Tuesday, September 25, 2012

What Are You Waiting For?

Its only been a week and it seems like the difference in me is palpable already. I know I made the right decision.

Its funny, I've had a better time at work this last week than I have in years. I think its the lack of pressure. Its not that I am doing any less work, or that I am not trying as hard. I simply do not feel as though everything I do will have some sort of lasting consequence. I am seeing everything as clearly as I possibly can. I was right about some of my coworkers being wonderful, wanting to stay in touch. I'm genuinely surprised at the number of people who have told me they will miss me. I honestly thought most of them would be glad to see me go. I laughed when one said so, and told her that I thought they would be glad to be rid of a pain in the ass head case like me. Spice, with her usual touch for words, quipped, "Yeah, but you're our pain in the ass head case."  Sweet, right?

I've been stunned that most of the staff seem to think that I am leaving as a result of something Shorty said to me a couple of weeks ago. I'd ask how they know about it at all, but I have a lot of faith in the gossip mongering of my staff. Truth is, I'm a little more thick skinned than that. And I am friends with Shorty. If she pissed me off, I'd tell her to her face. She wouldn't have wanted me to quit. As it is, she put in her notice because she has moved to a new job, and if that were the reason, well, I'd stay, wouldn't I?

I did have one (well meaning, I'm sure) coworker approach Oscelot and tell her that she needed to be sure I loved her before she started supporting me without a job. Oscelot and I had a good laugh over that. Partially because we're so used to people misunderstanding our relationship and partially because that seems really cold. I mean, given different circumstances it might have sounded like this "I know your girlfriend has an incurable disease, but if she isn't giving you enough attention, you should let her die." It also has to do with the fact that this person has always been really, really nice to me. I was almost surprised. Then again, I am usually suspicious of people who are nice in the workplace with no apparent motivations. There's always a motivation. Either way, Oscelot reassured me she knows that I love her. Wasn't it her and Kitten telling me I needed to quit my job? Didn't they tell me to? And aren't I going to find one that won't hurt me when I get my health all pulled back together?

Still, life is better. I feel more relaxed. I don't feel quite as tired as I did. I am also feeling much happier and more productive. It seems like there are a good few of us going through it right now. Like one of my other dear friends, I have been feeling the compulsion to write. I actually got some outlining done last night, well, most of the novella I am attempting. I've promised myself I am going to make another go of it, and hopefully, I will be able to get back on the horse. There is, of course, the feeling that I might not be good enough. I'm going to find out, aren't I? I think I am good enough. I know I can write.

As a bonus, NaNoWriMo is right around the corner and I'll have plenty of time to write then.

In other news, we've been spending a lot of time with Adidas lately, and she and Kitten spend a lot of time at school together. they have a similar class schedule. Sakura and Felix have been spending a lot of time over too. I got to meet Felix's partner. He's a nice guy.

Mabon ritual went well, despite my lack of planning. I actually thought about starting the Samhain ritual this week. I;m going to have it done really early. With the help of my coven, of course. I think all the elders are going to work on this ritual, so it ought to be really powerful. I can't wait.

Renaissance Faire is just around the corner. I've got to finish the sewing post haste. I can do it. I've got a whole week before the faire that I'll have off.

I was also lucky enough to see my cousins this last week, and while I didn't get to spend as much time as I wanted to with them, something is better than nothing. I've been really enjoying the family bonding I've been doing the last month or so.

All in all, I'm a pretty lucky woman. I'm off to work, and then to lunch with the girls and Adidas. I might talk Flyguy into coming with us too. Then I have to write. And sew. And then I have two days off, in which I will totally be ready to bore you with the details of my life.

All my best, to all of you.


  1. Write. I'm pretty sure it's a calling. I was given an electric typewriter for about my 9th or 10th birthday, and the first thing my parents had me type was that I would still be using it by the year 2000. I've always wanted to write, and life somehow just got in the way. I've no idea how to do it and make money, but I'm determined just to write and scratch that itch. You should too! You are doing. I also, FWIW, know that you can do it. If EL James can make a fortune writing that tepid shite, then there must be room in the market for someone with some actual talent, right?

  2. Coworkers are such funny creatures, aren't they? I'm glad that you're feeling better now that you've made the decision and are on the way out.

    I'm happy that you were able to spend that time with your cousins, and are able to enjoy more bonding time. I know how much this has meant to you.

    Good news about Mabon. With everyone working on Samhain, I'm sure it will be as powerful as you hope.

    I've felt like writing the past few months. It's been years since I felt the need. Sadly this happened just as I returned to school. The only writing I'll be doing is research and reflections. Not much room for creativity. Also no time for fictional writing (except perhaps for those reflections *G*), and by the time I have the opportunity to write for fun, I'm too sick of it to try. I won NaNo 2x, but the thought of doing it now kills me.

    You, on the other hand, are a wonderfully talented writer. You're going to rock NaNo. Don't give up the dream. Write for you and hopefully the rest will fall into place.

    Same goes for you ST! :0)