Saturday, March 3, 2012

Just Like A Domino

It must be spring, despite the recent cold snap. I feel like cleaning. This morning I've gone through my whole house like a madwoman, tidying, cleaning and in general trying to get things in order. I've already started a pile of things to take to the local goodwill, and I have a list almost two pages long of things I want to get done over the next week.

I go through this every spring- the wild desire to get things in order. With Kitten likely to be gone over the summer I've been trying really hard to think of all the projects I want to get accomplished while she's away. If I am going to do that, the house has to be in perfect order, so I'm starting now.

I'm trying to convince Oscleot to get rid of her bed. I know she keeps it out of sentementality, though I can't understand why...and she hasn't slept in the damn thing in almost two years. It takes up a lot of space in the house and I've got about a hunderd things I could do with that space if she would get rid of it. Also, there've been tornadoes in our area recently (yep, its that season) and I think it would be nice to be able to donate a nice bed to someone who actually needs it. I'm working on that one.

We planted some climbing roses a couple of days ago around our arbor and I can't wait to see how they bloom out this spring and summer. We've picked out a birdbath for the center of one of my rose beds, and I'm looking forward to going and getting it, so we have something to offset the massive amount of blank space in the middle of the bed. Its almost time to start weeding, feeding my soil and getting in the dirt again. This year I want to get some more irises and line our driveway with them. I have a whole set of lights to line our walkway with, and I'm going to get on putting them together soon , so we can put them out.

Yep, its looking like a productive spring in store for me.

I think I'm going to take the time this wednesday or thursday to pull all my books off the shelves and clean the shelves and then reorganize the books. It will make my living room and library look much tidier. I'm planning on painting the living room and getting it a little cleaner looking while Kitten is away. I've had this idea for a while I might buy a couch over and the hand cover the throw pillows for it, just so things look nicer. I'm thinking I can manage that.

I've been worried, a little, because Kitten has been in a terrible mood the last few days. I think a lot of it has to do with the impending separation. I know she worries, and she has a lot on her mind. She's going to be turning the finances over to me, and I'm sure she's terrified I'll ruin her impeccable credit rating. I'm also thinking that this thing of being away is making her more distant, maybe she's trying to deal with it now. I'm not sure, but she's been more standoffish lately, and its meant that I've had to give her a little more space than I want to. I mean, I want to crawl all over her, because I want to be close to her while I can. I know better, so I'm trying not to smother her, or give her a reason to be more grumpy, but its hard.

Emotionally, dealing with the thought of her being away from me is less difficult than I thought it would be, although how that holds up once she's gone remains to be seen. I'm trying to put it into my head that she's not going to be very far, and that she'll be doing a really great thing. I'm super proud of her, and I want her to know that. Sometimes I doubt my ability to be the kind of partner she needs, but I am trying really hard. I mean, we love each other, there's no doubt about that...but I'm terrified of letting her down, though I would never tell her that. Oh, don't get me wrong, I can pay bills and keep the household running. But she's going away and improvig herself and making it so that we can have a really gret life together. I'm more worried that when she comes home, I won't have made as good a use of the time as I could have, and I want her to be proud of me. I want her to come back and think that I'm an awesome wife, and that I do great things too...

We'll see. I'm going to do my best, and I suppose that's all that I can do.

I'm off to work, where I will hopefully make a lot of money. I want to sock back as much as possible while I can. I've got this plan to save a huge amount of money while she's gone. I want to be able to have her look at the bank account and be really suprised at how well I did. I want to pay off at least one bill while she's away to suprise her with. Most of ours are pretty huge, so we'll see...but I think I can manage it. Also, I want the bank account with the money for the down payment on our new house to be nice a fat when she comes home too. That I know I can do. I have a feeling I'll be working a lot more than I expected this summer, but I won't mind. I'm going to make the best of things.

Enough of my worrying. I have to dash.

Love you all.

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