how different my family is I think you have to look at how unique we are to start with. My family is pretty large, by most family standards. (That picture, by the way, is my cousin Red, my brother Punk and me, respectively, being held by my grandmother sometimes in the early 80's. My guess would be '86 or so, if I had to wager) My mom has five sisters, all of them with the exception of my Aunt Dancer had at least two children. My grandmother has several sisters as well. Her youngest is within a year of my mom's age. Her son JD and daughter JJ, whom I call my cousins, are actually my first cousin once removed and JJ now has a daughter (my second cousin Iris, who is tiny and adorable). To my best knowledge my grandma has three living sisters- this may be inaccurate since I don't have a super firm grasp on my family history (don't judge me my family is HUGE). I additionally have family members that could be called in Southern terminology "kissing cousins" (that means they don't have direct blood relations to me but I consider them to be part of my family anyway- e.g. my Aunt's stepson is a kissing cousin). And don't buy in to all that Yankee hooey about how that's just a family member who is close enough to exchange a kiss in formal greeting- my family is southern and we're going to use those rules. Plus we'll get to the whole kissing thing in a little because my family KISSES and that's another animal entirely. So I have this nice, big family and we, for most of my childhood, piled into my great-grandmother or my grandmother's house every year for holidays (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Independence Day, sometimes for no good reason at all) so we could spend time together. I also come from a really unique place in that for a few years of my life I shared a bedroom with one of my younger aunts when we lived in my grandmother's house. I look at my aunts more like sisters, which confuses things a little more, I suppose. I find myself often in a strange position- inhabiting a no man's land where I am not part of the older generation (though I am equally close to some of my aunts in age as I am my cousins) and I am old enough that I remember the births of and even babysitting as a teenager some of my cousins who are technically in "my generation" of the family.

Suffice to say, my family is all up in each other's space, all the time, no question. Once my mom remarried I never lived more than three blocks from my grandparents- in the same neighborhood always. I spent a significant part of my childhood in my grandparents home even after we moved out. My Aunt Dancer for a while lived up the street from my grandparents and it wasn't until a few years ago when my Aunt Priestess moved away with her husband and daughters (Lovey and Cowgirl) to Oklahoma that any of us lived more than a fifteen or twenty minute drive across-town from each other- excepting, of course, when my Aunt Buddy went to college in Kansas. Even stranger, for a lot of people, I've known most of my uncles who married into my family for a long time as well. Priestess married her high school sweetheart (they just celebrated their 25th anniversary) and Buddy and her husband met while she was in college and I was still in grade school when they married. There's never been a time in my life when my family- even the extended part- were beyond a day's drive. We're an up close, in your face, tell me all about it honey kind of family.

That in and of itself makes us a rarity, even in the Midwest where larger families are common.  But it wasn't until recently that the culture of my family, which is distinctly Southern, was something I was terribly aware of.  Sakura says it was a surprise when he met them two years ago (I was sick with a migraine and drugged out of my mind as a result, Kitten was at work and I needed a way to get to the Christmas party so Sakura did me a solid and came to get me) because he thought they would be like me. To wit "I was expecting a reserved, proper, northeastern, Huxtable kind of family. I walked into The Clampett Family Christmas." My mom was hugely offended when I laughingly told her about this- though I took no offense at all. Sakura was simply trying to express the shock he felt when he realized that one of his best friends (a relatively quiet, introverted, polished person- yes, me) came from a loud family full of kisses, cuddles and let me get you a sweet tea and fix you a plate honey. There's nothing wrong with it- but if you're not expecting it, its a shock, I'm sure.

And nothing is more surprising than walking into a room (we rent a community room now- we're too big for anyone's house) full of people shouting good naturedly, elbowing each other in the food line and chasing down toddlers when you're expecting a nice polite clam bake. We eat, too, make no mistake. I didn't know until recently that its odd to have more than one turkey at Christmas. I didn't know its not normal to have to empty out bedrooms so there's room to set up card tables because the main table (a 12 seater, mind you) is full, the long card tables set all along the dining room wall are full and there's no more room on the stove, the kitchen counters or the two dessert carts my grandparents dug out to stick all the cookies, pies and cakes on in the pantry were all full. Now that we have a community room its not odd for my aunts to carry in three or four crockpots and chafing dishes to go with all the cold food and dips and vegetables and whatnot. My cousins even cook. No kidding- Aunt Buddy's youngest  Colorgirl made a soup last family gathering that was so good I wanted to cry and she's in her second year of high school. Even my boy cousin's cook. And if you bring a date- if they're going to fit in chances are they'll cook too. JJ's husband makes prime rib to die for and my cousin Mustang brought his girlfriend to Christmas (her second family gathering) and she didn't have to be told to bake cookies. She just did. They were delicious by the way.

So I'm sure Sakura was taken aback- in part by all the food and in part by the determination of my family to feed him. I may have been to sick too eat (and that was debatable since I had thrown up from the dizziness and had "plenty of room in my stomach") but by god Sakura was not. And no kidding they drug him to the table and fed him and fed him and kept his drink full. Nevermind he had eaten before he came. He wasn't just my ride. In my family its unspoken but true- if you're willing to bring someone to meet them then they are family too, like it or not. Sakura was family and when we get together we eat. No ifs ands or buts about it. Truthfully, I laughed my ass off this year when several of my family members were horrified that I had not told him when the party was because of course he was going to come- he came last year didn't he? They were even dismayed that Oscelot (by then my ex) and her lovely girlfriend Bobcat didn't come because Oscelot is family and that Bobcat sounds like a nice girl and when do we get to meet them? Truthfully I think my family will love Bobcat- she cooks on caliber with my family's best and that's saying something.

On top of that my family is by nature loud. They are affectionate. Oh yes, the kissing. You know, my younger cousins don't do this so much, it might be a generational thing, but growing up everyone kissed. I mean, I'll get a peck on the cheek from my cousins I'm close to and everyone hugs- like full body crack your spine hugs- but I mean my family kisses hello and goodbye. On the mouth. All the time. Think nothing of it. It never occurred to me until way later in my life (I had an ex point it out, maybe ExBeloved) that I realized that this is not how a lot of families interacted.  My aunts and my grandparents and any of the older generation still do it and I do when I'm with them and I don't feel weird or ashamed about it. I know some people have implied that its unhealthy. But it never bothered me. It might also explain why I have such a small personal space when it comes to my friends. I grew up in a house with two bathrooms and sometimes up to six women. Personal space didn't exist. My aunt went into labor on the same night as my mom's first date with her second husband- while he was picking her up (Lovey, if you're reading, it was you...). My family kisses on the mouth and swats on the ass and pinches with their toes and why in heaven's name would I have a personal space when I grew up expecting that if you're with people you love you pile on top of them and give them hell?

The Easter Lovey was four or five my uncles dumped a kiddie pool of water on my aunts and chased them around the yard while Lovey chased me around the yard in her powerwheel. As close as we are now she would probably be horrified to know my clumsy ass fell and she ran over me with that damn thing. But she did. (Swear, Lovey, I don't hold a grudge. Its funny now.)

My family is privy to some of my most private moments. Some of my most embarrassing. Some of the most moving. It was my family that was there to pick spiders out of my hair when I ran afoul of an opus in my Grandma's yard (hence my severe arachnophobia for nearly two decades). It was my aunts that took me away from the horrible scene they were making the year my parents split up- Christmas, mind you- and my father came to the party to try and take us from our mom. It was my aunts who fought for me. My grandfather and my uncles who protected me. My grandparents who gave us somewhere to go. When I became a dancer at a downtown club when I was 18 I had family show up (like it was a dance recital or a school exhibition!) on my first night. My grandmother bought me my first pair of pasties and my first pair of leather boots. It is my family who helped me through my coming out process. My family came for all my karaoke contests. They showed up and ate when I was having a sales contest at work. I have worked as a coworker with three different generations of my family now- and it wasn't that bad, really. It was my family who helped me when I hit bottom, twice, and had nowhere to go and no way out from my mistakes.

Its the absolutely insane level of nosiness that spurs my family to offer dating advice on women. Its what makes them call me to make sure I know that we're always welcome, damn the conservatives and what they say (neveryoumind that some of them are conservative too!). Its my family who pushes me to be my best, who call with good natured nagging when I'm not getting along with someone else (a rarity more and more, thank god). It is my beautiful family who watched my romance with Kitten develop and who felt no compunction stalking her through Walmart when she was shopping before coming home to me even though they'd never met her, debating with each other whether or not they should introduce themselves.

And my family's kinks, quirks, oddities, secrets, histories, dramas and fights that make me so understanding of the troubles of others. It is what has given me the little compassion and empathy I possess and it is their level of unconditional love that I one day aspire to have. It is my family that reminds me that I am human. It is my family that reminds me that I need forgiveness as much as they do sometimes. But if ever there is a time when I need a second chance, forgiveness, help or acceptance I know I can get it from them. And it is that certainty that makes me want to share them with the people I love despite those links, quirks, oddities and dramas. Because after years of wondering where the hell I fit in with them I've come to realize that I am my family to my friends.

That's the one thing you can count on from me. I'm going to cheer for you. Loan you what money I can. Clean your house when you break your leg, bring you soup when no one else will because you have bird flu. I'm the person they'll come to when they need to bitch about work, or a friend. When time comes for a life changing decision, I know my friends are going to use me as a sounding board. If no one understands or they need a cry, a couch to crash on, or they need a dinner because the paycheck is three days away and they can't take one more bologna sandwich or packet of ramen; its my house you come to. I'm proud of that. I'm delighted that after all these years of wondering if I was ever going to be able to truly cope with my family and fit in I've discovered that they are a significant part of who I am, and have been all my life. I'd just never noticed.

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End

So I never got to the rest of my Alaska posts, though I've got them saved on here somewhere. I'll have to track them down.

Anywho, I've been a lazy blogger and I know I have a lot of catching up to do. It is, however, time for that inevitable end of the year round up. I remembered how I needed to do this when I saw the lovely survey below and I think it covers most stuff, so you know, I thought I would run with it.

What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Uh, I went to several states I had never been to. I hiked a waterfall. I took a ghost tour.

Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Probably not. I don't remember what they were. I didn't write more, which I always want to do. I didn't exercise more, which is usually on my list. I did, however, quit smoking and that was a bonus.

I have, yes, already decided what my new resolutions are. I am promising myself to not let people bully me or take advantage of me. I'm going to start calling people on their bullshit as it relates to me. Should be interesting.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. Thank god.

Did anyone close to you die?
My familiar Voodoo died. That was really hard for me.

What countries did you visit?
No new countries this year, sadly.

What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013
Nice abs? A drama free existence?

What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Kitten graduated on May 16

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Probably a tie between quitting smoking and not killing my MIL while I was trying to quit smoking.

What was your biggest failure?
I feel like I really let myself down in my journey to become a more compassionate person. I also didn't finish editing my last novel. Sad.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing significant. The usual bumps, bruises and colds, as far as I can remember. And headaches. Always the headaches.

What was the best thing you bought?
Uh, I liked the pirate tee that we got in Charleston?

Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I'm a big fan of the Pope.

Whose behaviour made you appalled?
Justin Beiber upset me a bunch. There were a bunch of douchey politicians as well.

Where did most of your money go?
Bills, as always/

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was excited about Kitten graduating, her new job and the amount of time we get to spend together now.

Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
I think I am happier, fatter and about the same financially.

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time with my Grandmother.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Uh, wasted time.

How did you spend Christmas?
We went to the movies and watched American Hustle and Saving Mr. Banks. It was awesome. We had a picnic in the floor of the movie theater for lunch and ate way to much popcorn and candy.

What was your favourite TV program?
Sherlock

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Uh, I try not to hate anyone.

What was the best book you read?
Oh. Wow. I read so many. I loved Ocean at the End of the Lane (Neil Gaiman) and Looking for Alaska (John Green) both were total tear jerkers. I also discovered my love of fantasy books. I read David Eddings and enjoyed it. I also started the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan with Swiss. I think he's a little firther on than I am. I'll get there though. Good books. I just can't do a single genre for very long.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Oh, good grief. I have to pick one? Nope. Can't do it. I loved too many things this year.

What was your favourite film of this year?
I don't know if I can pick one. I loved Catching Fire and I've been waiting for it a while. I also loved American Hustle and Desolation of Smaug....

What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I got to spend a lot more time with Kitten once she graduated. I was pleased to see her succeed and then get a great job right away. It made my life much fuller and richer.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Sweat pants and T-shirts. Having put on a substantial amount of weight it was the most comfortable. Before that I spent a lot of time working around the house and camping. Its practically required.

What kept you sane?
Sakura. Kitten. Lots of deep breathing.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Its probably a tie between Jennifer Lawrence, Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston.

What political issue stirred you the most?
gay rights. always. Gun control got me fired up too.

And a month by month:
In January I didn't do a whole lot except work a temp job at KMOM's office. I was, however, obsessed with The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. We also got a new computer because our old one (and I mean, like, made in 2002 old) computer died. Sakura and I went to the symphony.

In February I  intentionally didn't celebrate Valentines because I didn't feel romantic at all. It snowed and iced a lot.

In March we went to go see Lindsey Stirling in St. Louis, MO. Sakura smashed his hand in the window at my house on Ostara during an indoor egg hunt because it had snowed outside. I was super proud because Kitten did her first ritual planning. Started the remodel of KMOM's kitchen.

In April my sweet Voodoo crossed the rainbow bridge. I saw Bob Dylan in concert.

In May Kitetn graduated from college. I quit smoking. We left for South Carolina. I planned a party. I celebrated Beltane. I played 7 wonders for the first time.

In June I saw South Carolina. I camped through a tropical storm. I saw sea turtles. I collected shells from a beach. I climbed a waterfall. I took a couple of ghost tours. I explored some graveyards as old as I am. I QUIT SMOKING. I cooked like a champ over an open fire. I made a few new friends. I came back from our trip and managed a ritual with less than a week to fix it up.

In July I went to the zoo. I joined Goodreads. Kitten quit her old job and got a new one. I got bitten by a poisonous spider, or several, I'm still not sure. Either way, this resulted in me having a poultice put on my feet and I thanked Lord and Lady that my wife is an excellent herbalist. Again. I started reading The Wheel of Time series with Swiss. I redecorated my living room.

In August I joined the Sherlock fandom. I bought some seriously hot salsa. I ran around a whole lot and generally wasted some time. I got my first smartphone. I learned that a 6gig data package for three people is TOTALLY not enough and I should never trust the ATT lady again. I put in a lot of flower beds.

In September I started working at The Diner. I went to the symphony with Sakura. Kitten and I saw Spamalot. Oscelot dumped us. We went to the Japanese Fall festival and had a nice time for a whole weekend. I got Kitten into a kimono.

In October nothing truly thrilling happened, I don't think. Except Halloween.

In November Kitten and I had our four year anniversary.

We skipped Christmas in December. That was fun.

Don't Ask Me How I Am! I Understand Nothing More- Hans Christian Anderson (Looking for Alaska- Part 1)

If you recognize where the quote for my blog comes from today you're certainly 1) aware that it is not a song quote, per my usual habit 2) you've read a fair amount of dying declarations and 3) (I can always hope) might be John Green.

What's much more likely is that you have, like I have just done, read Looking for Alaska, by the aforementioned Mr Green and took some time to look at unusual dying declarations (Its okay, really, I needed another weird obsession, I really did.). Having read it, I assume you were just a broken and touched by it as I was.

Before I really branch out, I'd like to give one of those general, vague, spoiler free type reviews. Like so:

Pudge was a loser in high school. Well, his first two years anyway. Then he convinced his parents to send him to boarding school where he meets The Colonel, his roommate, and Alaska, who is- of course- the most beautiful, enigmatic, tragic and amazing woman he has ever known in his man-boy existence. And she changes everything.

I have to tell you, honestly, this book is a tear jerker. I'm not a crier either. Not normally. But this book, it had me in tears. I also devoured it in less than a day. Its a quick read that begs (and I will give in) to a slow, languorous re-read that allows you to swim- nay- wallow in the tidal wave of emotions this book will set off in the deeply closeted teenager that you hide inside yourself. Unless you're still a teenager and in that case OMG THE FEELS. JOHN GREEN TOTALLY GETS YOU. I'm not being condescending. Its the truth.

The book has a beautiful tone to it. It holds the odd beauty of a boarding school- that mystique most of us never understand but yearn for as teenagers. It reminds me in some ways of Curtis Stittenfeild's Prep, only in a lot less painfully self-involved way. The setting rings true, and I think both works take a lot of the glamour out of boarding school and its inhabitants.  I think the characters are very real and I think the emotions are very accurate and true to life.

That said, I feel like John Green is much better capable of handling deep, visceral emotion and a lot of the questions that plague the lives of teenagers (and adults, let's face it) even when we're not really thinking that they're plaguing us. I think its that overreaching sense of omnipotence that Green, as a writer, really flourishes. The texture and depth is there, waiting to be discovered. Truly, whether you love the characters or you hate them or you chalk them up to tropes (seriously, I read a review like that and I couldn't believe it because these people lived in my mind, truly lived there, for the three hours I was reading it.) you can't escape the feeling that they are real.

Now. At the end of my edition John (can I call you John?) asks five questions of the reader and I have no one to discuss them with so I want to tell you (and him, if he's here) the answers.

1. Is forgiveness universal? I mean, is forgiveness really available to all people, no matter the circumstances? Is it, for instance, possible for the dead to forgive the living, and for the living to forgive the dead?

I think it is, in a way. I think that some of your characters would argue that we have to believe that because it is the only thing that gives us solace in this life. I think maybe they might discuss that (like Pudge argues) because matter, energy, and thus ourselves, cannot be unmade, that we are infinitely enfolded in our own and the forgiveness of others because we exist in a state of forgiving.

My answer is of course it is. I believe our souls are eternal, they exist without our bodies. It is our souls that hold the seat of our emotion and our wisdom (if not always our collected knowledge) and that is something that cannot be taken from us when we die. I think the dead forgive the living because the completion and perfection of not being non-corporeal (call it heaven, nirvana, the summerlands, whatever) prevents you from holding grudges. You are the universe, you have perfect wisdom, you've joined The Force. There is no room for anger any longer because you are perfect and infinite. I think as a living human forgiveness is a choice and our ability to forgive is a signal of our progression towards that perfection and one of the great challenges of our existence.

2. I would argue that in both fiction and in real life, teenage smoking is a symbolic action. What do you think it's intended to symbolize and what does it actually end up symbolizing? To phrase the question differently: Why would anyone every pay money in exchange for the opportunity to acquire lung cancer and/or emphysema?

Okay. This is an interesting one seeing as I started smoking at 15 and I quit just six months ago (for those of you unaware, I am in my thirties). I started, I suppose, because I could. Because people I thought to be like me did it. In a way, they were like me, and I don't know why they started so it might be a vicious cycle. For me, then, it had nothing to do with looking cool or taking a shot at the establishment or whatever- which is what it eventually ends up symbolizing. It just made sense and I didn't think much about it. I did quit for a while and then I started again and I think that really answers the second question, which is why I would do it knowing it harms me. The truth is, I like the flavor of tobacco. Not the horrible stuff, but the nice, imported kind you smoke in a hookah and is soft and sweet and has texture and flavors like wine or nice cheese. In the end, I weighed the health benefits and decided wine and nice cheese were less likely to kill me although only time will tell.

As to what it symbolizes in the book (which is what I think you're actually asking) I would say that it is a portrait of both the feeling of invincibility that teenagers feel and a shadowy foreboding of the pain and shadow that come with growing up and loss. Maybe that's why any teenager does it, in the end; its our one chance to take something grown up that we aren't ready for and control it.

But I will say this- I think the idea that we must avoid death at all costs is silly. Everyone dies. I don't think life is measured by length as much as it is by quality. Granted, a longer life means more opportunity for quality, but only if you make the best of it. I started smoking shisha while I was in Kuwait in 2005 on a truly once in a lifetime trip. The truth is me being gone from the US then (I was there for almost three weeks, I think) and the fallout from me being gone had long-lasting consequences in my life. When I arrived home I did not know it but my life was about to change dramatically and for almost four years, not for the better. But I'll tell you something- even if I had only smoked while on that trip and I would never smoke again and it killed me in the end, I would not change it. I wouldn't. Because eight years ago I was sitting on the Arabian Gulf with a handful of students I had just met, with a group of people I will never see again, at one of the largest TGI Friday's in the world (Who knew, right?) smoking shisha out of a pipe and listening to them laugh in Arabic though I didn't speak a stitch of it and I was having one of the most beautiful experiences I had ever known. And yes, I could have had that without the tobacco, but I would miss the soft and hazy, perfectly relaxed  feeling of that memory- and it would lack the aftertaste of rich Egyptian tobacco if I hadn't. And that taste, that moment, and the scent of the gulf air and the taste of my terrible soda was the experience in my life that made me brave enough to survive what came after and aware enough of my own personal beauty to see I was something worth fighting for. When I die it will be one of a handful of moments in my life that I would not trade anything for. If death came for me tonight, it would be one of the things I loved about my life and I couldn't regret it- even if it was the cause.

That said- don't smoke, kids. Give yourself more chances for infinite perfection and happiness.

3. Do you like Alaska? Do you think its important to like people you read about?

Yes. I like Alaska. She's a great depiction of a teenage girl. I really believe that. Because I knew her, and I was her and I see her all the time. She's the depiction of beauty and enigma that lives in all females of a certain age. She is the kiss in the corner of Wendy's mouth.

That said; no, I don't think you have to like the people you read about. I think this is adult perspective creeping in, but I think a lot of important characters are like that. I think Holden Caufeild is a punk, but I get why he was and I know why that's important. Scout Finch was a smart-aleck brat. I liked her, but that's the truth. Lady McBeth was a whiner and a wimp but you can't have Out Spot Out without her crazy ass. I mean, look at the people we idolize now- Frank Sinatra beat his wife. Queen Elizabeth the first had a mercurial temper. Hell, look at all the celebrities who are dead that we idolize- Curt Kobain, Amy Winehouse, Corey Monteith, Marilyn Monroe- most of them were bad people. Unlikable people, but that's part of their charm. In Ken Keysey's One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Randall McMurphy talks about the "average asshole on the street."  all of us are that person- the average asshole- but that makes us no less deserving of love or interest, or no less lovable or interesting for that matter. I propose that's what makes us worth reading about. Alaska was an extraordinary "ordinary asshole" and I think that's why I (and everyone in the book) loved her.


Alright, kiddies, this is me tapping out because I have three other spaces to hit on the internet before I have to go to bed because I get up before the sun and its already way past my bedtime. John Green, you're costing me sleep, but you're worth it- you brilliant writer you.  I have two more questions to answer tomorrow and those will be the ones with the spoilers.

For those of you who have read the book, what do you think? For those of you who haven't- go get it. Seriously.

Time Keeps Rollin' On

I could keep telling you how busy I am, but no one believes me with the amount of time I spend on Tumblr, honestly. And I do have a Tumblr, in case you want to see what really occupies my waking hours. Spoiler alert- books, cats, food, Kitten and a few very pretty British men. Specifically This one:

Oh. And I've been figuring out how to work gifs, FINALLY, because I am sick of not being able to do it. Thanks to Sakura for that. Seriously.

I've been meaning to write lately and every time I get in here I get distracted because I want to talk about so many things. I keep thinking, why can't I be nice like Aravis and Swiss and only talk about one thing at a time? It occurs to me this is because Aravis and Swiss and all the other lovely bloggers I know actually have things to say and their minds are not, like mine, as cluttered as a forgotten attic in a romance novel. Fortunately, I explore mine pretty often and I always find a few treasures. Here's what's been on my mind lately:

The government shut down. I could get all wound up and do a political post but we'll stay away. I'll say this, the system is broken. EVERYONE is at fault. This started years before now. I'm sick of all of it. Talk about voter apathy. I won't have the heart to encourage people to vote if this keeps up, because really, who wants to convince someone their voice matters when really a bunch of assholes are going to hijack your decision making governing body and hold it hostage while pitching a fit like a two year old because they aren't getting their way. This goes for both sides, btw. All this nonsense does have a practical aide to it- I worry about money. I also worry because we have several customers who work for the government at Super Coffee and I don't want to cope with them not coming in because they've no paychecks.

Oscelot and Bobcat live next door. This causes no angst, its just new.

I am, though, concerned about Oscelot, because I have this horrible feeling the friendship is going to go south, and I hate when shit goes sideways. I've had a few tarot readings that indicate this is going to happen soon and it is going to effect my wallet. This will piss me off. We'll see. I feel like there's an effort on her part to needle me into being an asshole so she can be the victim, so I'm being as nice as possible for the moment, probably a dick move in and of itself. Ah, well. At least I'm being nice about it.

I have been enjoying some new fandoms lately. My love of Doctor Who grows daily. Of course, I've been loving Sherlock. Okay, I'm obsessed with Sherlock and not just because BC is a very painfully, adorably perfect example of what humanity should be. I've always loved the AC Doyle shorts and I think that there has been serious thought put into updating the stories into modern London. In old fandom news I am preparing to be really excited about Catching Fire. I think it is going to be great. I've seen some of the casting for the third and fourth film as well, and I can't be bitter about that. The Hobbit, Desolation of Smaug trailer came out and I think its going to be great. I will certainly be purchasing the latest Star Trek special edition to own for my very own quite soon. Kitten is currently really into AMC's The Walking Dead. Me? Not so much. I did, however, really like World War Z as far as zombie movies go and they aren't usually my favorite. I even liked it in 3D.

I am gearing up for Nanowrimo (Nano) and I think this year is going to be great. I've actually stayed in touch with some of the people who I have met in the forums over the last couple of years, and seeing them grow as writers and them  being there to encourage me is huge. I think I am going to try a romance again this year, though I am planning on skipping the historical and trying out a modern romance. I am also going to work to make this one real and enjoyable. I feel like there has to be more to romance than just billionaire philanthropist playboys, right? Poor people need love too. Hell, look at me.

My brother turned 30 last week and its making me feel really old. On the upside, Punk did invite me to his birthday party for the first time in years. I, of course, could not attend. But it was the thought that counted. We'll probably lunch later this week and it will be a good time. If not this week, well, by week I mean sometime in the next seven days. I need to work out his days off...

I may or may not have mentioned that my mom and grandmother came unglued on me in public when I told them I didn't want to celebrate Christmas with anyone this year-not specifically them, but anyone. See, I'm not a Christian and I hate the shuffle and crazy. They both apologized and are being really mature about it. For now. This, I think, is a good thing.

Samhain (Halloween) is fast approaching and I am really looking forward to the dumb supper we are planning (it means we don't talk, not that its stupid). I've almost got everything ready, except for purchasing the food, of course. And I'm waiting on the final RSVPs. It'll be great. I love the holidays, I really do.

Outside of that I think I am joining a gym in January (Specials, friends. I hate paying the building fees, especially when they're more than a third of the yearly subscription. That's stupid.) I am finally uncomfortable with my body shape. I am okay with the weight, and I know a lot of it comes from not smoking (did I ever mention I quit smoking? I quit in May.) and the food cravings that I have been completely giving into because of it. I have to remember now that I probably shouldn't always listen to my cravings, especially if they are for truffles and cans of pringles. Or cupcakes for breakfast. Either way, I've been meaning to get into a gym and swim more. I've been a lot less active as a housewife than I was when I was working at Casa Bueno and I need to take better care of myself. Kitten is positively rail thin because of her work now (all muscle too- I keep feeding her and it doesn't work!) so I feel like a total layabout when I look in the mirror. I could definitely use some toning. Not to mention I decided to ride my bicycle to the post office today to get some stamps and what would have been a quick and easy ten minute ride was a painful and embarrassing fifteen minute slog. It is certainly time to get back into shape. I may take my bike to work with me tomorrow and ride it home. I don't fancy the ten mile ride will be pleasant, but then, exercise hardly ever is...I suppose I'll see how miserable and defeated my body is tomorrow. I mowed the lawn and hacked at some weeds today too....

So that's me. I think there's not a whole lot of other interesting things going on. I'll eventually get around to talking about exciting things again, and maybe telling you all about my workplace, which really is a treasure. I am so happy there I can't even think.

So....you lot take care and I swear I'll make it in soon. Swear.

Lots of love- AGxx


Oh- and a postscript for someone who swore they were getting the hell out of my life a few years ago and I've discovered that they are occasionally stalking my blog. For the record, I was right. I still am. I'm glad I made the decision I did. As for you?

Everybody Changes

So it seems again like I am a lazy blogger, but honestly, things have been so crazy, I really feel like I've been a bit justified.

I have a job now, for one thing. I've been working at a wonderful place we'll call the Magic Pancake for about a month and a half now. I really like it and I'm super happy. Its actually one of the places I mentioned that I would miss when I leave the city I am living in now. I feel like the staff are my family and I really enjoy going to work every day. It isn't far from my house and I can walk home if I want to. Its pretty nice. I also am off by two every day because we are only open until then, so I have my afternoons free, which is really enjoyable. It gives me a chance to still see my friends, be active or get housework done before Kitten gets home.

Having a job means I have time out of the house, which makes me appreciate being at home more, if that was possible. It has also brought to my attention that I need to exercise a little more and maybe lose a little weight. No, I don't think I am fat (not when I'm being rational anyway) but I weighed myself at a friend's house a couple weeks ago and I've put on 15 pounds since I stopped smoking. Some exercise might be in order. I don't mind going up a couple of pant sizes, but I do want to be healthy. Come January I'll probably join a gym. I've been looking into the local YMCA among other places, and I think I've almost settled on them. They have a lot of good classes and there's one just a few blocks from my house. It has a pool and I'll have access to it even if I can't or don't feel like driving.

I should also probably mention the fact that Oscelot is no longer living with Kitten and I. We are no longer dating her. It is (so far) a pretty amicable split. She and Bobcat are moving into the house next door to us, which should be a good time. We've been wanting Bobcat to come back over to our side of town for a while now and it was very convenient that the house was open when Oscelot was looking for a place. It will, I hope, turn out well. If it doesn't...well, it happens. We are trying as hard as we can to smooth the way for all of us. We don't want any of that nasty picking sides or whatever that comes from a lot of breakups.

Personally, I think it is wonderful for her that she feels ready to be on her own and support herself. I think it is a huge step for her to want more for herself than Kitten and I could have given her. She deserves to be happy and be with a person who is entirely devoted to her.

Since Oscelot has been moving out I've spent a lot of time going through things and arranging the house. We got a new bed with a really firm mattress and that's nice. I am sleeping better already. That pillowtop....ich.

Otherwise, I've spent some time enjoying the BBC series Sherlock (yes, I've just started watching) and Kitten and I have been trying to have little dates on the weekend. Next week we're going to go see Spamalot, its showing locally. Last weekend we went to the Japanese Fall Festival at our local botanical gardens. They have a Japanese stroll garden and we really enjoyed it. There were performers from our sister city in Japan there, and we had fun. We bought weekend passes and Bobcat came with us. It was a lot of fun. Our first night out Sakura joined us as well. The second day of the festival Kitten and I went in kimono. It was really comfortable as hot as it was outside and I was delighted to have a chance to wear my kimono from our honeymoon out of the house and with its obi. It also meant I got to wear my pretty jade hair pick that Kitten gave me. She's such a sweetheart.

I'm hoping that things will settle down soon, though. I want to start working on the leather corset and greaves I was doing before I started working at the Magic Pancake, and I've got fabric for a Neo-Victorian bustle I want to wear with it. I'd like to have it finished before our local Con this year, but that's going to be up in the air. I also want to make myself a mannequin so I can do my hand-sewing on it....but that requires time, help and a TON of duct tape. Projects, projects....

So. That's me. For now.
loves
AGxx

I'm More Than Some Pretty Face Beside a Train

Okay, so I've had a little time to think about this whole Ben Affleck being Batman thing. I'm sure you've heard by now...the whole internet exploded when it was announced...seriously, it really interrupted my fangirl on Tumblr time, and I don't have a lot of that right now...

Anyway, I think everyone's being a little harsh. Has he made some bad films? Sure. Is he who I would have pictured? Not at all...but I thought the same thing about Toby Maguire being Spiderman and look how that turned out. I think there's some things that people forget- like how actors have no control over how a movie is produced if they aren't one of the producers. Or how Affleck has made decent movies. And how he's directed some good ones too- that bodes well for the script. And don't point out Gigli to me. That was all JLo and you know it. You throw the first stone on that one if you've never done something seriously stupid because of the very hot person you were dating. Yeah. Mostly, I think everyone forgets that people make mistakes. Even actors choosing movies.

Look at Meryl Streep- she's amazing, right? But she's got The Ant Bully, Mamma Mia, The River Wild and A.I. on her acting credits. Its almost enough to make you forget how great she can be.

Or how about Johnny Depp? Did you see The Lone Ranger? Or how about Alice in Wonderland (which he's filming the sequel to) or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or The Secret Window. All horrible movies. And just think, if he hadn't made so many great films before and these were all you'd ever seen, there would be no Captain Jack Sparrow, no Corpse Bride or Sweeney Todd.

Yeah, Yeah, I hear you saying. But those two weren't given iconic superhero roles. They aren't risking ruining years of great actors and cannon....they aren't destroying a franchise. First- the Batman franchise is rife with horrible Batmans- hell its rife with horrible casting decisions. Its the truth and you know it. Come on, Val Kilmer? He's pretty, but he was an awful caped crusader. Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger should come to mind for you too. Terrible. And look at the actresses who have mangled Cat Woman...Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry and Anne Hathaway. All amazing actresses. All shitty Cat Women. Honestly, I don't think anyone will ever do it as well as Julie Newmar did in the sixties...but that's just me. Point is, sometimes it takes more than being a great actor to portray a great part. Otherwise I wouldn't weep every time I think of George Clooney and his batnipples. You think he picked those out? Yeah, neither do I. Hell, if acting ability was the only criterion for getting an iconic part we'd have never seen Terry Hatcher as Lois Lane..... For that matter we'd have never seen Jim Carry as the Riddler or Danny Devito as The Penguin (and both were great) if their crimes against film had been the criterion by which they were given their roles.

And for the record, I would like to offer you the following in defense of great actors who played iconic superhero/supervillain roles but have shady pasts. Imagine if we had judged the following based on their bad movies alone:

Before American Beauty we loved Kevin Spacey for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and The Usual Suspects. But let's face it, if we judged him based on A Bug's Life and L.A. Confidential, we'd have never seen him as Lex Luthor.

Outside of To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar has Wesley Snipes made a decent film? Outside of the Blade movies, for which , of course, he would not have been cast....

Remember Alfred Molina's riveting performance as Doc Oc in Spiderman? We'd have never seen it if the internet had been the judge, because all he had done prior was crappy television shows and Chocolat (another Johnny Depp crime, I might add).

And believe me when I say The Avengers cast wouldn't exist. Tom Hiddleston was a relatively unknown television actor, much like Molina. Look at him now....Can you think of anyone else being Loki? There would be no Iron Man because (face the music kids) RDJ didn't make anything decent post Chaplin (1992) until around 2005. He did, however, make an appearance in that god awful Halle Berry film Gothicka and he contributed to the further degeneration of an entire generation of yuppies by doing a 25 episode stint on Ally McBeal. But we worship him as Iron Man (and Sherlock Holmes). Lucky the internet wasn't there for those casting decisions. If you thought Mark Ruffalo was a way better Hulk than Edward Norton congratulations. Remember, though, Norton is a spectacular actor who had tons of great films to his name before he bombed as Hulk. Ruffalo had Just Like Heaven and 13 Going on 30 to his name....Chris Evans can't be Captain America anymore because Fantastic Four was a crime against humanity, I'm pretty sure there's a UN council still debating whether or not that movie violates the Geneva Conventions....Oh, and no Black Widow, because Scarlett Johansson still needs to be punished for The Other Boleyn Girl and The Nanny Diaries.

I think I made my point.

You know, I don't even really care for Affleck as an actor. He's okay, but I don't think he's done anything groundbreaking. What I do know is that he deserves a chance before we say how much he sucks. A year or two from now, maybe I'll be eating my words...but if I am, I'll let you tell me that you told me so. Honestly, I'm sick of the people on the internet, and fan bases and other groups of, oh say, non-film people, thinking they know better than Hollywood on how to entertain us. I think it contributes to all the bad films we see, and bad television too- there's too much pandering to what they think people want. The loud and vocal majority of morons are ruining entertainment for the rest of us.

Let it go. Its just a movie.

If you hate him that much, don't go see it.

My two cents.
AGxx

Our House Is A Very Very Very Fine House

Its been a busy week. I've meant to blog for several days now and the time keeps getting away from me.

The short version is I've been taking care of some orphaned kittens and I redid my living room.

But a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

 So I took down most of the stuff on Tuesday night while we were watching America's Got Talent, which is why there are no curtains on the window. That's kitten sneaking out the door to her lovely new job. See that coffee in her hand? I brewed it!

That the wall that never had much on it,

That's the archway into the Library (read: used to be the dining room)

There's the captain's chair (yep, Star Trek reference) and Cookie chilling out, waiting for me to move it. Behind her, the door to the bedroom.

The bookshelves used to be over here. The wall was in need of serious repair. I patched it during AGT. I didn't mind it too much...except I looked up during the last act and realized that Howard Stern was looking extra nice on that episode. Of course I missed it. I keep reminding myself there's a whole season...

So I got back to the corner and to work.

This might, maybe, be the books from the living room, sitting on a table in the dining room. They might also be so heavy I was worried about breaking the table they were on. I haven't actually counted them, but I'm thinking there's somewhere in the neighborhood of 350 books there. Minimum.


The dust I kicked up moving them...nope.

This might be the window in the library, where I had to stack more books because I ran out of space on the table.

This is the walls, nice and primed.

I think we did an okay job of it, really.

There's the back of Bobcat as she removes my sconces so she can paint them. 'Cause she's awesome like that.

There's the new green wall. In this light it looks way brighter than I think it looks normally. But its fine either way, because its much cleaner looking. Speaking of clean, you wouldn't notice but I shampooed the carpets too.

There's Kitten, Bobcat and Oscelot watching the AGT results show. I'm pretty sure Bobcat is holding a kitten. She's sitting on that nice leather couch I got. Isn't it pretty?

There's the entry to the library now I like that we relocated the television. I think it makes the space look much cleaner.

Also, having moved those bookshelves, I'm pretty sure I have room for two more, if I play my cards right.

There's the new corner. I love that purple color.  If you look to the left you can see my blue and pink polka-dot bedroom. Super girly, just like my new living room.

There's the new entry. The key holder is actually a little garden fence. We just bent the scrollwork in. Nice, right? Also, way more room for all the keys.

The captain's chair looks much more official from that corner.

I might have saved the pillows off the old couch so that I can recover them and reuse them.




So...that's what I've been up to.

I've also spent my time not cleaning and kitten minding reading the first book in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series with Swisslet. That's pretty much all of my time.

So...what have you lot been improving?
AGxx